I haven’t got time for the pain

I woke up this morning, January 30th, the last Friday of January in 2026, and realized I never posted last night, so I hastily got something together and posted it.

They say it’s this morning that the cold is the coldest day of the year so far, and it certainly felt like that. I woke up on time and immediately wanted to stay in bed, but I could not.

The second four-day work week is nearly ended. Last week was planned; this past week was not.

So Mike’s boyfriend bought tickets for a cruise in May from Orlando to the Bahamas. Mike just has to get a flight from Newark to Orlando. The whole thing only works if Mike is not working.

Last night, while walking home, I was thinking about the 21st sandwich that I was going to have for dinner, tuna fish. I’m going to leave the Google errors in. As I walked up Washington Street, I saw an ad for quesadillas and realized it had been a while since I’d had one, so I went to Qdoba and ordered one.

I showed them my Qdoba card, and they said scan it and it turned out it was buy one get one free, and it was expiring that night. Whether or not it was true, I don’t know, but I bought two. I had one last night. I thought I’d eat two last night, but one was enough.

Bill is not a fan of Mexican food, so I decided to bring it to work today and heat it in the toaster oven in the kitchen. And being the idiot that I know I am, I wasn’t sure if the toaster oven was working properly, so I touched it, and within half a second, I had burned the tips of my fingers.

For the past couple of hours, it’s been bothering me. I was taking some Advil, and that seems to have done the job, or maybe it’s just time that feels that room. Or maybe it’s because I put my finger in my piss as I stood at the urinal and that seemed to do an immediate thing of dispelling the pain.

I was thinking of Kevin Wagner, who I may have written about before in the past, a former good friend whose heart I broke when I didn’t come out to him out of the closet, and he felt greatly upset, and I didn’t trust him. And like in Ted Lasso, Colin didn’t tell Jacob because he was afraid of Jacob rejecting him. It was the same thing with me, with me afraid of Kevin rejecting me, but that’s not what friends do, but that’s what I was afraid of. I have not heard from Kevin in over 40 years. I look for him online, but he does not have much of a presence at all, so I don’t even know if he’s alive.

He was a good man who married a woman named Ann and moved down to Florida, and that was the last I heard of him

Two things I remember working for hbj and driving from Saddle Brook to Manhattan which twice a day and it was fun initially I was driving to 47th and 3rd eventually I had to drive to 111 5th avenue.

Both spots were connected in my mind to Andy Warhol. 47th Street was the site of the original factory so by the time I came around it had been torn down and replaced by a parking garage 111 5th avenue was right around the corner from the latest studio or factory on the edge of Union Square and 17th Street.

I recall the thrill I got when looking by the entrance to the building index and seeing Andy Warhol on the building listing.
I was much too scared to ring the bell.

Also hbj published Andy Warhol books so that was fun. My mom met him or at least saw him when he came to Saddle Brook to sign books to ship out. I am fairly certain my mom figured out Andy was a homosexual. She probably mentioned he was a fag.

That was her vernacular at the time though she did go to her grave thinking that I was going through a phase despite my sister telling her that it was no phase.

I met Andy twice and it was at book signing so is fleeting the first time was with the sainted Martha Keavney at B. Dalton books at 8th Street and 6th avenue. I bought the book other people bought the book as well as soup cans and photographs and what have you.

The second time was that Rizzoli books on West Broadway and this time I brought soup cans and postcards and photographs and what have you. I’ve walked up to the area where Andy was and he receded at a card table with a hood on. There was no one there and apparently they had run out of books.

Before we had got there Martha and I someone snatched the wig off Andy’s head and threw it to a willing accomplice waiting downstairs. And he was hurt and upset but he still sat there and signed everything that I asked him to sign. I had no idea what that just happened but I was grateful.

The company that place me at the fruit stand is putting pressure on me to define four goals for 2026 I am uneasy about this as I have gotten through life without any goals really just to wind up at the end of the day alive and well? But that will not suffice for them so I have to find something that will make them happy.

I just can’t win that mega millions soon enough though. That would solve a lot of problems and perhaps create new ones but I would like to find out for myself if that would be possible I would be grateful but Joe no say

I am attempting to take things seriously and not yet let things lied by slide by. And this is an opportunity to do just that. Google dictate really sucks.

I have just received a message from Mike that his boyfriend has booked the cruise for May 15th a 3-day Cruise in the Bahamas I guess is good the 15th to the 18th the Friday to Monday.

Mike asked me to buy him cigars the other day and I begged off claiming I did not have enough in my finances to do such a thing and that he should ask his boyfriend to do it. And then I found out that I can do it and I was going to let him know that I can do it but saying these Cruise itineraries let the boyfriend do it.

And I think everything will go well with Mike and his boyfriend provided Mike does not get employment before May 18th. So it will work out for him provided things do not work out for him.

I am getting my cigars tomorrow.
I’ve got a good job I’ve got a good man I’m in a dysfunctional relationship but it works and it’s constant update makes it worthwhile I shouldn’t be so petty

it’s cold I didn’t wear a hat so I wanted to see how cold it was and it was cold