I wish I was not so insecure but I am. Doubt frequently creaps up on me causing an existential crisis in my head. It’s crazy hot out but you knew that already. It’s 89° and it feels like 95°. I don’t understand but I’m in the thick of it. I’m sweating up a storm even though right now at an indoors in air conditioning.

Rain storms are expected today. I’m prepared. I’m wearing pants, work boots and I have an umbrella. Mike was supposed to come over today and once again the can has been kicked down the road until tomorrow. It’s too hot. The fan that we’ve had for the past couple of years is circling the drain.

I ordered the new fan which should be delivered tomorrow to my workplace which means I’ll have to drag it home hopefully it won’t be too cumbersome. I went to bed early and slept fine thanks to my regimen of melatonin sleep aid and gummy.

The world is a mess. Wars and fighting going on all over the world. Major earthquake yesterday causing tsunami warnings along the Pacific. And how I do wish I was down in Ocean Grove though today would be the day would be returning from Ocean Grove. Nobody’s fault but mine I suppose.

Bill is just wonderful and I am so happy to have him in my life at my side. He is a good man and I’m glad that he likes me and I’m even more glad that he loves me.

I am looking East and seeing rain clouds passing over and those clouds usually go from west to east. I think that is what is going on here so I really can’t say I guess I’ll find out at lunch time.

“When Eddie said he didn’t like his teddy you know he was a no good kid / but when he threatens your life with a switchblade knife- what a guy makes you cry and I did”

Apparently I’m giving out duffel bags this afternoon. I don’t know why but here I am waiting for them. I guess that’s something I’ll do when I come back from lunch which consists of me sitting on the wall smoking a mini cigar in the shade.

And like I had predicted I am outside smoking amnes cigar. The sky is not right but the sun is still out there somewhere. It feels like I’m more of an observer than a participant today so that’s not necessarily true. I do look forward to sleeping this weekend. I do hope I’ll have a good night’s sleep tomorrow or tonight or both nights or for the rest of my life. Perhaps I’m asking for too much, perhaps I’m asking for not enough.

Sorry I just sighed. Not for any particular reason just to see if I could dictate the word sigh into this machine that sometimes works when it wants to and doesn’t work when it doesn’t want to. It doesn’t work right away at least halfway through the day it doesn’t.

The second half it does.