Tag Archives: McSwells

Let’s Duet

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Well I ended last night’s entry, with ‘I do love him’ and I still do. I was finally able to talk to Bill though not face to face but over the phone. I prefaced the talk by saying that I knew that he’s been under a lot of stress lately and I don’t want to add to it, but while I’m supporting him and encouraging him, I was falling apart and I don’t think he knew. Sex was part of the problem, but I think my loneliness was the main thing that was on my mind. I learned that Bill thinks I’m high maintenance 90% of the time. I disagree but I could be wrong.

It’s just not easy to be a couple when there’s only one of you around. I told him it would be easier for me if he were on tour or something, but he’s only a mile away. Things have changed for us both in the eight years we’ve been together. When we first started going out, I had tons of friends around, always something to do. They moved on, had kids or whatever. Now hardly anyone is around, whereas Bill has a nice group of people he works with, and has good times with. I reminded him about how envious he was with my friendships with Pedro and Julio, and how now, he’s taken their place and the only difference between those friendships is that Bill and I kiss.

It was a long talk and I am glad we had it and I think Bill did too. He gave up going to a party to be able to talk to me which was a sacrifice. I am going to resolve not to be so dependent on him. Have to figure out how to do things by myself and for myself. On this past Wednesday, while freaking out about the games being played out in my office I called him and was able to get somethings off my chest regarding my anxiety and self doubt, and though he took the call, he shouldn’t have been on the phone with me, so I’m definitely going to cut down on phone calls to him again. I thought that had gotten better, but then again I didn’t think my high maintenance was at a 90% level.

While the phone call helped, a good part of my mood was lightened by Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story. I loved it. A perfect movie for a music geek like myself. Every cliché from rock and roll bio pics was sent up accordingly. I laughed basically from start to finish. Jack White was a really funny Elvis Presley, and Jack Black, Paul Rudd, Justin Long and Jason Schwartzman where very silly as the Beatles in India. Lot’s of funny things throughout the movie. It was more akin to Airplane that it is to SuperBad and Knocked Up.

Those were funny but I enjoyed Walk Hard a lot more, and John C. Reilly did an excellent job singing the songs. The Brain Wilson bit was really tops. It’s almost worth buying the soundtrack, but I’ll try to snag a free copy somehow.

Also went to the first McSwells Flea Market today. El Jefe and Lady Gigglepuss aka Rand and Lisa had a table selling Jack Kirby things as well as comic books. I didn’t buy anything, I have enough crap though it did enter my mind that if they do this again I would like to get a table and sell my crap too. My crap is just as good as their crap.

Faithless

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Last night was very quiet. Watched Nirvana Unplugged DVD. Very good. Almost got it for my nephew last year for the holidays but apparently Earl isn’t that into Nirvana these days. It was an enjoyable concert, would have loved to have been there. I did see Nirvana inadvertently when they played McSwells on a likely Thursday night before they made it super big. I wasn’t into them, too loud for my tastes at that time, and they looked like carnival workers. I was more than likely wearing my rock snob hat at the time as well. The DVD didn’t hold much in the way of extras. Just a look at rehearsals, nothing more than that.

Channel surfed after that, while watching a George Harrison interview with Dick Cavett on YouTube and reading the latest Mojo magazine. In the UK the magazine had the Specials on the cover. In the US, it’s Neil Young. I like Neil, but the Specials had my heart. And the Specials would have made a better cover. Wound up watching Biography on TV. All about Happy Days, followed by Backstage Stories about Laverne and Shirley and Cheers. It was definitely low brow but provided the right amount of background noise to carry me through to the News followed by bedtime.

Slept really well, woke up earlier than I’ve been waking up lately. Got to the office, no one in yet. I made coffee and did my thing. Lydia the receptionist texted me, telling me she was still ill. I expected that so I was prepared. What I was not prepared for was staring into the abyss. Yes, the abyss stared back. I was caught in the middle of some struggle in the office. Actually what has the makings of a struggle. But the two parties haven’t communicated with each other yet, at least not about the issue that I’m involved with.

I haven’t done anything wrong, forwarded the right paperwork, but red flags have gone up at one end, and the other end doesn’t know. It has the potential to be ugly, that much I know. And like I said, even though I’ve done nothing wrong, there was that sinking feeling, a feeling of worthlessness and stupidity. Two feelings I have dealt with before and am way to acquainted with. I called Bill as I stood outside my building. It was a nice afternoon as Bill did his best to talk me in off the ledge. Of course in my moment of despondency, on the phone with Bill I get surrounded by a few hot hunky men in suits. Nice, but I really wasn’t in the mood. Especially the worked out hunk in a a very nice navy pinstriped suit.

Obviously I paid attention. Bill was great though and I was glad to be able to turn to him in my hour of need. It wasn’t long after that when I went home, having a Padron and listening to the third set of earphones. For the holidays, Julio and Stine got me a pricey pair, and I used them for a while when one earphone crapped out. It was under warranty so I returned them and a few weeks later got a new pair. Then a few weeks after that, those too crapped out. Once again, made arrangements to return for a new set. Today they came in and they sound great once again.

My friend Martha is having a party for her newest Badly Drawn Comix and she asked me to supply the music, iPod style. So I’ve made a playlist which is now almost 7 hours long. Can’t wait to break it out. Of course I keep hearing in the back of my mind, “they’re going to hate it.” Came home and I knew there was nothing to eat so I went to the supermarket where I ran into Andrea Kenny, someone I used to know.

She’s looking for a job and I tried to give her some suggestions while she just gabbed and gabbed about everything under the sun. I started to think we looked like 2 old ladies in the supermarket talking about this and that. That gave me the idea to flee Andrea Kenny. Wished her good luck and made a beeline to the cashier. Now I’m home, feeling better having eaten. I think I need a vacation. No, I know I need a vacation.