Category Archives: What’s it doing outside?

I Believe In Father Christmas

Just had a nap where I was in the southern part of Lodi, waiting to get a Frappuccino at Starbucks. A cover version of What’s My Name by the Clash played as I found myself trying to find where the Starbucks was that I left to escort a young woman from the coffee shop.

It was a rust belt version of Lodi, old machines decomposing in the deserted industrial areas. It should have been easy to find since it was across the street from Immaculate Conception high school. Inside it was dismal, with a few people milling about waiting for their beverages.

My server was actually someone who used to work at a pub in Saddle Brook called Gleason’s. I was doing some leaping and running as well as scaling down some iron walls designed like steppes while trying to get back to the Starbucks.

My knee was no trouble at all in the dream. Lots of running and jumping but still no Frappuccino.

I guess the Frappuccino was in my subconscious after getting an email from the corporation telling me I could get a free download of summer songs if I just go into the Starbucks. Although I wound up in Lodi in the dream I believe the Starbucks was actually in the vicinity of the cigar shack. There is no escaping the cigar shack.

A nap when the weather is close to 100 degrees outside is very nice. A fan blowing on my half dressed body as I lay on top of the bed was quite nice. I didn’t sleep too well last night and that helped with the nap. A Xanax that I took earlier in the day certainly helped quite a bit.

The Xanax came in handy when I made a phone call to someone. It was a day off and I tried calling them twice in the past week, left voice mails both time. This person usually calls me up and is generally upset that I never call.

Of course I never take into consideration that they have a phone that cannot dial out, they can only receive calls for some reason.

A few weeks previous this person contacted me about going to see a benefit show at Maxwells on June 29. I explained that it’s Bill’s birthday that day and depending on my work schedule I wasn’t sure at the time whether or not I would be able to make it.

It turns out that I was able to request that day and the next day off, not actually days off but when Calvin does the schedule I would like to be able to be off and make up those days off later in that week or around that time.

Well the person on the phone seemed harried as I walked around outside in the record high temperatures answering his questions concisely. He asked if I was upset about something, remarking that it sounded like I was angry with him. I explained that I wasn’t angry or upset, far from it, thanks to the Xanax.

Well it turns out that I wasn’t able to buy the tickets locally in Hoboken, that I would have to make the purchase online when I got home. That was no problem.

But what actually did upset me was the fact that me and the guy at the other end of the phone were once quite close and I do make an effort to rebuild what past we may have had, but sometimes it gets so hard to do so.

It’s not always like this but on occasion there is such a chemical reaction between the two of us that it almost always ends badly. And today was just like that.





Farewell to Harbor House, the Hoboken rehab center. Must've been some party...

I Am Your Man

I should actually get started sooner rather than later. Since I did not sleep as well as I would have liked I am not so sure if I would be able to write when I get home. So why not now? Last night, well I had a new cigar from La Flor Dominicana and it was good and it was incredibly strong.

Strong enough that I think that was why I wasn’t able to sleep. And the fact that Bill wasn’t asleep in bed next to me. Probably more related to Bill. I never sleep well when he is not around. So today was more like a hang over day though I did not have a drop.

Went to bed at 12:30. Slept quickly, woke up at 1:30. Got out of bed, went online. Felt tired enough to try sleeping again. At 2:30 I took a melatonin and tossed and turned until something resembling sleep happened.

Then at 4:30 I was up again. Finally was able to fall asleep if only for a few hours, but it surely was not enough. 8:30 came and I was hitting the snooze button. A little before 9:00 I was out of bed, shuffling along to the shower, made coffee and had a bowl of cereal.

Bill made it home, just as tired as I was, but he had worked the previous hours, driving a bus. All I did was try to sleep. I made it to the bus stop and could barely tolerate the crowd. Weekend riders are the worst. Just pandemonium and lots of little kids with helicopter parents indulging their every whim.

I expect more of the same when I head home soon, only with less kids. I could not get any breakfast this morning. Since it was nice and sunny out, everyone was out, tons of tourists, everywhere I went there were lines out the door. I settled for the shortest line and got an iced coffee and a muffin.

I got to the cigar shack where the great Thomas was working as well as the brain dead Bradley. And of course once I write how easy it is to ignore the brain dead one, the next time isn’t. I’m not a violent person but I could easily see getting violent with regards to him. He just seems to invite such feelings. I do my very best to submerge these violent feelings.

Now I am home, still quite tired. Bill was here that’s for sure. Things plugged in that weren’t plugged in before. Items that are almost always in the same spot are now in a different place. I make a sandwich, bread gets toasted and stuck in toaster. I smack the toaster. What? I am tried. This is why we can’t have nice things my mind tells me.

2 more days of work lay ahead of me. Tomorrow just me and Calvin manning the board, Monday a repeat of today with the brain dead Bradley and Thomas. I try to reassure myself I can get through it.

I just found out there is a birthday party for Alexander tomorrow. Stine sent the email to an old Yahoo address of mine. I don’t use Yahoo. If I had known I would have tried to make it but now it’s too late. It would have been nice. A party at the park underneath the George Washington Bridge by the Palisades. I could have used a good time.

Instead I will be in the cigar shack, all day since it’s just me and Calvin and there is no leaving for a lunch hour. Get food, bring it back, that’s the routine. It’s a short day though, only 8 hours.


I think it's a trap


here comes the storm. again.