Well, this is something different. I am sitting at my lunch hour dictating these words into my phone which is being loaded into the WordPress app for Johnozed.com

Thought I’d give it a shot to see what can happen. I am presently sitting on Murray Street between Church Street and Broadway during my lunch hour. So far so good the words are being calibrated and posted but not published. The first day back after a 3-day weekend is never easy. Four day work week seems to take quite a bit to get through.

Part of my calendar notes has the inhuman resources director reserving a conference room mere feet away from my desk which leads me to my paranoid thinking that today will be the day.
My supervisor’s supervisor is not in yet, he might be in, he might not and I won’t know until he shows up if he shows up.

The supervisor’s supervisor will probably be on hand if I am being let go unless he can’t handle me being let go and leaving it in the hands of the inhuman resources director. Schlomo has made a brief appearance and that was the only time I’ve seen him today. I wasn’t planning on having a cigar at lunchtime but all things being equal (whatever that means) I went and bought a cigar which I am smoking right now on Murray Street.

I can’t say it’s a good day and I can’t say it’s a bad day it’s just a day that happens to be a Tuesday which feels like any Monday. So it is a day filled with apprehension for me and perhaps about me.

So far the dictation of words into this Johnozed blog seems to be working just fine. No word count though so I have no idea what I’ve said so far and how many times or how many words that I’ve said.

This seems to be a very long staircase to the gallows I think.

One of these days, months, years I will get over the fact that I will not be going back to school and September it’s just another day on the calendar. But there is the anxiety that accompanies September.

If all goes well I might just do this every afternoon at lunch time speaking into the phone and dictating what will go into the blog tonight when I get home. So many young people that I see that are probably the children of people my age which is distressing enough.

I was talking to a co-worker last week and she mentioned that she journals which other people say write a diary or a blog and I guess I am journaling.

I have about 2 hours left in my day probably a little bit more than that in which case my apprehension and anxiety is strong…

Someone that I liked has left he gave two weeks notice and that was posted and then he seemed to have left the building and the company so the two weeks turned into 2 hours. I finagled his address and plan to write a note telling him how much I liked working with him and how I wish him all the best. He’s the guy that I met at the pride fest in Jersey City with Bill his name is Nico and he was with his boyfriend Glen.

There are a few things associated with this word press blog that I have not fully explored and should but right now I’m too distracted by my paranoia. Still, I sit and puff on my cigar looking at various people walking by on Murray Street which is not as traversed as other blocks and that’s probably why I like it so much… fewer people.

There are a few co-workers who are afraid to work with me no matter how brief they would be interacting with me they are afraid of me and so won’t do their jobs and therefore it’s okay with management.

I’m not violent I don’t hit people I don’t carry a weapon but they are afraid of me probably because of my mouth. I might say something that they don’t understand and that will feel insulting to them and that’s always a problem.

Who knew I was such a scary guy?