It is Saturday night, the last Saturday in April, for Hoboken this year. It’s been a humid day. I woke up stressed and a bit depressed. The job weighed heavily on my mind. I got through it somehow. Bill is on the road crazy early tomorrow, so he went to bed earlier, around 7:30 PM.

Mike is here and in the loo. I cued up a favorite Harry Potter movie for him and paused it when nature called. In the interim, I am playing 10CC, I’m Not in Love which always brings me to being in the car with my father in the summer of 1975. My father must’ve had a top forty station playing, which is why I heard it with him driving.

I am always drawn back to that summer day with my father. Not a bad memory, and if it’s a good memory, it’s because of the song. It really could have been anyone driving, but my memory points to my father.

Bill, Mike, and I ran some errands in between a few raindrops. I offered to let them off easy since I was the only one with an umbrella, which could fit two, but with three people, that meant someone was going to get wet. But it wasn’t a steady rain, just some sprinkles here and there.

The really big supermarket was a bit empty since our favorite cashier, Arti, had her last day on Tuesday, and she was heading back to India. Bill and I tried to guess why she was leaving, and we both agreed that L’Orange Merde might have had something to do with it.

Or perhaps her visa expired. Or she saw the writing on the wall. Regardless, both Bill and I looked for her at her perch, and though there was someone doing Arti’s job, there was a void in her place.

Mike had hoped to watch the Hunger Games Part 3, but the timing was off with Bill’s early bedtime, so we binge watched Abbott Elementary, which is funny and not depressing. Now I am playing Raphael Saddiq, Instant Vintage, which is an all-time favorite of mine. I first saw Raphael on TV, with Tony Toni Tone on Saturday Night Live.

I knew the songs, so I was prepared. After Tony Toni Tone split up, he formed Lucy Pearl which is where I saw him play with Dawn from En Vogue and Ali Shaheed Mohammed from A Tribe Called Quest. It was a wonderful show that I attended with my friend Gian East. I could have sworn Raphael was looking straight at me and smilin’ that smile of his. Just a wonderful memory.

Mike is off the porcelain throne, and I switched the Harry Potter to Finding Nemo. Something more lighthearted, which is sorely needed in my life. A wonderful talk with Annemarie this afternoon. Another confession on how I do not believe in myself.

The hurdles and roadblocks that I see are not there because of anyone else but me. Easy to write and recognize. All I have to do is keep on keepin’ on. Fake it till I make it.