Don’t think twice, it’s alright

Hindsight is 20/20, it’s true. It doesn’t lessen any pain or discomfort, though it allows you to see it clearly than you have been able to previously.

It’s September 7th, it’s a Monday, it’s a blue sky, it’s a little bit cooler out than I was hoping for, but I have dressed accordingly.

The weekend was less than adequate. I didn’t do things that I hoped to do, not including writing a bicycle on Sundays, which I’ve been doing for a few months. Yesterday was a little bit overcast and cloudy, and in the back of my mind I was thinking I could do it earlier than usual, but it was not to be.

I know I’ve said it before, but I feel I am at the end of my tether with regards to most things. Life, Bill’s play, Mike, a whole bunch of stuff.

Well, we know why Mike got his favored nation status, but since he decided not to maintain that status, which was contingent on physicality, I suppose he has nothing to offer except taking up couch space.

It was humorous yesterday, we were going to see Bill in the final performance of Postal Madness. We got on the bus, which I paid for, and sat in the back, and there was a seat diagonal from me, which he was initially sitting in, and decided he wanted to sit behind me so he could look out the window.

As the bus rolled onward, I stole a glance a few times and saw that he wasn’t looking out the window at all. He was looking at his phone, and then by the time we got to Manhattan, his phone was down to 10%. By the time we got to the play, it was down to 1%.

When he was enjoying favored nation status, I was looking into getting him a portable charger for his phone, which would have done him well. I looked into it for myself, I figured I’ll get one for me and one for him, but now I’ll just only get one for myself.

I sent Bill the photograph of me sitting in the chair on the bus, and Mike sitting behind me, and Bill immediately thought that there was bad blood between Mike and me. I reassured him that it was all good.

The photograph does say a lot, though sums up the essence of our current friendship. I’m not going to do anything, I’m just going to let the friendship, which is on a medium flame, go to a low flame and perhaps go out.

But right now on September 7th, Monday afternoon, that is the plan.
Despite all that, we did enjoy each other’s company. There’s nothing major and we elbowed each other watching the play for the second time, and remember how we felt about it the first time in the second time made it a little bit more funny our reactions, not the play.

I think, going forward, if Mike requests to come over, I’ll refer to Bill. In the midst of all that, I’m at the edge of depression. Not really the edge, but I see i,t and I see how I could easily succumb to it.

The whole sex thing seems to run its course for me. Not going to pursue it, Mike was something that fell into my lap, and it was fun for a while until it wasn’t. And I’m not going to help Mike pursue anything that he wants to pursue. I’ve done enough.

I have given him pots and pans and utensils and cups, I have paid his phone bill, I paid his bus fare, I’ve paid his Lyft fare, I have done his laundry, I have cooked him dinner… But no more. He could call me, but I’m not about to call him. Though I just called him and got his voicemail.
And I am grateful that he doesn’t read this here blog.

Bill and I have discussed how child-like he is, Mike. And I, for one, I’m finding it tiresome. The line of communication will remain open, but not go in both directions.

It’s funny in an odd way, but meeting up with Mike reopened a door that I had closed with regard to sex. Now the doors are slowly closing once more. I see hypocrisy in this awkward untruth. Having been a liar myself back in the day, I can recognize things like that.

Of course, this could all change in a moment. And by chang,e I mean I have no idea.

He has thanked me for all that I have done for him. He has thanked Bill and me for all that we have done for him. So I guess he is appreciative.

At work, I am reviewing a document that Jimmy Chile has sent me with regards to development objectives. I, of course, don’t have any, so I have to come up with something. Jimmy has given me a heads-up, and I could use his notes to create my own. Ideally, it would be so much better at the fruit stand to pick me up for permanent hire, but this West Coast employment agency / real estate firm seems to have other ideas.

I am so looking forward to going home and going to bed at a decent hour tonight and maybe getting a good night’s sleep.