Let’s face it, my opportunities are limited. When Bill and I saw the Luther Vandross documentary a few weeks ago, while waiting for the screening to begin, I was riffing on something about zombies and brains. I was surprised at the speed of my riffing and said to Bill we should do a podcast.

I see other people that are not as quick-witted as me and they seem to be doing alright, so why not me? I’m the real thing.

I texted a friend who is knowledgeable in matters like this and he acknowledged his knowledge and it went no further than that. That was disconcerting, not that I imagined this friend to jump up and down telling me what a brilliant idea it was. I said to Bill that we can probably do it ourselves, Bill is technically inclined anyway.

I just got off the phone with my sister was not receptive at all to this idea. Not that she was against it, she had nothing to say about it. I guess from our mutual childhood, growing up in a house where ambition was unheard of and dreams were discouraged.

I would never dissuade anyone from their dreams, no matter what they may be. My former friend from back in the day, after we had worked together, told me of his plan to become a corrections officer.

We had mutual friends and out of all of us, I was the only one who encouraged him to follow his dream. He went ahead with his dream and did very well for himself. I asked one of the mutual friends why they didn’t encourage our mutual friend and they said it quite plainly, that they knew he would become an asshole.

And he did become an asshole, so much so that we are no longer friends. I admit I could be an asshole as well, so the label applies to me too.

Bill has dreams, Bill has ambition and I back him up wholeheartedly when he needs the encouragement. Julio was also someone who was encouraging back in the day, now he has 2 boys that require such things and rightly so, they get it from Julio.

When Bill is encouraging to me, I generally think he is crazy and doesn’t know what he is talking about since the concept is so foreign to me. It’s not a good thing at all. I do come around to it sometimes, but not always in a timely manner. More often than not, I am usually denigrating myself, if only for a laugh.

I have to say that hearing nothing from my sister hurt me. Maybe if she even said it was an awful idea, that would’ve been something. I don’t come up with ‘crazy ideas’ all the time, in fact, I don’t think I ever do. I think it has only been in the past couple of year have I been hurt by her.

It’s probably me, being sensitive and it’s probably her being who she is. Not a clash but I leave our conversation feeling wounded and undercut. Time is running out and so is unemployment.

The podcast idea still exists. I have to sit down with Bill and try to figure out how to do it. He was receptive to it at least I hope so. Stranger things have happened.

Dreamt about former co-worker thing Dun Chappedlipso and his sidepiece Izzy Newtown stealing my stuff and hiding it. I knew it was them but could never prove it. Pauline Black from the Selecter showed up and sympathized but ultimately could not help me.

I just exchanged texts with Daisy. She is full of hope for me. I try not to dissuade her. I advised her to not attend the holiday parties as people just get drunk and behave badly then the mailroom washerwomen spend the rest of the year gossiping.

I’m still bitter. The dream awakened the bitterness, just when I hoped it had ebbed. Daisy is probably reluctant to text me and is wary of a phone call though it would be a different ‘me’ on the blower rather than being all thumbs when texting.

Bill knows of Mike, and Mike knows of Bill. Neither the twain have met, yet. There is a subject that Bill does not like to talk about and I think it was on his mind this afternoon. I know him relatively well and while he was silent in his search for one of his phones I felt there was something else on his mind.

Mike called when Bill was but a few feet from me, and Mike likes to call me Dad. So in return, I call him Son. It’s not a big deal, and Bill heard me answer the phone ‘Hello Son’. I think that threw Bill for a loop.

Bill is on the road tonight and I walked with him to the train station for his trip to the garage. I explained Mike’s situation a bit to ease what seemed to be his troubled mind. Bill’s reluctance to speak could decrease and what was on his mind could probably pop up eventually.

I’ve seen it before. And on a similar note, it’s been about 12 years by my tally.

Mike would love to have the relationship that Bill and I have. He loves the fact that we call each other Bert and Ernie. And he’s seen the dolls we have of them. I think Mike likes the fact that I am different and unlike any gay guy he’s met before. He also thinks I am smart despite my attempts to dissuade him of such silly thoughts.

He called me up a week or so and asked for my opinion. He told me he doesn’t like politics, democrats, or the unmentionables. (I called them the unmentionables, not Mike) He explained his view and I told him whether or not he likes politics, he will be affected by politics.

I explained the plans that the unmentionables have and that there is a good chance the price of food will rise due to the desolate ideas on the horizon which will line the pockets of the rich by emptying the pockets of everyone else.

Mike told me he appreciated my response.

I don’t know if we are on the brink of a civil war but there is a class struggle that seems to be brewing, hence the lack of sympathy for the CEO of United Healthcare’s murder.