Category Archives: WTF

I Get Along Without You Very Well (Except Sometimes)

Oy. Mama may have and Papa may have but lord have mercy, this child is tired. Another long day, starting with Bill leaving at 5:30 and kissing me good bye. I stayed in bed as long as possible until Elton John and Kiki Dee woke me up with their yammering, ‘Don’t go breaking my heart’. I used to like that song, but ultimately it’s really not one of Elton’s best. Maybe it’s one of Kiki Dee’s best but not for me.

Right now Bill is playing his keyboard and singing. He doesn’t do that often enough. He’s a different person when he plays, showing a side of him seldom seen. Lawrence O’Donnell is reciting the usual crap that goes on in politics, but it’s turned down low, allowing Bill’s melodious tones to float through the air.

At the cigar shop it was mainly me and Calvin which was mostly alright. The brain dead Bradley made an appearance, dropping off keys that he accidentally brought home last night. We would have gotten by just fine without the keys or seeing the brain dead Bradley today.

It was fairly slow, hardly any regulars showed up at first. They stayed away when Calvin had his lunch time cigar, but when it was my turn it was crazy crowded. A few good guys showed up, Jason, Donnie and of course the formerly named Raymond, now named Dave. It was good to see Dave but it was too crowded to relax and enjoy myself. Plus there were a few lunkheads sitting about too.

Marcus made an appearance later in the day, playing against type as he and Calvin hung out and sharpened their knives for use against Sean who did not come in on Sunday after getting into a street fight in Brooklyn on New Year’s night.

Sean is always late and they’ve probably seen him goofing off and doing nothing one too many times. So there is blood in the water and the sharks are circling. I was hoping to have a burger and fries to treat myself but Marcus and Calvin and some pen seller would not leave.

Don’t they know that after 7:30 it’s my shop and I am the one to get things done?

And Fred the part timer came in, and saw that it was busy. He was 20 minutes early and asked Calvin if he should punch in and help out. Calvin said yes, but to rectify the fact that Fred was early, Fred had to leave early, leaving me to close the store solo.

Yes, the cigar shop did not want to pay the $2.75 it would have to give to Fred should he actually close the shop with me. It was fine with me but it would have helped somewhat if he stayed. I have to get out of this place. It’s terribly ridiculous. And not in a good way of course.

Fred asked me why they had such a high turnover and one of the reasons could be because they always change the rules, or create new rules to justify their ineptitude. How Ron or Dave worked there for 2 years is totally beyond my comprehension. And the low pay doesn’t help.

Tomorrow is a day off and I plan on spending part of the day rewriting my resume. And doing laundry. Maybe I’ll launder my resume. It couldn’t hurt. And it will wash those messy stains from last year, opting for honesty, and letting the chips fall where they may.

I’ll be happy to sleep in and not have to deal with whatever it is the cigar shop offers, besides cigars that is. Cigars certainly don’t smell as bad as the bullshit I have to put up with most of the time.




I Couldn’t Care Less

And it was back to work today for me. And not the usual starting time of 12:30. No, last night I got a phone call from Calvin, who when I answered the phone, asked ‘What’s happening Pumpkin?’ Pumpkin? Me?

I told him I was going to call him and let him know I would be in today, and he said that was alright, he wanted me to know that he moved my hours, so that I would be opening the store. Apparently he was pissed off, but cleverly covered it up with ‘Take care my brother.’

If I am his brother I can only hope I was adopted. Apparently, he was pissed because I knew I was getting sick on Tuesday night but did not call until 8:00 on Wednesday morning.

In August when I was sick due to a toothache, I sent an email stating that I wouldn’t be in due to the toothache. On August 18, I received an email stating that it’s company protocol to ‘CALL off sick, not TEXT off sick. It is corporate policy that we hear your sparkling voice to ensure that it is indeed you who is calling off. It’s also faster:). You can feel free to follow up with a text message, but the phone call is mandatory.’ Nice use of the smiley face.

Today, and the actual reason I had to come in earlier than usual was because of the following memo that I had to read in front of Marcus (Calvin was off today) and sign it after I had read it in front of Marcus.

It reads as follows: Company Procedures clearly state, “Sick days should be taken when you are too ill to come to work. You must call your direct supervisor, Calvin Neckbone (212-555-1212) as early as possible to give notice in order to arrange for coverage.”

“You knew you were sick on the evening of Tuesday, December 22, 2010. Further you did not call Calvin directly but rather left a message in the store answering system at 8:00AM on Wednesday December 22, 2010. This resulted in overtime that could have been avoided with proper notice and rearranging of the schedule.”

Then it says, ‘I have read and understand this warning’, which is where I had to sign. The thing is I have never seen this mythical corporate handbook and this was something that Raymond used to mention to me before he got the ax. So I signed it, wishing to be done with the whole thing.

I still wasn’t feeling that well when I came in this morning, still a bit dizzy and feverish, having had to change my t-shirt when I came in since it was drenched in sweat.

Why didn’t I call Calvin directly? Maybe it’s because I had a fever of 103 degrees? Maybe because I didn’t know to call Calvin directly, I thought calling the store would be enough?

When I worked at Wanker Banker under Bobby Risotto, I never dreamed of calling Bobby at home if I was going to be sick the next day. So now I know.

If I get sick in the middle of the night, I will call Calvin at 3:00AM if that is the hour I become sick. I really don’t give a fuck if I wake his lying drunk ass up. He’s a employee who wound up working the extra hours that I couldn’t do.

I also called Bradley up before I left, letting him know that I wasn’t sure if I would be in, and that he might be working a double shift. It’s just as well since the Bradley sold over $20,000 worth of items.

And Calvin makes more money than the Bradley or myself, so his time and a half or maybe even double time (the hours they pay you for are really quite screwy) should have been a nice salve to ease his bald head.

But it wasn’t so he wrote a little note to have me sign in front of Marcus. To make a note of my ‘Failure to follow sick day procedure’. Tomorrow on Christmas Eve, Calvin mentioned that he was going to buy a bottle of Port and let us all smoke a cigar, any cigar in the humidor.

I will not be a part of that. Sean is off as if the other part timer who’s name I’ve forgotten. It will be just Calvin, the Bradley and myself. I haven’t had a cigar since Tuesday and I don’t drink Port, so the party will be just Calvin and the Bradley. I’m on antibiotics anyhow, so no drinking for me anyway.

January can’t get here soon enough for me. A new year and a new job hunt. This place is ridiculous and I want my life back. Discounted cigars just is not worth putting up with this bullshit. FUCK THIS SHIT.

Merry Christmas!