This just came to me even though it’s been in front of my eyes since November. According to Mike I am a cigar dad This is what he was looking for. I’m just some guy that smokes cigars that happens to be a little bit older than him, never considered myself a dad to anyone but here I am.

Mike had a meet up with someone who considered himself a cigar dad and turns out that he wasn’t whereas I smoke cigars whenever possible. This guy this Patrick Sullivan was a big put down for Mike since he wasn’t the cigar dad he was looking for.

The funny thing is Mike is not really a cigar son, he only smokes cigars for videos and photographs, rarely for his own pleasure. That’s a weird situation to find oneself in. I’m reluctant to tell him but I think I should. It could open a can of worms or spill over the ashtray. The person that caught my eye was the cigar smoker in the video that he has but he’s not like that in real life it’s just a role that he plays for the camera.

I’ve never met the guy who is in front of the camera. Just the guy who’s behind the camera. Ideally I’d like to have somebody to smoke cigars with and talk and perhaps have fun and I’m finding out months later that’s not Mike. I suppose it was an epiphany. And I know he won’t take it well if and when I bring it up.

David Byrne was just in the office I shook his hand told him I worked within 30 years ago at Skyline Studios and he remarked that he was just working there again, it’s now called Reservoir Studios.

Raekwon from Wu-Tang Clan was supposed to be in but he canceled.
I am going out in this heat and a little while to smoke my many cigar and sweat.

It is 97° and the real feel temperature is 103°. The change of scenery I suppose will do me good but I say that in air conditioned room.

I just saw a photograph of Asbury Park and my heart sank since I was not going to be there this week. This is the week we usually go down the shore for vacation, Bill and I. Of course in hindsight we should have gone, but we thought we were doing the right thing and turns out not be the case. This heat, these decisions, this hindsight.

I now sit or stand next to where I usually sit so one of the building workers is cleaning up the spot. He is doing a good job so I cannot fault him for that. It is bloody hot out.

And now for something mundane…I thought I had a stain on my shirt which is a favorite shirt and so I thought I would walk over to the overpriced pharmacy to buy one of those cleaning pens. I only needed one and all they had was three for sale so I walked out empty-handed yet I was thanked by the woman at the door for going to her store.

These missives I write seem to be for bottom feeders or bottom readers

Sunday morning Liberty State Park

I’m out earlier than usual. Rain is in the forecast for this afternoon and I need to cycle away my dramas both inside and out.

Electrical dilemma
Mike coming over not coming over
Bill rehearsing his lines

New position
A Great Galapagos goofball
Melatonin lemonade garbage bags

Carl Jung talking about narcissism and empaths. Guess which one I am?
The end of sexual relations with what’s his name

Empaths and narcissists. I am an empath so I think and I also think I’m surrounded by narcissists. I just viewed a documentary from Carl Jung talking about that subject. It’s just about everything Carl Jung said I related to 100% Bill and to a greater extent Mike are narcissists. I suppose I’m used to building a narcissist for 25 years but with Mike it’s different.

I have only known him personally since November 2024 and he’s younger than us. Though a lot more than Bill and I have and man does he control the situation by his power of his narcissism and then to see Mike’s narcissism defer to Bill’s narcissism and I just sit there taking it all in.

Just wandered around Hoboken and stopped by the dispensary where I thought RoDa was working but he’s not he’s probably in his crib and I’m walking by his building right now but I am a sweaty horse.

Last night Bill and I had a heavy discussion with Mike about all things it seems to be the end of when aspect of our relationship of course I can change any day but right now it’s like I am keeping him at arm’s length for my own good.

And Bill is wrapped up in the play that he’s opening up on August 22nd and they have to learn his lines and be off book by Wednesday so he’s stressed about that and have it absolutely nothing to do with me last night despite my apologies earlier in the day when I was outside in the heat the planning about the lack of electricity in our apartment while he sat in the air conditioned bus trying to do his characters lines.

I went to the closing party for Bob Berts art show at 5:03 social club I was there for less than 5 minutes and did the perfect Irish exit courtesy of my phone and a non-existing phone call.

I did my bicycle ride a few hours early this morning usually I leave at the end of Golden Girls. Today I left before 10:30 I was home by 12:15. it was a good ride to clear the head somewhat and enabled me to focus my thoughts.

Now I’m walking home. I know Bill’s not home yet so it should be good for a few minutes until he does show up. Who knows what mood he’ll be in. I do think he’s thinking something he’s taking days to think of he’s going to pop the usual old school quote “you know I’ve been thinking about this…”

And then he’ll tell me what it is he’s thinking about and say what do you think and like I said 20 years ago I think you’ve been thinking about this for a few days and I think you’re only giving me a minute to think about it.

I could be wrong, I’d like to be wrong, I hope I’m wrong, I generally am wrong.

I had a phone call from Connie’s sister Jennifer, who told me Connie wasn’t doing too well. I mean when I saw her name on my phone I thought the worst but it’s not the worst yet. It’s Connie’s not doing too well and she seems to be taking on dementia so much so the people in the home that she’s living at called Jennifer and told her that she’s talking to the air conditioner. When Jennifer asked Connie about it, Connie said they kept interrupting. She was having a lovely, beautiful conversation with me, John O’Toole, and Jennifer just needed to tell me that.

This is the Monday post of the Sunday edition.

So Bill was fed up with listening to me sing the same song that I’ve been singing for the past 22 years with regards to our wonderful landlord and the super that lives in our building. Bill is working on a play that’s opening up in a couple of weeks so he’s got that on his mind and he was driving people that were driving him crazy and that was on his mind and then he last thing he needed was me bellyaching.

This dictation method used to be so good last month this month it’s crap. Things have also gotten better between me and Mike; he is quite the narcissist, whereas I am quite the empath, and I say that knowing that he will not understand what that means if he ever read this blog, which he does not.

Rain was expected yesterday afternoon, so I was determined to get my bike right in, and so I left around 10:30 a.m.
It was a good ride to Liberty State Park, too early to get cigars, and I was home by 12:15. I showered, took it easy, and then decided they’re around 4:00 after I had eaten to go see Bob Bert’s closing party for his photo show. I was there for about 5 minutes and was able to successfully complete an Irish exit.

But it was so damn hot that the shirt I was wearing almost went see-through. I trawled my way up to ShopRite, did some other shopping, was home and did nothing, and waited for Bill to come home, where we had our nice talk.
Work today is okay, I got my stuff done. Now it is very hot and I sit in the shade once again smoking a mini cigar.

Marcus was reassuring that I would do fine on Wednesday, working at the older office, which was a nice pat on the back, basically, I have nothing to worry about.