Tag Archives: Lawn hors d’oeuvre

I Honestly Love You


Now I am home. It’s a Thursday evening and it has been a long day. Up at 7:30, at the bus stop at 8:30 and in the cigar shack at 9:30. I got through alright, after a few decisions on how to get through the day. Some Facebook friends were dropped.

Didn’t need to deal with their shit anymore since I usually have to deal with their shit face to face. Now it’s only face to face, no phoniness. Its more ‘professional’ wouldn’t you say? The day was slow enough and also had an empty promise that was repeated from yesterday.

I didn’t believe it then and I didn’t believe it today. I have also decided not to give any sales away, even after I hit my personal goal. I used to do it but since no one else does it, so why should I? From now on it will be all mine. I couldn’t really expect others to do what I do.

That would be impossible I guess and unfair to them. It’s a burden, such a burden, oh what a burden to be so relied upon. You can thank Brian Eno for that line, or rather, I can thank Brian Eno.

I was aloof most of the day, while friendly and sociable. I guess I am that way right now. Bill is sitting behind me watching Lawn hors d’œuvre on his iPad and I sit here in front of the computer with my back to him. He offered to turn on the TV but he’s in the middle of his show and whatever I wanted to watch is being recorded so I can watch it anytime.

So the only sound is Sam Waterson & Carey Lowell talking about a case. A deal is struck, the ominous closing music is playing as Waterson & Lowell close the show. Bill probably has another episode on schedule I’m sure. He just turned on 30 Rock and I just turned down the volume instead of listening to the last 6 minutes.

Yeah I’m ambivalent tonight. Tomorrow is a day off and you know what? I really don’t care. Pathetic isn’t it? And it has been quite a struggle to write this much so far. Nothing to write about really. Not that there ever is.

I’ve slowly started looking for a new job again. Nothing major, just an email to useless staffing agencies. One out of three responded to my email. I try to send an email every couple of weeks but I am sure I have been binned.

No response makes me feel like I am a hopeless case. The longer I am out of the office environment means it will be more difficult to get back into that situation. In June I will have been at the cigar shack for 2 years. Nothing to be proud of I’m afraid.

Yes it’s a job and yes I am grateful to have a job but it is stressful. Sell sell sell all the time. No sitting down, which more than likely accounts for the weight I have lost. I haven’t needed to unfasten my trousers when I take them off in about a year. I remove my braces and can easily slide right out of them. What an accomplishment!

That’s it. I hit over 500 words for today. No mas.

08 No Clocks

I’m Not Afraid

It’s Wednesday I think. Annemarie flew off to California this morning. She had an early flight and stayed at a hotel near the airport. When she was getting on a plane, Bill was heading off to the gym before work and I stayed asleep in bed.

I heard While My Guitar Gently Weeps playing as I eventually woke up and started my day. A shower and a skipping of the shave, breakfast cereal and coffee.

I headed out and went to the cleaners to pick up some shirts and also to the supermarket and bought some groceries, and a rain check since they didn’t have my cereal on the 2 for $5.00 deal on my cereal. Back home for a few before I changed into my suit, tie in the bag.

Headed up to Washington Street and once again my shirt was translucent in parts. My bus arrived and I got on, sitting on the left side so the sun wouldn’t be beaming upon me as we rolled towards the Lincoln Tunnel. I decided to play Madness, One Step Beyond as I walked through the terminal. Still a classic record.

As I approached the subway turnstile I was directed by a police officer that I needed to have my bag checked. I obliged of course, knowing that I had no bombs or drugs or paraphernalia inside.

Sweated as I waited for the train and then chilled as I got on the A train, strong air conditioning. Headed into the shop a bit early. No rock stars from the 1960’s nearby.

I swear since I’ve started working this gig on June 1, I lost weight. 17.5 shirts are no longer tight around my neck, and the trousers I wear also have ample room. I’m not complaining. It must be from standing on my feet 9 hours a day.

Most of the usual customers came in. I went outside for lunch and had a very good cigar from La Flor Dominicana. It was unbearably hot and humid out and I wasn’t enjoying myself so I headed back to the shop and sat in the back.

It was crowded when I left for lunch and when I came back it was empty. And that was how I liked it. Someone left a New York Post behind and I read some of it, all the while feeling my IQ slipping a few points.

Hard to believe I would read it fairly regularly, now maybe I’ll read it if someone leaves it behind, like today. Calvin joined me for a bit and we talked about Lindsay Lohan and the mosque that is planned for construction down near the World Trade Center.

Calvin agreed that it was basically my god is better than your god. It’s all bullshit to me. The afternoon went by without much notice. I closed the shop once again and decided it was too hot to hustle on down the avenue to catch a bus.

And because I did not hustle, I missed the bus by a minute.

I was alone at the gate for a few minutes before other people showed up, including 2 twenty something girls who were having a conversation about living in Hoboken and how much they like it and that they don’t plan on leaving anytime soon.

That’s basically all that happened today. Annemarie is back in Arcata, safe and sound. Bill is behind me, watching Lawn Hors d’œuvre and dealing with a bottle of soap that opened in his backpack.