Category Archives: Cool Cold Reality

Where it is and what it came from. The end-all, be-all, and all-for-a-dollar.

Empty Landscape

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Well today is quite cold. Last night was when the temperature started to drop. I was safe and sound in the apartment. Watched O & RM, then the Daily Show which had Darryl Hall and John Oates on the show backed with T Bone Wolk on acoustic bass singing a song about Allen Colmes leaving Hannity & Colmes, sung to the tune of She’s Gone. Very funny, Jon Stewart looked genuinely thrilled to have them there.

They were followed by my ersatz doppleganger Phillip Seymour Hoffman. I don’t care what anyone says, I do not look like him. He’s a good actor, that’s a given, but he’s a lot rounder in the midsection than I am despite Vivek mentioning my gut the other day at work.

Yeah I’m a bit sensitive about that.

A few years ago when Bill and I started going out, we went to the Lure in the Meatpacking district, (before it became boutique central) for some sort of party. Lot’s of heavyset guys there, some were pretty fat I thought to myself, when Bill walks up and tells me all these guys reminded him of me.

My first thought- he’s saying that I was fat. That’s what I was thinking while mingling around the heavyweight set. I was horrified, and Bill was totally innocent since he had no idea what I was thinking. I still chuckle about that years later.

After the Daily Show I watched The Colbert Report, once again very funny. He has Michael Phelps on and it was a very funny interview.

I also watched the Office which was surprisingly downbeat. It had some funny moments but overall it was one of their odder episodes. 30 Rock was way funnier with Elaine Stritch playing Alec Baldwin’s mother.

After that I went to bed around 1:00AM. Woke up around 8:30, got bagels and whatnot. Saw Julio, Stine and Kal-El for a little while. They were getting ready to go out and I was getting hungry. Had a nice breakfast, read the news and did some laundry, all finished by 11:00.

Watched It Came From Beneath the Sea, a 1950’s sci-fi movie about a giant octopus that attacks San Francisco. I saw it a few times in my childhood. Never really heard a certain line from the movie until today when one male character says to another about how today’s woman (in the 1950’s) isn’t afraid and is quite courageous, and able to do a lot of things men can do. Of course this is said right before the octopus attacks the Golden Gate Bridge so it was quickly forgotten.

I decided to head into the city and check out some art galleries. I waited for the bus and I ran into Meghan Taylor Mastro with her daughter Ruby who has sprouted up quite a bit since I last saw her during the summer. Quick plans to meet up when Ann Louise Boyles comes to the area next week.

I decided on Chelsea since there’s a lot of galleries all within walking distance. I started out at the Cindy Sherman show but I wasn’t too impressed. I guess I have to be in the mood for her.

I was impressed by Eric Fischl’s sculpture show. That was very good and very powerful. A few more shows which were ranging from fun to okay. I do enjoy art when it makes me laugh or smile.

I called up Rita after leaving the Eric Fischl show remembering she liked him way back when. Just a quick word telling her to check out the show before it closes this Friday. If she’s into it, maybe I’ll leave work early on Friday and we can check it out.

After that I had a La Flor Dominicana Double Ligero that I had extinguished before heading into the galleries. Walked over to the Path and started reading last week’s New Yorker.

Walking up Washington Street I noticed about 30 Santa’s heading downtown. Apparently it’s Dress As Santa day and lot’s of guys were in the pubs and bars dressed like Kris Kringle with their girlfriends dressed as Mrs. Claus or elves and reindeer.

It reminded me of dreams that I used to have when I was actually killed by Santa Claus. Basically the dream was with me playing in my parent’s driveway and looking up to see his sleigh landing on top of me much like the house lands on the Wicked Witch of the East in The Wizard of Oz. It was one of those dreams that I used to have frequently when I was growing up.

Other dreams featured a large box, designed as a book that my mother used to have photographs in. In that dream I was told never to open that book/box but of course I did, unleashing a river of blood that Jesus would surf on, never helping me as I drowned.

It was the same Jesus who’s picture hung on the wall above my parents bed next to a picture of his mother Mary, both with their sacred hearts out of their chests.

Then there was the Black Ghost, a shroud reminiscent of the ghost of Christmas Future from a Christmas Carol. The Black Ghost would appear down the block in front of the Crist’s house and summon me towards him despite my resistance.

Then we would go flying over Lodi. In retrospect, the Black Ghost treated me better than Jesus or Santa.

There was also the Red Devil (who looked like the bad guy/wolf from Underdog) who used to make hot dogs in my backyard and threatened me with eternal damnation.

The Black Ghost and Red Devil eventually faded away when I had a dream in which I overheard my sister Annemarie and my brother Brian discussing who was going to be the Black Ghost and who was going to be the Red Devil that night.

I took a few pics this afternoon, but being on Bill’s Mac I can’t upload them. I’ll try later in the week.

Right now, It’s A Wonderful Life is on in the other room. I can hear Old Man Gower wailing on George’s ear. Ouch! ‘Please Mr. Gower, I know you’re sad, it’s not your fault’ Smack! Smack! ‘Don’t hit my sore ear again!’

Spirits Having Flown

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Here we are. In a room full of strangers. Standing in the dark, where your eyes couldn’t see me.

Well that’s me. That guy in the dark. Do you know what song that’s from?
Do ya? I ain’t saying.

Last night I watched O & RM again. Recorded Heroes, which meant I missed the last couple of minutes and have no idea how it ended. In a fit of pique I erased it. Happened the previous two weeks. Disappointment. I lived though.

Then I watched some Billy Joel footage from the late 70’s as a penance of sorts. Penance for what, I couldn’t tell you. It is Tuesday though, that much I do know.

Good news from my sister Annemarie regarding her husband’s health. The rheumatologist doesn’t think he has an autoimmune disease. They were afraid it was lupus and I know how bad lupus can be. So that’s a relief.

Good to get some good news for a change. Mostly everything I heard was bad news lately.

Woke up late this morning. I didn’t sweat it though. I was in the office by 8:30 somehow. Still on last weeks New Yorker which is a good one.

Haven’t heard from Harpy regarding this week’s issue. He’s been calling me up telling me how good the issue he is reading is. So I guess I will have to find out for myself.

The stalker phoned a few times again today. What will it take to drive her away? I just checked my messages. She called three times since I left the office this afternoon. Consecutive minutes, from 4:43 to 4:45. Each time in what may be Korean, which I don’t speak at all.

I am feeling better today, more so than last night. Last night, just doldrums of a sort. Feeling blue, feeling lonely.

This arrangement of Bill staying with his mother has been a strain. Can’t really say if Bill’s noticed how I’ve been feeling. It’s doubtful since he hardly ever sees me. Maybe five minutes a day lately.

It’s all a sacrifice I suppose for his mother’s own good. I can bite the bullet, I have to. It’s just that I wish he were here. And I’m sure he wishes the same. Bill has to do what Bill has to do. Plain and simple.

Tomorrow is Wednesday and I am taking a day off from work. Tomorrow is also International Human Rights Day, which this year has A Day Without Gay tied to it.

A Day Without Gay takes it’s lead from A Day Without Immigrants from a few years ago, when a lot of recent immigrants did not go to work to prove the point that these recent immigrants do a lot of work that gets overlooked and not accounted for, while the immigrants got scorn and abuse.

Tomorrow LGBT people are to do the same. I first heard of it via Harpy’s girlfriend’s Facebook profile and it seemed like a good idea. Plus I had some vacation days to use before the year’s end. I immediately put in for a vacation day when I heard.

Apparently I was supposed to call up and say I wouldn’t be going in since I was gay. But me being me, I didn’t follow the rules. Still I will be absent and not spending any money, which meant I had some food shopping to do tonight. It should be interesting to see how it turns out.

There is some sadness to report tonight. Over the weekend, Saturday night/Sunday morning two Ecuadorian brothers were leaving a bar and headed home.

They were a bit drunk and walking arm in arm when a truck pulls up and four big guys come out and start bashing their heads in with an aluminum baseball bat shouting about fucking spics and fucking faggots.

The assailants got away of course, hiding in Bushwick. The two brothers were brought to the hospital, where one of them reportedly died this afternoon. The two brothers were not gay, just perceived to be gay.

It sickens me when I read about Huckabee saying gay people haven’t had dogs turned on them like black people did during the civil rights struggles in the 1960’s.

It sickens me when right wing religious leaders take out a full page advertisement in last Friday’s New York Times complaining about how put upon and abused Christians have been since the passage of Prop h8.

It definitely sickens me, hearing their silence when these two brothers are assaulted and possibly killed, when Matthew Shepherd is murdered in Wyoming, when transgendered teenagers are slaughtered in their homes in Colorado and elsewhere, when other LGBT are assaulted or killed.

Oh yes, those poor put upon christians, life is just so hard for them.

How can their put their biblically approved hatred into practice when people are starting to call them on it?

Jesus must be so proud of these douche bag motherfuckers, the assailants and those in the fucking pulpits condoning such vile, heinous actions through their words of hatred and loathing.

11:10PM- The brother who is on life support is still barely alive. They are waiting for the parents to arrive and decide whether or not to take their son off life support.