Author Archives: johnozed

About johnozed

I'm 50+ years old, 210-ish#, 6'2", reddish blonde, blue eyes with glasses (and without) masculine, funny, relatively intelligent, enjoy the company of assorted friends and family especially sordid friends and family. I love music, reading, writing, conversing, laughing, going to films, shows, concerts and smoking cigars. And I also enjoy looking nice in a suit and tie. Looking more like Lewis Lapham than Tom Wolfe. I'm sure there is more, but we'll just have to find out when I write about it. In a lifetime relationship with partner Bill Vila.

Les rêves de la nuit dernière

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2 dreams from last night. One involved Mehcad Brooks and I going to South Korea. Apparently, we were a couple of sorts and I went to Seoul at his request. I found myself being ignored and cane back to the States. Mehcad followed and was not happy about that at all.

Then that dream segued into a dream where a Facebook friend, Steve Ziemkowski, and I met in a restaurant and as we sat at a table I found myself between Patrick Stewart and my brother Frank who was disgruntled by the fact I was sitting between them.

Frank was always easily disgruntled. It looked like a nice restaurant, and then I woke up.

I slept until the alarm went off and that was good. I gathered my senses and soon headed out the door after a shower and coffee. The Path train was not crowded at all. No youngish man was upset they had to sit next to a guy wearing a jacket that smelled of cigars. I washed the jacket when I got home again, so now I have to stalk the youngish guy and figure out what was bothering him.

The office was quiet and empty and I stretched out my tasks until it was almost noon. I usually play quiet things but today I was compelled to play Dead or Alive, remembering a night out with my late friend Jet Watley at the Pyramid Club.

A song was playing as we were out on the dancefloor and I asked Jet who it was and he pantomimed Pete Burns from Dead or Alive. The song was In Too Deep which is probably my favorite Dead or Alive song, but there are others that are always tied to the memory of Jet.

As my break time approached I noticed I was cc’d on an email. I had sent out a kit, actually 2 kits to a Benjamin Taylor in West Hempstead. One of those kits had the paperwork of Jean Horonich. These are not their real names.

Both Taylor & Horonich had kits sent out on October 22 and were delivered on the 23rd. Nine days ago. This morning Taylor sent an email stating that he received someone else’s paperwork and it was not a good sign when starting a relationship with a legal office. Schlomo the DKB came to my desk to tell me this information.

I told him I already knew about this then I went on my break where my mind was consumed by this. So Taylor got 2 kits and was signing one of them, leading me to believe that one of the kits was for him, and the other was mistakenly sent to him.

No word from Horonich leading me to think that her paperwork was OK as I kept in mind this was delivered nine days ago and we were only hearing about today. They did try to reach Horonich but she was incommunicado.

I send hundreds of these kits and requests out weekly.

One or two aren’t a big deal statistics-wise and I hoped Taylor could be trusted to be an honest man and return the paperwork he accidentally received or destroy it. In his email, he requested a Non-Disclosure Agreement which drew the attention of lawyers who now feel the need to instruct me on how to do my job properly and damn my statistics.

I myself resolved to not seal anything until I actually check the work I do 2 or 3 times. Now I do it when I am paranoid and have a feeling that something needs to be checked and when I do I find there is no need to be paranoid but that is what I do as I maintain those statistics that no one but me seems to care about.

It is supposed to be brought up on Monday and I hope it does not occupy my mind this weekend but you know me, it probably will. I’m sure my mind was not in a good space as it was the day after la matrone enfermée dans le placard threatened me on October 21.

I hope to go cycling tomorrow, maybe that will help. I know it will.

The Devil & the Deep Blue Sea

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Mentally exhausted could be used to describe me right now. First off, I had dreams about that had me and my Mother at my current job. Some of the people at the top were in the dream. There was a party and I made sure my Mother enjoyed herself and she did.

At the end of the party, there was cleaning up to do and my Mother and I were leaving when I thought it would be nice to thank the bosses for the party and when I walked back I saw a top figure fucking a fleshlight that was situated in a cabinet and he was naked. A hasty exit was made into the next dream which I do not remember.

Some tossing and turning followed and then it was time to get up. Bill, as usual, was up before me, making my coffee which I am beginning to think I should cut down my consumption. I would probably sleep better and perhaps be somewhat calmer.

I was at work early again. The ride to Manhattan was something though. I try to grab a seat so I can sit and read. A magazine in the morning and a book in the evening. Mojo Magazine and I am currently reading ‘A Room with a View’ by EM Forster.

I saw a seat available in a two-seat area and sat down next to a youngish guy. After a few minutes, he got up in a huff and stood opposite me. Maybe my jacket smells like cigars since I smoke a cigar at break time while wearing a jacket.

I don’t know but the youngish guy was quite unhappy as I sat and read about David Gilmour’s newest record. I don’t care for Pink Floyd but he is an interesting guy, seems nice enough and he’s quite easy on the eyes, at least he was when he was younger.

The funny thing was I left work early and there was the same youngish guy on the train going back to Hoboken. It wasn’t crowded so we did not have to sit near each other, though I did get the same seat in the same car.

I don’t know if I smell like cigars. No one has ever said so. Perhaps if they did something might change. Like a different jacket. Or I can Febreze my outerwear before heading out.

At work, Raoul and I had another quick chat. He asked me if I had a minute and I told him I really couldn’t say no. He was upset with what I said and according to Raoul he went to the top names in the masthead and told them about what happened with la matrone enfermée dans le placard and myself.

Then they had la matrone enfermée dans le placard dressed down and told him if it happens again he will be out of a job. Whether or not this actually happened, well I will take Raoul’s word.

I left early today since I had an appointment with a recruiter in midtown. It was on video, the interviewer was at home and I could see children floating in and out of the blurred background. This was to be the first of a few interviews for a job that is in a more rigid environment, straight-laced, and pays less. And probably no one threatening me.

But there is the devil I know, where I have more control over my hours, more pay, a looser dress code and I currently sit at my desk playing tracks by Brian Eno throughout my day or using the Bloom 10 app, co-designed by Brian Eno and playing calming tones for the benefit of myself as well as clients.

Bill used to work at the place that I interviewed for and that fact being found out would loom in my mind. I seem to be leaning towards staying with the devil I know rather than starting all over again.

Perhaps I can play their game with enough wiggle room to get me through the day.
Perhaps I’m delusional.

I do know that Bill is not too keen on the idea but realizes the choice is mine and would like to wag a finger in the face of la matrone enfermée dans le placard. The email is still in my draft queue.

I am still tired. That doesn’t mean I will be tired when it’s time to go to bed. It’s been like this for years, decades. Am I used to it?