Communication Breakdowns | johnozed

Bitter!

Now I am home. It’s a Thursday evening and it has been a long day. Up at 7:30, at the bus stop at 8:30 and in the cigar shack at 9:30. I got through alright, after a few decisions on how to get through the day. Some Facebook friends were dropped.

Didn’t need to deal with their shit anymore since I usually have to deal with their shit face to face. Now it’s only face to face, no phoniness. Its more ‘professional’ wouldn’t you say? The day was slow enough and also had an empty promise that was repeated from yesterday.

I didn’t believe it then and I didn’t believe it today. I have also decided not to give any sales away, even after I hit my personal goal. I used to do it but since no one else does it, so why should I? From now on it will be all mine. I couldn’t really expect others to do what I do.

That would be impossible I guess and unfair to them. It’s a burden, such a burden, oh what a burden to be so relied upon. You can thank Brian Eno for that line, or rather, I can thank Brian Eno.

I was aloof most of the day, while friendly and sociable. I guess I am that way right now. Bill is sitting behind me watching Lawn hors d’œuvre on his iPad and I sit here in front of the computer with my back to him. He offered to turn on the TV but he’s in the middle of his show and whatever I wanted to watch is being recorded so I can watch it anytime.

So the only sound is Sam Waterson & Carey Lowell talking about a case. A deal is struck, the ominous closing music is playing as Waterson & Lowell close the show. Bill probably has another episode on schedule I’m sure. He just turned on 30 Rock and I just turned down the volume instead of listening to the last 6 minutes.

Yeah I’m ambivalent tonight. Tomorrow is a day off and you know what? I really don’t care. Pathetic isn’t it? And it has been quite a struggle to write this much so far. Nothing to write about really. Not that there ever is.

I’ve slowly started looking for a new job again. Nothing major, just an email to useless staffing agencies. One out of three responded to my email. I try to send an email every couple of weeks but I am sure I have been binned.

No response makes me feel like I am a hopeless case. The longer I am out of the office environment means it will be more difficult to get back into that situation. In June I will have been at the cigar shack for 2 years. Nothing to be proud of I’m afraid.

Yes it’s a job and yes I am grateful to have a job but it is stressful. Sell sell sell all the time. No sitting down, which more than likely accounts for the weight I have lost. I haven’t needed to unfasten my trousers when I take them off in about a year. I remove my braces and can easily slide right out of them. What an accomplishment!

That’s it. I hit over 500 words for today. No mas.

08 No Clocks

Yes it was back to work for me today, after 2 days off. Saturday was spent doing laundry and strolling around Hoboken. No corned beef and cabbage for me. I never had it and don’t recall my mother making it. Maybe she did and I just never ate it, which is odd since my mother was not running a diner and you ate was put in front of you.

So like I wrote, I went to Maxwells. I had a pint in the apartment before I left and was soon on my way to have a pint with my dear friend Lois. Bill was driving to Atlantic City so I went solo. No iPod so I listened to the sounds of the streets, a very John Cage thing to do. I was not impressed with what I heard but maybe the whole thing is about not passing judgement.

Lois was there with a bag of socks for me. She’s been hanging onto them for a few months and our schedules finally coincided enough that Saturday was the night. She also had some women’s socks and tights which she gave to our lovely bartender. She was a cutie and quite nice.

Lois had about 2 pints and a plate of artichoke hearts. I had about 5 or 6 pints and felt fine. Spoke with Bill once he got to Atlantic City. Took the call on the sidewalk so I could have a quick smoke away from the noise inside. I didn’t recall it being so loud when I worked at Maxwells in the last century, but then again they did not have Bose speakers above the bar.

Much time was spent asking each other to repeat what was just said. Lois is great though, so creative and very supportive of other artists and musicians. She loves my photographs, how I seem to see things that other people just don’t see. She did confess that she doesn’t read this here blog that often which was perfectly alright by me.

After the pints and the gossip and talking about our respective mates, I walked Lois home with a paper bag and a dozen socks. Some water and a quick check of email once I got upp the four flights of stairs before I turned in.

The next morning, some more water to tend to my headache. I didn’t feel drunk, just politely buzzed but it was enough to remind me why I don’t really drink these days. The next day is so wasted.

Bill was home and quite energetic. He went to the gym as I licked my wounds. I did make it out and went to the store. I almost talked myself out of it but persevered. Once I was home I merely watched the TV until Bill returned. I did not feel like cooking and instead ordered in from Johnny Rockets. I had a hankering for a big ol’ greasy burger and they delivered.

Now it’s a day later. It was a weird day at work. I did resent Thomas asking me to switch days with him in a few weeks. It certainly could have waited until today but hearing it on Friday planted a seed that started to sprout in the back of my mind all weekend.

And it was not so busy but the store did alright I guess. Zack was back in the game contacting his deep pocketed clients. My clients wear speedos it seems. I did post the blog for the store once again. I usually write on Thursdays and Saturdays but since I was out on Saturday, I wasn’t about to write for the cigar shack.

I saw Mike Cecchini on the way home, he was strolling the avenues with his lovely girlfriend Sarah. That was nice and brief. They invited me to join them but I wanted to be home with Bill.