I wish I was not so insecure but I am. Doubt frequently creaps up on me causing an existential crisis in my head. It’s crazy hot out but you knew that already. It’s 89° and it feels like 95°. I don’t understand but I’m in the thick of it. I’m sweating up a storm even though right now at an indoors in air conditioning.

Rain storms are expected today. I’m prepared. I’m wearing pants, work boots and I have an umbrella. Mike was supposed to come over today and once again the can has been kicked down the road until tomorrow. It’s too hot. The fan that we’ve had for the past couple of years is circling the drain.

I ordered the new fan which should be delivered tomorrow to my workplace which means I’ll have to drag it home hopefully it won’t be too cumbersome. I went to bed early and slept fine thanks to my regimen of melatonin sleep aid and gummy.

The world is a mess. Wars and fighting going on all over the world. Major earthquake yesterday causing tsunami warnings along the Pacific. And how I do wish I was down in Ocean Grove though today would be the day would be returning from Ocean Grove. Nobody’s fault but mine I suppose.

Bill is just wonderful and I am so happy to have him in my life at my side. He is a good man and I’m glad that he likes me and I’m even more glad that he loves me.

I am looking East and seeing rain clouds passing over and those clouds usually go from west to east. I think that is what is going on here so I really can’t say I guess I’ll find out at lunch time.

“When Eddie said he didn’t like his teddy you know he was a no good kid / but when he threatens your life with a switchblade knife- what a guy makes you cry and I did”

Apparently I’m giving out duffel bags this afternoon. I don’t know why but here I am waiting for them. I guess that’s something I’ll do when I come back from lunch which consists of me sitting on the wall smoking a mini cigar in the shade.

And like I had predicted I am outside smoking amnes cigar. The sky is not right but the sun is still out there somewhere. It feels like I’m more of an observer than a participant today so that’s not necessarily true. I do look forward to sleeping this weekend. I do hope I’ll have a good night’s sleep tomorrow or tonight or both nights or for the rest of my life. Perhaps I’m asking for too much, perhaps I’m asking for not enough.

Sorry I just sighed. Not for any particular reason just to see if I could dictate the word sigh into this machine that sometimes works when it wants to and doesn’t work when it doesn’t want to. It doesn’t work right away at least halfway through the day it doesn’t.

The second half it does.

Well the day keeps changing from the original plan
I was supposed to be working in the first office where I started but I could not log in properly in the woman who trained me suggested I go back to the office where I generally work now so I did. And arduous trek of 25 blocks or so.

I was drenched when I got to the first office and drenched when I got to my steady general office. We are in a heatwave and it’s brutal AF. Did not sleep as well as I would have liked the way eventually did the AC on and did its job somewhat.

Last night we helped Mike out with his onboarding for a company down on Maiden Lane and that took him quite a while because the PDFs were not accepted by the company so we had to scramble and find another method to send Mike’s documents and it took so long that we timed out of the company website and could not get back in and by that time it was almost 10:00 in the evening.

Today Bill was able to help Mike and it seems that Mike has gotten a job but we are hesitant since we have been down this road before not popping bottles yet. Bill stated that Mike should take us out to dinner if and when things start rolling. A nice pie at Grimaldi’s will suffice.

Meanwhile, for me, I fear I am in hot water because of what the woman who trained me suggested coming down here and doing my job here, and that might come back and bite me on the tuchis, only time will tell, I suppose.

Mike was supposed to come over tonight, but now there is no need, and I am fine with that. I hope to be in bed by the time Bill gets home, but that remains to be seen. It is a scorcher though…

There’s a Catholic school in the neighborhood here and I’m seeing the boys getting out of their summer sessions. I don’t know if it’s summer school or just some place to go during the summer to keep them off the streets and out of trouble. Doesn’t seem to be a regional school so the boys walk home shanks mare. Hard to believe but 45 years ago I was one of those boys. Maybe it’s not so hard to believe if you look at the white goatee that I currently sport.

I do need to change up my dinner diet and I’m trying to figure out what I will have tonight for supper. I really don’t know. I just want something I could pick up on my way home.

Bill and I have been having deep, enjoyable discussions, and last night was all about Mike being a narcissist. I told Bill he was also a narcissist and quickly backpedaled when I explained that, of course, he’s a narcissist. He’s an actor.

That’s it for now I’m going back in momentarily because it’s too damn hot. Back in the USSR plays endlessly in my head so now I’m playing the entire white album or most of it.

As I was walking to the PATH train this morning, I saw a near collision between a man on a motorcycle, which might have been legitimate, and a large dump truck.

Motorcycle man was in the bicycle lane, and the dump truck was signaling to make a right turn, and motorcycle man was perfectly in the blind spot. It was a near collision that could have been fatal. Still, it ended up with both parties yelling at each other from a distance of 50 ft.

Neither one is going to turn from the direction they were going, but they did have to get it off their chest, calling each other four-letter words. I had a rough enough morning, and that would have set me back even more should the worst have happened..