Pea Double You

Password fails at work. I had to open up an app, and when I did, I had to change my password because I’ve had been a few months, so I entered a new password didn’t think of it until this morning, when I tried to enter it, it did not take variations on that theme. It did not take, I’m still able to get work done, but now I’m contacting my manager, who probably thinks I’m an old fart who can’t remember shit, and I guess I am.

So the password situation got better a bit, but it’s still mostly the same, and I’m trying to connect with the help desk, and each email I send to the help desk winds up in the outbox, where it sits because I can’t connect to my mail. It’s a vicious cycle.

I contacted my counselor from the agency that placed me under this fruit tree, but she wasn’t much help, so I’m trying to contact their help desk as well, and those emails wind up in the outbox.

I don’t know if I’m a Luddite or what?

So, in some downtime while waiting for responses to emails that are never sent, I checked my Facebook and I noticed that the former owner of Maxwell’s is talking about a documentary that is being made or what have you, and since nobody’s asked me about it directly, I’m not going to do anything about it.

Does it burn? Not really, but it stings.

I’m just not having a good day today. It’s a whole bunch of little things that are piling up.
It’s not good for my mental health, but then again, what is?

Mike is going to the Eagle tomorrow, it’s jockstrap night. I don’t want to know about it. Mike stated that he wished I could go with him, but I think my days of going to gay bars are over. I’ve never had any luck from going to Feathers in River Edge to going to the Eagle the other day. Each time, I am alienated from my misfit brethren. And I just don’t have time for that.

It’s borderline sadness for me today. I see it on the horizon, which is getting closer and closer.
C’est la vie I suppose. It’s just that kind of day as we approach the end of August, which is not a good feeling for me anyway.

Yancey is expected to be in my office tomorrow morning, which I am dreading somewhat, so it could make things easier with him around and getting online with the mail. Perhaps he will be understanding and helpful, and a part of me thinks he is getting fed up with this situation that occurs with me every couple of months.

I am getting fed up with this situation that happens to me every couple of months.
Of course, I am hesitant to say it, but I slept really well last night and was awoken this morning by the alarm clock. Usually, I wake up before the alarm clock, but not this morning. I slept incredibly well and soundly, and part of me feels that having to write that right now jeopardizes what might happen this evening.

PatsyCline99!!!
11:11
3:33
And your bird can sing party girl

I went to bed at 11:11 last night, which is 11:06, but the bedroom alarm clock is 5 minutes fast as a challenge to my mental state when I wake up in the morning.

Then, at 3:33, which is 3:27, I had woken up and gone to the bathroom, and was surprised to see Mike awake, looking at his phone. He was startled by a dream that he had.

It has not been that great a weekend in many ways, it was similar to other weekends, though something was revealed on Saturday that definitely changed the color of the weekend. It made me sad but that’s neither here nor there because I’m not about to tell you what it was. It’s disappointing nonetheless and will change the direction of the relationship that I have with Mike. In fact it’s already started already.

I did about 13 miles on the bicycle yesterday to Liberty State Park, took about two and a half hours to do that, and when I came back, I was hungry, made dinner at 3:00 in the afternoon, and Mike and I took the ferry to Manhattan to attend a cigar social at the Eagle.

It was sort of a spirit of the moment thing I believe Mike was more interested in it than I was and it turned out Mike was more disappointed in it than I was. I was sort of expecting the way it was a bunch of guys in leather drag, generally a little bit older than me, although they could be younger than me, they look older than me.

I turned to Mike at one point, and he said to me, ‘Do you want to go?’ It had been about 15 minutes so we had been there and I immediately said yes no second guessing on that one. Plus the rain clouds around the horizon, and since we are on a rooftop deck, we made the right decision and got to the train just in time to miss all the rain.

So it is a gray day, a great Monday, a great August 18th, and my mood matches the sky. Dictating my words into the phone is a bit of a michigosh today.

There is a sadness in my persona today. The sadness is mixed with bitterness, and I’m trying not to be bitter, but it’s overwhelming. It’s a strange situation I found myself in and it’s my own fault since I put myself there it is a device of my own creation.

Did I know things were going to go this way? I had an idea. And I did ask the question on Saturday and got the answer that I didn’t want, but it was the answer I asked for. Things could be changing rapidly, though. Once Mike starts working, we will be seeing less and less of him, I suppose which would be a weaning off and enabling me to stand up on my own two feet away from him and his influence, physical or otherwise.
It is a relief to know that he does not read these entries. He’s not much of a reader I suppose if it’s not on a phone it doesn’t register. But he was good company yesterday and I seem to know that he thought I was good company as well. Infatuation is a tricky thing.

I just went to Union Square to get my vegan chocolate bread, and there’s one guy behind the counter. A line was in front of me with two women, and behind me, about four women. Another guy went behind the counter, got cleaned up, and asked a woman who is standing around what she would like, and I stepped up and said, “This is the line” pointing to the people behind me and “she is not on it”. She felt indignant. She remarked, “Oh excuse me”.

I was just thinking about a former co-worker from over 20 years ago. Donna Romeo was her name and one night after hearing how a co-worker did their hair with a hot oil treatment, Donna Romeo tried the same thing with olive oil. It did not work out well; her hair was singed.

She was having a fling with the security guard once during the holidays, and there was a Toys for Tots box that the security guard allowed her to take whatever she wanted from the box, though she was not a tot and did not have access to one.