Tag Archives: Lightning

12 Hours of Blues

Guess what? It’s raining again. It’s rain, rain, rain over and over. I’m not too thrilled about especially when lightning flashes nearby.

Last night I went out for a walk with Julio, all over town. Basically the reverse of the walk I had with Annemarie just a week or so ago. It was a good walk. We came home, each to our respective apartments. Soon after- lightning, thunder and a lot of rain.

Dodged that one with minutes to spare. Didn’t do much after that. Bill was off stage managing a show. He didn’t get home until late. Lately he’s been zombie like when he comes home.

Not the effervescent self that he’s known to be. He’s also been staying up longer and I’ve been going to bed earlier, which is a reversal of sorts. Of course he’s Mr. Bright & Bubbly when he’s headed out the door in the morning.

I went to work once again today. No great shakes. Had a talk with Vivek, who’s birthday is today. I’ll still keep coming in, but now my hours will be limited to 10 hours.

That’s not so bad.

My first week of collecting Cafe Press t-shirts landed me about 20 hours, the next week was about 16, last week was 12 hours. I know they don’t have much money and I appreciate what they’re doing and I don’t want to mistake their kindness for weakness.

I left work after 5 hours today which when combined with yesterday got me to 10 hours already. That means I don’t have to go into the office again, but if I want to get paid, I had better show up.

I left the office just as it was about to rain. I braved it and of course got caught in a major storm. Despite having a large umbrella I still got soaked. I wound up near the Path train and rode it to Hoboken.

It was still pouring when I climbed the stairs from the Path station. I did luck out though. When I got home I turned on the news and Path trains operations were running very slowly if at all.

No train service between the World Trade Center station and Newark and it was the same with Journal Square. Everyone was being rerouted onto buses. If I was a half hour later I would have gotten stranded in the city.

I also had some problems with the computer for the past 12 hours. Apparently there was a Microsoft update installed in the middle of the night which required a restart of the computer. The thing is, the computer wouldn’t restart.

I texted Rand in California. He and Lisa are traveling after the ComiCon in San Diego. I followed his advice, which has gotten me here on my own computer.

I do have to take Rand & Lisa out to dinner when they return. I mentioned it already and I just hope the gift card I got hasn’t expired.

And of course, it’s still raining.

This Guitar (Can’t Keep From Crying)

The gay agenda. Is there a gay agenda? The right wing thinks so. Perhaps since I am so out of the loop in gay culture I didn’t get my copy of the gay agenda and I can’t seem to be able to find a pdf online. I think there is a gay agenda though. The agenda is to teach in schools, that being gay is alright. It’s ok to be gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered (LGBT). That’s a long way from where schooling was when I was coming of age.

The way I was taught was what was being taught for a couple of centuries. It was extremely difficult for me at least. I had to learn to live a double life from about the age of 14. I only attempted to have a girlfriend (of the female gender) twice. One time was a girl named Donna Rinaldi. I went to grammar school with her and in my last year of school we went out, which meant we were boyfriend and girlfriend. We both liked each other very much, we loved pop music and had similar senses of humor.

Donna lived on the other side of town in Lodi, much closer to school. After the graduation parties petered out after a week or two I mainly stayed in my part of Lodi while Donna was in hers. I never really made much of an effort to go over to Massey Street and hang out. There was absolute zero sexual attraction. Not so soon after not really seeing each other we broke up over the phone. No distraught feelings involved, at least not for me.

I hadn’t hit puberty yet but I think on a primal level I knew I wasn’t going to be playing on Donna’s team. I last saw Donna a few years later. She was working at a Mini Mart in a Saddle Brook strip mall. I shopped there and we chatted. I wound up telling her a whole bunch of lies about my life for some reason and when I sat in my car I felt terrible. Terrible enough to go back in the store and confess that everything I had just told her was false. Whether or not it mattered to her, I don’t know, but I at least gave her something to talk about.

The other time I ‘went out’ with a woman was with a girl from around the block in Lodi that I also worked with at a book company warehouse. I had known Terri throughout my childhood and we hung out once or twice. It seemed to make sense to ask her out to a movie. I picked out the movie. Reds. Warren Beatty, Diane Keaton, Jack Nicholson and the Russian Revolution. It was three hours long. That was the night I realized that going to a movie for a date was superb.

You sit next to each other but you don’t talk and you don’t look at each other. So for 90 minutes or 2 maybe, 3 hours it’s perfect. Technically you’re a couple and you’re at the stage that recurs later in a relationship where you don’t talk and you don’t look at each other. I think the movie exhausted Terri and after a light snack at a diner, I drove her home where Terri, noticing my hesitancy on what to do next, leaned over and gave me a peck on the cheek. Nice but I felt nothing. Terri was a bit of a tomboy when we were growing up and I wouldn’t be surprised if she were a lesbian now.

So those two experiences were mainly stemming from peer pressure, more so in the summer of 1976. In 1981, it was less so, but I was still in the closet and subject to the perceptions of my peers. Putting up a front, then running around later on in crazy situations. A little bit of a Blue Velvet vibe, which for me is all about how things are very different right under the surface. Things would have definitely been different if I had the support that exists out there, mainly online.

I had a Catholic education and the subject of sex or sexuality was never taught. In fact in high school sex and sexuality was all the talk of the hallways but never properly discussed by the faculty. I went to an all boys Catholic high school, and out of 200 boys, I’d say there were only 3 other gay students. And we didn’t flock together at all. We were chameleons.

The percentage might be higher as I’m only thinking of the fey students that I went to Paramus Catholic Boys High School with. Nothing sexual happened to me there though there were one or two teachers that I had pined for. Lay teachers, not any of the clergy. A bit swish for my tastes, the robed Brothers were. I did run into a school administrator in my last year at a certain cruising spot. Nothing happened. It was a heart stopper for the both of us. All that was missing was Larry Craig, but he may have been stalling.

So the gay agenda is more about support, letting a kid know it’s ok to be who they may be. Is it a losing battle? A lot of the opponents speaking of the gay agenda as if they wrote it, (ala The Protocols of Zion), get their information mainly from a book written by a group of people living in the desert thousands of years ago. That is their source, a book that was edited and reedited over and over. They don’t think about editing and who really does? When you’re reading a book, you don’t necessarily say, ‘What a good editor’, though unless you’re in the publishing world you might.

Just something that I was compelled to write. This is the second post of the night. The first post follows.

I just took this a few minutes ago