Category Archives: Cool Cold Reality

Where it is and what it came from. The end-all, be-all, and all-for-a-dollar.

The hopeful pessimist

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Fats Domino I’m Walking

Disappointment reigns today. Actually, it started taking root last night didn’t really have much to say to Bill. He seemed greatly annoyed the previous night with our discussion and his firm decision that we would never get together like that again.

And I, with just a hint of Pollyanna, was hanging onto hope, and perhaps it would, but it will not. Mike said he would leave if it happened to him, but I’m not leaving cuz I have nowhere to go, and neither does Bill, so we’re basically stuck together. Yes, there’s love, but I guess it’s more of a platonic love.

I am not going out to look for something. If I want something, I will save up my money and pay for it. I’ve done that in the past, and I will do it again. The price of being a selfish lover. A sex worker will do what you want them to do.

Mike is going on a cruise with his beloved in March? April? He’s very excited about it, whereas I feel like going on a cruise would be hell to be stuck with these people that I may or may not like. Bill can go, and I do not have to. Perhaps the way to do things going forward is to do them alone.

I don’t know, I really can’t say right now, but it is a remote possibility. Oh, Mike has been telling me that he lubbs me, which is the love language that he speaks to his beloved with. I’m trying to get him to stop doing that.

It is certainly true that my life was easier without sex, and then Mike came and showed me that I could have fun, and that didn’t last, and now I’m left holding the bag, so to speak, it’s not even a nice bag; it’s very disappointing, it’s bad.

At this point, I have to say I am grateful that they are both functionally illiterate, meaning they don’t read this here blog.

And I have mentioned to Bill and brought up to Mike that my feelings are transitory, basically, I might feel some way at 6:00 p.m., at 6:15 I might feel something different, so nothing is set in stone, especially when it comes to feeling, my feelings.

And they don’t read this anyway.

And wholly unrelated news, I am at the main fruit stand today, and it’s not so bad. Yesterday I messed up on an email, sent it to the wrong person, and expected to get chewed out about it, which is still a possibility with these passive aggressive fruit pickers.

It’s busy; there are some bold-faced names passing through. And some of those names will be at the smaller fruit stand with me tomorrow.

Friday morning, there is a meeting at the main food stand, which also has the capability for an on-camera meeting. Yancey is organizing it, and I asked him if I was needed to be there, and he said he would prefer it.

Now my hours are generally 8:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. but they do Friday and the timesheet goes in on Thursday and since tomorrow is Thursday the timesheet for the week will also go in but I’m not going to show up on Friday until the meeting giving myself another hour and make my life that much sweeter or at least that’s how it looks on paper.

So it’s all a big mess. And I suppose it’s mostly my own doing. Bill loves me. I love Bill.
Is it the same type of love? I really can’t say. I can say I am disappointed in the Christmas gift that he gave me. And I think my disappointment was noticeable. Mike remarked on it, and Bill didn’t.

It’s a device that will turn on should we lose power in the apartment. It’s for the computer, and the last time we had a power outage like that was probably 14 years ago. So basically, he has given me a gift that we hope not to use.

Did he use his imagination? Perhaps he did. Perhaps he has a limited imagination. I used my imagination to get Bill a few shirts. He seemed to like them. I got Mike a few shirts, which he gave to his beloved, which shows me I will never get him a gift again.

Yancey just introduced me to a young man named Derek Strawberry. Yancey usually tells people about my working in the music studios and the recording industry back in the day.
I regale them with my story of being at 6 West 57th Street and having a smoke when a kid came up to me, asked me how we could get his cassette into the record label.

It was then I had a moment and told him that the record industry was on its way out. I was struck by a premonition, perhaps a Cassandra-like thing, but I told him that soon he’ll be able to do this all on his own on a laptop distributed himself, etc., etc. For a twist, I tell people about that the young man was Kanye West, which makes them flip out.

The hopeful pessimist

A lot of water has passed underneath that burning bridge

Uptown Uptown Uptown

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9:00 a.m. on January 16th, 2026. It is bitterly cold outside. The wind cuts you like a knife, the cliche wielded with errant caution.

An incident involving my father just popped into my head from the center of 1991, 35 years ago. Despite everyone warning me not to, I lived with my father after my mother passed away, and figured he had been a change band as we all had been, but that was not to be the case.

I gathered a lot of material and possessions and had them stored in the basement of my parents’ house, and my father, having not much to do, wandered into the basement and saw various items, including a mixtape that Jet Watley had created named after an Iggy Pop song, “I got my cock in my pocket.”

My father saw the tape and was furious and felt I was disrespecting my mother by owning a cassette with that name. I was fairly certain then, as I am now, that my mother would not have cared.

It is the Friday of a three-day weekend, and most everyone is happy about that. I know I am. I was in bed by 11:00 and slept soundly, waking up at 6:17, 8 minutes before the alarm clock went off. So I gave myself a head start.

Mike is occupied with his beloved, and Bill is on the road due to return tomorrow, the day that Mike’s beloved heads back to the West Coast. Bill remarked that Mike has no sense of direction, and it’s true. They had a plan, Mike and his beloved, to visit the Statue of Liberty, so they took the PATH train to the World Trade Center and found it to be too cold, so they opted to go to Times Square

But Mike did not know how to get to Times Square, so he called m,e and I told him we could take any train from down there to 42nd Street, which would get him to Times Square. But he could not understand if it was uptown or downtown, and I had to remind him that it was uptown, uptown, uptown.

The same thing happened last Friday when he wound up in Brooklyn after getting on the wrong train; instead of going uptown, he went downtown and wound up in Brooklyn.

Mike and his beloved had dinner at a BBQ in Times Square, as well as seeing the third Avatar movie. Bill and I saw the first Avatar movie and did not like it, not because of the movie, but because it was an IMAX and we were in the first row, so it was very uncomfortable, and we had difficulty following the plot. We are so uninterested that we never thought anything about it again.

Remembering a conversation with my brother Brian a few weeks ago, thinking about how he was told that he was not fired because of the regard in which my mother was held. Larry Ioli told him that. Larry could usually be found before work at the hilltop tavern on Essex Street getting an eye opener before heading into the office. He was one of those managers who was thrown out after being caught embezzling for a number of years.

But the name that popped into my mind was Lou Nagy. He was a character from Lincoln Park and drove a forklift. He had a filthy mouth on him that was generally funny if not off-color, and had a Newport hanging out of the corner.

I played guitar for a little while last night and it went quite well I have to say I was inspired by Jeff Buckley and tried to figure out a certain song but as things happened things don’t go in the direction that I intend that something new comes out of it that is what happened last night though I wound up playing Please Please Me by The Beatles my version not as faithful but still key elements were involved

I am really no good on my own. I thought to get in the way, and they’re not very good thoughts. I spoke to Mike earlier; he called me up while his beloved was getting ready to shoot some videos, which is nice, I suppose. And Mike was telling me that he’s so in love with his beloved Dell laptop.

So much so that Mike was saying how he wished he had a Dell laptop rather than the HP that he purchased. I have to admit it pissed me off a bit. Considering that Mike had to be dragged kicking and screaming to the concept of owning a laptop, and now he is envious of his beloved’s laptop.

Beloved also has a hotspot which they’ve been using for Wi-Fi, which made Mike very happy, but Mike hasn’t done anything to get Wi-Fi for his apartment as far as I know. And he’s mainly using the laptop to look at porn, not to increase his computer skills, which would only help him in a job search. No, it’s all about porn.

I was hoping he’d use the laptop to write his poems and his fabled play which I have heard so much about that is stored in his dome but so far don’t say no typing no creativity just a whole bunch of masturbation. But it’s his life and not mine, and he can live it anyway he wants, because that is obviously what he is doing anyway