utterance

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utterances

Last June Mike and I had a big fight, and one of the subjects that was brought up was the fact that he wasn’t talking that much, terribly quiet. That seemed so long ago because now he never shuts up, which is what he said last year, that his cellmates were complaining about how much he talks.

Last night he told me that he was talking to his boyfriend on his phone, the next thing you know, he heard this sawing wood sound… he apparently put his boyfriend to sleep.
I can relate. He does run his mouth.

On workday mornings, I go to a donut shop on 14th Street in Manhattan. There is almost always someone at the front door who will open it and hope for change. I usually give a dollar. All they have to do is open the door. They are generally grateful.

This morning, the gent at the front door was inside the donut shop. He complimented me on my overcoat I said thank you. I asked him if he wanted something to eat, and he proceeded to get something up he’s $5 menu. He wanted this, he wanted that, he got it, it was about $5. I was happy to let him have some breakfast.

I did not see a co-worker behind me, who later told me that when I left, the guy looked at the bag of food that he got and said it was not what he ordered and wound up throwing it away. That was disheartening, and I have to make it a point not to go to that store for the rest of the week, then go to the other one, which is even worse but won’t have the same situation that I found myself in this morning. It turned out the guy was crazy and threw away the food I ordered, so no more for him.

Right now it’s lunch time, and I find myself thinking about eating because it’s time to be, but not because I’m hungry, because I’m not hungry. I also find my stomach expanding somewhat due to the fact that I have not been exercising or as mobile as I would like to be. Just sitting around and snacking can be a problem.

And I tell you this Google dictation is awful. Earlier, when I said I gave him a dollar, it was interpreted as I gave him a daughter. Can you imagine?

On the other side of the client, I said fine I said coin has Google heard clients and then they heard fine, and I heard bullshit.

So, on the other side of the coin, I have decided not to talk to Bill or Mike with regard to what may be going through my mind at any given time, especially since my mind changes frequently, and it would not be very smart to hang on to something that is subject to change. I’d best keep it to myself.

So how do you like them apples?

Humoresque

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I was just thinking of how, when we convinced Mike to get a laptop, it would help him write down his poetry, to help him write his plays, and perhaps learn some skills on a computer that would give him a leg up on the people who are also looking for jobs. But that’s not what he’s doing I’m pretty sure of it, it’s more about looking at porn.

I am doing computer things now, and considering that I’m mostly self-taught and not that bad at it. Mike would have the advantage of Bill and me on his shoulder, helping him proceed, but that’s not it.

Mike’s boyfriend is thinking about moving back east so he and Mike can be close together, and so Mike’s boyfriend is looking for work. I made a few suggestions of each or so ago, and that’s about as far as I would go.

I don’t think it’s a good idea since they’ve met twice and FaceTime, I’m not sure if that’s the way to determine the relationship. But it’s a new generation, it’s a new age, and perhaps that’s how things are done nowadays. I am a dinosaur after all.

Having met Bill 25 years ago via a Yahoo groups party that seemed to be out of the ordinary, but nowadays it seems to be quite tame. In any event, it’s not my life, it’s not my decision.

Yesterday, the whole day went by without contacting Mike on the phone. A few texts here and there, but that was about it.

Perhaps that’s how it should be. There are a few realizations that came across in my head over the weekend due to the lack of contact, and they seem to make sense at least to me.

He asked me to purchase a box of cigars for him, but my funds are a bit tight at the moment, so I begged off.

The bloom is probably off the rose, but sometimes it reblooms again. Right now it is off.
He can always ask his boyfriend for whatever it is that he needs. I am not the one.

The well can run dry, believe it or not.

The boyfriend and Mike have a plan to go on a cruise in April or May. And that is considering that Mike will not be employed at that time. I do not know how Mike’s job search is proceeding. I feel that it is not, and he is content with his 1200 social security check that he receives once a month, which he spends on cigars.

I am not one to talk because when I was unemployed, I was still buying cigars. But I was also actively looking for work from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to bed.
But that is just me.

But what I am doing is basically copying and pasting every day, and if I can do it, I can definitely do it, but Mike is not making any effort to learn such tasks, and I was hoping he would to improve his station in life, but he seems content even though the station in life does not exist at this moment for him. I mean, if I can do it, anyone can do it, and if anyone can do it, Mike can definitely do it.

Like many of my school teachers told me on my report cards and to my parents, if only he could apply himself