Cigar Shack | johnozed

Well my hope was delivered. The fourth of July is over and now we are in the fifth of July. Things did not improve really, just more people that are miserable. I myself am quite despondent.

Went to bed that way and woke up that way. Actually woke up a little bit pissed off since Bill decided to kiss me good bye for the morning since he was off to take his mother to the doctor. While kissing me good bye he decided to tell me how much he loved me, how beautiful he thought I was.

I can barely contain my resentment for being woken up an hour before I needed to. But hey, it’s not like I can get a good night’s sleep. I didn’t last night. So I woke up depressed.

And I keep sinking deeper into despair, and it could be from looking for a better job for the past 2 years to no avail. Or it could be from working 5 days in a row, 10 hour shifts, except for yesterday where I only had to work an 8 hour shift, a federal holiday concession.

Bill stopped by to see me at work and it helped matters though I am wallowing and conscious of it. Last night we did not go see the fireworks. We heard them, sounded like being in Beirut in the 1980’s, Bill asked if I wanted to go and I said no, I didn’t. I didn’t want to be around people and I certainly did not want to partake in whatever it was that people are doing.

We sat and watched Law & Order while the explosions shook the area around us. I started to feel somewhat better after an hour of the Batman movie from 1966. Bill had never seen it before and so it was all new to him. I used to own it on VHS when VHS was the way to go. Lately for me VHS is the way to collect dust.

Now I am home. Bill stopped by the cigar shack, to offer support. It was good to see him. He finally met Thomas, and as usual the Bradley was indifferent. Thomas mentioned that he was happy to have finally met Bill, the Bradley probably was upset that there is no one around that loves him the way Thomas and his fiancé get along or the way Bill and I get along. A snort of Xanax will probably do him well since it usually does.

After the Bradley left for the day, Thomas and I had a good heart to heart about relationships and communication. The day was winding down, my 5 day shifts on my feet were coming to a close. I did ask Calvin months ago to not schedule me for 5 days in a row and he was good about it, but since he’s on vacation and I am taking a few days off in a few days, amends had to be made and so I worked for 5 days in a row.

Off tomorrow which is nice, going to be busy, doing as much as I could in one day that most people can do on weekends.

While I am off from work, I am beginning to think that I won’t be posting for those days. Take some time off from this. I’ve written over 2000 entries and a break would be nice.

Happy 4th of July, Independence Day or whatever it is to you. Presently at work, Jerry Vale stands vigilant a few feet away. Nobody stands around quite like Jerry Vale. I was late this morning, getting to work. It being a major holiday all bus & train schedules were messed up and I waited in the humidity for about 45 minutes for a nearly empty bus.

I suppose the reason there were so few buses was the fact that there were so few riders. Right now one of my least favorite doorknobs is in. An aging hipster, trying to hang on to the last vestiges of his boyhood. I think he’s a major asshole and that’s not just from interacting with him, but also the vibe he gives out, a vibe like the odor of a skunk, dead in the road a few miles away that intensifies as you get closer and closer.

Last night as I came home after work, my knee started acting up, probably from being on my feet for 3 days and it was so damp and humid out that that probably had an effect on the joint. I was invited to go to Maxwells to see the Feelies as my brother Frank’s plus one but backed out an hour beforehand. I’m not even sure if he went to the show. He did.

Old friend Alirio apparently showed up and sent me a Facebook message that I was missed which was nice to know. I should have gone to Maxwells regardless. I figured Bill would be home but he wasn’t and I have no idea where he was.

No response to my text asking where he was. I figured he was at the Townhouse, the gay piano bar in east midtown singing with his piano playing friend, or with his pal Fred for whom the torch was carried for oh so long, or anywhere really, just not at home.

Disappointing to say the least as I was hoping to spend time with Bill, since Friday I had seen him for about 10 minutes and that includes today. 4 days, 10 minutes, well that is just what makes our relationship so damn special. This morning for the few fleeting minutes we saw and spoke to each other he mentioned that he was at work. I guess that meant the day job.

So today is a short day at the cigar shack, store closes at 6:00 which is nice. Getting home might be a nightmare since the fireworks are on the Hudson River and thousands of people are expected to descend on Hoboken. And they are encouraged to use mass transit and I of course am discouraging them from doing so, but no one listens to me really.

It’s been slow today in the cigar shack, but in 10 minutes the Bradley did better in sales than the sum total of July 3. The Bradley sold a $2500.00 lighter. Now the Bradley is off to lunch and Jerry Vale stands around, hands in pockets, earring in left ear. My lunch is an hour away and of course it can’t get here soon enough. I wish it was Thomas working today but that will be tomorrow alongside the Bradley. Definitely things are more fun with Thomas in the mix.

A funny and interesting thing, before Calvin went on vacation (which explains his absence lately in this here blog) I asked that since today, July 4 is a holiday can we dress casually. I heard him say yes, the Bradley heard him say no and so I am dressed casually, blue guyabera and my pinstriped trousers and the Bradley is in a suit & tie. Jerry Vale is what I would suppose to be the medium. Shirt tucked into trousers, with no tie.

A former employee is here (whose nom de blog I cannot remember- Raymond) and I asked him about how they would dress on holidays. He said it was casual, so I think I am right. I’m sure the narcs that I am working with will tell Calvin about my supposed fashion offense.

Tonight, if & when I get home I plan on doing nothing. Certainly not planning on watching the fireworks with the unwashed thousands like I sort of planned the other day. I was invited, Bill & I actually and it sounded like fun, but now? No, not my thing. Staying in and watching TV seems to be just right. Less people and who knows, Bill might not be around anyway. So just me is fine with just me.

Later:
The bus home was so crowded with people that I opted to get off the bus at the first stop in Hoboken and walked the eight blocks home. I do not want to be around people. Any people. Bill is home. I’m just quiet. And so is he. The only sound is the TV.

I am glad the 4th of July holiday is almost over.

For some reason, people have been asking me where I am from. I tell them Hoboken or North Jersey and they usually say, that’s not it. I do not sound like a person from those places.