Mentally exhausted could be used to describe me right now. First off, I had dreams about that had me and my Mother at my current job. Some of the people at the top were in the dream. There was a party and I made sure my Mother enjoyed herself and she did.

At the end of the party, there was cleaning up to do and my Mother and I were leaving when I thought it would be nice to thank the bosses for the party and when I walked back I saw a top figure fucking a fleshlight that was situated in a cabinet and he was naked. A hasty exit was made into the next dream which I do not remember.

Some tossing and turning followed and then it was time to get up. Bill, as usual, was up before me, making my coffee which I am beginning to think I should cut down my consumption. I would probably sleep better and perhaps be somewhat calmer.

I was at work early again. The ride to Manhattan was something though. I try to grab a seat so I can sit and read. A magazine in the morning and a book in the evening. Mojo Magazine and I am currently reading ‘A Room with a View’ by EM Forster.

I saw a seat available in a two-seat area and sat down next to a youngish guy. After a few minutes, he got up in a huff and stood opposite me. Maybe my jacket smells like cigars since I smoke a cigar at break time while wearing a jacket.

I don’t know but the youngish guy was quite unhappy as I sat and read about David Gilmour’s newest record. I don’t care for Pink Floyd but he is an interesting guy, seems nice enough and he’s quite easy on the eyes, at least he was when he was younger.

The funny thing was I left work early and there was the same youngish guy on the train going back to Hoboken. It wasn’t crowded so we did not have to sit near each other, though I did get the same seat in the same car.

I don’t know if I smell like cigars. No one has ever said so. Perhaps if they did something might change. Like a different jacket. Or I can Febreze my outerwear before heading out.

At work, Raoul and I had another quick chat. He asked me if I had a minute and I told him I really couldn’t say no. He was upset with what I said and according to Raoul he went to the top names in the masthead and told them about what happened with la matrone enfermée dans le placard and myself.

Then they had la matrone enfermée dans le placard dressed down and told him if it happens again he will be out of a job. Whether or not this actually happened, well I will take Raoul’s word.

I left early today since I had an appointment with a recruiter in midtown. It was on video, the interviewer was at home and I could see children floating in and out of the blurred background. This was to be the first of a few interviews for a job that is in a more rigid environment, straight-laced, and pays less. And probably no one threatening me.

But there is the devil I know, where I have more control over my hours, more pay, a looser dress code and I currently sit at my desk playing tracks by Brian Eno throughout my day or using the Bloom 10 app, co-designed by Brian Eno and playing calming tones for the benefit of myself as well as clients.

Bill used to work at the place that I interviewed for and that fact being found out would loom in my mind. I seem to be leaning towards staying with the devil I know rather than starting all over again.

Perhaps I can play their game with enough wiggle room to get me through the day.
Perhaps I’m delusional.

I do know that Bill is not too keen on the idea but realizes the choice is mine and would like to wag a finger in the face of la matrone enfermée dans le placard. The email is still in my draft queue.

I am still tired. That doesn’t mean I will be tired when it’s time to go to bed. It’s been like this for years, decades. Am I used to it?