The job I started three years ago is not the job that I have today. The company is the same, some of the personnel have changed, and my daily tasks are more defined than they were. I used to wake up and not mind going to the office. The dread that generally accompanies the waking hour wasn’t there. It was noticeable enough for me to notice.

Nowadays it is dread, nothing but dread. And not good Rastafarian dread. Bill has said in the past and said it again earlier that I am there to work not to make friends. But I guess I was lucky because I’ve had jobs from forty years ago and there are coworkers from then that I am still friendly towards. It’s not the same friendship but there are still pleasant vestiges.

These people today I won’t have anything to do with. I try not to have anything to do with them on a daily basis except when I have to. I generally keep to myself. I mentioned a few posts back about an encounter with my supervisor’s supervisor that I get along with.

He opened that aborted meeting with ‘Do you remember that last day before you went on vacation?’ I saw the supervisor’s supervisor for about 30 seconds that Friday afternoon, he was coming in as I was headed out the door. Apparently, I said something to someone that was taken the wrong way, enough so that they had to complain about me, again.

The supervisor’s supervisor said that I knew who it was but really I have no idea. I am pretty good at leaving the job in the office and not thinking about it until I absolutely have to. I am starting to suspect people which is not good. A woman who I got a job for this company did tell me that a coworker was afraid of me.

The terrified woman is part of a clique from the other side of the world and half of that clique does not like me at all and more than likely poisoned the well. And after the woman who I got into the job told me that I jokingly laughed and when I saw the terrified woman, making spectral voices and laments while laughing.

I have a mouth on me. That’s it. ‘John makes ghost sounds around me and I don’t like it.’ And to their general lack of credit, HR and the supervisor’s supervisor said the person from the other side of the world is being a little bit too sensitive. It makes sense in a completely nonsensical way.

The queen bee of the clique from the other side of the world poisoned the well which this woman wholeheartedly drank from. And in so doing felt empowered enough to claim that she is afraid of me. I am all bark and no bite. Even Pedro knew that years ago. I had the mouth and he was the muscle. But the world has changed and so must I.

George Harrison was right.

At least at Alger I sort of knew most everyone (2 out of 150 were OK) was my enemy but with this place I know I can’t trust anyone…

It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day and I’m feeling OK. I used to really like that Nina Simone song but wow it is overplayed and overused these days. It’s been like that for a while now, maybe a year or so but I wasn’t writing then and I am writing now.

I had a collection of Nina Simone, a disc one out of two that I got when I was working for Arif Mardin at Atlantic Studios. I eventually got the two-disc set years later but to tell you the truth I prefer the first disc. And Feeling Good is not on that collection. I got it years after I got the Colpix collection when my brother Frank gave it to me.

Now Nina Simone is recognized for the giant she was, the force of nature, and the tragic figure. I almost watched her biopic but I knew where it was going and I did not need to see that. I am somewhat particular about the things that I watch.

Though like I wrote yesterday I can take comic book violence and gore but other violent things I avoid. I also avoid zombie flicks. Those pop up in my dreams and who needs that? Last night I had a dream that involved a semi-famous photo of Chrissie Hynde, Debbie Harry, Siouxsie Sioux, Viv Albertine, Pauline Black and Poly Styrene. (I’d post it here but Word Press changed its set up so I can’t. It’s all words words words unless someone steps up and helps me out with that and they won’t since I’m not asking)

Six female singers around 1980. It pops up every now and then on the social medias so you can find it there or do a search using what I just wrote. I just remember seeing the photo or perhaps being at the photo shoot which was interrupted by a man who had a fear of flowers flying in the air.

And it’s been almost 40 years but some friends of mine who had a band called Tiny Lights had a song called ‘Flowers in the Air’. 40 years since I heard that song but it still takes up residence in this mind palace of mine. The man with the flying flower phobia had an ominous air about him. How long is a dream though?

The dreams one has when sleeping, not the type of life plan people have. I’ve never had a dream like that and I’m fine with that. I’m happy and trying to enjoy life so maybe that is the dream. Simple but not easily attainable. Same with ambition. I wasn’t pushed into anything growing up.

Well, I was shanghaied into playing Summer League baseball but that was a necessity since no one had any idea what to do with me during the summer months. I don’t think my brothers or my sister were encouraged to ‘go for it’ to ‘reach for the stars’.

We were encouraged to look out since my father had a bad day and a few drinks in the bar car of the train home.