Day Three. Not bad, a little bit stressful. It does take some time to adjust and take in people’s personalities, and I needed to remember that a few times today. Apparently I’m doing a good enough job. I asked the president of the company, the woman who hired me how I was doing and she said that if I hadn’t heard any complaints then all must be going well. A no news is good news situation. And I haven’t heard any complaints so I must be doing something right, right? Oh how I sometimes crave approval, at least when starting out at a new job.

I don’t seek out the approval but use it as a gauge to see how I’m doing. On the fifth day at McMann and Masturbators, charming Felicia told me when I asked how I was doing, said in her shrill voice, ‘You were a lot more energetic during the interview’. Well I am energetic and like helping people out, sometimes I can even be proactive and I don’t mean the astringent to get rid of acne.

These job situations that I’ve been in the past few months, have rekindled an idea I have for a script, or maybe a novel, but having written that I hope I didn’t jinx myself. It’s Thursday, Bill is at his folks tonight, and Juan’s coming over. It’s an odd thing that I’ve noticed lately. I don’t like being alone. I never used to have that problem, but now I just can’t stand it. I like having people around. The more the merrier works for me. While I was out during the holidays I was usually climbing the walls while couch surfing solo. It sucked and I couldn’t wait for Bill to come home from work or for Juan to show up at night.

I never used to be this way. I used to love being on my own, doing my own thing. I used to go out and do things but lately not so much. Part of it is financial, but I do know how to do many things that cost very little money at all. Laziness, inertia all play into the equation. And of course having no one to do anything with definitely is a major part of it.
Now I’m sitting in front of the computer by myself, while Ugly Betty plays on behind me. Juan called he’s coming over to hang out for a little while so I’m looking forward to that.

In the meantime, I’m getting used to going to bed earlier than I’ve been the past two weeks, usually horizontal before 11:30. This morning wasn’t so easy due to a few glasses of wine last night with Juan. I was pouring so I can’t blame him. Bill being Mr. wonderful was a great motivator to get me up and moving this morning. He’s been so great lately and he’s been playing his keyboards again which fills the apartment up with live music. Now we just have to get together and jam. Bill on keys, me on bass and maybe Juan on some rhythm guitar. That sounds like a good time to me.

Well it’s later than usual and it’s Wednesday. Day two of the new job. How many times have I written that? Twice to be precise. Bill, came through as my champion and I slept soundly in his arms once again. What a wonderful feeling to go to sleep in the arms of the love of your life. Some have many loves and one life, some have many arms and no life at all. I’m looking at you Shiva! I’m getting accustomed to the work routine again which isn’t so bad, not at all. Something to do, something to keep me out of trouble.

Trouble finds me usually but hasn’t found me today which I am not complaining about. Trouble is lurking at Wolff Whatevs and since I’m not there anymore, not leaving a forwarding address, it’s having some difficulty finding me which is fine. Work at Golden Staffing was fine and busy and I’m still trying to work out the system and fit in and everyone tells me I’m doing a good job which is so reassuring, especially after not hearing anything like that for nine fucking months. I don’t need to have my hand held, but a little reassurance can certainly go a long way.

And it went nowhere down there, meaning Soho. I still miss the Wanker Bankers, but that memory is fading slowly. There’s no time to goof off really at the new job and that’s fine. No surfing the net, looking at illicit emails for I really don’t have any privacy which is totally different from the isolation from the Wolffmen. I’m not complaining. Like I said being told I’m doing a good job is good reason to continue to try and do good. Which is so unlike me, maybe ten years ago. There’s this nostalgia that’s been haunting me lately. Sometimes it’s not even my own nostalgia, it’s wound up in other people’s nostalgia and makes me miss them.

I’m nostalgic for Sung and Ray, I’m nostalgic for last week. I’m nostalgic for so many things that it makes it cumbersome to focus on the present moment and near impossible to even concentrate on the future. Though it’s not like that was ever my strong point. I think that train of thought was derailed when I realized that I wasn’t going to be giving my parents any grandchildren, when my whole life plan actually existed. But that was something close to thirty fucking years ago and here I am now.

Now is Hoboken, Bill is rocking his keyboards, Juan occupies the futon, Scrubs is on. Juan brought his season two collection which is where ‘Waiting for my Real Life to Begin’ is from, the episode called ‘My Philosophy’, is from. It’s what I wrote about last night. Anywho, Juan and I just watched it while Bill jams away in the next room. I wasn’t as choked up as I was last night, he had a bit of a tear, as did I. It really is a well done, well performed and pretty funny episode. Just when I thought I was getting tired of the reruns of Scrubs, I watch an episode that gets quite a reaction, then Juan shows up with the season 2 box set.