Mondays are a drag. Let’s face it. Even if you’re off from work or out of work, they suck. If that’s the case, and there’s no work, chances are the people that you would like to be with to hang out with are working or at school. That’s the lazy me. I could find something to do alone, go read, ride the bike, see a movie or go to a museum if I didn’t have to work. But it is work I must do.
I get out of bed, leaving Bill’s embrace and shower, make coffee, turn on TV and PC and before you know it, I am out the door. More overcast skies and people streaming towards the train. Plantain man wasn’t in so there was no pup tent peeking occurring. I looked good in an English public school way, wearing a striped blazer. I should’ve work a collared shirt instead of the banded collarless one. I should’ve also lost some poundage along the waistline. Pants and trousers still fit, but some fetal action it seems.
I could qualify for bear status, which Song seems to see me as, and Juan denies me. I don’t know why. I could easily identify with the bears in the gay community. But then again Juan is me and I am he, so goo goo g’joob. I am the walrus. There must be a middle one of us which we haven’t met yet. That will probably kill us all. You know the laws of the omni verse, no two things that are eerily similar could actually exist in the same time space continuum. That’s a bit of science fiction. Probably all the science fiction I will ever write.
No, Juan sees the fact that I am not a joiner so to speak. I’d really like to be part of the greater whole, but I stand more on the sidelines. I think most of my friends are like that. I used to wish I could be like everyone else, but I really can’t be that way. Nah, I’m happy being me, marching to the beat of myself.
I just watched one of the last episodes of Six Feet Under. I really loved that show. I loved how they portrayed a gay relationship between two men, an interracial couple. A lot of what I saw on the screen mirrored my relationship with Bill. It was so moving the last episodes, the finale was the clincher and strengthened me in my feelings for Bill. Especially last August when the hard rain was a gonna fall.
Tonight’s episode was Nate’s funeral. There was a scene with Claire, played by Lauren Ambrose who calls up a coworker and asks him to just drive. Anywhere. Just to get out of the house. I could certainly relate to that. I remember driving at various points with Annemarie, Brian and Frank. Talking about the loss of our Mother, talking about music, talking and driving.
Watching the show in its slide to the finale, nearly a year later I see how somethings have changed, and how somethings haven’t. But being able to see what is going on affects how things could be going. Bill still hasn’t said anything about what Philip suggested which was merely talking about sex. Not a good situation, and he pours on the love, which I don’t feel is in bad shape.
It’s a strange situation.
An even stranger situation is the fucking idiot of the United States is pushing for the Federal Marriage Amendment, writing discrimination into the Constitution. Of course it won’t pass but the totally fucked up thing is the fact that the fucking republican party will trot this issue out to scare the conservatives into voting against their better interests by fostering a hatred and distrust of gays and lesbians. Hello folks, I’m the fucking Boogieman.
I certainly hope my brother Brian realizes this. He’s the only person close to me that votes republican. I hope he wises up.
Cut and paste damn it