Been resisting for the past ten or so days. I don’t want to do it. I didn’t think I’d be doing it. And here it is right around the corner, about to stare me in the face. It’s a feeling I had all my life, especially at this time of the year. Also happens in September. The dreadful feeling of having to go somewhere you’d rather not go to. Be it work or be it school, both suck equally terribly.

It’s a new year, so it could be a new slate. I am approaching this situation with fresh eyes. Eyes that will be wary. I am planning on being positive. Open minded. A team player. All those fresh lovely things that the modern office worker is supposed to be. And that will be me. Of course, lingering in the back of my mind is the thought that it will be the week I’ve been fired. Perhaps they didn’t want to ruin my holidays.

I always felt this way all my life though, going back to school. I really hated school. I would get dropped off for Kindergarten class. I was in the PM class, and my mother would drop me off early so she could get to work. I’d just sit in the classroom waiting for everyone else to show up when Sister Mary Octavian would burst in and chase me around the deserted classroom.

For an old lady in a habit she was fast. She would catch me, spank me and make me stand behind the TV until the teacher and the class would show up. I don’t think I had done anything wrong but be early. She was my brother Brian’s teacher so maybe she had a little vendetta against him and carried it through me.

My family was somewhat involved with the church and parish at that time. Not as active when Frank and Annemarie were going to St Francis de Sales, for when it was just Brian and myself in the school, they were tired and stopped having anything to do with the Rosary Society (mom) or the Holy Name Society (dad).

The Knights of Columbus was too Italian for our Irish clan.

Eventually Sister Mary Octavian died. A horrible crushing death? No. I believe she died in her sleep at the convent. My family, still somewhat active, went to the viewing of her body at Immaculate Conception church.

We walked up the very long aisle in the very big church and I saw the old nun, laying in state, full habit, glasses on, eyes closed, wearing a crown of thorns. Quite gruesome for a kid of 6 or 7.

My mother and I and the rest of us walked to the altar, knelt and prayed for her soul to reach Jesus in heaven. Yeah, nice.

I learned to include her in my bedtime prayers in the blessing of the dead section. “God bless Nana, Grandpa (mom’s parents) grandparents in heaven (dad’s parents), Sister Mary Octavian and everybody, amen.”

I used to be such a good catholic.

Not as good as Sister Mary Octavian though, as I later find out she built her own pine wood coffin.

And here are some Pics of Bill and I at the bus stop as he was heading into the city today.

And here’s a picture of a cake for the year 2006 and for Bill and me.

Hope you all have a Happy, Safe, Healthy and Prosperous New Year!!!

and Law and Order is still on….

Julio has flown off to Copenhagen to get married to Stine. Last night we hung out and I guess it was an informal bachelor party. Bill joined us for a little while, but mostly it was Julio and myself. I’ve known Julio for almost 20 years, he knows me pretty well. Can’t get away with any shit when he’s around which is fine.

He’s a good friend like that. I came home and had an Absolut after work and was joined soon after by Julio. We just fell into our roles and rapped all night. Talked about Stine whom we both love, talked about our upbringings, our father’s and death. Not exactly a swinging bachelor party despite my repeated offers to strip for him.

He refused to strip for me of course so no nudity was involved. My offer of a lap dance terrified him also. I’d probably crush him. He showed the ring to Bill and myself and quite a lovely ring it is. Hopefully he brought it with him on the plane. I know he did, he’s not the forgetful type.

We were up until 2-ish just rapping and drinking. After he left I waddled off to bed. Bill was quite aware of me in the bed as I probably just flopped onto him. Due to the Transit strike, he’s been getting up at 4:30. He says he repeated kissed me before he left, but I was in a vegetative state. And no feeding tube involved.

I woke up at my usual time and got in the shower, washed up, dried off and started getting dressed when I realized I was in no condition to go to work. Not up to snuff and it was my turn to not deal with the Transit strike today. Or deal with anything today. So I called in sick. I know, what the fuck, but believe me, it was for the best.

I will be in tomorrow, that’s a given. But today, uh uh, No way. If I made it in it would have turned out badly. I would’ve crashed by noon. I did the right thing for the wrong reason.

There were occasional moments of guilt and self loathing today followed by a low pressure system. Julio stopped up for some coffee, and was amazed as I was by how much vodka we drank. Tis the season you know. We didn’t kill the bottle, but caused it grievous bodily harm

Coffee, Tylenol and lot’s of water were the breakfast menu. He was packed up and ready to go. I am quite happy for him, and for Stine. She’s a great, pretty and intelligent woman and she brings out a really good side of a really good guy. I wish I could fly over for the ceremony but it’s not in my financial plan at this moment.

I wish them all the best that I can. A lovely couple. A safe trip there and back and a long and happy future for the both of them. Cheers!