Monthly Archives: May 2006

Wild Honey Pie

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Okay. Therapy tonight and oh what a night it was. Got a lot of things out in the open, namely sex. I’ve definitely come to terms with the open relationship thing, against my initial wishes but I’ve been busy and don’t want to waste my life waiting for something that doesn’t seem like it going to happen anytime soon. The surprising thing is we’re companions, partners, roommates, and friends even, but are we really lovers?

In the biblical sense, since we do love each other so very much. Just those 7”are noticeably missing. Like I said, I am comfortable with the open relationship. I wish it wasn’t open but I suppose it’s making the best out of a messed up situation. It’s like sitting in a comfortable chair when you’d rather stand. It’s not so bad when you think of it.

I also have to wrap my mind around the fact that I’m always going to be second to bus driving. That is his passion in life. Flesh and blood takes a back seat both literally and figuratively. He’s not going with me to see Philip Beansprout next week because it’s a big holiday weekend and he’s going to be driving. So I’ll be seeing Philip solo next week.

It was a strange walk home after the session due to what was said during tonight’s session. Bill is resolute in his ways and quite proud of it. He’s not going to change. He’s told me this many times in the past and over the past six years I can’t say that I really saw any major change.

He has certain issues with some suggestions I’ve made to spice things up, to rekindle our sex life yet he offers no suggestions of his own. So nothing gets done and we wind up seeing Philip Beansprout on a Friday evening. We definitely have different outlooks and it could stem from the fact that we came out of the closet at drastically different times. I knew when I was 13 and never doubted it at all. I think he might have really struggled with the fact that he was gay.

I mean, it wasn’t exactly a walk in the park for me, so to speak, but I knew. All my life plans were changed at 13. I don’t know what Bill’s story is and I won’t try to guess at it. But it is intriguing. Philip agreed with me on the fact that Bill doesn’t have any suggestions to start things up again, he’s content with the status quo.

On the walk home I told Bill I was willing to do anything, really anything to get him interested in me sexually again. He didn’t have any immediate ideas, and I wasn’t expecting any. But he knows that I am willing. Is he? I have an open mind, and if it’s reasonable I’m game. If not, then a drink might be in order beforehand.

The talk continued when we got home, lots of silences and deep soulful looking in the eyes. We talked about how he used to say that he doesn’t mind if I fooled around since he knows he has my heart and he’d be waiting for me in bed. But there is no guarantee that I couldn’t fall in love with someone else, and there’s no guarantee for him either.

The night I met him I didn’t go to the Men In Suits party thinking I was going to fall in love with some guy and want to spend the rest of my life with him. He could go out and find someone just like me but with that extra oomph that he feels is missing from me. And I could go find some guy that just released from jail.

Yes, relationships are hard work. And it’s worth it.

Une Annee Sans Lumiere

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A day unlike the other days lately. I wore a suit again, getting to be too hot for that though, I guess it’s back to casual. That’s fine. Every now and then is good. Keep it as a fetish. Woke up did the johnozed shuffle, and out the door. Bill complimented me as I headed down the stairs, it carried me down the four flights landing on the street like a feather. I like walking through the park down the street from the apartment.

It’s usually populated by so many young serious people walking to work in their suits and sneakers. Me? I wear dress shoes. I dress to impress me. Well me and the thirty Israeli students expected in this morning. One of the higher ups at McMann and Tate was giving a lecture to the kids from the Kibbutz.

I saw Plantain man this morning and he knocked a nickel off of each banana. So I did get a discount. He was smiling and had his usual plantain in his pants. I smiled and thanked him for the bananas and the show. He smiled when I said the usual, ‘Que tengo buena dia’. Nice guy, nice bananas.

Walked down Sixth Avenue, past the kids playing in the street by St. Joseph’s Church, past the Waverly, or now, the IFC Theatre, down Carmine to Varick and into the office. Today was also day two for big wigs we are trying to impress. I think the company really did. One of the big wigs came out and thanked me personally for making their visit so pleasant.

That’s something I seem to do well. Make people feel comfortable, especially when they’re throwing BIG money around. It was like that at Wanker Banker, and it’s like that now at McMann and Tate. I just be good old John Ozed and they finish the deal. Happy endings for everyone!

Then there was a big staff meeting that I had to attend and couldn’t. Apparently the left coast office is being closed. So there should be press calling soon and I will have to direct the press to the right people. I was told this after the meeting. That’s an interesting turn of events doncha think?

I don’t smell the fear in the air so I think the offices of McMann and Tate in New York are in any danger. A tightening of the belts and some bloodletting. I’m serious, when the shit starts going down I can sense it in the air. A vibe creeps in and hangs over the work environment like smog.

A sudden downpour caused me to cancel the stroll around town to the Path train. It’s a shame. I was going to try a new cigar, A La Gloria Cubana Serie R #6. I got a few of those as lovely parting gifts from Wanker Banker. A postponement. Ah well.

Tomorrow’s almost here. I can tell because Steven Colbert is on. He was brilliant at the Correspondents dinner in Washington DC. The sad part is, no one really got his act. You might find it on www.youtube.com or at least the transcript somewhere.