Category Archives: Cool Cold Reality

Where it is and what it came from. The end-all, be-all, and all-for-a-dollar.

I’m The Man

A Saturday near the park, I was thinking it was the fourth of July. But it isn’t and who cares anyhow? Not me, not you. It got chilly last night and the window was open a bit. I was under a couple of fleece blankets which did the job a little, but with the blinds open somewhat the last hour wasn’t so restful as I had hoped.

Bill was up and out once again, headed to be the stage manager uptown for a show that’s opening in a week or so. I got out of bed once again so hungry that I felt ill. Some cereal in the bowl, some coffee in the pot and my naked body in the shower.

Then I was on my way to the bus stop for another day at the cigar shack. A walk up the avenue instead of the train, a stop to get my egg sandwich and then continuing on the walk up the avenue. Early yet again, I sat in the office once I got to the cigar shack and enjoyed my sandwich. For some reason I was so hungry.

Then I clocked in and set about working alongside Bradley. Jerry Vale was coming in later. As with the previous day lately it was slow going. Most of the regulars came in and settled on the man cave. A lot of tire kickers not knowing what they want and eventually deciding that what they want isn’t in the cigar shack.

Sometimes they say they’ll be back, knowing full well that they won’t. I’ve done it myself, deciding against what brought me into a certain shop and awkwardly opting out, leaving the salesperson with what I would hope to be, a glimmer of hope. And after working in retail for a year, I recognize that the glimmer is more often a splinter of hope.

I was able to go outside for lunch today but it was a bit nippy and overcast, the skies threatening to open up eventually. And the cigar I was smoking bulged and ruptured causing some frustration. I still smoked as much of the cigar as I could and read Uncut magazine. Quite a lot of tourists and strollers going back and forth way- too many to really relax.

Back at the cigar shack things were just as they were when I left, cigars sold and not much of anything else. Another celebrity came in today, this time it was Joe Jackson, someone I used to enjoy. I had met him once before when he was recording a set a Maxwells and Steve Fallon asked me to escort Joe Jackson to the stage through the crowd. He wasn’t personable then but that was probably because he was about to go onstage. He wasn’t personable today either.

I told him about Stevie Wonder and he seemed impressed by that, but when I asked if I could take his picture he moaned so I dropped it. At the end of the day, it was a tie between second place between Bradley and myself with Jerry Vale getting the lion’s share of the sales.

Bradley was a bit upset, not with tying for second place but with the fact that his register wound up short. I offered to help him with the count but as usual he was standoffish and prickly and not willing to accept a helpful hand. My register came out as even as it was when I opened this morning.

Finally it was time to close, Bradley had split about 90 minutes earlier. I was counting the money and Jerry Vale was taking a phone call in the humidor. He came back looking crestfallen, he just received news that his mother had died. I sympathized and told him to take a seat, relax, to cry if he wanted to.

He said he was alright, he ran away from home when he was 12 and wound up living with his sister, telling me that his mother didn’t really raise him. She had dementia and was living in a nursing home the past couple of years. Still I could tell it was a shock.

We left the cigar shack together and rode the train downtown, me getting off at the bus terminal and Jerry Vale continuing downtown.





I Do It

It’s a dismal day mostly. Rain on and off. On when I want to go outside for lunch, off when I come back in. Oh the gods, they laugh at my foibles today. yesterday was certainly something else. It was a rough day, what with coming back from two days off.

The light at the end of the tunnel was the fact that I would be seeing Bill. That kernel of hope is what got me home. Unfortunately I received an email from what used to be an old friend, now turned into someone that I don’t know anymore and actually don’t care to know.

She was an old friend, we once had a lot of things in common. Or maybe we didn’t. We both made each other laugh and were once inseparable until I listened to some friends who wanted to know who this girl was- always following me. I regretted telling her over the phone that we needed a break from each other and tried to make amends but the damage had been done.

We stayed friends, but not as close as we once were. Time moved on she went her way and I went my way, our paths would cross every now and then. She moved away and then came back. The guy she was seeing before she moved, moved on and settled down with a woman who treated him better than he was treated before with her. That’s what I’ve been told.

And when the friend came back she was a wreck. I remember specifically a phone call with her in hysterics, seemingly unable to get past the fact that this guy moved on. I tried some tough love, telling her that I would get in touch with this guy and tell him to knock it off, to stop ‘leading her on’. She pleaded for me not to do that, I guess not realizing that I wasn’t about to do such a thing.

I only wanted to help my friend get over this and get on with her life. Her roommate couldn’t take it though and kicked her out of the apartment which was a somewhat shitty thing to do. At least that’s how I heard it happened.

Time moved on as it does and we connected a few times, at parties she had, at parties we both attended. She was even seeing a guy that might have been seeing another friend of mine, which put me in quite an awkward position.

A week or so ago, I found a comic book she drew which was quite brilliant, so brilliant that I considered putting it in a frame and hanging it on a wall. I loved this friend dearly. I thought she was one of the brightest and funniest people I knew.

In May 2009 I went to see some friends play a show on Bleecker Street with Bill and after the show we were hanging on the sidewalk talking with other friends. One particular person, a guy with a drinking problem walked up, and asked where my friend was.

Since the roommate who kicked her out was in the band, the friend definitely would not be there. I explained the situation on the fly, about the friend being so hung up on a guy she treated badly and now she was back, she wanted him in her life, but he wised up and moved on. And that the friend who kicked the other friend out of the apartment was playing, she would not be there.

Two and a half years later, the person who asked inquired about that chat on the sidewalk. I could barely remember but this guy with a drinking problem that seems to go on and off at random moments claims that I said that the friend was a stalker.

I didn’t recall and thought the matter had been cleared up, but no, this guy with the drinking problem is now in love with the friend and told her his take on the sidewalk chat, trying to ‘protect’ her from people like me. I may have said it but I do have my doubts, as well as doubts about the guy with the drinking problem and his method of recall.

The friend sent me an email, asking me about the chat from nearly two and a half fucking years ago. I explained once again, and she was willing to toss out 28 years of friendship stating that the guy with the drinking problem does not lie. I did not say that the guy with the drinking problem lied, but could very well be mistaken.

This guy with the drinking problem who calls me up last year telling me to avoid some chick from the Midwest that he met online. The guy with the drinking problem who posted photos of him with the Midwest chick, of the two of them playing with knives, called me up and told me to watch out for the Midwest chick, she was crazy, her ex-husband, her mother all trying to have her committed.

Out of a misguided sense of loyalty, I listened to the guy with the drinking problem and ignored the Midwestern chick. A week later the guy with the drinking problem was back with the Midwest chick. That’s when I started to think the guy with the drinking problem was more fucked up than I had thought.

Still I liked him somewhat. When the Midwest chick hooked up with yet another mutual friend online, the guy with the drinking problem did his best to convince his friends to not have anything to do with her, like he had done so many times before. How many times can a guy with a drinking problem cry ‘wolf’?

No time for a guy with a drinking problem who has the clarity of sobriety from two and a half years, despite falling off the wagon, drunk and getting turned away from detox programs in the meantime, no time for him and his current companion my now former friend.

I’m in good company though, since a lot of the people the now former friend has dropped are my friends as well and are remarkably baggage free. We have meetings at luggage carousels in airports with alcohol provided by bodegas in the heights at special midnight prices.

The guy with the drinking problem says I should apologize to the now former friend as well as himself, the guy with the drinking problem. I have better things to do with my time, things to do with the people I love. People who depend on me as I depend on them.

And I also have the love of my life, my spouse, my husband- Bill.