Category Archives: WTF

I Don’t Do Gentle

Oh yes, it was the day from hell. And it started out in the hellish manner before I even left Hoboken. I wait for the bus and nine times out of ten I am the one who flags down the bus. Most of the other people at my bus stop are way too involved with their iPhones and their smartphones.

You would think the bus driver (who I like and just got back from his vacation) would pull up to the person who flagged the bus, but no. He stops the bus wherever there is a young woman standing. It annoyed me enough that I just let everyone else get on the bus before me, including people who don’t know how much the commute is or lack the exact change necessary.

And of course once those people, about ten of them, got on the bus all of the good seats were taken leaving me to sit on top of the wheel well. It was the first of many things that happened. Bill was off today so that he could work the load in for the show that opens later this week. That meant no calling Bill for support or just to hear his voice, letting me know that he is there for me.

I soldiered on, not looking forward to working alongside the Possum. Sure enough there was the Possum on the phone when I walked into the cigar shack. Another scheduling debacle. Calvin was in the office which is where he spends most of his time lately. Jerry Vale was due in later in the day.

It was another slow day, not much business. Calvin mentioned that the sales for last month were lower than the previous year and the way things have been lately, October does not bode well either.

A customer came in today, I recognized him from being in the cigar shack on Sunday. He was returning the $395.00 lighter he bought on Sunday, he wanted a torch lighter after all, and the one he bought was a soft flame. I remember Thomas selling it to this guy.

The possum stepped up and offered to take care of the return and I thanked him and set about helping another customer. When an item is returned, the return falls to the sales associate, in this case it would be Thomas. The Possum made the return mine and on the tally for a good part of the day, I had about 20 sales, but only $9.69 in my column thanks to the refund which should have gone to Thomas. By the time I found out, it was too late to do anything about it.

Another customer came in with a return as well, and I recognized it as my sale. It was a key chain that a forgetful daughter bought for her father’s birthday at the last minute. The mother came in as a favor for her daughter, all the way from Rockland County.

I was going through the motions of the return and asked if the mother had the credit card. She said no, that I should credit her account since she pays the daughter’s credit card bills all the time. I told her we couldn’t do that. So she frantically tried calling her daughter, texting her daughter, all the while nervous about the time left on her parking meter.

She also did not believe me that we can get cellphone signals in the cigar shack. She went outside and came back in, telling me that her daughter just texted her about something unrelated so she was going to text the daughter to call back ASPCA. You read that right. I finished the return and immediately wrote that one down.

The day plodded forward, the Possum stealing a customer from me, I in turn stole a customer from him. I did not ask how he liked them apples, but did hope he would choke on one.





I Do Like To Be Beside The Seaside

Oh just got back from the cigar shack today and once again it was a bear of a day. It started out in a blasé way, grey skies, falling rain. Not much inspiration to get out of bed. Bill headed off later than usual, only about 45 minutes before I got out of bed. Shower, cereal, coffee and whatever.

And soon I was out on the street walking to the bus stop, talking to Bill on the phone. I love our routines. No Deborah on the bus, just the friendly bus driver and quite a few unfamiliar faces. Broke away from the herd in the bus terminal, going my own way.

Despite just missing an express train I was still early enough for work. Iced coffee, a trip to the bank and another phone call to Bill. Then I found myself in the cigar shack. Calvin was sequestered in the office trying to manage a budget for the next quarter.

This is probably the reason why he turned down the managerial position way back when. He was off yesterday trying to make sense of the budget, during which- a slurry phone call was had in the afternoon. He told me he did not want to be disturbed and I did my best to avoid him at any cost and I was mostly successful.

Of course there are customers who claim to be Calvin’s best friend who popped their heads in and distracted Calvin from his job at hand. There were three of us on staff today besides Calvin. Bradley and Jerry Vale were in as well and Bradley kept grabbing the lion’s share of sales, even Jerry Vale had passed me by.

I was too busy doing menial tasks so I didn’t really care. These things had to be done. When they were done, Calvin emerged from the office and felt that I was loafing about and suggested that I send out some emails to my clients and try to drum up business. Apparently we’ve gone in the past seven days from doing so much better than the year before, to hardly anyone coming into the cigar shack. Since the last year/this year announcement was made, things had definitely fallen by the wayside.

And I did not really need to know the gauge of Calvin’s Prince Albert. Bradley split at his appointed time leaving Jerry Vale and myself with Calvin crunching numbers in the office. Since I was off the floor I was way behind, but it could be explained away.

As I was outside cleaning the window some Europeans came in and were looking around. I tried to help them as best as I could and to my delight we got along quite nicely despite the language problem, thanks to the overworked interpreter in the entourage.

They decided on a nice paperweight and a letter opener to go with it. I set about getting it all ready, and while trying to find the boxes for the items. I found the letter opener box but the paperweight box proved elusive. I didn’t want to but I had to ask Calvin if he had any idea. He didn’t, only saying it should be where I couldn’t find it.

So it was on my knees I went looking for a nonexistent box. A few minutes later Calvin emerged from the office and with an air of authority told me to ring up the item while he found the box. Only he didn’t find the box, he found a box similar to what I was looking for. A different paperweight would now be without a box.

I rang up the items as well as wrapping them and they thanked me before heading out the door. The sale put me in second place right behind Bradley.

Calvin mentioned that Thomas and I will spend tomorrow matching the items in the showcases to the empty boxes nearby. Calvin planned on leaving the cigar shack at 7:30, at 9:19 I left him in the office with a ‘see ya tomorrow’ and heading out the door to my life.




Have another drink drunko!