Tag Archives: Dreams

Mr. Lee

Well today was the day of the interview. Not much to report on. Just met with a staffer at an agency. They check you out before sending you to the actual company. Then the company interviews you and then makes their decision.

The only drawback I can see if the fact that they are asking for a college diploma, ideally a bachelor’s degree and I did not go to college due to my loathing of education.

If you think I’m smart, it isn’t because of schooling. It’s more from the people I’ve met and things that I’ve read on my own. Obviously I don’t recommend this for everyone. I don’t regret not going to college, but I wonder what those college graduates who are presently jobless might be thinking.

The interview went well I think though. Met with Peter Lee since the original person I was supposed to meet was out today. We clicked I think and he mentioned that if this doesn’t happen, then he would keep me in mind for other positions that might come up.

I think they’re connected through the New York State Department of Labor so they might get a kick back if they can place someone in a job somewhere. The job was originally posted through their Paramus NJ offices and when Peter mentioned that I was ready to say I can’t work in Paramus.

But no, the job is at 38th Street and Fifth Avenue. I do have to take a skill test which Peter sent to my email. That’s a bit nerve wracking even without the pressure. Of course it all boils down to confidence and that is something I generally lack.

I’m going to wait until Bill comes home so he can bolster my spirits and perhaps give me a nudge in the right direction while I do the test. He’s been so good lately with his belief in me (though he always believes in me, a lot more than I believe in myself) and I can say that without him I’d more than likely be lost.

I have given advice to various people in the past advising them to stop beating themselves up, the world is always more than willing to do that to them. And of course I have difficulty in following my own advice leaving me with the wringing of my hands, the scratching of my head and an overall sense of uselessness.

With all that on my mind it’s no surprise that I didn’t sleep to well last night. I was tired enough but couldn’t really sleep too well due to the fact that Bill’s sleep apnea mask was making some noise which kept waking me up.

At some point I did ask him to take the mask off. He heard me ask him that but still slept with the mask on.

I did eventually get a couple of hours of sleep once Bill went to work. And then’s when I had a dream about my father. And it wasn’t a bad dream.

I never dream of him as far as I can remember but it started out with my brother Brian cleaning the front of 13 Riverview, where we used to have bushes. I went into the house where I saw my father and gave him a hug.

He was talking to someone about me, saying that I used to be called Idaho John since that’s where I was conceived (?) but now that I go out with men of color (that would be Bill) I’m now called Black John.

Yes it was a weird dream and I quite sure I wasn’t conceived in Idaho in any event.

Just got a phone call from the previous job. My replacement was asking me about the dimensions of a glass table piece that was broken last year. As if I carry that info around. I never had the info to begin with and suggested she get a tape measure and measure it herself.

Such knuckleheads they be.

It's me

It's me

I Was Young When I Left Home

What a gray, gray day. And cold too. Feeling out of it most of the day. Can’t get into it, whatever it is. Slept really well though.

Had a few dreams and one in particular was me with my brother Frank walking towards the corner of Midland Avenue and Outwater Lane, and he says in the dream something about me always competing with him.

He brings up his stroke and I say in the dream, ‘Yeah but I’m not competing with you, I’m having a nervous breakdown.’

Of course, dreams usually last only a few seconds at best so out of the thousands I may have had, that is the one I remember. And it was probably one of the last dreams that I had before waking up.

Still writing on Bill’s Mac. My computer is great for playing solitaire.

My day had the usual ear worms. Today brought Endlessly Jealous by Lou Reed from the album New Sensations. My then roommate, Jimmy Lee turned me onto that album.

I also remember when I was carrying a torch for Steve Saporito, I explained that Endlessly Jealous summed up how I felt about the situation I had put us both in. That was a difficult time.

I fell for him hard but he didn’t feel the same way. He wanted to be friends, but I couldn’t reconcile with that. It was only in the past few years when I would occasionally see him that I could look him in the eye without any romantic feelings or a reasonable facsimile thereof.

I am happy that he’s doing the things that he wants to.

Another ear worm was Cry by Johnny Ray. I don’t know why that popped in, I hardly know the song. The last ear worm was the Outro to Layla by Derek & the Dominoes.

Besides being in Goodfellas, it brings back a memory of the Lodi Boys Club. They had a jukebox there and on it was the song Layla, a double sided single. The main part, with the lyrics and guitars was the A side, the B side was the outro.

I mentioned that I liked the B side more than the A side and my brother Brian told me I was a jerk for liking that side. Actually he didn’t say jerk.

Now I’m listening to Dark Was The Night, which seems to be the record I play the most so far this year. I played it all the way through on the bus ride to DC last Sunday.

I burned a copy of it for Billie as well as for other people. I wonder if they like it as much as I love it.

So cold and damp it is. Settles in the bones and all I want to do is sleep. I even made it into the city for a little while. Nothing like being around cold, gray buildings to cheer one up.

I’m writing this in the twilight of the day, the only light is the gray sky outside. Seems rather poetic, especially for such a downbeat entry. The weather matches my mood and my mood matches the weather.

Considering the weather, the atmosphere and my spirits were so much higher only a few days ago, and now it’s like Seattle. Or at least what I know of Seattle gathering from what I know about Seattle is that it rains a lot.

Maybe it’s like the weather in Ireland and England.

Ah, everything is a drag today. I know it’s not going to last. This will generally improve sooner or later.

I had an idea for a story, the opening line was concerning a knock on the door. The character asks who is it. The other side of the door says, ‘Despair.’

I couldn’t tell if that was the one who knocked on the doors name, or merely an instruction.

Then the light changed and I crossed the street.

Just had a nap for about 90 minutes. Quite nice.

Happy birthday Oscar Wilde.