On today’s menu was a Shit Sandwich. Kitchen prep was last night, Bill had a near incident last night and nothing came of it except for the other guy saying something as Bill walked off. Bill was having a bad day and it wasn’t over yet.

His commute home had him standing on a crowded bus which aggravated his bad back so he was quite miserable. His back and his bruised ego made for a difficult evening. He kept the bruised ego overnight in the oven and this morning his misery was nearly fully cooked. An abrupt goodbye with neither one of us giving much love to the other and then the slamming of the door was how my leaving for the job ended.

Work was the same as it ever was. I’ve come to the realization the Legume really has absolutely nothing to say to me anymore besides Good Morning. No more ‘good night’ from him. I did hold him in high regard for a few years but after the July 8 meeting, he’s fallen from the lofty perch I placed him at.

Mainly because S/S’s kid was the one who told a lopsided story of what happened. Maybe S/S knows it was lopsided and feels bad about it but he can’t say anything about it since his offspring might get in trouble. Or maybe S/S feels bad about the situation I am in and there’s nothing he could do about it. Maybe.

So I have 2 strikes against me, one courtesy of an alumni from my alma mater and the other from S/S’s kid. There is stress due to a self-evaluation questionnaire that is expected by the end of next week. I of course have a lot to say.

Last year it was the same thing and it did not go well. This year I have a list of explanations for why I feel my performance is the way it is. I’ve written it out.

It was a cold and windy break this afternoon. Who are these people who say they can’t wait for this time of year? It’s too cold to do much of anything outside so most time is spent indoors. I think they prefer to watch the season through windows.

I crashed somewhat this afternoon as I finished a cigar outside. Just the weight of everything felt so heavy upon my shoulders. I was despondent. A problem that I had a few weeks ago had come back despite doing all I could do to make things right.

I was able to make arrangements which will be taken care of soon enough at the sacrifice of my Saturday bicycle ride. That was set up when I came home.

Bill is awfully quiet, one could say mute. With the two of us in our states of discontent it is an uncomfortable situation. I did mention how I felt this afternoon, how I wished I was dead. I did wish that. I am just so tired of this grind.

I try to do good and I find myself in situations that I had a big hand in creating and are almost out of control. Of course, I don’t want to die, just a momentary passing thought.

I have to wonder though when I said that there was no reaction from Bill. Is he that far gone in what happened yesterday? Do I say this wish out loud too often? I am overwhelmed. This was the other end of the shit sandwich.

There was a nice thing that happened today that seemed to restore my faith in humanity. As I was leaving work and crossing the street, a man and a woman asked me for directions to the 9/11 museum. Of course, I know where that is, it is right next to the Path train. I told them to follow me as I was headed in that direction.

As we walked they told me they were actually headed for the ferry. I told them I definitely knew where that was since I do take the ferry if the Path train was out of service. It turned out they were parked in the RV parking lot in Jersey City, a parking lot I ride alongside as I am cycling back home from Liberty State Park.

I found out they were from California and drove across the country in a van. I explained that I had done the same thing in 1981 and how I was almost thrown out in Nebraska since my cassette tape jammed in the tape player. They laughed when I mentioned cassettes.

We got to Vesey Street and I put them in the right direction, saying that if they hit the water they’ve gone too far. The woman told me she appreciated me and that everyone they met in Manhattan was just so nice and helpful, and then she gave me a hug.

I was wishing them safe travels when the man insisted on a hug for himself. I told them they were the best thing that happened to me today.

And Chuck Mangione was an earworm this afternoon.

It wasn’t a bad day but overall I’ve had better. One thing that is foremost on my mind is my hair. I’ve taken to brushing it forward lately and I’ve been getting a few compliments on it. That’s always nice. I kid myself it’s sort of a Caesar cut but it really isn’t.

It was an experiment that has taken hold. Plus I am growing a beard to see what that will look like. I see a lot of white, Barbablanca is what Julio coined a few years ago and that has taken hold as well.

I did sleep well last night, turning on bedtime mode before going to sleep. No alerts or alarms to disturb my deserved worth. I woke up reluctantly but was not sad and that was good. I seem to have been around guys from my alma mater.

Besides Shaun Moray in Hoboken, there are at least three of them at my place of work. One of them I don’t mind, another is easily ignored and another is actively loathed. The one I loathe tried to chat me up as I was waiting for the elevator.

I had to respond and did so but had my back to him and was staring at my phone as I spoke. Not sure if I was actually looking at an app or just looking at the black screen. In any event, the elevator arrived and I got in alone. He might be so dumb to think we are friends though my nonchalance might have shown my actual distaste.

I have no love for my alma mater. Somehow I got through four years only going to summer school once and that was because of an act of revenge by a history teacher who resembled the cartoon version of Lou Costello.

The guys I went to grammar school eight years before high school did not have much contact with me in high school. We were all in different classes freshman year but I was cut off from them and basically did not see much of them for those four years.

I used to sing Bohemian Rhapsody with one of these guys and I would’ve thought we had that to connect with, but no. He later became a traffic reporter for WCBS AM. I tried to connect with him in the early days of the social medias explaining who I was but that was rebuffed.

Bill enjoyed his helicopter traffic reports when WCBS AM was a real thing but like my friendship with that traffic reporter, that’s dead too.

I did go to the 20-year reunion. I was hoping to see the 2 friends I had in high school but neither showed. I was gakked out that night, making a trip to the loo every 20 minutes or so. I did see 2 classmates from grammar school/high school and it was cordial but overall I left the reunion telling myself that I never want to see any of these people again.

I did find out about one of the two friends I wanted to see, he died at age 37, of a heart attack while jogging. The other guy has maintained no presence on the social medias. I just remembered that there was another friend from high school that I hoped to see but did not, his name was Kevin Wagner from Saddle Brook. He deserves more of a story than the last lines in an October 9, 2024 post.