Cool Cold Reality | johnozed

It’s a dismal day mostly. Rain on and off. On when I want to go outside for lunch, off when I come back in. Oh the gods, they laugh at my foibles today. yesterday was certainly something else. It was a rough day, what with coming back from two days off.

The light at the end of the tunnel was the fact that I would be seeing Bill. That kernel of hope is what got me home. Unfortunately I received an email from what used to be an old friend, now turned into someone that I don’t know anymore ~~and actually don’t care to know~~.

She was an old friend, we once had a lot of things in common. Or maybe we didn’t. We both made each other laugh and were once inseparable until I listened to some friends who wanted to know who this girl was- always following me. I regretted telling her over the phone that we needed a break from each other and tried to make amends but the damage had been done.

We stayed friends, but not as close as we once were. Time moved on she went her way and I went my way, our paths would cross every now and then. She moved away and then came back. The guy she was seeing before she moved, moved on and settled down with a woman who treated him better than he was treated before with her. That’s what I’ve been told.

And when the friend came back she was a wreck. I remember specifically a phone call with her in hysterics, seemingly unable to get past the fact that this guy moved on. I tried some tough love, telling her that I would get in touch with this guy and tell him to knock it off, to stop ‘leading her on’. She pleaded for me not to do that, I guess not realizing that I wasn’t about to do such a thing.

I only wanted to help my friend get over this and get on with her life. Her roommate couldn’t take it though and kicked her out of the apartment which was a somewhat shitty thing to do. At least that’s how I heard it happened.

Time moved on as it does and we connected a few times, at parties she had, at parties we both attended. She was even seeing a guy that might have been seeing another friend of mine, which put me in quite an awkward position.

A week or so ago, I found a comic book she drew which was quite brilliant, so brilliant that I considered putting it in a frame and hanging it on a wall. I loved this friend dearly. I thought she was one of the brightest and funniest people I knew.

In May 2009 I went to see some friends play a show on Bleecker Street with Bill and after the show we were hanging on the sidewalk talking with other friends. One particular person, a guy with a drinking problem walked up, and asked where my friend was.

Since the roommate who kicked her out was in the band, the friend definitely would not be there. I explained the situation on the fly, about the friend being so hung up on a guy she treated badly and now she was back, she wanted him in her life, but he wised up and moved on. And that the friend who kicked the other friend out of the apartment was playing, she would not be there.

Two and a half years later, the person who asked inquired about that chat on the sidewalk. I could barely remember but this guy with a drinking problem that seems to go on and off at random moments claims that I said that the friend was a stalker.

I didn’t recall and thought the matter had been cleared up, but no, this guy with the drinking problem is now in love with the friend and told her his take on the sidewalk chat, trying to ‘protect’ her from people like me. I may have said it but I do have my doubts, as well as doubts about the guy with the drinking problem and his method of recall.

The friend sent me an email, asking me about the chat from nearly two and a half fucking years ago. I explained once again, and she was willing to toss out 28 years of friendship stating that the guy with the drinking problem does not lie. I did not say that the guy with the drinking problem lied, but could very well be mistaken.

This guy with the drinking problem who calls me up last year telling me to avoid some chick from the Midwest that he met online. The guy with the drinking problem who posted photos of him with the Midwest chick, of the two of them playing with knives, called me up and told me to watch out for the Midwest chick, she was crazy, her ex-husband, her mother all trying to have her committed.

Out of a misguided sense of loyalty, I listened to the guy with the drinking problem and ignored the Midwestern chick. A week later the guy with the drinking problem was back with the Midwest chick. That’s when I started to think the guy with the drinking problem was more fucked up than I had thought.

Still I liked him somewhat. When the Midwest chick hooked up with yet another mutual friend online, the guy with the drinking problem did his best to convince his friends to not have anything to do with her, like he had done so many times before. How many times can a guy with a drinking problem cry ‘wolf’?

No time for a guy with a drinking problem who has the clarity of sobriety from two and a half years, despite falling off the wagon, drunk and getting turned away from detox programs in the meantime, no time for him and his current companion my now former friend.

I’m in good company though, since a lot of the people the now former friend has dropped are my friends as well and are remarkably baggage free. We have meetings at luggage carousels in airports with alcohol provided by bodegas in the heights at special midnight prices.

The guy with the drinking problem says I should apologize to the now former friend as well as himself, the guy with the drinking problem. I have better things to do with my time, things to do with the people I love. People who depend on me as I depend on them.

And I also have the love of my life, my spouse, my husband- Bill.

Happy 4th of July, Independence Day or whatever it is to you. Presently at work, Jerry Vale stands vigilant a few feet away. Nobody stands around quite like Jerry Vale. I was late this morning, getting to work. It being a major holiday all bus & train schedules were messed up and I waited in the humidity for about 45 minutes for a nearly empty bus.

I suppose the reason there were so few buses was the fact that there were so few riders. Right now one of my least favorite doorknobs is in. An aging hipster, trying to hang on to the last vestiges of his boyhood. I think he’s a major asshole and that’s not just from interacting with him, but also the vibe he gives out, a vibe like the odor of a skunk, dead in the road a few miles away that intensifies as you get closer and closer.

Last night as I came home after work, my knee started acting up, probably from being on my feet for 3 days and it was so damp and humid out that that probably had an effect on the joint. I was invited to go to Maxwells to see the Feelies as my brother Frank’s plus one but backed out an hour beforehand. I’m not even sure if he went to the show. He did.

Old friend Alirio apparently showed up and sent me a Facebook message that I was missed which was nice to know. I should have gone to Maxwells regardless. I figured Bill would be home but he wasn’t and I have no idea where he was.

No response to my text asking where he was. I figured he was at the Townhouse, the gay piano bar in east midtown singing with his piano playing friend, or with his pal Fred for whom the torch was carried for oh so long, or anywhere really, just not at home.

Disappointing to say the least as I was hoping to spend time with Bill, since Friday I had seen him for about 10 minutes and that includes today. 4 days, 10 minutes, well that is just what makes our relationship so damn special. This morning for the few fleeting minutes we saw and spoke to each other he mentioned that he was at work. I guess that meant the day job.

So today is a short day at the cigar shack, store closes at 6:00 which is nice. Getting home might be a nightmare since the fireworks are on the Hudson River and thousands of people are expected to descend on Hoboken. And they are encouraged to use mass transit and I of course am discouraging them from doing so, but no one listens to me really.

It’s been slow today in the cigar shack, but in 10 minutes the Bradley did better in sales than the sum total of July 3. The Bradley sold a $2500.00 lighter. Now the Bradley is off to lunch and Jerry Vale stands around, hands in pockets, earring in left ear. My lunch is an hour away and of course it can’t get here soon enough. I wish it was Thomas working today but that will be tomorrow alongside the Bradley. Definitely things are more fun with Thomas in the mix.

A funny and interesting thing, before Calvin went on vacation (which explains his absence lately in this here blog) I asked that since today, July 4 is a holiday can we dress casually. I heard him say yes, the Bradley heard him say no and so I am dressed casually, blue guyabera and my pinstriped trousers and the Bradley is in a suit & tie. Jerry Vale is what I would suppose to be the medium. Shirt tucked into trousers, with no tie.

A former employee is here (whose nom de blog I cannot remember- Raymond) and I asked him about how they would dress on holidays. He said it was casual, so I think I am right. I’m sure the narcs that I am working with will tell Calvin about my supposed fashion offense.

Tonight, if & when I get home I plan on doing nothing. Certainly not planning on watching the fireworks with the unwashed thousands like I sort of planned the other day. I was invited, Bill & I actually and it sounded like fun, but now? No, not my thing. Staying in and watching TV seems to be just right. Less people and who knows, Bill might not be around anyway. So just me is fine with just me.

Later:
The bus home was so crowded with people that I opted to get off the bus at the first stop in Hoboken and walked the eight blocks home. I do not want to be around people. Any people. Bill is home. I’m just quiet. And so is he. The only sound is the TV.

I am glad the 4th of July holiday is almost over.

For some reason, people have been asking me where I am from. I tell them Hoboken or North Jersey and they usually say, that’s not it. I do not sound like a person from those places.