Posts Tagged ‘Dreams’

Just A Minute

Monday, January 11th, 2010

It is back to work for you lot. But not for me though. Once again on the outs with employment. It’s a Monday. Things got better between Bill and myself which I wrote about yesterday.

He was upset that the full time bus drivers pulled rank over the part time drivers. I can’t really blame the full timers. If I was in their position I would more than likely be trying for some overtime.

Occasionally I flashback to when I worked at Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, my first job. Dave Manzo, my comically inept supervisor would ask around 4:00 if anyone wanted to work overtime. I usually raised my hand.

Things in the warehouse would be quieter and calmer. Sometimes I would work until 6:00, other times until 7:15. And yes, I would work on Saturdays as well, from 8:00 to 1:00. Most everyone would leave at 4:15 in the afternoon, and at 4:30 there would be a 15 minute break.

It was a decent job, though I have no contact with anyone from those days. I worked there from 1978 to 1984. Both my brothers also worked there as well as my mother. My brothers and I didn’t work together though, not during the same time period.

I used to dream about going back to the warehouse but I haven’t lately. I suppose my time of working there was part of my formative years. High racks of books and materials, 100 feet high. A very rough estimate since I can’t really tell how high things are, especially from 25 years ago.

I do think it was one of my better jobs (maybe I’m just being naive, and it was a different time) and I left while the leaving was good.

Last night I had 2 dreams related to being a DJ. The first dream concerned me spinning records at McSwells again, but this time in the front room, and not just in the front room, but alongside in the cafe area. Not enough room actually for my records or whatever I was using as turntables.

I was set up in the front room despite the fact that there was a poetry group going on at the same time. They weren’t too happy about it. Chaz and Andy the sound man were involved with the dream, as well as the angry poets.

I think Bill had kissed me goodbye which was an intermission of sorts regarding the dreams. After Bill left for work, I carried on dreaming, this time, being a DJ in Lodi, in my parents house, with the DJ set up in my parents bedroom.

In the dream I spent a lot of time on our back porch looking for a Grace Jones record as well as being on the phone with Pedro who was bemoaning the fact that he was looking for a job. I told him I had a job for him, nudge nudge wink wink, but he wasn’t at all into that sort of thing, just like in real life.

I remember these dreams since I’ve taken to having a notebook next to the bed so I can write these things down.

Right now I am watching disc 2 of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, all about the effects which were so well done you couldn’t really tell that they were using special effects, or more precisely, CG effects.

I watched it again last night with Bill and once again I was choked up at the end. Bill was surprised by that and said it was reminiscent of how choked up I was at the end of final episode of Six Feet Under. And I can definitely understand that.

If you saw the finale of Six Feet Under you would probably understand by what that meant.

Don’t Believe the Hype

Saturday, December 19th, 2009

Well right now it’s 25 degrees and it’s supposed to be a major snowstorm, but I can still see Penn Plaza, I can still see Jersey City and Marineview Plaza in Hoboken. The streets are wet but it’s not really sticking.

The local news channels are on full alert, alarming people but so far there’s really no need. My brother Brian texted me and said that the supermarket up by his neck of the woods was a madhouse. Here in Hoboken it’s windy and cold but really nothing to be worried about.

I say that of course since I don’t drive. Walking proved to be no problem, and I even strolled to the end of Pier A in Hoboken and took a snapshot or two just to show that it isn’t so bad.

Julio is flying to Denmark tonight and that hasn’t been much of a delay. He did call to tell me Helena Christiansen was on his flight. We’ve seen her around the village, having dinner a few tables away from us at Benny’s Burritos on Greenwich years ago.

So they are saying the 15 inches are expected but so far less than an inch has fallen in Hoboken. Bill is in the city doing some theater stuff. Last night we watched 2 hours of Chris Noth in Lawn Hors d’œuvre on the Sleuth channel.

Bill definitely enjoyed it. I remembered who the bad guys were or bad chicks actually. Bill didn’t despite his claims to have the memory of an elephant. I told him he must have been right next to me when we first watched the show, since I don’t watch it on my own.

More weather hype with the Winter Alert in effect until 11:00 tomorrow morning. Bah!

The other night I had a dream where I had to drive around the Garden State Plaza in a car with Alexander Lopez as my passenger, not in a baby seat. The objective was to get him to 13 Riverview Avenue which I did, safely.

Last night’s cannabis free dream, I was in the Riverview Avenue neighborhood, this time as a passenger. The driver was President Gerald Ford. Nice guy. I told him I saw him speak in 1976 at the Garden State Plaza and almost shook his hand.

That was true. I was on the line outside of Gimbels after he spoke outdoors at the Plaza but the Secret Service caught off the handshaking a few people before me. He dropped me off across the street where I grew up and I walked into a house devoid of people.

I woke up at 7:30 and almost woke Bill up as well, thinking that he was late for work. Oh, I’m in the unemployment zone where the days blur into one another. Then I went back to sleep.

From that dream of Lodi, I wound up in Chelsea where I then had an argument with Bill. I wrote these down when I woke up. The last notes I wrote with regards to dreams were about me being in the Office and talking to Jim Halpert about coffee.

It didn’t go well and I felt slighted when awards were being given out. So I split that scene and wandered to a bar located in a empty lot at 16th Street between Park and Willow Avenues in Hoboken. Lot’s of commuters getting off their buses and passing through and sometimes sitting on rusty lawn furniture from the 1950′s. And it wasn’t that good a bar since there was no booze.

Oh these dreams go on when I close my eyes. Every moment I’m awake, I live another life.

Looking north, up Park Avenue, 3PM

Looking north, up Park Avenue, 3PM

12.17.09 Hoboken Daily News 002

12.17.09 Hoboken Daily News 005

Looking souht on Park Avenue

Looking south on Park Avenue

Not so bad, is it?

Not so bad, is it?

On NBC News, some guy with a tan is pushing the snow hype, live from Times Square.

Let It Down

Wednesday, November 25th, 2009

Woke up with a cannabis hangover though I haven’t smoked it in a week now. Perhaps it’s leaving my body, leaving me, well, just leaving me I guess with vivid dreams.

Last night was about someone, maybe Bill switching the tables on me, taking my table which this computer is on and giving me a table I used to have back in Riverview Avenue. It was maybe 2 feet tall and a lot smaller. Don’t know what that is supposed to represent if it’s supposed to represent anything.

I had to get up earlier than I’ve been since I scheduled a visit from PSE&G for this morning between 8:00AM and 12:00PM. I made some coffee and did my usual routine. Online I got an instant message from Vinnie, who I used to work with in the Wanker Banker days.

He asked that I call him as soon as possible and so I did. I contacted Vinnie the other day regarding putting him down as a reference. I was apprehensive since his mother has been sick and in the hospital and I hoped my timing wouldn’t be awful. It wasn’t his mother just came home yesterday.

He was surprised that I’ve been out of work since July and he’d be more than happy to be a reference. We had a good talk and he had a suggestion that I should look into taking a real estate license test, figuring I would be good at that.

Vinnie said if he was going to buy some real estate, he’d buy it from someone like me. The funny thing is, yesterday while ambling around Hoboken where there is a real estate office on almost every block I passed by an office with a sign in their window suggesting a change of career, try real estate.

I thought I might do good in that so it’s actually something I was considering and Vinnie saying the same thing seemed fortuitous. He’s really a good guy and I am glad to have him in my corner. I even sent an email to a friend of Julio’s who did the same thing, got her broker license and now works in real estate.

Who knows? It seems like a good idea right now. I wished Vinnie and his wife and kids a Happy Thanksgiving and made tentative plans to meet up for a coffee down the line.

Walked around a bit today and stopped by a stationary store that had a help wanted sign in their window. I went in and asked if it was an off the books job and it wasn’t. They gave me an application and I started to fill it out, then I said that I was running late and would fill out the application at home and bring it back.

I’m not going to bring it back. I was hoping for a situation like Farfetched but obviously that wasn’t in the cards, so to speak.

Ran out of Stevia and so it was off to the A&P where I ran into Clara a girl I used to work with at that video store almost 20 years ago. She lives around the block and I see her every couple of months. She’s a happily married mom now with 2 kids.

We were close at one point but as it happened we drifted apart after I got fired from the video store after being caught doing something I shouldn’t have been doing while in the downward spiral I was in in the months following my mother’s passing.

It was good to see her though, she’s still a sweet heart though time and rumors widened the chasm between us. It was a day where former co-workers from my past popped up.

And then there’s Harpy. He pops up like clockwork. While I’m writing, or eating dinner, Harpy invariably calls. I don’t mind since I love Harpy and I know he loves me.

Had a good talk with my brother Brian last night. He’s a good guy and I love him a lot. We went though a lot of shit together and being the brother closest to me in age, a lot of fighting which he almost always won.

But that was then, here we are now and I consider him not just a brother but a very dear friend. I’m sure he doesn’t understand things about me but I know he’s there for me and I am there for him, lending an ear whenever possible.

Played guitar today as well, learning some Paul Simon songs since if I’m going to be busking, it’s good to play songs that people know, rather than going for songs that maybe be cool to me, but unknown to most.

I mean, I’d love to play All Tomorrows Parties by the Velvet Underground and singing it like Nico would, but really, would the people walking by the riverside know what I was singing? More than likely not, so I’ll play Me & Julio by the Schoolyard or Kodachrome and be happy with that and hopefully get some greenbacks in my guitar case.

And with that, I will wish you all, or the both of you, a very Happy Thanksgiving. Don’t know when I’ll be posting, we’re heading upstate and if we don’t catch the 6:00 train getting into Hoboken around 9:00, we’ll catch the 9:00 train, getting into Hoboken around midnight.

So Happy Thanksgiving from me.

Rocky Racoon

Sunday, November 22nd, 2009

Well this day is just another day I suppose. It’s a Sunday, that much I know. And it’s been another up & down day for me. Last night I didn’t turn on the TV until the 11:00 news. I mainly sat in front of the computer and copied dozens of songs from the Rolling Stones to the Specials to Elvis Costello to the Cure to Elton John.

Trying to figure out the easiest songs to play. If I’m going to start busking for real, I should have at least 10 songs that I know inside out, songs that the passerby would know. I’ve loved the Specials for 30 years but never attempted any of their songs.

Turns out their songs are remarkably easy to play. I wonder if that was former head Specials leader Jerry Dammers doing? He’s always been the one to do things with the fans in mind. Rat Race, a classic Specials song is really easy to play and lot’s of fun.

Though being unemployed it has a different meaning as I want to be a part of the Rat Race. No more harboring dreams of somehow living my life and not having any part of mainstream employment. I want a job. A mainstream job.

I’ve worked in the music business, worked in magazine publishing, a Rupert Murdoch experiment. Not your average jobs. They were fun and definitely interesting, but the real jobs that I’ve had paid well and offered benefits and some relative stability. But of course as we all know, the stability wasn’t going to last.

But back to the music, Elton John songs aren’t that hard either. I’m no Davey Johnstone, but he’s no John Ozed either.

It was good not watching much TV last night. I did watch Saturday Night Live and was charmed by Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I loved his ‘Make ‘em Laugh’ opener. Who wouldn’t be impressed by those back flips? I’m sure Donald O’Connor would have been.

Dave Matthews was meh, but I wasn’t expecting anything different. Just don’t get the whole Dave Matthews thing.

Due to my financial situation certain substances are out of reach. And since those herbs aren’t being ingested, oh the dreams I’ve been having have been quite weird. I guess they generally are weird, but I woke up this morning with three dreams that stood out.

One involved those certain herbs and how the buds were actually infested with spider eggs and when you smoked those buds, the spider eggs would explode leaving one’s face with a white substance. In the dream there were some buds laying there, and one of them started to move on their own.

Another dream involved my sister and myself somewhere in central New Jersey. We were arguing which is something we never do and never did before really. But I was spitting ice cubes at her, then I lost my clothes and was trying to make my way to a mall where I could by some clothes. It involved winding my way down some stadium seating and some farmland.

The last dream was me being at Tower Records in the Village for their closing sale and buying a container of tobacco but not having any rolling papers and being incredibly frustrated. Perhaps I’d have dreams like these frequently but they were usually suppressed from what I had smoked prior to sleeping.

It’s a good enough reason to resume ingesting those herbs again, but finances being what they are lately it’s not likely to be happening any time soon. That’s a drag, or rather the lack of a drag.

I did make it to Tariq’s studio this afternoon. I’m glad I went. I was surprised to see some accomplished musicians there playing bass, drums and guitars. Tariq once again encouraged me to play guitar but I was once again intimidated by actual musicians. The great Tim wasn’t there but he doesn’t intimidate me, he’s 15 years old.

Spying a Ensonic keyboard in the corner that no one was using I opted for that. I played keys for a friends band about 15 years ago, so it wasn’t that much of a stretch. I did my best to add some color and textures to what they were playing and did my best to emulate Alan Price when they played House of the Rising Sun.

When I play that song on guitar (another easy song to play by the way), I tend to imitate the organ in my phrasing. Hard playing towards the end on my part. I also like to think I added a Middle Eastern vibe to a Pearl Jam song they were playing.

I think it was called Black, but I don’t know any Pearl Jam songs so it might have been some other group. Anyway, no one complained or said ‘Get that guy out of here, he’s horrible’ so I would like to think I did alright.

Right now, Bill is watching Lawn Hors d’œuvre and I’m listening to the White Album on headphones as I write. Sort of like listening to music before I had my own stereo when I was living in my parent’s house. The White Album was released today, 41 years ago. So there’s a Beatles fact for you today.

Mr. Lee

Thursday, November 12th, 2009

Well today was the day of the interview. Not much to report on. Just met with a staffer at an agency. They check you out before sending you to the actual company. Then the company interviews you and then makes their decision.

The only drawback I can see if the fact that they are asking for a college diploma, ideally a bachelor’s degree and I did not go to college due to my loathing of education.

If you think I’m smart, it isn’t because of schooling. It’s more from the people I’ve met and things that I’ve read on my own. Obviously I don’t recommend this for everyone. I don’t regret not going to college, but I wonder what those college graduates who are presently jobless might be thinking.

The interview went well I think though. Met with Peter Lee since the original person I was supposed to meet was out today. We clicked I think and he mentioned that if this doesn’t happen, then he would keep me in mind for other positions that might come up.

I think they’re connected through the New York State Department of Labor so they might get a kick back if they can place someone in a job somewhere. The job was originally posted through their Paramus NJ offices and when Peter mentioned that I was ready to say I can’t work in Paramus.

But no, the job is at 38th Street and Fifth Avenue. I do have to take a skill test which Peter sent to my email. That’s a bit nerve wracking even without the pressure. Of course it all boils down to confidence and that is something I generally lack.

I’m going to wait until Bill comes home so he can bolster my spirits and perhaps give me a nudge in the right direction while I do the test. He’s been so good lately with his belief in me (though he always believes in me, a lot more than I believe in myself) and I can say that without him I’d more than likely be lost.

I have given advice to various people in the past advising them to stop beating themselves up, the world is always more than willing to do that to them. And of course I have difficulty in following my own advice leaving me with the wringing of my hands, the scratching of my head and an overall sense of uselessness.

With all that on my mind it’s no surprise that I didn’t sleep to well last night. I was tired enough but couldn’t really sleep too well due to the fact that Bill’s sleep apnea mask was making some noise which kept waking me up.

At some point I did ask him to take the mask off. He heard me ask him that but still slept with the mask on.

I did eventually get a couple of hours of sleep once Bill went to work. And then’s when I had a dream about my father. And it wasn’t a bad dream.

I never dream of him as far as I can remember but it started out with my brother Brian cleaning the front of 13 Riverview, where we used to have bushes. I went into the house where I saw my father and gave him a hug.

He was talking to someone about me, saying that I used to be called Idaho John since that’s where I was conceived (?) but now that I go out with men of color (that would be Bill) I’m now called Black John.

Yes it was a weird dream and I quite sure I wasn’t conceived in Idaho in any event.

Just got a phone call from the previous job. My replacement was asking me about the dimensions of a glass table piece that was broken last year. As if I carry that info around. I never had the info to begin with and suggested she get a tape measure and measure it herself.

Such knuckleheads they be.

It's me

It's me

I Was Young When I Left Home

Friday, October 16th, 2009

What a gray, gray day. And cold too. Feeling out of it most of the day. Can’t get into it, whatever it is. Slept really well though.

Had a few dreams and one in particular was me with my brother Frank walking towards the corner of Midland Avenue and Outwater Lane, and he says in the dream something about me always competing with him.

He brings up his stroke and I say in the dream, ‘Yeah but I’m not competing with you, I’m having a nervous breakdown.’

Of course, dreams usually last only a few seconds at best so out of the thousands I may have had, that is the one I remember. And it was probably one of the last dreams that I had before waking up.

Still writing on Bill’s Mac. My computer is great for playing solitaire.

My day had the usual ear worms. Today brought Endlessly Jealous by Lou Reed from the album New Sensations. My then roommate, Jimmy Lee turned me onto that album.

I also remember when I was carrying a torch for Steve Saporito, I explained that Endlessly Jealous summed up how I felt about the situation I had put us both in. That was a difficult time.

I fell for him hard but he didn’t feel the same way. He wanted to be friends, but I couldn’t reconcile with that. It was only in the past few years when I would occasionally see him that I could look him in the eye without any romantic feelings or a reasonable facsimile thereof.

I am happy that he’s doing the things that he wants to.

Another ear worm was Cry by Johnny Ray. I don’t know why that popped in, I hardly know the song. The last ear worm was the Outro to Layla by Derek & the Dominoes.

Besides being in Goodfellas, it brings back a memory of the Lodi Boys Club. They had a jukebox there and on it was the song Layla, a double sided single. The main part, with the lyrics and guitars was the A side, the B side was the outro.

I mentioned that I liked the B side more than the A side and my brother Brian told me I was a jerk for liking that side. Actually he didn’t say jerk.

Now I’m listening to Dark Was The Night, which seems to be the record I play the most so far this year. I played it all the way through on the bus ride to DC last Sunday.

I burned a copy of it for Billie as well as for other people. I wonder if they like it as much as I love it.

So cold and damp it is. Settles in the bones and all I want to do is sleep. I even made it into the city for a little while. Nothing like being around cold, gray buildings to cheer one up.

I’m writing this in the twilight of the day, the only light is the gray sky outside. Seems rather poetic, especially for such a downbeat entry. The weather matches my mood and my mood matches the weather.

Considering the weather, the atmosphere and my spirits were so much higher only a few days ago, and now it’s like Seattle. Or at least what I know of Seattle gathering from what I know about Seattle is that it rains a lot.

Maybe it’s like the weather in Ireland and England.

Ah, everything is a drag today. I know it’s not going to last. This will generally improve sooner or later.

I had an idea for a story, the opening line was concerning a knock on the door. The character asks who is it. The other side of the door says, ‘Despair.’

I couldn’t tell if that was the one who knocked on the doors name, or merely an instruction.

Then the light changed and I crossed the street.

Just had a nap for about 90 minutes. Quite nice.

Happy birthday Oscar Wilde.