Monthly Archives: May 2008

The Final Taxi

1 Reply

Hello. Tonight’s entry is from the loneliest guy on the East Coast. I would have said the world but there are probably plenty of lonely guys around. So I’ll take the east coast for myself, thank you. Tonight was supposed to be a fun evening. Unfortunately it didn’t turn out that way. The day started out quite nicely. Bill was here, we watched The Savages which hit home for Bill, having been through the situation of having a parent with dementia.

I enjoyed the movie too, if it can be called enjoyment. Just that I was able to see things in the movie that I hadn’t seen the first time around, like Laura Linney’s facial expressions or Philip Seymour Hoffman’s mannerisms. Went to bed after that, Bill joined me soon after. It was bliss having him laying there. I was fast asleep and didn’t hear him come to bed. Woke up and it was good to see him there next to me. I had picked out what I was going to wear to work, something extra special since Bill and I were invited to a shindig down on Wall Street that his cousin Elsie invited us to.

I had known about this for a week or so so I was looking forward to it, as was Bill. We haven’t had any good celebrations or parties to go to so this was going to be fun. The ride to work was pleasant, the weather was great. The office filled up, I was somewhat busy, running errands, even sent a small package to Annemarie, it was a good day. Everything seemed to be up up up. That should have been the warning sign. I got out of work at 4:30. Bill told me he was going to get out, maybe 5:00, more likely 5:30. No problem.

It was a nice enough afternoon. I wandered around puffing on a Padron, and found myself outside of Bill’s office building at 5:20. I called Bill, he still had some things to do. I mentioned seeing him in 10 minutes. 30 minutes later I was tired of standing on the sidewalk in dress shoes. Padron was finished so I called Bill’s desk and left a message, telling him I was going to be in Bryant Park waiting. Sure enough, after I found a seat in the park, Bill calls. By now, I’m tired and hungry but willing to go have a good time.

Bill showed up and I mentioned that I should have waited in the park rather than outside Bill’s building, seeing everyone going home, walking to the bus terminal. From out of nowhere, Bill says ‘if it’s going to be like this for the rest of the night I want to know now!’ I repeat that I should have waited in the park. He repeats himself just as angry as the first time he said it. So we start walking to the subway, not really speaking with each other. Bill did say, he was inundated with work at the last minute, all excuses, no apology.

No, ‘sorry, but it wasn’t my fault, they threw a lot of things at me at the last minute’. No that would’ve been the nice thing to say. Bill asked how my day was and I gave a thumbs up, saying it was perfect. That was the wrong thing to say, since he heard it as having attitude. I didn’t intend for it to be attitude, and what if it was? He showed quite an angry attitude with his ‘tell me now’ shit. That effectively killed any conversation between the 2 of us for the evening. And also his imitating of me with my thumbs up and saying ‘perfect’ didn’t help matters at all.

I sat next to Bill and we barely said a word. In fact, I talked to the waiter more than I talked to Bill. I told Bill’s cousin that I was going to be leaving after the dinner since I had to take a train home and after a certain hour, you have to transfer in Jersey City. With the night I was having, sitting in the middle of a party, not talking to anyone, much less my partner, sitting 6 inches to my left, I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. Bill’s cousin said she and her husband were leaving at 9:30, taking a town car home.

At 9:00 I made my exit, kissing Bill’s cousin good night and thanking her for the invitation. I looked at Bill and said ‘see ya’. I walked to the Path train, wishing there was someone I could talk to. I don’t think I ever felt as lonely as I did tonight. I tried calling Annemarie a few times, but she was out. I probably worried my nephew Earl since I called 3 times. I thought it pathetic, the only person I felt I could talk to was 3000 miles away.

Forget about local friends, Julio and Stine have Alexander, Roda has his son, Rand has his own thing going on, and Harpy, has his own problems. Everyone seemed to have real, more pressing matters at hand, including Annemarie, who has probably the most serious, the realest problems with her husband Rex and his heart procedure coming up, and here I am, ‘boo hoo. My partner isn’t talking to me’. Sometimes I just feel so pathetic. I did eventually talk to Annemarie and that helped, as did scribbling in my notebook on the Path train home.

I also called Bill and we had it out somewhat. He wasn’t going to call me. I did tell him that my ‘perfect’ thumbs up may have been seen and heard as snotty, but it wasn’t. His ‘tell me now’ crap was pure anger. And he never apologized for being late. I had to tell him that all he had to say was ‘sorry, but it wasn’t my fault’ and I think the concept escaped him. Jeezy creezy, when did I become such a pathetic loser? Or was I always that way and being alone just brought it all home tonight? Bill’s pride in non-communication certainly did not help.

Seriously, what the fuck?

Union City Blue

5 Replies

Yesterday was Mother’s Day, a day that I am probably at my most low key. True I did see some of my family in the morning, but other than that I kept to myself mainly. Not in the doldrums and not resenting other people who’s mothers are still alive like the first couple of years after my mother passed away. Didn’t do much of anything and right now I can’t think of anything that I might have done.

I did watch Alec Baldwin on 60 Minutes, then watched the Simpsons where to my surprise, Homer’s mother Mona passed away, on Mother’s Day. Don’t know if it was Mother’s Day in Springfield, but it was the day they broadcast it. Homer mourned and fulfilled his mother’s final wishes, dismantling a missile silo inadvertently with his mother’s ashes. King of the Hill was also very good and funny. It’s rare that I watch King of the Hill on it’s own, it’s almost always after watching the Simpsons.

Then I watched Ratatouille, which took me by surprise. It’s was very good and the animation was great. A cute little story. Who knew that rats could be so adorable and not ridden with disease and parasites? I was just glad they didn’t have the rats talking to the people and vice versa. The human, named Linguine did speak but it wasn’t like there was a conversation between him and Remy the rat. Recommended.

After that, then the news. Lots of tornadoes in the Midwest as well as in the south. If I were to use the meteorological and theological skills of John McCrazy’s friend, Pastor John Hagee I would wonder why god hates all of these people in the United States? His rationale for Katrina was the big gay Southern Decadence party scheduled for the week that Katrina hit and god was so angry about that it nearly wiped out New Orleans.

I don’t think many gay people were killed or left homeless so this avenging god just fucked up the lives of those who passionately believe in it, with the pieces still scattered since these oh so pious christians spend more time demonizing LGBT people and not helping the poor and less fortunate that Jesus did and suggested his followers do. So I blame god for these disasters, courtesy of Pastor John Hagee. You use god to explain one catastrophe, why not use the god for all catastrophes? Myanmar and China were simply believing in the wrong god.

Woke up this morning to the sounds of an extremely heavy rain storm, heavy enough for me to send an email saying that I wouldn’t be in. I then went back to bed after texting Lydia that I wouldn’t be in. An hour or so later I felt bad that I wasn’t going in so I contacted Lydia and told her that I might be in if they could ‘finish fixing my ceiling which was leaking’. That was the excuse. I used it once before when working at Wolff Olins or rather, McMann and Tate.

So I was able to take my time and get ready for work at my own pace. I made it into the office a little after 11:00. Most everyone had leaky ceiling stories so they all chimed in with their versions. I told them that the repairs were started pretty much after I sent the initial email and that my really nice neighbors were overseeing the clean up. Still it was a crappy morning, strong winds turning umbrellas inside out.

I took the subway to the office, and it seemed like I was the go to guy for people who didn’t know how to get to where they wanted to go. 3 different people in 5 minutes. Got to the office and surprised everyone which made me look good, coming to work while repairs were being done on my apartment. Today was the day that postage stamps went up a penny so I took it upon myself to get to the post office to get them.

It wasn’t raining when I walked up Third Avenue. I passed this guy who seemed glad to see me. He said his name was Mike and we had some friends in common. A black woman that I am good friends with is his sister. All I could think of was Margaret, Bill’s friend. He rattled on and on about Margaret, how ill she’s gotten. I was surprised at how much he knew, or claimed to know while maintaining a healthy skepticism.

He said he goes to Hunter College and bought a car but the gas guage was broken and he needed some money to get some gas. Like $8.00. I gave him $3.00 and walked away. I called up Bill and asked if Margaret had a brother and it turns out she didn’t. It was a scam, a well played scam, worth $3.00, no more no less.

New Tom Waits video, posted today! Lie To Me.