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I Feel My Stuff

Monday, December 12th, 2011

Whereas Saturday was a stellar day at the cigar shack, yesterday was a bit like a black hole. Day 3 of 11 hour shifts had taken their toll, closing u the cigar shack and getting home after 11:00 and then getting up the next day to be there to open up was taxing enough.

I did not remember that NJ Transit’s Sunday schedule was flawed, buses running every hour until 9:00AM so that didn’t help me as I waited for what the automated schedule announced that an 8:29 bus would be appearing. At about 8:35 I made my way to the Path train where I descended the stairs to the platform where I saw onscreen that the next train to 33rd street would be at 9:15.

Since I needed to be at the cigar shack at 9:30, the 9:15 train would not help me at all. So forfeiting my fare (no arrival/departure screens before the turnstiles) I went back up to the street and felt it would be better to wait for the 9:00 bus and take my chances. I got to the city and walked through the bus terminal at 9:25.

Because the bus terminal is closer to the cigar shack than the Path station and since it was also the weekend and the subways were on crazy schedules and outages I once again walked up the avenue to the shack. I stopped and got my egg sandwich and hustled on up the street.

A block away from the cigar shack I got my iced coffee and while waiting for that I got a phone call from Jerry Vale. He was near the cigar shack and inside where it was nice and warm where I was out on the street in 32 degree weather and already tired from the hustling with the bus and Path train schedules. I told Jerry Vale that I too was outside and would be there soon enough.

When I got to the cigar shack the lights were on and no Jerry Vale in sight. I figured Bradley let him in since Bradley was sitting in the man cave when I came in. I asked Bradley where Jerry Vale was and he didn’t know. I ate my sandwich quite fast and got a few things ready for opening.

A minute or two before 10:00 I walked up to the door where I saw Jerry Vale calling me. He saw me so he did not complete the call. But he was angry with me. I asked him why didn’t he call Bradley but he didn’t know that Bradley was working with us. No- Jerry Vale doesn’t check the schedule to see who he is working with.

He started snapping at me and I of course snapped back and even Bradley chimed in against Jerry Vale. I asked Jerry Vale what time he was due in and he said 10:00. I told him since it was 10:00 then maybe he should punch in. He was upset about having to wait in relative comfort while I was busting my ass to get to the cigar shack.

The day was spent mainly with Bradley and I ignoring Jerry Vale and Jerry Vale sensing this, spent most of his time staying away from both of us. It certainly was a long day and I was quite glad to be home again where I crashed. A day off today was not nearly enough to recover and it’s back to work again tomorrow.

I think of what Jimmy Seltzer said, that I am a good worker, showing up to work day after day at a job I don’t really like, but it’s a job and reluctantly I am happy to have at least that.



07 Moon Rocks


Thanks to Deborah for her advice, no more car wreck viewing of the Santorum sculptor.

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I Don’t Want to Die (In the Hospital)

Wednesday, November 9th, 2011

Well today was different. It certainly was a change, what with having to get to the cigar shack at 9:30 and open which is usually someone else’s job. It was Zack’s doing since I had requested Sunday off and since the schedule had to be rearranged I didn’t mind.

I was a bit anxious about it since it was going to be me and Zack for two hours before Thomas and Frank Burns were due in. I walked up to the bus stop and waited. A totally different type of person on the bus earlier in the morning, earlier than what I am used to.

It wasn’t so bad as I ran onto Alice G on the bus and we had an interesting chat about our jobs, our pasts and our futures. Alice has big plans afoot, she’s in Psychic TV and a documentary on Genesis P. Orridge is going to be released as well as a tour of Australia and New Zealand. All very exciting but then again Alice G is quite an exciting woman. Having written that, I’m dumbfounded that I have known her for over 20 years.

Zack has been acting weird lately ever since Calvin took a powder so I did not know what to expect. Actually I was expecting something like how Raymond was let go. He came in, there was a discussion and a few minutes later Raymond was gathering his things and headed out the door. But nothing happened, it was merely Zack sitting in his office and me trying to keep busy.

It’s a weird situation for all concerned and perhaps weird for those that happen to be unconcerned. Zack didn’t want the position he is in now and he found it thrust upon him. He’s making the most of it and doesn’t want to fail and personally I don’t want to see him fail. I believe he and his girlfriend have a baby on the way though it hasn’t been announced.

Frank Burns actually let it slip and Zack and Frank Burns have been extraordinarily tight these days. Maybe it’s a gay thing, I don’t know. One is utterly fascinated with who may or may not be gay and the other stated that he and his cousin had sex a week or so ago, so I don’t know who to believe but it does make for some interesting talk.

Thomas came in as did Frank Burns and it made it difficult to be busy when there was now competition to be busy. Wiping down glass, facing cigars, emptying ashtrays. Well actually I’m the only one who empties the ashtrays, at least that is what some of the customers tell me.

An earlier lunch than usual and that was nice since the sun was still out and I was able to enjoy a cigar and read Please Kill Me some more. I finished the New Yorker and since the new one hadn’t arrived yet, I needed something to read. It fit the bill nicely.





06-mos_def-quiet_dog_bite_hard

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I Don’t Wanna Know

Monday, October 31st, 2011

Another day, another dollar or in this case another roll of toilet paper. For the past two days I have been ill. I started feeling ill on Friday while at the cigar shack. I told Zack and Frank Burns how I was feeling and they were understandably alarmed for their own safety.

I did not mention how I was freezing in the shack since the last time I complained about how cold I was, Zack told me to stop whining. So I kept my mouth shut and worked while Frank Burns yelled at the television in the man cave with his cousin watching the World Series.

I think the bird team won, ably defeating every other team on the planet, therefore winning the World Series. Take that Zambia! Eat shit Lichtenstein! Drop dead Paraguay! Go to hell Sri Lanka! I made it home and after adding a few touches to the entry, I went to sleep and was able enough to make it to work on Saturday.

Definitely a low key kind of day, and once again when I got home I went right to sleep. Now somewhere between Saturday night and Sunday morning I took a turn for the worse. I did not sleep well at all and dear Bill was understandably concerned. He suggested making a doctor’s appointment and I reluctantly agreed.

Unfortunately, I could not make an appointment for Sunday, so I had to choose Monday, today. I woke up as usual on Monday morning and after spending a considerably amount of time in the bathroom, I called up the cigar shack manager and left a voice mail telling him how sick I was.

I had a feeling he wasn’t going to answer his phone. After that I went back to bed and slept another hour. Sweaty, fever dreams followed. Insane situations, people I hadn’t seen in years popped up in a too real manner. It was like high definition. After escaping the fever dreams (death eaters!) I hopped into the shower and put on some clean clothes and headed to the doctor.

Now I am not too fond of this doctor and his twin brother. It’s all too much like Dead Ringers, only these twins definitely do not look like Jeremy Irons. After waiting in the waiting room with a motley group of other ill and sniffling people I was escorted into the doctor’s office and within a few minutes involving a cold stethoscope the doctor gave me some anti-biotic and showed me the door.

It was quite a nice door. Wood, I think. Then I made my way back home and went back to sleep. A few hours later I woke up and was feeling a little better. A bit hungry and not as dehydrated as I was earlier, I plan on returning to the cigar shack tomorrow.

I dislike being sick but then again I am sure everyone dislikes being sick. Worst Halloween ever! Back in the day I would get sick from eating too much candy. Not this time. No candy, no trick and no treat for me.




Angels and Devils

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I Don’t Wanna Go Down To The Basement*

Thursday, October 27th, 2011

A hum drum day off. More hum than drum, or maybe more drum than hum but in any event it was a day off. And it’s been alright thus far. Had crazy dreams last night, one included 2 classmates from 30 years ago, Frank Wester and Ken Mallia who in the dream turned out to be lovers and in the process of adopting a baby.

I don’t think either was gay and though we were all in the same graduating class I don’t think the 2 ever socialized. I hadn’t thought of Ken Mallia since the year 2000 when I attended the 20th year reunion and a mutual friend told me that Ken won’t ever return to New Jersey nor would he visit 2 Pearl Court at the bottom of Trudy Drive.

The last time I saw Frank Wester was at Hitsville in Passaic and that must have been 1982. Frank recognized me and came up to me telling me that my music taste was spot on, New Wave was truly the way to go, despite his mocking me for liking the genre throughout high school.

Frank Wester was not at the reunion either and I decided then and there that it would be my last reunion, I had no desire to see any of these people again, except for Jim Carley or John Nesselt, who both declined to attend the reunion. Those were the 2 friends from high school that I would be interested in seeing once again, but over 30 years later it seems highly unlikely that our paths would cross once more.

The Wester/Mallia dream segued into a dream where I was in an industrial park looking for a place to pee. I found what seemed to be a deserted area and was about to leave my mark, but was soon surrounded by news crews headed by someone wearing a Brian Eno mask. I’m sure I had other dreams but those were the last ones before waking up and starting my day. I’ve read somewhere that a dream lasts only a few seconds then it is supplanted by another dream so that is something to consider.

The day had a lazy start. I showered but had no coffee to make so I took a chance and headed out first to the bibliothèque and then to the supermarket where the cashier took issue with the cover of the Daily News, stating that the Goldman Sachs fat cat was just one of the problems that is going on right now.

Since I did not have any coffee I just nodded my head and walked out after paying. Breakfast and a fresh pot of coffee was had and I read all about the fat cat from Goldman Sachs. Then it was basically watching the TV and checking emails. Heard from the former CEO of an old job who seemed to be fishing about, asking how I was doing, what I was up to.

I replied in kind and he mentioned that he would get back to me, then directed an underling to continue the correspondence setting up a phone call due to happen sometime next week which offered me a little bit of hope, but with a healthy amount of skepticism so as not to be overwhelmed by such a thing.

It’s been a day of steady rain and I hadn’t been out much and now I don’t think I will be out again until tomorrow morning when it’s back to the cigar shack for me.




16 – Rhythm of the Rain

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I Don’t Hurt Anymore

Saturday, October 8th, 2011

Right now at the cigar shop I am playing Elvis Costello & the Attractions, Armed Forces. Hard to believe that album is 31 years old. I remember playing it so much that my brother Brian said that I would soon be tired of it. That wasn’t true, but it was replaced by other music and bands back then.

Every week it seemed there was something new and exciting being released and surely something followed that caught and captured my imagination. Today nothing really captures my imagination and certainly working in the cigar shop having an imagination is a detriment.

Today was working with the possum and the old lady Jerry Vale. They seemed to get along quite well and I suppose Thomas and I make a good opposing team. It hasn’t been too busy but the sales have been quite good. I am thisclose to breaking $2000.00 but if I don’t make it, I will be happy with the sales numbers that I got.

The possum was itself today, glasses free and showing those beady little eyes it has. The old lady just stands around telling tales of yesterday, being a footloose youth in the 1970’s in Manhattan. Seeing this one and that one wherever and whenever.

When not telling tales of yore the old stands around hands clasped in front, or behind and occasionally humming along like an old washerwoman. Sunday’s Best just played and the line ‘Blame it all upon the darkie’ (sang satirically of course) was heard by myself and not the two people of color buying cigars for the evening. She wanted a big cigar and he opted for the thinner, more lady like cigar. whatever works I suppose.

The old lady hums along to Chemistry Class by Elvis and Co and he is certainly way off the naval base with that one. The lovely couple who bought the cigars have just put me over my goal so I am relatively content. No the old lady whistles. Most annoying, hands in pockets and doing her best to gain an inch or two in height.

Hard to believe but I have to work again with these two characters. I can easily understand how some managerial types are fond of the drink, I can see how it gets them through the day. The line between happy drunk and angry drunk is much too narrow and I would more than likely injure someone, if not myself.

I would not mind something bad to befall Christophe Sigmond, extraordinaire trou du cul. His glutes were not kissed the way he prefers and since I would not open up a new box of cigars for him he decided he did not like my attitude. I apologized and that just made him angrier.

I deferred to him totally, making sure he had enough rope but it wasn’t enough. He remarked he didn’t like my intonation to which I replied that intonation was overrated.So perhaps the powers that be will hear of my transgression and I am sure I might eventually hear it from Zack.

The safe was short some money tonight and I know for sure it wasn’t me since the first time I went into the safe was went I went to count at the end of the day. Old lady Jerry Vale certainly did not since he’s just a part timer so it must have been the possum. The possum who’s drawer always comes up short.

Well tonight it was over which explained why the safe was short. He was insinuating a week or so ago that it might be Jerry vale’s fault why his drawer kept coming up short. I think the possum doth protest too much.





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I Don’t Do Gentle

Monday, October 3rd, 2011

Oh yes, it was the day from hell. And it started out in the hellish manner before I even left Hoboken. I wait for the bus and nine times out of ten I am the one who flags down the bus. Most of the other people at my bus stop are way too involved with their iPhones and their smartphones.

You would think the bus driver (who I like and just got back from his vacation) would pull up to the person who flagged the bus, but no. He stops the bus wherever there is a young woman standing. It annoyed me enough that I just let everyone else get on the bus before me, including people who don’t know how much the commute is or lack the exact change necessary.

And of course once those people, about ten of them, got on the bus all of the good seats were taken leaving me to sit on top of the wheel well. It was the first of many things that happened. Bill was off today so that he could work the load in for the show that opens later this week. That meant no calling Bill for support or just to hear his voice, letting me know that he is there for me.

I soldiered on, not looking forward to working alongside the Possum. Sure enough there was the Possum on the phone when I walked into the cigar shack. Another scheduling debacle. Calvin was in the office which is where he spends most of his time lately. Jerry Vale was due in later in the day.

It was another slow day, not much business. Calvin mentioned that the sales for last month were lower than the previous year and the way things have been lately, October does not bode well either.

A customer came in today, I recognized him from being in the cigar shack on Sunday. He was returning the $395.00 lighter he bought on Sunday, he wanted a torch lighter after all, and the one he bought was a soft flame. I remember Thomas selling it to this guy.

The possum stepped up and offered to take care of the return and I thanked him and set about helping another customer. When an item is returned, the return falls to the sales associate, in this case it would be Thomas. The Possum made the return mine and on the tally for a good part of the day, I had about 20 sales, but only $9.69 in my column thanks to the refund which should have gone to Thomas. By the time I found out, it was too late to do anything about it.

Another customer came in with a return as well, and I recognized it as my sale. It was a key chain that a forgetful daughter bought for her father’s birthday at the last minute. The mother came in as a favor for her daughter, all the way from Rockland County.

I was going through the motions of the return and asked if the mother had the credit card. She said no, that I should credit her account since she pays the daughter’s credit card bills all the time. I told her we couldn’t do that. So she frantically tried calling her daughter, texting her daughter, all the while nervous about the time left on her parking meter.

She also did not believe me that we can get cellphone signals in the cigar shack. She went outside and came back in, telling me that her daughter just texted her about something unrelated so she was going to text the daughter to call back ASPCA. You read that right. I finished the return and immediately wrote that one down.

The day plodded forward, the Possum stealing a customer from me, I in turn stole a customer from him. I did not ask how he liked them apples, but did hope he would choke on one.






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