Category Archives: What are you looking at?

Behind Blue Eyes

Well last night was discomfiting somewhat. Hadn’t had a night like that in a long time. After I posted I settled down (settled down means moving the swivel chair from the right to the left) and watched TV. Lost was on and I was looking forward to it.

Harpy called before 9:00, usual rants, usual tirades. You can set you watch by Harpy sometimes. The time would be incorrect but you could try. I had one eye on the clock when 9:00 approached. At 9:01, I had to ask, ‘Why am I still talking to you? Lost is on’ Harpy said good bye and hung up.

I recorded the show and was able to rewind back to the beginning. Very good episode, Hugo centric. The series is starting to come together as it creeps towards the finale.

Bill was in an awful mood. I spoke to him exactly twice yesterday on the phone and I knew that he was pretty much rotten. The first time I called was to tell him that I heard from a recruiter about a job that is very close by. He wasn’t too impressed or encouraging.

I also asked him if he knew where my black suit jacket might be. I noticed it missing on Monday, and sometimes Bill takes my stuff to be cleaned at the dry cleaners which is very nice. He didn’t know anything about it and hadn’t taken anything to the cleaners.

I hadn’t heard anything since about the job either. Still my spirits rose somewhat.

The day progressed, went to the Soviet bloc building and had my little pas de deux there and called up Bill again to let him know that I got the certificate. Remarkably nonplussed.

He has a lot of work, his boss was going to the home opener at Yankee stadium and people who ordered tickets backed out at the last minute leaving Bill with more work that he needed to deal with. And then there were my two phone calls which were probably the icing on the cake.

Bill comes home with 15 minutes left in Lost. At the commercial break I ask him how he was, how did his rehearsal go. Bill grunted. I asked if it was anything I did and he said no, then he said yes. He asked if I really needed to call him about my suit jacket?

As calm as that might read he was smoldering in the manner in which it was said.

I reminded him that I called to share some good news about a possible job lead and I asked if he dropped off my suit jacket. He said he would have told me if he did. I tell him that he would have told me that he did if he was asking me to pick up his dry cleaning. Sort of like an enticement- ‘Your shirts are at the cleaners with mine, could you pick them up? They’re paid for.’

I actually said I was sorry for trying to share some possibly good news, but I really wasn’t sorry. And I brought up the other call about the Civil Union certificate. That was it. Both calls lasted about 4 minutes total.

I explained my side and he was silent and went into the room where his Mac is. After Lost I put on Lawn hors-d’œuvre Criminal Malcontent figuring that Bill might enjoy that somewhat now that Jeff ‘Chestnut Brown’ Goldblum is now the regular detective. As far as I know, Bill didn’t notice.

Midway through the show I hear a bang and I yell ‘is everything alright?’ I didn’t get any response so I walk in there and see Bill’s Mac screen on it’s side. Turns out it didn’t behave the way Bill wanted it to so he punched it.

I walked away and he punched it again. He enjoyed it. I think perhaps Bill is in a constant struggle to suppress the rage that he feels all the time and this is a way for him to deal with it. Better the Mac than me or anyone else I suppose.

He took a Fukitall and a little while later came out and explained the day he had.

Crap. It was all crap. And on top of that, more crap. I listened and didn’t say anything. It had been two hours since he came home and finally he unloaded.

Then he comes up to me with a dark suit jacket and asked if this was the jacket I was talking about. It was navy blue, the jacket I was looking for was black. The navy blue is what I wore instead.

I tell him it’s about 10 years old, a Today’s Man jacket. He shows me the jacket that he’s worn to work the past two days. A black Today’s Man jacket. It doesn’t fit him, yet still he wore it.

He insisted it was his, until I reached into the inside pocket and pulled out a receipt from Sunday when I last wore it. He wondered where his dark jacket was and I opened the closet and pulled out his jacket. Almost the same but his has metal buttons. I loathe metal buttons.

Ah, love. Can’t always be sunshine and rainbows, can it?

Previously on LOST

Previously on LOST


Me having a nap and looking like a Powers.

Me having a nap and looking like a Powers.


My niece in Ireland a week or so again...

My niece in Ireland a week or so again...

Half A Person

Tuesday. All is wet. I suppose Lodi is under water. I’ve read a few reports from Pravda, I mean Facebook that their homes and backyards are under water. I have a lot of sympathy for them and for my relatives who might find themselves in the same boat, no pun intended.

And it’s been raining hard today, coming down in sheets. I did make it outside twice. Once to the Guitar Bar where Jim was off so that was a wasted trip, but I was glad to make it outside. I enjoyed a cigar on my stroll. Not too many people out and about and I didn’t mind.

I also stopped by the bibliothèque where I was told something I had ordered was in but they couldn’t find it. I looked at the list online and it was listed as ‘fiction’ which is something I don’t really read. On closer inspection it turned out to be a VI Warshawski book and I’m not a reader of detective stories.

And I didn’t reserve it either so it’s just as well that it wasn’t there.

The past 24 hours have been a good time to be online, at least for me. The Ricky Martin coming out story has had me defending Ricky Martin, which I didn’t mind doing. A lot of gay guys were as usual catty about it, saying things like ‘as if we didn’t know’ and things along those lines.

I found myself on the Huffington Post replying to some person who wrote, ‘Should straight people get a press conference for their sexuality’. It was like a red flag to a bull.

I had to write back, “Why would a press conference for a straight person be necessary? It’s a straight world. Straight ads, movies and TV shows are everywhere. Coming out is not an easy thing to do and people do it in their own time, in their own way. Ricky Martin’s coming out is probably a dinner table discussion and someone somewhere is more than likely mustering up the courage to come out to their friends and/or families.”

Of course it didn’t end there. I re-posted the Huffington Post link onto my Facebook page and got a few responses. One friend, a nice guy, a right winger from Long Island who I know through some Facebook cigar groups had some problems with the whole Ricky Martin story.

Pete is the bloke’s name and we generally butt heads on some issues, but he’s a nice guy with good taste in cigars. He wrote that Ricky Martin was a flash in the pan and here in the US he might have been a one hit wonder, everywhere else in the world he was pretty much top of the pops.

Pete thought George Michael had the right idea, keep making music and not say anything about his sexuality until he was caught soliciting an undercover police officer in a restroom in Hollywood.

Pete replied, “I can respect that. But RM holding a press conference over it makes it seem like he just wanted the attention. Maybe I just see it in a different light because I never really cared about a person’s sexual orientation, only their character as a person. Is it one of those gay things that I wouldn’t understand?”

I had to set Pete straight, no pun intended again. Here is my full reply. Sorry if you read it on Facebook, but not everyone who reads this here blog is on Facebook.

I wrote: He didn’t have a press conference, he published an open letter in 2 newspapers. I think Ricky Martin’s way of coming out is a lot better than getting caught propositioning a police officer in the loo.

And yeah Pete, it is something that most straight people don’t ‘get’. Coming out for most gay people is a terrifying ordeal. I myself was outed at work and the next day, half of my friends were no longer my friend, even though I was still the same guy.

Another friend who is straight, back then was upset that I didn’t trust him enough to tell him directly. It’s a strange position to find yourself in, and with someone with a name like Ricky Martin, it can only help.

Picture a group of friends discussing RM, and one person says something disparaging, and another getting fed up and saying ‘You know what? I’m Gay etc.’ or maybe saying ‘You know what? My brother/sister etc is gay and that’s not cool.’

A similar situation happened to me, but I won’t get into that here.

Ricky Martin puts a friendly face (albeit an extremely handsome face) on being gay, and you know that can’t be bad.

To grow up and realizing you are gay when it flies in the face of this straight world we all reside in creates a feeling of total isolation. It is a reason why there are gay teen suicides. They can’t handle it.

I myself grew up hearing Faggot/Homo jokes around the dining room table, and when I realized what I was it was scary. Was I this freak, this horrible type that my family ridiculed and damned?

I had to live a double life from the age of 14 until I was 22. The terror of being found out forced me to live a lie. Lying to my family and to my friends achieved nothing but loathing and distrust.

I think I got my point across since Pete wrote back:
“Thanks for explaining it to me John. Maybe I won’t ever truly “get it” but I appreciate you giving me a really good explanation and I’m sorry that people that were your friend stopped being your friend over you being gay…that’s sad on their part. After all, as you said, you were the same person the day you were outed as you were the day before.

If it’s any consolation, I’d be more than honored to share a smoke and a drink with you if you’re ever on long island.”

I don’t plan on being on Long Island anytime soon but I like to think I got this one guy to think a little bit differently. So yes, Ricky Martin coming out of the closet is a good thing. A very good thing.

And also to quote Sinead O’Connor- FIGHT THE REAL ENEMY!

NOT THE REAL ENEMY

NOT THE REAL ENEMY


March 30 2010 Photo-0064