The Devil & the Deep Blue Sea

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Mentally exhausted could be used to describe me right now. First off, I had dreams about that had me and my Mother at my current job. Some of the people at the top were in the dream. There was a party and I made sure my Mother enjoyed herself and she did.

At the end of the party, there was cleaning up to do and my Mother and I were leaving when I thought it would be nice to thank the bosses for the party and when I walked back I saw a top figure fucking a fleshlight that was situated in a cabinet and he was naked. A hasty exit was made into the next dream which I do not remember.

Some tossing and turning followed and then it was time to get up. Bill, as usual, was up before me, making my coffee which I am beginning to think I should cut down my consumption. I would probably sleep better and perhaps be somewhat calmer.

I was at work early again. The ride to Manhattan was something though. I try to grab a seat so I can sit and read. A magazine in the morning and a book in the evening. Mojo Magazine and I am currently reading ‘A Room with a View’ by EM Forster.

I saw a seat available in a two-seat area and sat down next to a youngish guy. After a few minutes, he got up in a huff and stood opposite me. Maybe my jacket smells like cigars since I smoke a cigar at break time while wearing a jacket.

I don’t know but the youngish guy was quite unhappy as I sat and read about David Gilmour’s newest record. I don’t care for Pink Floyd but he is an interesting guy, seems nice enough and he’s quite easy on the eyes, at least he was when he was younger.

The funny thing was I left work early and there was the same youngish guy on the train going back to Hoboken. It wasn’t crowded so we did not have to sit near each other, though I did get the same seat in the same car.

I don’t know if I smell like cigars. No one has ever said so. Perhaps if they did something might change. Like a different jacket. Or I can Febreze my outerwear before heading out.

At work, Raoul and I had another quick chat. He asked me if I had a minute and I told him I really couldn’t say no. He was upset with what I said and according to Raoul he went to the top names in the masthead and told them about what happened with la matrone enfermée dans le placard and myself.

Then they had la matrone enfermée dans le placard dressed down and told him if it happens again he will be out of a job. Whether or not this actually happened, well I will take Raoul’s word.

I left early today since I had an appointment with a recruiter in midtown. It was on video, the interviewer was at home and I could see children floating in and out of the blurred background. This was to be the first of a few interviews for a job that is in a more rigid environment, straight-laced, and pays less. And probably no one threatening me.

But there is the devil I know, where I have more control over my hours, more pay, a looser dress code and I currently sit at my desk playing tracks by Brian Eno throughout my day or using the Bloom 10 app, co-designed by Brian Eno and playing calming tones for the benefit of myself as well as clients.

Bill used to work at the place that I interviewed for and that fact being found out would loom in my mind. I seem to be leaning towards staying with the devil I know rather than starting all over again.

Perhaps I can play their game with enough wiggle room to get me through the day.
Perhaps I’m delusional.

I do know that Bill is not too keen on the idea but realizes the choice is mine and would like to wag a finger in the face of la matrone enfermée dans le placard. The email is still in my draft queue.

I am still tired. That doesn’t mean I will be tired when it’s time to go to bed. It’s been like this for years, decades. Am I used to it?

Sioux?

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At least one-third of my day is spent at work. I write about my day. I would find it impossible to not write about work. Perhaps if everything was sunshine and light it would be a pleasurable read, but it isn’t.

Even when I thought things were OK, and writing about minuscule items that weren’t so OK it got me in trouble and cost me a job, and maybe contributed to the shuttering of Maxwell’s. The last straw and it broke the camel’s back.

Then again the guy who fired me didn’t really like me much and I guess gave me the job for some reason that is unbeknownst to me. He did allow Bill and I to have a party celebrating our civil union and for that, I am forever grateful as it was a splendid time for all that attended.

Today Raoul asked me for a quick minute to talk. I was in no position to say no. I thought maybe he, or ‘they’ caught on to this here blog. But Raoul was going to ask me if I wanted to help with some thing or another. Then he realized that it was not going to happen.

I suppose my dispirited spirit filled the conference room and I expressed my displeasure at this situation. I had suspected that it was all settled and la matrone enfermée dans le placard was getting off the hook once more with a direction to avoid me.

I am stationary and la matrone enfermée dans le placard floats about the office grunting throughout the day. It proves to be a difficult task. But Raoul suggested that this was not the case. Things are still underway and being enacted and it does not look good for la matrone enfermée dans le placard.

Then he mentioned something ‘off the record’. He suggested that I sue the company. I replied that it would not be so easy, me being just one man, without a lawyer, going up against a law firm.

He said I could find a lawyer who would work on my behalf depending on a contingency. I mentioned ‘pro bono’ lawyers and he said that was a possibility. I explained that this situation was affecting me physically. I wake up with my heart racing, depressed, and dreading the thought of going to a job that I had once enjoyed going to.

He claimed to understand. I told him about yesterday seeing the attendance list and spotting la matrone enfermée dans le placard as absent for the day, then the shock of seeing that roly-poly body coming towards me with a cart filled with kitchen supplies.

As we left the conference room, the whole thing took about five minutes, I told him that I had been working for almost 50 years. In all those years of working, no one has ever threatened me with physical violence. Then he said something that shocked me.

Raoul told me that he HAD been threatened at the job, twice. And one of those threats came from la matrone enfermée dans le placard herself. This beast has been at it for years and come off unscathed as far as I can tell.

And now I am supposed to believe something will be done. I do remain incredulous at that thought. Despite the doubt, I went ahead and had a decent day.

I remembered Schlomo the DKB, writing in a review of my work, that I stretch out my tasks for the day so I resolved to get my work done as soon as possible leaving me with large chunks of nothing to do, just sitting and waiting for something to cross my path which eventually happens.

Hey, I’m not stretching my work.

Today was the day Schlomo the DKB came back from vacation and I asked him if he heard about la matrone enfermée dans le placard’s threat and he said he heard a little something about it. He lies. A lot. And I do not like thee Schlomo the DKB.