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I Stand Alone- Theophilus London

In case you were wondering I did not watch the Super Bowl last night. I did turn it on once I heard the power went out after Mrs. Jay Z’s performance. I also saw a little bit of that too, not that I care much for Mrs. Jay Z’s music. I didn’t care for the sport, the game and I did not care for the teams. I watched The Simpsons and Bob’s Burgers and then watched a show about Saturday Night Lives’ first five years which did not include Jane Curtin whom I always liked on the show.

Bill came home after taking care of his mother most of the day. He drove to Atlantic City both Friday and Saturday nights and was running on a low flame after only a few hours of sleep. I hope it doesn’t turn out to Bill overworking and then crashing hard enough to be physically ill for a few days. It happens every so often and I am smart enough to see what comes down the line with regards to that. Bill came home and settled in and watched the SNL retrospective. He never saw the word association test skit with Richard Pryor and Chevy Chase before last night.

On Saturday night there was a posting from My Bloody Valentine on Facebook. After 22 years a new record was being released and I got what I thought was an invitation to give it a listen. I followed the link but was unable to get to it since there were probably a couple of thousand fan boys and girls out there all doing the same as me. I posted to my MiMB friends on Facebook and some of them were in the same boat as me, posting about their frustration and eagerness.

After about an hour, My Bloody Valentine unveiled their own website complete with offers to buy the new release on vinyl and download, on CD and download or just a download. After hemming and hawing I decided on just the download. But which download? There were three options and I decided to ask some audio engineer friends of mine. 16 bit or 24 bit WAVE files? What about the 320kpbs MP3 file? My friends chimed in and I followed their advice which was smart but ineffectual once I took their advice to heart, or in this case, to ears.

I got the 24 bit WAVE file which turned out to be a mistake. I guess the engineers that I know have more sophisticated computers and systems than I do. What would have been a walk in the park was a bear for me. They told me it would take longer to download and it did, but I did not think I would have to manually enter each file that was unzipped. It was no big deal, but it was a pain in the tuchis when I wanted to move them to my iPod. I had to burn the files onto a CD then upload them into iTunes.

Yesterday was spent listening to MBV, the new My Bloody Valentine release. It sounds great, picks up where Loveless left off in 1991. I’ve been listening ever since. I saw My Bloody Valentine twice, once in 1991 when they played the Ritz at Studio 54 and then an abbreviated set at All Points West in 2009. 1991 was all I needed to see, a physical element to the sound and I was at the back of the club, sans earplugs for what was probably the loudest show I had ever heard or seen. 2009 was nothing new, having experience it 18 years before, nothing new was going on and it was time to go home. If they come around again, I hope to be there.

And the other night I wrote how the Selecter were returning to the States. I found out their playing the west coast, no east coast dates scheduled and I am not going to Coachella.
04 To Here Knows When

I Love My Bitches

Yesterday was an epic posting wasn’t it? I guess I might write more on Mondays since I don’t write on Sundays anymore. After my epistle to Dippy I found myself immersed in a free association posting on a Facebook group for mainly gay guys (and Harpy) who are as into music as I am. I’m not alone and there are quite a few guys that love love love all types of music. This particular thread was all about connecting one YouTube clip with another. For example, someone posted Bristol Stomp by Dovells, so I posted Stompin’ at the Savoy by Benny Goodman.

Then it was Savoy Brown with Wang Dang Doodle and someone (me) posted Brown Sugar by D’Angelo which was brilliantly followed by Sweet Dreams as sung by Beverly D’Angelo in Coal Miners Daughter. I had no choice but to go for the obvious in Sweet Dreams (are made of this) by Eurythmics and since no one else followed up, I posted Dreams Never End by New Order, commenting that I guess the thread was finished. That alerted a Jersey City friend to comment ‘Nooooo!!!!’ and posted A Dream Goes on Forever by Todd Rundgren. It’s been going on like this for 24 hours.

I was up until 1:30 last night as usual but I was fully plugged into this thread and really enjoying it. It was as sociable as I got yesterday. It was too damn hot and I was too hung over for anything but that. I suppose it was a good thing that Bill went right to bed when he got home. 10 hours later I was in front of the computer screen again finding songs (the more obscure or the more clever, the better). One or two friends thought I was up all night following the thread.

I probably could have stayed up all night but at that hour of the morning there wasn’t anyone else posting and it would come across as wanking, something else that I know quite a bit about. It’s been going on most of the day. I noticed it got busy an hour or so ago, leading me to believe that guys were coming home from work and picked up on the thread. Now it’s gotten quiet after my posting following She Moved Thru the Fair by Anne Briggs I put The Bird and The Bee with My Fair Lady. My Chilltown (JC) friend posted The Birds and the Bees by Patrick & Eugene.

Anyone who knows me, knows my disdain for Pink Floyd, but it was there so I used ‘Careful with that Axe, Eugene’ after about 15 minutes no one else posted so I went with a David Bowie bootleg called Uncle Floyd, a song about Floyd Vivino who hosted a TV show on UHF in the 1970’s and 1980’s in the NY/NJ area. Chilltown friend just posted A Summer Place by Chet Atkins and Floyd Cramer. I’m taking a break from the thread for a little while, but since I will be sitting next to the computer, I will be notified anyway and more than likely jump right in again.

Hey, it keeps me off the street and out of trouble. I did go out today, I had to feed Lois and Fred’s cat. Stealthily walking on the shady side of the street, I got the job done and then I went to the really big supermarket in town. I do like this supermarket, mainly because everything is cheaper and there are more choices.

When I go to bed at night, since we haven’t put the air conditioner in yet, the windows are open. I’ve noticed in the past and definitely noticed lately at 1:00 in the morning or thereabouts lately there is a bird that is quite loud on my quiet street. I figured out it was a mockingbird after some online research. The nocturnal mockingbird would sing three or four times a few notes, and then do the same with different notes. It was imitating different birds throughout the night. It’s been going on for a while and I first mentioned it to downstairs neighbor Deborah last week. She heard the bird herself, but now with her air conditioning on, no more birdsongs with closed windows.

As luck would have it, after talking about it early in the day, that night there was no mockingbird. I tell Bill to keep an ear out for it when he goes to bed, and once again there are no birdsongs to be heard. The bird was back last night and I drift off to sleep listening to the birdsongs, occasionally laughing at the sound of a certain bird. I’m glad most of the people in my neighborhood have their air conditioners on so they can’t hear the bird and wouldn’t be annoyed by what to me sounds like music.

" I sing for you John Ozed! "

RIP Andy Griffith

02 Mockingbird (feat. James Taylor)

I Didn’t Know My Own Strength

Oh my- it has been an absolutely brilliant kind of day. Rain was expected but didn’t happen. I stayed up later than expected last night, watching Something’s Gotta Give, starring Diane Keaton and Jack Nicholson. It was a good flick but I had seen it before and went to sleep at the hallway point.

Not much going on otherwise. According to my roommate, I reminded him of Yvonne DeCarlo as I lay in bed when he kissed me goodbye. I made my appointed rounds this morning, dry cleaners, supermarket, newsstand. Nice chat with the cashier I call Oh Mighty Isis.

She’s too young to get the reference, but for me it reminds me of Frankie Mallia in grammar school spinning around and saying that as someone else played the role of Captain Marvel. Oh Saturday morning action shows of the 1970’s, where would we be without you?

It was a gorgeous day as I decided to sit by the river, enjoying a cigar and a cup of coffee and reading the papers. It would have been better if I was on a beach but that was not in the cards for today. If I had a car it would be a nice ride to Sandy Hook, or what’s left of Sandy Hook after Irene passed by, but since I do not have a car or a license it was not going to happen.

There is still a blue sky right now and I am thinking about an after dinner stroll so that I might enjoy that again. I received a nice package from Annemarie in Northern California, some baked goods I assume, something that I am looking forward to. I haven’t opened the box yet, I would prefer to wait until my birthday but since they might go bad or harden opening it sooner rather than later might be the way to go.

A nap was also had today and it did me a whole world of good. Heard from and communicated with a few friends via texts and received some excellent feedback with regards to a few posts that I put up on Facebook. A few laughs and a few notes of thanks were gratefully read. I have some very funny and thoughtful friends.

I just had a bottle of seltzer spray all over me. I am usually good with that but on occasion, like right now I hurriedly open in and it sprays all over me and whatever else may be nearby. I never get upset, I almost always laugh at the situation.

With a little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants, I am ever the vaudevillian sometimes. All that’s missing is a spinning bowtie and a dickey.

Back to work tomorrow, Jerry Vale and Calvin. Hopefully Calvin will be in a better mood than he’s been in the past few days. It’s a weekend so perhaps like our attire, the mood will be casual. I guess I will have to wait and see.

For that Incubus and Succubus:

I Believe in You

Woodland Reserve. My bourbon of choice. Does the trick in silencing a toothache and enables a good night’s sleep. Not slugging from the bottle, just a couple of fingers does the trick.

I was talking to Pedro on the phone yesterday, playing catch up. Mentioned the bourbon and that’s one liquor he won’t touch. No to bourbon.

Once again I woke up, the inner voice pleading with me to take the day off, play hooky. With the toothache I had a legitimate excuse. And I was thisclose to actually calling in, but no. I rallied and shuffled along.

Much care in the drinking of coffee. That went well actually. I eventually found myself on the bus which actually was on time this morning. And the bus wasn’t crowded.

No Angie Baby on the bus either. Her bleached blond hair was nowhere to be seen. Perhaps sitting next to me has caused her to catch an earlier or later bus. I didn’t mind. I’ve been such a zombie lately that I don’t even read in the morning, I just sit and look out the window.

Made it to the shop on time. Actually with time to spare which I spent in the backroom and just chilling out and cooling off. No humidity today, just heat. And it was hot. And of course I wear a suit & tie.

I had a flask which I filled with some Woodland Reserve and not long after getting to work I took a few sips that quieted down the toothache. I alternated the sips of bourbon with sips of water which did the trick.

Bill stopped by the store since he called me before I left the apartment and asked if I could bring his keys to work. He noticed the bourbon on my breath. It was nice to see him in the middle of the day. It was actually the highpoint.

I called Bill’s dentist to tell them what was going on in my mouth. Bill scheduled an appointment for me on Friday and when I called on my lunch hour I spoke with Dawn. I told her the story and she told me that there was a cancellation and that they could see me on Thursday instead of Friday.

That was fine by me, the sooner the better. I went back to the cigar shop after my lunch and told Calvin the latest news. He mentioned that I could go on my lunch hour on Thursday.

The backroom was crowded with cigar smokers including one who had smoked too fast and got dizzy and dehydrated. He had to lay down on the floor of the bathroom and get himself together for about a half hour.

I neglected to mention that Marcus had posted on Facebook and Twitter this morning, that the first 10 people to call the cigar shop with a $50.00 order will get a free lighter or cutter. The phones went crazy and the first 8 calls were some of Marcus’ NYPD buddies.

Apparently he has quite a few of NYPD buddies. They stop by, a few patrolmen each day. On top of that, or perhaps under that, there were a few bent nose types hanging around. Guys you wouldn’t want to mess with.

Guys that look like they were from Lodi, or even Hoboken back in the day. They don’t take part in Facebook/Twitter viral contests. And they only pay cash.

Made it from the cigar shop to the bus terminal in 16:30 thanks to the Buzzcocks, Singles Going Steady.

I need a new job.

Half A Person

Tuesday. All is wet. I suppose Lodi is under water. I’ve read a few reports from Pravda, I mean Facebook that their homes and backyards are under water. I have a lot of sympathy for them and for my relatives who might find themselves in the same boat, no pun intended.

And it’s been raining hard today, coming down in sheets. I did make it outside twice. Once to the Guitar Bar where Jim was off so that was a wasted trip, but I was glad to make it outside. I enjoyed a cigar on my stroll. Not too many people out and about and I didn’t mind.

I also stopped by the bibliothèque where I was told something I had ordered was in but they couldn’t find it. I looked at the list online and it was listed as ‘fiction’ which is something I don’t really read. On closer inspection it turned out to be a VI Warshawski book and I’m not a reader of detective stories.

And I didn’t reserve it either so it’s just as well that it wasn’t there.

The past 24 hours have been a good time to be online, at least for me. The Ricky Martin coming out story has had me defending Ricky Martin, which I didn’t mind doing. A lot of gay guys were as usual catty about it, saying things like ‘as if we didn’t know’ and things along those lines.

I found myself on the Huffington Post replying to some person who wrote, ‘Should straight people get a press conference for their sexuality’. It was like a red flag to a bull.

I had to write back, “Why would a press conference for a straight person be necessary? It’s a straight world. Straight ads, movies and TV shows are everywhere. Coming out is not an easy thing to do and people do it in their own time, in their own way. Ricky Martin’s coming out is probably a dinner table discussion and someone somewhere is more than likely mustering up the courage to come out to their friends and/or families.”

Of course it didn’t end there. I re-posted the Huffington Post link onto my Facebook page and got a few responses. One friend, a nice guy, a right winger from Long Island who I know through some Facebook cigar groups had some problems with the whole Ricky Martin story.

Pete is the bloke’s name and we generally butt heads on some issues, but he’s a nice guy with good taste in cigars. He wrote that Ricky Martin was a flash in the pan and here in the US he might have been a one hit wonder, everywhere else in the world he was pretty much top of the pops.

Pete thought George Michael had the right idea, keep making music and not say anything about his sexuality until he was caught soliciting an undercover police officer in a restroom in Hollywood.

Pete replied, “I can respect that. But RM holding a press conference over it makes it seem like he just wanted the attention. Maybe I just see it in a different light because I never really cared about a person’s sexual orientation, only their character as a person. Is it one of those gay things that I wouldn’t understand?”

I had to set Pete straight, no pun intended again. Here is my full reply. Sorry if you read it on Facebook, but not everyone who reads this here blog is on Facebook.

I wrote: He didn’t have a press conference, he published an open letter in 2 newspapers. I think Ricky Martin’s way of coming out is a lot better than getting caught propositioning a police officer in the loo.

And yeah Pete, it is something that most straight people don’t ‘get’. Coming out for most gay people is a terrifying ordeal. I myself was outed at work and the next day, half of my friends were no longer my friend, even though I was still the same guy.

Another friend who is straight, back then was upset that I didn’t trust him enough to tell him directly. It’s a strange position to find yourself in, and with someone with a name like Ricky Martin, it can only help.

Picture a group of friends discussing RM, and one person says something disparaging, and another getting fed up and saying ‘You know what? I’m Gay etc.’ or maybe saying ‘You know what? My brother/sister etc is gay and that’s not cool.’

A similar situation happened to me, but I won’t get into that here.

Ricky Martin puts a friendly face (albeit an extremely handsome face) on being gay, and you know that can’t be bad.

To grow up and realizing you are gay when it flies in the face of this straight world we all reside in creates a feeling of total isolation. It is a reason why there are gay teen suicides. They can’t handle it.

I myself grew up hearing Faggot/Homo jokes around the dining room table, and when I realized what I was it was scary. Was I this freak, this horrible type that my family ridiculed and damned?

I had to live a double life from the age of 14 until I was 22. The terror of being found out forced me to live a lie. Lying to my family and to my friends achieved nothing but loathing and distrust.

I think I got my point across since Pete wrote back:
“Thanks for explaining it to me John. Maybe I won’t ever truly “get it” but I appreciate you giving me a really good explanation and I’m sorry that people that were your friend stopped being your friend over you being gay…that’s sad on their part. After all, as you said, you were the same person the day you were outed as you were the day before.

If it’s any consolation, I’d be more than honored to share a smoke and a drink with you if you’re ever on long island.”

I don’t plan on being on Long Island anytime soon but I like to think I got this one guy to think a little bit differently. So yes, Ricky Martin coming out of the closet is a good thing. A very good thing.

And also to quote Sinead O’Connor- FIGHT THE REAL ENEMY!



March 30 2010 Photo-0064

Fela’s Riff (Unfinished Outtake)

Well here we are on a Monday. The Lady Maurice could be gone for good. I can only hope that it’s so. The only time I intend on mentioning that name is perhaps when writing about Charlie Brown’s sister.

It’s another beautiful day today, temperatures close to 60 degrees. Last night wasn’t so bad even though I didn’t go out, I did have the window open.

I planned on watching the Academy Awards in the bedroom since there was a fight between ABC TV and my cable provider Cablevision. I had the foresight, or rather Bill had the foresight, to get a digital converter box. I had the coupon for the box, Bill actually went out and got the box.

A part of the day was spent online advising friends on Facebook who also were in the same cable TV boat to go out and get the box if they intended to watch the Oscars.

I settled in expecting to be running back and forth, from room to room, bedroom to computer so I can provide my witty and insightful updates. OK, updates. Perhaps not so witty and probably not insightful.

About 15 minutes into the awards show a scroll at the bottom of the screen announced an agreement between ABC and Cablevision, that while they are still negotiating, ABC will still broadcast on Cablevision’s system.

I turned on the big TV and there it was as they said, just a foot or two from the computer. I announced on Facebook what had happened and apparently some Facebook friends didn’t know. I even called my niece Meghan to let her know since she had mentioned earlier how disappointed that she was going to have to watch the Oscars on her computer screen.

I enjoyed the Oscars and enjoyed exchanging snarky comments with my online friends. I’d like to think we all enjoyed ourselves. I stayed up and watched Jimmy Kimmel after the news following the Academy Awards which was generally pretty funny.

I wound up staying up until 2:00. Bill hadn’t come home yet and I was a bit worried but opted to go to sleep. He was home about 45 minutes later, trains and things run much slower after midnight and this play is definitely taking on a life on it’s own.

Woke up before he did this morning, I was in a better mood today than I was yesterday. I showed Bill yesterday’s post, he agreed that I was standoffish in the morning which I expected. He situated himself in the bedroom, working on his laptop and making phone calls to the stage hands.

Around noon I headed out, wandered around Hoboken. Saw Jim Mastro at the Guitar Bar for a little while. Also ran into my former roommate William on Washington Street with a friend of his David, a 75 year old gent that William seemed to be escorting around town.

Good to see William and nice to meet David. William’s friend Lisa showed up as well and we all parted ways after a bit, William and David off to feed quarters in the meter and Lisa and I headed uptown.

Came home, Bill en route to Manhattan. I decided to watch the DVD of Passing Strange which was most excellent. Bill and I had seen it at the Public Theater in 2007 and we both loved it, and Spike Lee decided to film the last night that it played on Broadway.

Forgot how good and touching it is. Definitely worth catching if you have the chance. I got it from the library so I guess it is available in most DVD rental stores.

Being the last show, weepiness abounds on both sides of the screen, them more than me. Still it’s a powerful, funny, sad and touching show and worth watching.

Will someone please beat Tom DeLay within an inch of his life? I have a ruler if needed.

Pictures of You

Well today has been a good day for me, internet wise. Been in front of the computer, looking at pictures that Rand scanned last night. Oldies of Rand and me in San Francisco, playing as the Art Hams with Mike Weinert at Maxwells for the Martha-thon back in 1986 or so, playing the River City Fair was the Art Hams with John Hamilton of Tiny Lights, who advised us not to drink beforehand and we didn’t follow his advice and performed a sloppy and silly set.

Last night I had a really good time, drinking pints with Rand at his apartment. One of the things Rand did was set me up so my blog postings will feed directly into Twitter as well as Facebook. Nothing about YouFace yet though.

Rand also turned me onto Pandora which we used for music last night. My sister uses it as well and I actually signed up for it a few years ago and set up about 20 stations before forgetting about it. So I’ve been playing that most of the day.

Bill just left for his bus driving gig once again, off to Atlantic City. Pictures of You by The Cure just played on Pandora which made me miss him even more than I usually do. Curse you Robert Smith and your melancholy airs!

It’s a rainy gray day which seems perfect for The Cure. They came up through the Cocteau Twins station that I just created.

Facebook has been busy, at least me and my friends. Thanks to Rand’s photos lot’s of people are showing up and commenting and others are compelled to post pictures of their own.

Great day like I said, reading about my niece Cassie doing work for the homeless this morning for her confirmation duties.

There are plans in the works for an Art Hams reunion in May, perhaps in upstate New York. More remains to be seen on that front but if it goes through it promises to be a lot of fun. But that’s way down the line.

I’m certainly glad I went over to Rand’s last night and I also think it was rather smart of me to write and post yesterday’s entry before I started drinking. I certainly wasn’t in the state of mind to do so when I came back.

Not that I was out of control or anything like that. On the contrary, I felt relatively OK after about 5 pints of Guinness. I don’t think I would pass a sobriety test if I had to despite all the studying I had done before.

Now on Pandora is Julee Cruise singing Falling which was produced by David Lynch and Angelo Badalamenti and used in Twin Peaks, at least the instrumental version was.

Also trying to track Bill on Google Latitude. It was track him through his phone from my location here in Hoboken. That should be fun. I do worry about these trips to Atlantic City. And I double worry when it’s cold and rainy.

Currently listening to Brian Eno station on Pandora while downloading a Brian Eno podcast from 1988.

Last night or rather this morning I had 2 cannabis free dreams. One involved me fighting with the guy from Across the Universe in various bistros and bars in the West Village and Soho/Tribeca. I think I had some sort of superpowers, either able to fly or shrink down my size.

Then I sort of woke up when Bill came home this morning and I said when I saw Bill, ‘Mom?’

Back to sleep after that and had a dream where all the women in the world were killing all the men, except for boys and old men and gay men. I suppose I had dreams like this when I was smoking the weed all the time, just never remembered them.

Too clouded a mind for them to really sink in. Sometimes the dreams are troubling and not ensuring a good night’s sleep. Nothing much else planned for today.

Going to make some dinner in a few minutes.

That’s my first entry to go out onto the web via Twitter and Facebook

♫ Take it or leave it, we’ll carry on regardless/If you don’t like it, you don’t have to dance. ♪

Art Hams- 1st incarnation, Mike Weinert, Rand Hoppe, Me

Art Hams- 1st incarnation, Mike Weinert, Rand Hoppe, Me

Art Hams 2nd incarnation Rand Hoppe, Me, John Hamilton

Art Hams 2nd incarnation Rand Hoppe, Me, John Hamilton

1981 JOT photo by Derry Pedovitch

1981 JOT photo by Derry Pedovitch

2010 JOZ

2010 JOZ

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I Stand Accused

I woke up this morning with a lyric in my head. Not going to write it down here, I wrote it on some paper, but I think it’s a decent lyric. Just a couple of lines, but it’s a start. Roam wasn’t written in a day you know.

I am still digging the fact that Mr. Wonderful Jim Mastro really fixed up my guitar. Can’t stop playing. Today I taught myself, Surrender by Cheap Trick. That is a lot of fun to play, and I don’t even mind singing about Kiss. A lot easier than I expected.

Also 2 Grizzly Bear songs, Deep Blue Sea and Two Weeks. I am really digging it and been exercising my left index finger since it’s a bit stiff. I exercise it by bending it up and down which if I did it in public, it looks like I would be telling people to ‘come here’.

I should be grateful that it’s not my middle finger, but I’m really not.

I was so excited about the guitar that when Bill came home I showed him and played Half a World Away by R.E.M. and 2000 Miles by the Pretenders. This afternoon I also played Goodbye Yellow Brick Road by Reg Dwight.

Had a good talk with Juan last night. He’s not in a good way though. Not my place to write about it since it’s not my life, and I don’t want his resentment, but like I said, it ain’t good.

Not much TV today. I watched Cash Cab, a game show set in an actual taxi in Manhattan. It’s a fun show, the cab driver is pretty silly and goofy.

Tonight I’m supposed to have a coffee with a friend of Julio’s, Lisa. She’s a sweetheart, we really enjoy each others company. She’s been working in real estate in Hoboken and I don’t recall if I wrote about this last week, but I’ve been toying with the idea of working in real estate.

My friend Vinnie says I would be great at it, a natural, and having written that, I’m pretty sure I wrote about it. I’m going to have to suggest something other than coffee since I don’t drink coffee after 12:00PM. I have enough difficulty going to sleep and caffeine would certainly do a number on me at 1:30 in the morning.

I watched Heroes last night. It’s great when you DVR it, the whole show is about 40 minutes sans commercials. And once again it was lackluster. They should pull the plug on the show. Really, make this season the last season. It’s going nowhere and not even Milo Ventimiglia could save it.

Most of the day has been playing music and listening to music. Much like when I was growing up. Music music music. I hear a song, check the chords online and start strumming away.

I’ve been meaning to write about a Facebook experience I’ve had. No, not like that. I came across someone from high school’s name and checked out his friends. I knew some of them. One of them was this kid named Brett who lived in Rochelle Park, the town next to Lodi where I grew up.

Brett was so obviously gay, I don’t know if he knew but I knew I was and my early gaydar certainly pinged on him. Not my type, he was maybe 98 pounds soaking wet and being a boy named Brett, I guess it was destiny that he would be gay.

So I’m going down this former classmate’s friend list and saw Brett’s name there. But the picture was of a roided hairy muscle bear. It was quite a mind fuck. I initially thought that Brett had his favorite porn star’s picture there, but no it was Brett.

Definitely did a number on my head. Still not my type and despite his hirsute looks and macho exterior, I am sure that when he opens his mouth to speak, it’s ‘Hello Mary’.

Another Facebook thing that popped into my head was the fact that I was so excited to make $3.00 on Saturday while busking that I wrote about it as my status. Today I thought that some of my friends from grammar school that I am friends with were probably tsk tsking when they read it, that is if they don’t hide my postings, anti catholic/religion, anti republican, pro gay stuff.

Then I realized that I’ve done perfectly well without them in my life for the past 33 years and I really don’t give a damn what they think.

Now I’m off to see Lisa after I post this.

Smell ya later.

Today is World AIDS Day. Remember those who have fallen and celebrate their brief lives.

This Wheel’s on Fire

Today is all about the damp and the rain. I knew it was going to be this way and was prepared. Ah foresight! Why hadn’t I used that before? I went out a few times before it started to rain so human contact was completed early on.

Bill’s been home all day as well, so while he’s watching the TV and shredding documents and papers, I’ve been on his Mac. Hopefully not too much longer since my computer is now at Rand’s apartment.

Brought it over on Thursday night before heading to McSwells in an Ikea bag they were handing out at the Art & Music Festival last month.

So while keeping out of Bill’s way I watched a movie that Roda recommended a while back. It’s called The Fall and it has nothing to do with Mark E. Smith. It was directed by Tarsem who is most known for directing the R.E.M. video, Losing My Religion.

It’s definitely a beautiful film with lush locations and fantastic images. The story doesn’t hold up to the images. It’s not bad though and worth seeing. I also watched the ‘making of ‘ documentary, which showed the difficulty in directing child actors.

You can see Tarsem climbing the walls trying to get the 6 year old girl to cry or say her lines just the way the director wants them to be said.

Tonight Bill and I are going to watch ‘Go Tell it on the Mountain’ adapted from James Baldwin’s classic novel and starring Paul Winfield and Olivia Cole. I’d only seen a short clip of it on a James Baldwin documentary and I’m looking forward to seeing the rest of it.

It all depends on whether the Yankees game will go on. It’s raining out right now with flashes of lightning. I personally don’t care either way.

I can easily watch the DVD on Bill’s Mac like I had done earlier today. I’ve been in front of the computer screen most of the day anyway.

I do not like the new Facebook layout. It updates by itself, but I preferred doing the updating. And when you hit home the page from a few hours comes up. Then if you hit it again it’s more current. Me no like. Me wish they asked whether or not I wanted it done.

Of course being online most of the day, yesterday and today, I noticed the initial change yesterday. I don’t see anyone else complaining about, nor do I hear the scratching of heads.

Just heard from Annemarie in Ashland, OR where she is having high tea on the porch of a Bed & Breakfast. Just Annemarie and a friend getting out of Arcata to look at Mount Shasta and the surrounding area.

She deserves a break from Rex and Earl I suppose. She did sound a bit disappointed in the fact that I hadn’t done much of anything today, due to the weather.

Now lightning flashes again. No word on whether the Yankees will be playing. I’m sure their fans are out in the rain waiting at the stadium. Even if I was a fan, being nice and cozy and dry here in Hoboken is much more preferable.

I just asked Bill if he would go to the Bronx if he had tickets. The short answer is, yes. He would be in the Bronx wearing a rain poncho.

Of course his initial answer involved a bus. I had to put the brakes on that, fast. I apparently needed to rephrase the question without any bus involvement even though there wasn’t any reference to begin with.

If you had a ticket, would you have taken the subway to the Bronx, in the rain to see the Yankees tonight?

The wheels keep turning.


10.4.09 Hoboken 038

Yesterday turned out to be quite an alright day. I wandered around Hoboken, which is more crowded on weekends now that no one leaves for the Jersey shore on weekends after the summer. That makes the waterfront which is usually not that crowded, densely populated on weekends.

And with the piers falling into the river, a quiet spot to sit and read the New Yorker and have a cigar isn’t as easy as it is Monday through Friday. But I persevered and found a bench in the shadow of Steven’s Tech, across from Sybil’s Cave and sat there.

I talked to Billie from DC for a while and midway through our conversation, a couple walked by, the guy in the couple said, ‘That looks like John Ozed’. That caught my attention and told Billie I would call him back.

The couple walked closer and I said, ‘Hey, what’s going on?’. The guy knew I didn’t know who he was, the woman had no clue. He came up and introduced himself. It was Jason Stasium. Jason was a guy I worked with at Right Track Recording in the 1990’s.

We were friends then, I brought him to a taping of the Letterman show back in the day. Elvis Costello and Toshi Reagan performed. I liked Jason and used to make fun of him. He was a Deadhead then, following Jerry & Co around the country.

But after Jerry died, Jason settled down in New York and started working as an assistant engineer. It was funny the other day I was walking down Garden Street and saw someone who looked like Jason in the 1990’s and I thought about his then girlfriend who worked at Angelica’s Kitchen in the East Village.

She was nice too and got me some discounted gift certificates that I gave to my vegetarian roommate William and Julio who was a vegetarian at the time.

We did some catching up, Jason introduced me to his wife, who’s name escapes me at the moment. Where was so and so that we worked with? What’s going on with Right Track? Where is Joe Lizzi? Gian East?

Those are the only 2 I know and that was via Facebook and Jason doesn’t want to join Facebook.

I remember a few years ago I sent an email to him, congratulating him on either winning an award or being part of a Broadway show that won an award. His response was ‘who the hell are you?’ So I dropped the subject and expected never to hear from him again.

I wasn’t hurt or anything. Just felt that door had closed.

It wasn’t like on September 11, 2002 when I contacted a former co-worker Derry Jelaney who witnessed the previous years events next to me. I called her to see how she was doing that first anniversary and basically got ‘Why are you calling me?’.

Now that was awkward. Awkward enough, especially on that raw anniversary to cut contact. A few years later she somehow got my name and called me when I was working on the Titanic. It was all, ‘Hey! How’s it going/Let’s have drinks’ I was noncommittal and did write her number down before eventually losing it.

I did see her once when I was walking out of Grand Central Station and she was entering it. I was in a suit and tie so I looked like most of the other men passing through and she didn’t make the connection and that was fine by me.

Just a few weeks ago, while waiting for Brenda, yet another former co-worker, I stood around waiting when who walks by but Derry Jelaney. This time I could have sworn she saw me, even passed by looking at a menu near by, so as to steal a second glance. I just turned and looked the other way.

I did exchange phone numbers with Jason so perhaps we will meet up for dinner like he mentioned. I also made plans and bought tickets for a trip to Washington DC this weekend. Just a one day trip, get on bus, March on Washington, listen to speakers, get back on bus.

I should be seeing Billie, if only for a few hours so that should be fun.

10.4.09 Hoboken 039


OK, last night after writing I read my daily edition of Popdose, which is an excellent online source for music and other things. They had a very good review of the Beatles catalog being re-released. Or rather several good reviews of the catalog.

Let’s face it, this is the only time that most music writers would ever have a chance to review the Beatles as a ‘new’ release. At the end of the review was a free download of the remastered A Day in the Life, which I of course downloaded.

And I have to say, A Day in the Life sounded really, really good. I listened to it on headphones and I heard somethings a lot clearer than I ever did before.

Got me thinking that perhaps I will eventually buy everything all over again eventually, especially if I don’t get any for this weekend (and I’m not expecting to get any) for my birthday.

I even liked it enough to post a link to the Popdose website on Facebook, even stating that it included a free download. No one commented so I couldn’t say if anyone followed my lead.

I went to bed a little while after that. 1:00 seems to be the ‘go to bed’ time these days for me. Bill was up and out, kissing me good bye before he headed off to work at 7:00.

I stayed in bed until 9:00 which is the usual lately. I puttered around trying to figure out my day. I called my brother Frank to see how he was doing. I called him the other day but he was having computer problems and his computer guy had shown up.

He never called back which is no big deal, so here I was calling him again. I was initially calling to tell him about the A Day in the Life download and how good it sounded.

He asked how I was handling my unemployment. I said there is a sometime battle with depression but it usually doesn’t last. He asked about the Xanax and I told him I take it every now and then when things seem overwhelming and anxious.

He suggested anti-depressants and I told him I would pass, like I said the depression that I sometimes feel is momentary and I can get through it just fine. Still he suggested the anti-depressants again.

He still has difficulty speaking sometimes, trying to gather his thoughts. He also said I sounded antagonistic (or words to that effect) and I swear I wasn’t.

The thing is I take him seriously and try to be patient with him when he tries to talk. He doesn’t think I am patient at all.

I tried steering the conversation back to the Beatles and the remastering but it seemed pointless. He said we weren’t on the same wavelength. I made a joke about how we weren’t on the same Van Morrison album (Wavelength) which he didn’t seem to get.

It’s a shame, Frank and I used to be really close but not lately. There’s something like a chemical reaction when we meet or talk. He’ll always be the older brother and I’m always trying to win his favor while walking a tightrope and being true to myself.

It seems that when I am true to myself, and not liking something he likes, he takes it really personally and gets offended. Still, I do my best to be there for him.

I guess this is how it will be between me and him from now on. It’s also probably the reason I wasn’t invited down the shore.

I mean after the blow up between me and him in May with Elaine in the car as we meandered though Brooklyn, who would want to be in a beach house with two brothers at each others throats?

I guess he resents me, thinking I live such an easy life. But I don’t lead an easy life, it’s quite hard sometimes. The thing is I don’t complain about it.

Sure I’ll write about it on here, but as you can sometimes tell, that I occasionally start out bitchy, but by the end it’s over, or at the very least by the next entry.

I do love him, warts n’all. He is my oldest brother and out of Annemarie and Brian and myself I’m the one who is most in contact with him.

This afternoon I went into the city and helped out my old friend Dan Moore who works at Housing Works on east 23rd Street.

From their website: Housing Works is the largest community-based AIDS service organization in the United States, as well as the nation’s largest minority-controlled AIDS service organization.

They have a big event going on next week and needed some help preparing. Dan has been posting on Facebook, looking for volunteers. I replied a few weeks ago saying I would pitch in and I felt today would be a good day.

I walked over from the 23rd Street Path train and saw Dan who graciously said I looked 15 years younger than I did when we last saw each other. He quickly set me to work, moving things from their basement to a spot on the main floor where the event will take place.

In the midst of moving some big, heavy, cumbersome pieces of furniture who calls me but Frank to tell me he downloaded the White Album from the WFMU website. I tell him I couldn’t really talk at that moment which of course seemed to upset him.

As Juan used to say, ‘Whatevs’.

I helped move some more things up the stairs but after two hours, my back started bothering me. I found Dan and told him that my back was acting up and he was quite understanding and thanked me profusely for helping out.

I told him I would try to come back and do some more but for today, I was done. He invited me back for the event on Tuesday which was nice.

On the way back to the Path train I called up Frank who told me about the download from WFMU. He said they posted it on Rapid Share and I told him I would try to get it somehow.

Since I was calling from the street, the phone connection wasn’t the greatest and I didn’t hear everything that he said and I sure as hell wasn’t going to ask him to repeat himself

Pieces of What

It’s a Monday and it’s been a gorgeous day as well. That hardly ever happens, a pleasant Monday. I guess not going in to work might help.

Last night Bill and I watched Lawn Hors d’œuvre: Criminal Malcontent which was good. Bravo has back to back episodes and Bill has a thing for Chris Noth.

It was enjoyable. I try to ween myself off the Lawn Hors d’œuvre franchise but Bill loves to watch it so I indulge.

After that was True Blood which was most excellent. So excellent that when something was revealed at the end I stomped my feet in approval which surprised Bill somewhat. Oh it was just so good. Things are getting more intense and getting bloodier too.

Hung was good but I didn’t really play that much attention. Same with Entourage but I did pay a little bit more attention. Bill and I stayed up later than usual since he’s off of work this week and me, I’m unemployed.

I plan on going in to the office tomorrow just to check in with Greg Stevens, letting him know what’s going on. I have no phone for me, no desk computer so what is the point? I figure I’ll make more of an impact with my absence.

Today was a busy day for me on Facebook. Some former classmates from St. Francis de Sales grammar school started a Facebook group and I joined. Suddenly I was inundated by these former classmates.

It was good to see who was up to what. A few divorces, and I was surprised by the fact that a few of them were Republicans. Still they are just Facebook friends now.

There are a few I’d like to meet again, and a few I would be wary about. The ones I would be wary about are the ones who went to the same high school as me, Paramus Catholic Boys Prep School.

When we all meet up again in September 1976 we were all assigned different home rooms and I basically never hung out with my grammar school classmates again. I found other friends, whereas they all basically hung out together those years of high school.

They were mostly from the other side of Lodi anyhow. I did meet 2 of them at the awful reunion I attended in 2000. I was talking to one of them, Jimmy B, who then called the other one over, Santo M. Santo’s first thing out of his mouth was ‘Who said I was gay?’

To prove he wasn’t gay he motioned over to his wife with the big chest. I was pretty much wired and stood near the bar, drinking nips of Heineken and being the only one tipping at an open bar, leaving the other customers to wonder why they weren’t getting the service I was getting.

It was good to make contact with most of these grammar school friends. Some of them still live in Lodi with their kids. No overtures about meeting up so far. I’m sure someone will suggest meeting up at the Crow’s Nest or somewhere out there.

I just wonder whatever happened to Jim Carley from Harrington Park and John Nesselt of Glen Rock and Kevin Wagner of Saddle Brook NJ & Orlando FL. Those were the 3 guys that I hung out with each semester. After graduation from high school they seemed to have vanished off the face of the earth.

I did work with Kevin at HBJ. He was hurt that I didn’t tell him I was gay, we drifted apart from that moment.

Their names never come up on Facebook or Google, and I’ve searched a few times throughout the years. I’m sure if I was looking for Mrs. Talamini I’d have no problem digging her up.

***Jim Carley died of a heart attack in 1997 while jogging. John Nesselt still does not want to be found, and neither does Kevin Wagner.***

Miss Gaudio's class Grade 4A 1971-72

Miss Gaudio's class Grade 4A 1971-72

Miss Vendermere's 5th grade class 1972-73

Miss Vendermere's 5th grade class 1972-73

Cool for Cats

Wow. I was a basket case. I was certainly surprised at the depth of my Gmail addiction. I was totally lost without it. It is where all the comments for this blog go through and the main point of contact for me.

I was very pissed off about it and was even told by my brother Brian, that that was too much information despite spelling it as ‘pist’ on Facebook.Maybe I should have written psst. It was supposed to have taken 24 hours to access it again.

My sister sent me an email to the Gmail account, asking if I was still having problems with Gmail. If I was, I wouldn’t have gotten that email.

Around 10:00 this morning I was able to regain access. In February Rand told me that my Yahoo mail was compromised and to change my passwords. The same password I was using for years had to be change and old habits do die hard.

I think mis-entered the password a couple of times effectively getting locked out. And Gmail is tough with passwords. When did you start using Gmail? Were you sent an invite for Gmail? Who sent it to you? Give 5 email addresses that you email often. Things like that.

It wasn’t the 24 hour lock out I anticipated and was quite happy to be back in the thick of it. My behavior was a bit on the ridiculous sided.

I was having a slight meltdown when there is Bill dealing with his mother’s Alzheimer’s which is definitely a much bigger issue. Bill was quite supportive throughout the meltdown. Perhaps it was a welcome distraction to his problems.

Bill knew it wasn’t the end of the world. I didn’t have a clue.

Work was quiet and easy enough for me to leave around 2:30 this afternoon. My people were out and most of the other occupants in the office were out due to the holiday where the angel of death flies over peoples houses and kills the first born son, Passover.

I always thought that was cool when growing up, even though I didn’t want my brother Frank to die. I wondered if people actually painted their doorway with lamb’s blood like in the bible. I was disappointed to find it not to be.

10 years ago I lost one of my best friends ever, my cat Zed. I first got Zed in 1984 from the ASPCA. One night while living in my first apartment at 201 Madison, I was making a mix tape.

I had my records spread out, a glass of soda positioned nearby when I saw a mouse. Up went my knee spilling soda all over me and the records and everything else in the room.

I called up my friend Martha Keavney who had a cat named Ivan and asked if I could borrow him for the evening. She brought Ivan over and the cat cried and caterwauled all night not giving me much sleep and probably kept the mice awake too.

The next day I realized that I needed my own cat. I never had a cat before and never considered myself to be a cat person. I found time in between driving from Saddle Brook NJ to 757 Third Avenue in Manhattan to head up to the ASPCA.

I found an older orange and white cat that seemed ok and filled out the paperwork. When it came time for me to get the orange and white cat, the cat spit and hissed, It seemed like the cat from hell.

Directly below that cat was another cat. A black paw reached out and grabbed my pant leg. I looked down and the cat looked up and meowed. We connected.

I asked if I could change my mind and the woman who was helping me grumbled and tried to dissuade me by saying there was more paperwork. I told her that I didn’t care I was taking this little guy.

Obviously we hit it off and became good pals. It wasn’t easy raising a cat since I never had one before. But Zed loved me and I loved him.

For fifteen years Zed was by my side, in various apartments that I lived, even moving up to Lodi for a few months after my mother died. I had to keep Zed in the basement since my father loathed cats.

Poor Zed, stuck in the basement. He spent a lot of time on the cellar stairs trying to get to where the people were on the other sde of the cellar door.

My father swore that Zed was trying to kill him since Zed wouldn’t move when my father went down the stairs to do laundry.

Who knows? Maybe Zed was trying to kill him.

After a few weeks of that, my father had Zed banished to the backyard which was tough since Zed only had limited experience with the outside world and there was also a rabid raccoon scare at that time.

But my father didn’t care. He hated cats. Eventually I moved out of Lodi after 3 months and moved to Weehawken where Zed was welcomed and loved by my roommate William. It was a good run for Zed from 1991 to 1999.

Lot’s of room to roam and also lot’s of fun to be had. Zed started to get ill in March of 1999, around the same time I had gotten my first computer from Harpy. I do think deep down that Zed thought he was going to be replaced by a computer but then again he was 15 years old and starting to have seizures.

It was sad to see him deteriorating. One night in April, I knew he was going fast and I held him in my arms as he passed away. I was devastated and couldn’t believe it even though my cat died in my arms and was now in a shoe box.

I had to ask William to check to see if Zed was dead since I was in such a state of denial. William confirmed what I tried to deny. The next morning I was in the backyard digging Zed’s grave.

I was working at Arista Records at the time and I couldn’t get anything done. All I could do was cry. Suzanne Savage my boss was most sympathetic, and allowed me to leave early. I went back home and sat in the backyard. I had a Guinness and poured one out for my homey.

Then I went inside and cried making guttural sounds that I had never heard before. I could never get another cat, or a dog since I couldn’t go through that again.

If I had a cat or dog that died the day after I died, that would be fine. But I couldn’t go through that heartbreak again.

I had an Irish wake a few days later, Rand and Lisa, Martha and a few other friends stopping by for drinks and reminiscing. I moved on soon after that and moved from Weehawken a few years later. Still, occasionally I can feel Zed’s presence when I sometimes lie in bed drifting off to sleep.

I swear I can feel his presence, Zed curling up behind my bended knees as I lay on my side. It’s always a good feeling. He’s out in the universe somewhere probably, waiting for me.

I still miss him so very much.

These sketches were done by my friend Doug Maxson who cat sat for me back in the day.



This was done by Denise Donnell

My Boyfriend

I’ve been showing restraint lately. When commenting on various websites or even Facebook, I start to write, then I think, ‘Is this worth it? Do I want to continue this line of thought and further antagonize people?’ Then I realize that I don’t.

Case in point, on Facebook, Andy Peters, former sound man at McSwells, now in Arizona commented on how can anyone take John McCain seriously especially with economic matters, then mentions the Keating Five. Good on Andy.

I commented, ‘Gerroff my lawn you kids!’ and then someone mentioned that it’s time for McCain to retire, calling him a war hero. I was about to write, ‘How is McCain a war hero? Former POW, yes, but war hero?’ That’s when I stopped and decided not to add to the comments.

Just didn’t feel that adding my two cents was worth it. I’ve even stopped commenting so much on the tabloid websites. I still do it from time to time but overall I don’t do it as much as I used to. A lot of people are dumb and stooping down to their level doesn’t do my back any justice.

I just watched a report on Michelle Obama in London and I couldn’t help but smile at how she has the British enthralled, as well as most of the world. She just seems so down to earth. What a lovely couple she and Barack are. A strong unit.

Today was not as busy as it’s been lately. I spoke with both my brothers, Brian and Frank. It was good to speak with both of them. Brian is buying an iTunes gift card for Frank since Frank was able to help Brian and Karen out and chauffeur their son around the other day.

Brian wanted to know if Frank had an iPod and I know he does since I gave him my old iPod a few years ago, fully loaded. I hope he still has it.

I ran an errand this morning and after that wound up in Syms buying two new Ben Sherman skinny ties on sale. Tomorrow I’m going to the United Nations. An old friend, Jon Fried from the Cucumbers is involved with a group called Sing Out SOS which has to do with autism.

He invited me, and since I work only a few blocks from the UN, I accepted. It’s after work and I wanted to look bangin’ hence the new ties. I haven’t been to the UN or at least inside the UN since the 1960’s I think.

I haven’t seen Jon Fried in about five years. Last time was at Rutgers University where my niece Meghan was running the NJ Folk Festival. Jon’s wife Deena Shoskes was performing at it and they were nice enough to give Bill and I a ride back to the train station. That was different than the last time they gave me a ride home.

It was in the 1990’s and I ran into them at the Knitting Factory where my dear friend Jane Scarpantoni was playing. It was a bit late and I was downtown. I knew they were headed back to NJ and I might have asked Deena who said no. Then I asked Jon who said, ‘of course’.

Oh what an uncomfortable ride that was. Deena in the back seat shooting daggers with her eyes at me with such intensity it was palpable. To her credit, it was one of the rare moments where they were able to be away from their sons and here am I, the big goof in the front seat cutting into some heavy petting and necking I guess.

For the ride to the train station, Bill and I were in the back seat doing some heavy petting and necking.

You’re Not From Brighton

It was back to work for me today. Fewer and fewer people have been able to say that lately. Last night Bill and I watched 60 Minutes, then watched the Sex and the City movie. It was one of the few gay things we do.

It was enjoyable though midway through I thought it would take a dark macabre turn ala Lawn Hors d’oeuvre with Steve separated from Miranda, he was going to take their kid and do a murder/suicide. Of course that didn’t happen.

Happy endings all around. We both enjoyed it though not enough to actually go see it in a theater. A Sunday night viewing on HBO was enough.

Bill was off to bed and I soon joined him as he snored quite loudly. He got his results from the sleep apnea test and it turns out he has sleep apnea. So he has to go back for more testing. I told him if he dies on me I would kill him. There- I put it in writing.

I woke up and got my act together in time to see Bill heading out the door. I had a nice breakfast and soon I too was out the door heading to the bus. Made it to the office with no problems. Came in though and saw milk that was left out for a few days, most of the office and conference rooms in disarray.

I grumbled but it is my job to put things in order.

On Facebook this morning I wrote: Dumbfounded by the people I share office space with and their overwhelming ineptitude. But still I am not complaining since their foolhardiness gets me out of the office. So there!

I thought it was humorous and hit the nail on the head. Harpy tells me later that he was worried because so many people in the world use Facebook, but I think the people I work with, if they went looking for me on Facebook they would not be looking for John Ozed. They would be looking for that other guy.

I think Harpy’s fear while appreciated was unwarranted. And what I wrote wasn’t so bad after all. And if they called me on what I wrote, I could back up what I wrote.

I was out running errands earlier than usual this morning. I needed to buy milk for the coffee I made so I was out and about. I was busier than usual as the day went on, and was also able to leave early. I had to run an errand for Vivek and his partner which meant going down to the printer in Chinatown and pick up some more business cards.

That was fine by me. It was a nice enough afternoon to walk around the City Hall area and enjoy a Padron while heading to the Path train.

Couldn’t get a seat on the train so I stood and read the new book from the library that I have taken out, April 4, 1968. It’s about Martin Luther King’s death and how it changed America and written by Michael Eric Dyson who was really good on Bill Maher a few weeks ago.

So far it’s a good read. I’m looking forward to reading more of his books.

I love my library and not because it’s a block and a half away from my apartment. I loved the Weehawken library too and that wasn’t that close to my apartment. I love the fact that if there is anything I might want I could go online and order it from the cooperative system and within days it will be available to me in Hoboken.

DVD’s books, CD’s all available but not always in good condition. When I took out Bruce Springsteen’s The River, it looked like someone was practicing ice skating on it. But hey, you take your chances.

Tell Me What You See

This has been an odd day. Nothing bad happened, at least not yet. It just started out on the wrong foot, leading to a day of missteps. I woke up, tried to contact Julio to see if he and Stine wanted bagels. No answer. I called Stine instead and she said no, they were going out. That was no problem.

I went to the bagel shop where there is never a line anymore. It used to be there would be a line out of the store onto the sidewalk, but hasn’t been like that in a few months.

I asked Jeff, someone who’s been working there for ages, a week or so ago if it’s been slow and he mentioned that I had just missed a rush. I didn’t believe that since there is hardly anyone in there when I’m there. Denial or just putting forth the company line?

I’m convinced they don’t like me in the Bagel store. One guy in particular doesn’t like me, I can tell. When I moved back to Hoboken almost 7 years ago, I started getting my bagels on Washington Street. A few weeks later I saw this particular guy on the street with his kids and as I passed I said hello. He gave me the stink eye in return. I figured with the hundreds of people he sees each week I was lost in the shuffle.

After that I saw him again and once again said hello and once again I get the stink eye. One time I gave my order at the counter, something like 3 sesame, and 2 poppy bagels. He gave me 3 and 3. I mentioned that it wasn’t what I ordered and he got all uppity. So ever since then it’s quite frosty between us.

I do try to support small businesses, but in Hoboken, the small business owners don’t make it easy and show very little gratitude. Next to the register is a container for tips. Knowing that some of the staff have families to support I sometimes leave my change in the container. Sometimes I get thanked, and other times like today with me and Frosty the bagel counter person I get nothing.

I think next time I go in I will wait for Frosty to be waiting on another customer. And if I hear Jeff say to a new customer, ‘You know those bagels will make you thirsty, you sure you don’t want something to drink with that?’ I’ll go postal.

That basically set the tone for the day. I went out once after that and it just seemed so weird that I decided not to go out again until tomorrow. But I did go out, hoping to run into the Chinese dude who usually sells bootleg DVD’s at the barber shop at 4:00PM on Saturday afternoons.

I didn’t see him and I wasn’t going to go hang out in a barber shop if I wasn’t getting a haircut. I was hoping to get a $5.00 DVD of Slumdog Millionaire. Oh well. The only Academy Awards movies that I’ve seen are Milk and The Visitor, and Wall-E.

Maybe I’ll do a live blog during the awards tomorrow, or rather write about it as it happens and post afterwards. That seems more likely since I don’t think I’m equipped for live blogging.

Last night I caught up on what I had DVR’d. Spectacle with Elvis Costello. 1st up had guests She and Him, Jenny Lewis and Jacob Dylan. All very good and enjoyable and that Jacob Dylan sure is cute, and he sounds like Bruce Springsteen I think. Imagine growing up being Bob Dylan’s kid, how strange that must be.

I have a newfound love for Jenny Lewis, though Juan has been hyping her up to me for a while now. And She and Him, Zooey Deschanel and M. Ward were good enough to make me think about getting their record.

Then I watched what I guess is the season finale for Spectacle, this time hosted by Elton John who interviewed Diana Krall and had her husband, Elvis Costello come out opening with a song and singing with Diana and Elton at the end.

Geez, I swear Diana Krall is like so many women that I know, at least in the way she talks and her mannerisms. I enjoyed her, but sometimes it was like watching my niece Corinne on TV. If only Corinne played piano. She was very entertaining, Diana Krall and I think she’d be worth checking out as well.

After that I watched the 11:30 Simpsons who had Stephen Sondheim on, writing a song for Krusty the clown. And Bart was in therapy and really getting a lot out of it, even though 5 sessions were mandatory as punishment for a school prank.

I almost stayed up to watch Conan O’Brien’s last Late Night show but since I was recording it I figured I would watch it today. Which I did do, watch it today. Unfortunately it ran long and as Conan was summing up his 16 years hosting the show it got cut off.

So I watched that on NBC.com, and posted it on my Facebook page, as well as Conan releasing Abe Vigoda back into the wild, since ‘Pa’ said he wouldn’t be able to take him to Los Angeles where he will host the Tonight Show.

Though I didn’t watch Conan that often since it was on past my bedtime, I will miss him. But I should be able to catch some of the Tonight Show with Conan . I’m 6’2” and wear a size 12, Conan is 6’4” and probably wears a larger shoe, and I can only hope Jimmy Fallon could fill those shoes.

Living on the Ceiling

I’m back. Yesterday was a Day without Gays and since I am gay, I took the day off, both from work and from here. I was missed at work, and perhaps I was missed here.

Oh, by the way- Nights on Broadway. No one guessed correctly and no one guessed at all. Imagine my disappointment. I suppose I expect too much.

I was able to sleep in yesterday, not getting out of bed until 10:00 when I watched The Daily Show and The Colbert Report with my coffee and cereal. So much more enjoyable than the Today Show and much more informative.

It was pissing out so I decided to stay in. I only ventured out of the apartment to get my mail so I didn’t leave the building all day. I didn’t mind.

I did watch Step Brothers which was funny. Had me with a smile on my face mostly, not really laughing out loud though I did in parts. It was a silly movie and perfect for a rainy afternoon.

The evening was more of the same, Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow. I have to get off of watching those shows. Not that I don’t like them but I need a break. I need to laugh again.

Does anyone remember laughter?

Since I watched Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert earlier there was no need to record them and plus who wanted to hear Mike Huckabee’s views on same sex marriage again? Yes Huckabee, old wholesome Huckabee is a dickhead. But we knew that already.

Watched Law and Order, which was ok, but definitely not the same without Bill in the room watching it with me. I miss the big lug.

He’s been out of sorts since a theater director friend of his collapsed on the street last Thursday and died. Bill took it upon himself to get in touch with his friends daughter. He organized a Facebook page for the theater director and various people and friends have been checking in and leaving comments.

This morning, for some reason I thought (or dreamt) that the alarm clock was setting me up for the BIG alarm. There is no BIG alarm. I kept hitting the snooze button and wound up getting out of bed at 6:45.

I didn’t hustle and still I wound up in the office before mostly everyone at 8:30. No one asked about yesterday but one of the guys at the trading desk confessed that he was worried that something might have happened due to the stalker.

And the stalker called today. I told her I was out yesterday because I am gay. She didn’t understand that so I told her I was homosexual, which she did get and didn’t believe.

Didn’t stop her calling though and at one point I took the call in a deserted office and told her she was a stupid fucking fag hag bitch. Still she calls and cries in Korean.

I had some errands to run and even though it was raining, I didn’t mind. I have been wearing Bill’s fedora lately and it’s excellent in the rain.

Since I can’t figure out how to post pictures you can check it out on Facebook at


So cut n’paste little doggies.


Oh yes it was one of those days, and it was a Tuesday. Nothing to report. Last night, watched O & RM. Actually they were on in the next room, I was here in front of Bill’s Mac.

I did get my own computer back from Rand on Sunday night but haven’t been able to log onto the network. Need Bill here to do that. Some mumbo jumbo, magic numbers and all that.

So for the past few days I’ve been in front of Bill’s Mac, which is fine by me. I’ve become acclimated and generally remember that the TV is no longer to my immediate left.

After listening to O & RM I watched the recording of Heroes at 10:00. I enjoyed it mostly, but once again the last couple of minutes were cut off due to the timing of the DVR, 9:00-10:00.

It happened last week too, but I didn’t mind since last week’s episode was sub-par. Last night I was almost at the edge of my seat when the screen froze, meaning the episode was over for me at least.

I went to bed following the news but find myself still waking up late. Not terribly late and I am in the office before everyone anyway. Just a busy day, running around midtown, doing errands, which is always a good thing. Breaks the day up somewhat.

Before I knew it, it was 3:00 which was almost time to go. A few more things to do before I snuck out 9 minutes earlier than usual. A pleasant walk across town, enjoying a Padron, this time taking the Path train back to Hoboken.

Stopped by Empire Coffee and picked up a few pounds for the office. For every 10 pounds you buy you get one free, which is usually my pound of coffee.

Heard from my brother Brian, telling me the latest woes. Not good news to say the least. His story- not mine so you will have to read his blog and since he doesn’t have one, you ain’t reading anything.

I’m pretty much beat right now, perhaps from all the running around and the change in temperature. Tonight I have to be asleep by 11:30. And up at 6:00 like I used to.

Haven’t seen Casey in a while. He’s back working in midtown and I guess he’s still catching the early bus. So if I play my cards right we may cross paths. If I wake up on time.

Juan just called, he may be in the area tonight and he may stop by. I asked him to give me a call when he gets up here and I’d let him know the status of my mindset.

Tomorrow I am leaving work early to attend a free lecture at Stevens Tech. Dr. Oliver Sacks, author of Musicophilia, Awakenings and The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat. All best sellers by the way.

Rand is promoting it on Facebook and that’s how I found out about it. I’m pretty psyched for it, though I did invite a few local friends but I don’t think many, if any are coming. So at least I’ll see Rand and maybe Lisa too.

I was finally able to watch the Stephen Colbert Christmas Special and it was so great. Very funny. I don’t care what anyone else says, he’s very Jack Benny on it.

That’s it for today. I am tired and my diet pill is wearing off…
(score bonus points if you can identify that last line)

Young Gifted and Black

No, the title isn’t about me just a song that has been playing in my head for the past few hours. The Bob and Marcia reggae version, not the Nina Simone version which is still good but heavy enough to make Nina cry when she sang it. Bob and Marcia’s version is very much a fun song, upbeat and optimistic.

It’s a late posting tonight since I just got back from Thanksgiving dinner with Bill and his mother and various cousins and friends. A lovely time indeed.

Last night was mellow yet again. Bill was here in the apartment for about thirty minutes, mainly to pick up some fresh clothes and for an extended bear hug, which I was glad to both give and receive.

Can’t really hug that long on the street when I see Bill after work since you never know who will bash your head in with a brick if you’re seen showing affection to the one you love and the one you love happens to be of the same sex. So we have to hug indoors in the safety of our apartment.

It was all too fleeting, Bill’s visit. We did finalize the itinerary for this morning though. Bill handed me a round trip Metro North ticket and we made plans to meet at Grand Central Station.

I woke up this morning and went out for the papers and some bagels. Had to go to Dunkin Donuts since the Hoboken Bagel store was closed on one of the few days they actually close. I think Christmas is the other day. I’ll find out on December 25 in any event.

Saw Julio and Stine and Kal-El this morning. They were going to Julio’s sister who just gave birth to twins last month. One came home a few weeks ago, the other last weekend. They were premature you see.

I came upstairs, made some breakfast and soon I was suited and out the door headed to Manhattan. Not many people on the bus, which was nice.

I expected some problems crossing Broadway due to the parade and my expectations were on the money. I couldn’t even cross Seventh Avenue. Just people milling about looking at floats and balloons from a distance.

No cops to ask where to cross so I try walking down to the subway hoping I can cross underground. Nope, the gates were closed for entry. I found another subway entrance and was able to get through but the exit I had hoped for on the other side of Broadway was inaccessible.

Luckily there was a cross town shuttle about to leave the station and I squeezed in. Five minutes later I was at Grand Central. I had some time to kill before Bill and his mother arrived so I bought a dozen roses for Bill’s cousin Hiram’s wife, Chris.

Met up with Bill and his mother and soon we were on the railway to Beacon NY, about two hours away.

Hiram picked us up at the station and soon we were mingling with cousins and friends. Chris made a lot of food and we all ate like gavones, at least Bill and I did. Pictures were taken but I can’t figure out how to post them on a Mac so later on down the line you can see them.

You can see Bill’s pictures taken on his Facebook page.
Cut n’ paste time http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?cropsuccess&id=1037999596#/profile.php?id=1062659430

I’m wearing Bill’s hat, which since it fits me better than him, is mine now. He said so.

Tomorrow afternoon Bill and I are going to see Milk and we’re both pretty psyched about it.

We hope you had a happy and healthy Thanksgiving.

That’s My DJ

Monday today. Yesterday was all about relaxing and coming down from the night before, Girl Talk with Juan which in hindsight was magical. On my Facebook page I posted quite a few live videos of Girl Talk live which isn’t the same thing as being there but you get the picture.

Six of the clips are from the Roskilde festival in Denmark, no dancers on stage, but there is also a full live video from New Years Eve 2006 which is joyous ecstatic pandemonium. There also some videos online that may be homemade by fans one of which has fleeting glimpses of Ira Kaplan from Yo La Tengo which gave me a chuckle. You just can’t go wrong mashing up Rod Stewart with Young Jeezy.

If you decide to check out my Facebook page you will also see a posting from Gawker about Prince declaring his homophobia. That’s too bad, but then again I had written about writing Prince off a few weeks ago and now I guess it’s official.

No need to buy any more products from him. He obviously made his money off of me and he isn’t going to get anymore of my cheddar. He’s now a Jehovah’s Witness thanks to Larry Graham. The high heeled shorty has been known to occasionally knock on people’s doors proselytizing and pushing the Watchtower on people who don’t know any better.

Last night was quiet and good. True Blood was very good, not as good as the week before but still better than anything else on at that hour. Personally I think Tara has been taken from her jail cell by the devil herself. And Sookie uninviting Bill from her home to save Sam who Bill caught kissing Sookie was quite a twist.

Next week is the final episode of the season and I really hope they bring it back next year. Entourage was also very good. Ari Gold versus the German director on Vinnie’s behalf. I think next week they go back to Queens which should be interesting. Nice to see Jerry Ferrara is actually going out with Jamie Lynn Siegler in real life, like his character Turtle on the show.

Today was mainly still rolling with the effects of Girl Talk, so much so that it was all I listened to, to and from work today. Great big smile on my face. Just Tom Chin and I from our company today. We got along ok.

I mentioned that I might be out today so he was surprised to see me, but I didn’t think that that would go well with the new subtenants, so I will be off this Friday and since next week is Thanksgiving it’s a two and a half day work week which is very nice.

I don’t know if I’ll be helping out at Farfetched this holiday season but I guess I’ll find out soon enough.

I saw Bill fleetingly after work today which was nice but awfully short. I had to pick up something from him on my way home so I swung by his office. He was working so he couldn’t stay too long on the sidewalk talking to me plus it was a bit nippy and he’s not one to work the high beams.

Here’s my Facebook link, I think….
cut n’ paste cut n’ paste

In The Name of Love

It’s a gray day, it’s a Thursday. Last night was an experience, another in a line of protest marches that I have taken part in. Meeting Andres from Blabbeando last night was cool. He’s a nice guy and it was good that we finally connected. Dinner is planned somewhere down the line.

There were a few other bloggers I would have liked to have met but sometimes you don’t know who they are or what they look like. I also didn’t see Whoopi Goldberg or playwright Tony Kushner, (Angels in America), or Larry Kramer who helped start GMHC and then ACT-UP in the 1980’s.

What was amazing though was the fact that thousands of gay people and their supporters were mobilized in a matter of days, mainly through Facebook. Kudos for Corey Johnson for that. So many blogs that I read had pictures and videos of last night’s demonstration and of course the people who are against same sex marriage are up in arms.

They feel so persecuted, claiming that their faith encourages them to feel this way, or actually their faith demands that they feel this way. LGBT demonstrations against them attempts to prevent THEIR persecution and that makes them feel threatened.

They have no problem persecuting, but when the mirror is held up to them they cry foul. What’s foul is their hatred and fear cloaked in the name of religion and it’s sickening. They claim activist judges, when it was activist judges that enabled interracial marriage (Loving v. Virginia), and various civil rights rulings among others that if they were put to a popular vote would not have passed.

I hate to quote Joe Scarborough, but he’s the one who said that an activist judge was one that you disagree with. In a way the attempt to slur judges by calling them activists is very much like the anti-intellect feeling in this country.

The attempted put down of the elite which we saw during the presidential campaign. I think it would be a better thing to have some one who is more intelligent than I am, who can make better decisions and has a coherent view of the world today rather than some guy who I’d like to have a beer with.

That is bullshit and look what that type of thinking has gotten us for the past eight years.

Just fired up after arguing the same points online on a discussion board which I am still doing at this moment. Every now and then someone will react or post some ignorant thing and I just have to go after them.

I do love my brother Brian, despite the mix up with text messages this morning.

“All, too, will bear in mind this sacred principle, that though the will of the majority is in all cases to prevail, that will to be rightful must be reasonable; that the minority possess their equal rights, which equal law must protect, and to violate would be oppression.”
Thomas Jefferson, the third President of the United States, the principal author of the Declaration of Independence.

So how has your day been?

Hairdresser On Fire

Well yesterday was fraught with nerves. Me snapping at Harpy, me joining a Facebook group dedicated to the Manhunt Boycott, posting a comment there only to have it deleted. The guy from Quebec who now resides in New York decided what I had to say was bound to distract from the topic of the boycott.

I thought if he had mentioned his problem with it to me I would have reworded it but he didn’t, it was his prerogative to do so. So after being censored on Manhunt, and then censored again by the Boycott of Manhunt group which was less than Jake, I quit his group and started my own which was my intention in the first place.

Jake was awfully nice to allow me to repost but by then I had left his group. Basically I was fired up and felt I had no support from people that I expected support from. C’est la vie. I’m over it. I have three people in my Facebook group, Boycott Manhunt.net and that’s fine by me. I’m quite apathetic on the subject today.

I don’t really give a damn. I got way too worked up on it. I would like to think I won’t get worked up on political matters again, but who knows? I’m sure there’s something down the line which will light my fire again. Too much passion. And the William S. Burroughs paraphrase was off putting to those who don’t or can’t think for themselves.

Woke up feeling not so bad physically but mentally I just wanted to stay in bed. I had to go to work since from what I heard yesterday, they are totally inept without me. Got to the office early. Been leaving the apartment a little before 7:00, no sign of Casey. Bill ran into the Caseys last night while he was at the laundry. Perhaps he’s been leaving later.

In any event I’ve been plowing through the New Yorker, and I’m almost done with it. I’m also in the Afterword part of Rip It Up by Simon Reynolds and Alan Bennett is patiently waiting in the wings. Got to the office, I was the first in. Got an email that someone was going to be late since he had gone out drinking with a coworker who was let go yesterday.

Not for doing anything wrong, he was doing a good job, it’s just that there’s no money. Greg Stevens once again reassured me that my job was not in any danger. Vivek flew to India to try to get some more money.

They have a plan to try something which if it doesn’t work by the end of the year, the company will possibly sink. I’ll hang in there, and see how it turns out. So now I work with five people whereas last year it was ten people.

The benefit of selling myself short. Don’t make enough money to be of any concern to the powers that be.

I did find a check for $78,000 on my desk this morning, but alas, it was not for me. Now it’s lightning and thundering outside.

Bill just came home and I’m tired. That’s all for now.

Smell ya later.

PS- Hello Sandy Allen, a song by Split Enz. Sandy Allen was the tallest woman in the world. She died yesterday. Split Enz wrote a song about her and her positive spirit after meeting her when she and the group were on the same talk show in the 1980’s.

No video for Hello Sandy Allen, but this is from the same album

Shoplifters of the World Unite

Well last night was very chilled out. I hung out at home, watched TV. Actually was watching John Adams, quite sad last night. Also watched Marianne Faithfull with her 20th Century Blues, singing the songs of Kurt Weill and one by Harry Nilsson. She’s a favorite of mine. I saw her in the 80’s at the Bottom Line on the Stranger Weather tour. She was off junk and looking great, smoking up a storm, but then again everyone was back then. Strange Weather is a Tom Waits song, presently owned by Marianne.

It was also the song that kept playing in my head last Wednesday when I was caught in a power play in the office. It’s a melancholy song and it rings true, especially with the lines, ‘all over the world, strangers talk only about the weather. All over the world, it’s the same’. Yeah it would be a difficult song to link arms and have a sing along while hoisting pints. While John Adams was watching his son Charlie die, I was playing Scrabulous on Facebook with Julio and his cheap words. Scrabulous is a very unauthorized online version of Scrabble which Julio and I used to play back in his jazzy days. His words are cheap but admissible.

Still I rallied and won the first game I had played in a number of years. Bill came home last night, first time in weeks, at least when I’ve been here. It was really nice to be able to hold him while sleeping, and no, I didn’t throw any punches in the middle of the night, though oddly enough I woke up with some strange mark on my nose. It doesn’t hurt but still I have no idea what it is or how it got there. Just a small blotch about a centimeter long, and of course, it’s red. I don’t think it was there before I went to sleep. Bill noticed it too and I told him, maybe he hit me (for once) while sleeping. I don’t think he liked that humorous accusation.

I left the apartment before Bill and sat on a soon to be very crowded bus. Got to the office, once again before everyone else. The day off I had on Friday made it difficult to get motivated this morning but I got my act together and made coffee. As usual the dribs and drabs trickled in. One of the people I work with, Padma is very nice and very smart. She’s a PhD and we usually have some fun chats throughout the week. Today she asked me where Quinn was. Quinn is a guy from Ireland, not very social hence my never ever writing about him before. I think he’s a jerk with a brogue. He used to live in Hoboken and even owns a restaurant in town. I tried talking to him about that, he was so unresponsive I thought I should check his pulse.

Anyway, he wasn’t in. Last week Vivek told me he would be working out of the office more than usual. OK by me. So Padma asked where he was and I told her that he’s going to be working out of the office from time to time. No big deal, right? Well to Tom Chin it was a big deal. About 20 minutes Tom Chin comes up to me, telling me that I’ve spilled the beans. I immediately thought, I made coffee, and I don’t recall spilling any beans. I didn’t recall any beans at all, we get our coffee ground. Tom Chin was very upset and had me meet him in Greg Stevens office.

There was Greg, nice guy, a friend almost, sitting at his desk, telling me to close the door. Next to him sat Tom Chin, angry. Greg asked me what did I say to Padma. I told him what I told her, which is what I heard from Vivek, that Quinn will probably be working out of the office more often. Greg turned to Tom Chin and said, ‘No big deal.’ Apparently something is happening here and I don’t know what it is. I have an idea though and it doesn’t turn out well for anyone.

Had an excellent chat with brother Frank. He really sounds almost as good as he did before the stroke. Perhaps the seizure he had reset the wiring in his brain. Still has a lot of rehab to go through though. We talked about John Adams amongst other things, including my Arcade Fire meltdown last year. He remembered the anniversary. Still neither one of us could figure out what cause my anhedonia that night. It was odd especially since I had reread the emails we exchanged the day after the meltdown, when I woke up and realized the problem wasn’t with him, it was actually with me. It was a good talk and I’m glad he’s one of my best friends.

The Bitch is Back

Oh what a crappy day. Weather wise it’s not so good either. Mainly all the turmoil is internal. Can’t seem to get a haircut and I need one. Just don’t feel like waiting in the barbershop on the corner. I’ve walked by a few times today and there are guys waiting for haircuts, and someone is always in my barber Tony’s chair. So I walk on by. It’s a Dionne Warwick kind of day. The high point of the day was this morning seeing Julio and Stine for a few minutes. Nice little chat, Stine’s ready to have the baby, just a few more days. Wednesday is the due date. She’s uncomfortable with the baby kicking her internal organs. That’s gotta suck.

After that, a nice breakfast for me and time to think about what to do. Bill called and professed his love for me which was nice. But as nice as it is, I’m getting tired of the way our relationship is going. Almost flat lining. I haven’t seen him in a couple of weeks, though he has been here, in the apartment when I’m not. He left work once or twice to come here and take a nap, gone my the time I came home. And it’s not just that I hardly ever see him anymore. At least to me it does. How Bill feels about it, I couldn’t tell you.

I have had so much time to myself, that I can focus only on what is missing from my life. A lover is missing, that’s for sure. Human contact would be nice, someone to make love to and then cuddle with afterwards. It’s been years since that happened. I’ve thought about seeing a shrink, but I only want to talk about the matter at hand and they want a long commitment, which I am not willing to commit to. Once again I headed into the city to check out some art galleries. That seems to be the thing that I do lately. Bill asked me to call him if I went into the city so I did.

He told me that he was almost through with his voice class, then he was headed up to Washington Heights to see his friends and talk. They have a therapy like thing happening up there. Then he was off to the play he is stage managing at the Theater for the New City. He offered to meet me before tonight’s show, but as ‘appealing’ as that sounded it seemed highly unlikely. It would require me killing some more time just to see him for a few minutes and I just didn’t feel like doing that. It wouldn’t do me any good, since I’m not feeling that good about it. He wouldn’t be in the right frame of mind to listen to me talk about all the things I am writing here. He’s done it to me before, but I won’t do it to him. Unload a bunch of grief before having to do something else.

The Chelsea galleries were a disappointment. Same crappy art from a few weeks ago and I couldn’t find the gallery where the Fluxus show was which may have been the whole point of a Fluxus show. My attitude is presently, ‘fuck it’. I’ve cleaned house in some ways, deleted Facebook contacts that I don’t know, having never met them at all, friends of ‘friends’ and guys that think I was hot. No more, they are gone. More than likely they’ll never know and I won’t be getting any more stupid invites from them, to buy and sell people or some other crap nonsense like that. I changed the status of my relationship on Facebook and noticed that Bill has done the same. restored it actually.

I am happy to be back in the apartment, not dealing with anyone. The streets are rife with people pushing baby strollers, groups of people walking en masse on the street, not moving out of the way. Just tired of it all. Not suffering fools gladly or sadly.

After writing that I went out and finally got a hair cut. Tony did a good job. Mainly I go to Tony since he trims my goatee as well, trims it down nicely and cuts out a lot of gray hairs. Then I went to Empire Coffee to get my free pound of coffee. I used to get Goya or El Pico but I’ve been buying coffee for the office and with every ten pounds you get a free pound. It went well.

Unloaded my grief onto Annemarie via a phone call. She of course was as understanding as usual. Probably saw where this was headed before I did. Where am I in this relationship? Where is this relationship going? Is it a ‘proper’ relationship? What is a ‘proper’ relationship anyway? I do love him.

street level

waiting for a dance partner

Chelsea blossoms

a wooden bicycle

fellow travelers

Outside my window