I did not write yesterday and only remembered that I forgot this morning. To be honest, I was fatigued last night and I wondered if it was because of the flu shot and covid booster I had gotten on Thursday night. It went well, my arm was sore at the injection point but other than that no problems except for brewing tired. And my back ached between my shoulder blades and lower neck.

The day went well yesterday, a not-crowded Path train going into the city and just a sprinkling of workers in the office. The afternoon cigar smoke was ok. A La Flor Dominicana Maduro which wasn’t burning to my satisfaction. The spot on Thomas Street was alright, not the euphoria from the epiphany the day before, I was more down to earth.

I usually finish the cigar on Murray Street which is not that busy but yesterday a local mom had a birthday party for her kid and part of the party was a van which I guess had an arcade inside so kids can use PlayStation or whatever it is kids do these days. The kids who were not in the van were on the opposite sidewalk being noisy, being kids.

The self-evaluation was due at 5:00 PM and I did some tweaking on it. Not as verbose as I originally thought. I did not sink down to their level for a half-hearted attempt of lifting them up. Schlomo the DKB, rated me as ‘Successful’ 6 times, ‘Above Expectations’ 1 time, and ‘Below Expectations’ 3 times which averaged out to a ‘C’ in Schlomo the DKB’s world.

It’s bullshit and the self-evaluation proved that by spelling ‘Expectations’ as ‘Expecaions’ and ‘Expectaions’. I think someone got a kickback from the evaluating company because this was incredibly stupid. Of course, I pointed it out posting ‘Expectations Expecaions Expectaions, that’s what it’s all about.’

There will be an interview next month to discuss my submission and I’m sure I will be asked about that. Right now my reply would be ‘How can I take this seriously when the evaluation company couldn’t even proofread what they are sending to clients?’

No, I am not like everybody else. I doubt if anyone else caught it. Familiarity breeds contempt and I am overly familiar with some of these people. The people I was told not to trust, as told by the Legume, seem to be more trustworthy than him or the other 2 judging me.

I am older than the 3 of them and 40 years older than the Legume’s daughter who fabricated charges against me. The bloom is off the rose which decayed in the sun back in July.

But today is Saturday and I had a good bike ride which was one hour and forty-four minutes this afternoon. The tree I enjoy was occupied by a Park Police SUV so that was no go. Of all the places to park in Liberty State Park this Federal Employee had to park under MY tree.

More cycling is scheduled for tomorrow. I have to get as much riding in while the weather is still pleasant enough.

Wow. I had an epiphany this afternoon. After stressing out so much, too much about this self-evaluation at work, as I was on my cigar break at 3 PM, I figured it out. Now, I would like to think I do some of my best writing when I am upset, or even depressed. And for the past couple of weeks, I was both upset and depressed.

The writing was in relation to the job. Specifically pointing out wrongs I have seen, the way I have been treated, things like that. Almost itemized. I would write, re-write, save somewhere, and print out hard copies.

I even woke up this morning earlier than usual (since I went to bed earlier than usual) and dictated notes into my phone for more writing. There are two people at work I feel comfortable with discussing these matters and they were helpful but not filled with the fire I had in my belly. I was carrying around a lot.

As I walked up Broadway to my perch on Thomas Street, crossing Chambers Street, the epiphany struck. I don’t have to do anything. This whole self-evaluation is bullshit designed to make management feel good about themselves and possibly knock down any self-confidence I might have.

Ideally, it would be better if employees evaluated management but those sausages are so thin-skinned with their six-figure salaries they would likely have a nervous breakdown. I don’t have to submit my best writing to these nincompoops.

I realized that if I did that, I would be lowering myself to their level and attempting to uplift them with the quality of my writing and they are just not worth it. I think they would be expecting my lengthy wordy responses. And that is what they are not getting from me.

Schlomo the DKP gave me a C grade, with 6 successful scores, 1 above average, and 3 below expectations. In their world with their math that averages out to a ‘C’. It’s bullshit and I think they know it is bullshit and designed to piss me off and storm off into the sunset.

Instead, I’m just going to say ‘thanks’. I think this new perspective will frighten them. There are goals that must be stated and I think I will write that I hope to trust my co-workers again. It may confound them and I am fine with acting against their expectations.

They’re good at what they do but outside of their areas of expertise they really aren’t terribly bright. Sure they might be decent people but ultimately they cannot be trusted, but they’re the ones who I am not at all interested in trusting. It’s their house and their rules and you can’t win against their house.

So Barbara Shorten and Schlomo, and the Legume (and his offspring) fall way short of any faith I may have in them, besides faith of them being self-serving and general idiots. And that’s cool. Life is short and not worth having them infect my life with their petty ways.

I have to admit, it felt like a great weight had been lifted off of me. I sat at my desk with a new, better attitude and I felt like I was high. I wasn’t high but it felt like it. Like endorphins had been released.

I felt good.