Archive for the ‘Mood Mambo’ Category

I Know Ur Girlfriend Hates Me

Monday, May 7th, 2012

I was just thinking about my mother. I remember growing up, not knowing how old she was or even really where she lived, asking her if she saw the Hindenburg go down in flames, or if she remembered seeing King Kong on top of the Empire State Building. I was the type that thought King Kong was a documentary.

I know my mother loved movies and born in 1927 1926, she probably saw at least some of the classics, like Gone with the Wind which came out in 1939. She would have been 12 and I guess that she probably had a chance to go out and see it. I think it was probably a stolen moment since she was the only daughter with 5 brothers and more than likely had to help out her mother with the chores and household tasks.

It couldn’t have been that easy growing up during the depression, 5 brothers, and an abusive father to deal with. And not just abusive but from what I can remember- a drinker. Late in his life and early in my own, we had him in our house for Thanksgiving. To me he was just an old man with white hair and black horn rimmed glasses.

After Thanksgiving dinner, it was just me and him awake, seemingly everyone else all had naps or went over to friends’ houses. I offered to make him some coffee and I got him a cup. On the dining room table where he sat was an unopened bottle of whiskey. He asked me to get some milk from the kitchen and for just that short amount of time, half the bottle of whiskey disappeared.

It was looked on humorously when my family slowly started to awake from their post dinner naps. My grandfather died a few weeks after that, sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I consoled myself by listening to the original Broadway soundtrack of Godspell. I was mourning, not for my grandfather but rather for my mother being unhappy.

The wake was somewhere in the Bronx and one of the last times my mother and her brothers were all in the same room at the same time. Their mother died not too long after my birth and I did not know her at all. I heard she was nice though. Her name was Helen I believe.

Soon my uncles started dropping off. First was my Uncle John. Didn’t know much about him but loved his children, they were pretty much very close to the ages of my brothers and sister. After that I guess Uncle Richard died. From what I heard he had a steel plate in his head and sweat and grease seeped under the steel plate and slowly drove him off the deep end.

Then came Uncle Harry who was my Uncle John’s twin. I barely knew him but knew him more than my Uncle Richard (who was talked about in joking yet hushed tones). Uncle Tommy was next to go, an unhappy marriage and with a brood of children who didn’t like him very much. He might have been a drunken terror at home, but I really couldn’t say.

My mother passed away on Mother’s Day 1991, all of a sudden from a heart attack, doing the Sunday Times crossword puzzle. And finally my Uncle Joseph, the baby of the family, who after a fight with diabetes and who knows what else, died a few years ago.

I am mainly still in touch with my Uncle John’s kids via Facebook. They’re all nice people. The other cousins, Uncle Tommy’s progeny- I have no idea who or where they are. I can pass them on the street and wouldn’t recognize them. Joseph’s son, looks like his mother only bald and I last saw him at his father’s wake.

I guess me and my sibllings were the cream of the crop. Though if any cousins are reading this, I am more than happy to discuss this with them. We can compare our wounds- physical, mental and emotional.

Powers to the people!

2 – Downtown

I Hope They Get To Me In Time

Monday, April 2nd, 2012

A Monday and a day off. Quite nice, overall though there was a bout of despair, earlier in the day. I don’t understand it, I enjoy having a day off but the past 2 times I had a day off I was miserably depressed. Last week I took a Xanax to deal with it, this time I merely got out and walked around.

Last night wasn’t so bad, I was tired enough to go to bed about an hour earlier, like a little before midnight. At 12:20 I was out of bed and surfing the net. I did fall asleep but I was awoken by my own snoring. At the usual time that I go to bed, 1:00 I was able to fall asleep. I slept alright and woke up this morning feeling somewhat rested.

I went out with some shirts for the dry cleaners and a visit to the supermarket, where I saw the mighty Isis on my way out. Coming back home and after breakfast is when the despair crept in. But it was a beautiful day, a bit windy but alright to go out and run the errand I needed to run.

A while back I bought a Timex watch with a leather strap and after wear and tear over time, the leather strap started to fall apart. I held it together with a rubber band but it looked unsightly. Last Friday I was in midtown and stopped by a shoe maker and had the band replaced with a metal band, sort of like a Speidel watch band, but it wasn’t.

I liked it and that was all that mattered. On Saturday while working at the cigar shack, I looked at my watch and saw that the watch band was hanging together by a metal thread. All it took was for me to touch it when it fell apart. I guess I was fortunate that I was standing still and not walking on the street or something like that.

I tried but I could not get it together, unable to connect one part to another since a piece was missing. That meant I spent several moments looking at my wrist and wondering what time it was. Waking up was difficult since I wear the watch to bed and usually check the watch to see what time it is, rather than actually lifting myself from the bed to look at the alarm clock.

So much easier to lay there, one eye open with my trusty Timex watch one inch from my eye so that I could see its face, so blind am I without my glasses.

I anticipated some difficulty with the shoe maker since it was a cash transaction and no receipt was given or asked for. So I took the bus into Manhattan on my day off and walked over to 39th Street, off of Sixth Avenue. I walked in and they seemed busy, but the guy behind the counter sort of remembered me. Must have been the codpiece I was wearing.

I explained what happened and he took the watch and opened up a box filled with metal watch bands. Finding one that best suited my machismo, he set about taking off the old watch band and putting on the new one. It took about all of five minutes and I was soon back on the street where I ran into my old Rasta pal, Jesse.

After a brief chat it was a walk to the Path train which I rode reading Kurt Vonnegut and listening to Carole King on the iPod. It was a beautiful, yet breezy afternoon and I am glad I was able to get out and enjoy it, if only for a short while.

technical ecstasy, what?







04 In Dark Trees

I Found A Love

Thursday, December 22nd, 2011

Well it was back to work for me again today. Back to the cigar shack. Yesterday could have been better but what can you do? Being anti-social, I do not call any friends and I am somewhat relieved when they don’t call me as promised. No hard feelings.

Sean, the former co-worker from the cigar shack is trying to become a corrections officer and I told him I would try to get him in touch with Pedro. But Pedro doesn’t return my calls and Sean never called me like he said. Same thing with Mike C, when I saw him the other day doing volunteer work at the library he mentioned giving me a call, to go over to his place and hang out and listen to music.

No call, no worries. It’s nothing new, I don’t want to see anyone, I don’t want to hang out with anyone, and I don’t want to chat online with anyone most especially. I do not like the fact that my chat room window opens up on Facebook when I prefer it closed.

I don’t have the time to buy frames or photo albums for the pictures I had developed by CVS so I will mail them out next week when I do have the time. The left coast wing knows this already, the east coast wing will find out when I show up empty handed on Saturday night.

I thought I would make some nice gifts from some photos from over the years and I could swear last year when I did the same thing, it did not take that long for them to be shipped. I had them shipped to the CVS near the cigar shack instead of Hoboken so maybe that is the problem. In any event, nothing from this relative until next week.

There’s a picture of my sister in law Elaine with her daughters Meghan and Corinne and I am not sure if I gave them the same picture last year. Bill of course is so supportive and tells me they will see how much I care, how I captured the moment and presented it to them. Nice sentiment, but it doesn’t stop me from looking like a fool if they get the exact same photo that they got the year before.

And speaking of presents, totally out of the blue, the ultra kind and thoughtful Jimmy Seltzer bought me a present. He really did not have to and it was not expected but it should come in handy should I get drafted into the Swiss Army.

It’s been a very long day today and tomorrow promises to be just like today, another eleven hour day, Zack asked if I could come in at 11:30 instead of 12:30 and of course I could not say no. So tomorrow will be long and busy and of course Saturday will be even more insane. I will be closing tomorrow night and opening on Saturday morning.

For me, Christmas is just a day off. I’ll give myself some wiggle room and say that is at least how I feel right now. And I have all those wonderful tracks that Pandora picks out to listen to at work since the playlist of over 200 holiday songs seems to have fallen out of favor. What do I know? I only used to be a DJ. Let some computer faraway decide what to play. Sort of like Clear Channel Communications if you ask me.

You know what? I am not so fond of the holidays anymore, though it does give me an opportunity to see most of my family, if only for a few hours. And hey, I do have Sunday off.

Once again, Julio asked me out for one drink before he flies off to Denmark tomorrow and of course I had to turn him down. C’est la vie.






Nessun dorma

I Dreamed A Dream

Wednesday, November 23rd, 2011

I just got home a few minutes ago. Bill is up in Buffalo, and is expected back tomorrow. It’s been a long day. Last night I had the strangest dream which seemed to go on forever, but in reality probably lasted about a minute.

In the dream I was working in an office (perhaps a omen) yet still working for Cigar Shack Incorporated. A phone was ringing and I answered it. On the other end was Benjamin Netanyahu. He was friendly enough, perhaps too friendly.

He was asking me about some cigars that I sold him on the east side of town. I told him I worked on the west side of town but he was insistent and being a customer, always right. He basically told me he liked the cigars and in a roundabout way, was asking me out for some cocktails.

I don’t remember much after that since I woke up. The day started out as a drag and continued to be so and it went on. I was out on the street waiting for the bus and watching the rain clouds roll in. I don’t think I slept too well and was a bit anxious about work.

I had no idea what was in store at the cigar shack but a redeeming value was the fact that Frank Burns would not be in. It was to be Zack and Thomas. The bus was crowded and late. There were quite a few people leaving town with luggage. At the next stop Deborah got on board and it was nice to see her though both of us were dragging.

I tried not to think about past jobs where the office would close at a half day and a four day weekend happily loomed. No, that was not for me. I had a long full day ahead. Looking backwards was not going to help me at all. Since my bus was late that meant I was late but I wasn’t too worried.

After the train ride uptown I walked into the cigar shack where Zack was behind the counter next to Thomas who was counting money. Zack was ringing up for a customer and I said good morning as I walked in. A glare from Thomas did not seem promising. He was just tired.

I got myself together and punched in and soon started selling cigars and whatnot. The man cave once again open for smoking was getting crowded and in the afternoon would be filled with some slightly tipsy customers pontificating and egging each other on while others merely rolled their eyes.

For lunch I headed out, took a train downtown and walked back just to have something to do. I was back in time as Thomas was due to have lunch next. He had nowhere to go and wound up spending his time looking for a place to roost. Zack left early leaving Thomas and myself.

The tipsy customers left wishing Thomas and myself a happy Thanksgiving and once or twice I actually wished customers a happy Halloween.

Now I am home and happy to be here. I might not write tomorrow, it is a holiday and Bill has things planned. So we shall see.


transom





05 That’s Love, That It Is

very boring entry, no?

I Don’t Want to Grow Up

Thursday, November 10th, 2011

It’s a Thursday night in the cigar shack. It’s been a busy day which has kept me occupied and it’s been good since I woke up twice in the middle of the night with headaches due from dehydration. The first time I woke up it must have been around 4:00 and Bill was awake and getting ready for work.

He’s been getting to his office around 5:30 to get a jump on cleaning up his desk. His boss has been running him ragged and now that the baseball season is over things have slowed down considerably. So my time with Bill has usually been in the dark, laying in bed listening to the sleep apnea machine forcing air into his face.

The second time I woke up I was a bit wiser and took some Advil which helped greatly. And Bill was gone for a few hours before I got up and got myself ready for the day. I was fairly ambivalent about the day ahead. I waited for the bus in the cool autumn air, the sun was shining and I of course waited for my 10:30 bus.

It was a bit crowded when I boarded and sat in the back next to the wheel well. The bus filled up rather quickly, no downstairs Deborah, no Alice G, just me and I spent most of the ride looking at my smartphone like so many other commuters. I was in the bus terminal, trying to get to the subway, this entrance blocked off, that exit closed.

Eventually I did make it and did not have to wait too long for a train which was nice. Got to the shack just a minute late which I thought would be worse since there were a few checkpoints at the Lincoln Tunnel causing some delay in the commute. The shack had Zack and Bradley as well as Jerry Vale.

I busied myself cleaning yet again and was dragging in sales throughout most of the day. But as things happen it’s the luck of the draw or in my case, whomever answers the phone. I got a big sale much to my surprise and knocked it out the box. Now it’s quiet again, me and Bradley (yes a name change yet again) and he’s playing some music that he performed himself and to my surprise it wasn’t that bad.

With some polish he probably could have sold it to 4AD, but he says that those days are behind him. This newfound respect for Bradley surprises me. Why isn’t he nice all the time instead of being standoffish? It was possibly the first time in a year, since Bradley started working at the cigar shack that we actually got along fine.

I wound up closing the cigar shack letting Bradley get a head start on getting home and closed it relatively quickly. Two more days to go for me then it’s two days off in a row. I’m looking forward to it and though I have no plans, I am open for some good ideas or suggestions on what to do.





01 come together

I Can’t Be Satisfied

Thursday, July 7th, 2011

Strange. Sometimes Google docs works at the cigar shack and sometimes it doesn’t. It is working now which is most peculiar. I have to make it through today and tomorrow and then I will have 5 days off in a row, the last 2 days being vacation days. Of course as I write that, Google Docs gets all kablooey. Best to quit while I am ahead I’m sure.

But here I am again. Calvin is in a meeting across town, leaving the cigar shack to the Bradley and myself. It hasn’t been especially crazy or busy but I keep myself occupied. The usual knobs are passing by outside the shack, no one I know or recognize.

The regulars are huddled in the man cave, the Bradley using his ferret like eyes and watching them as he chews his Mexican food in a room full of cigar smoke.Calvin was expected to be here around 1:00, then 2:00. A salesman just stopped by to see him and bailed when he realized that Calvin won’t be around for a while.

On the home front, resumes keep going out. Phone calls are sometimes made, sometimes received. Someone suggested looking into getting a medical technician degree or something, and I looked into it online and mistakenly gave my phone number.

So everyday I get a phone call asking me if I would like more information regarding courses and when I tell them I was interested in a medical technician class they always tell me they don’t offer those though their website begs to differ. I think I am approaching the midpoint of my day. A little over 6 hours to go.

I’m supposed to take lunch at 3PM but I guess I will wait until Calvin actually makes an appearance before heading out. I sure as hell don’t want to spend my lunch hour here in the cigar shack. Even if it is 100 ° outside I would rather go out than stay in.

Technically there are about 16 hours to get through before having 5 days off in a row. No word about William’s health or status in the hospital. Julio & I texted each other last night, he was very concerned. I just assume everything will be alright. He is in a hospital after all. I suppose when you have a child you start to see life differently, how fragile it is, how fleeting.

You can be here one minute and then gone the next. I am not sure whether or not William had insurance, I think Chaz mentioned that he didn’t. But the hospital took him in as a hard ship case so that has to be better than nothing.

Yesterday in the middle of laundry and whatnot, I had JFK on, the movie by Oliver Stone. I remember seeing that at the Galaxy with William when it came out. We missed the first 5 minutes entering when the woman who was thrown from the car was in the hospital bed yelling about the assassination plot. Talk about a spoiler!

Now I am home, one day down, another to go. There was an odd moment at the cigar shack this afternoon. Calvin was talking to a customer and jokingly referred to himself as Calvin. His name isn’t Calvin in real life, just a pseudonym that I created for this here blog. I wonder if he reads this.

The president of the cigar shack llc came in today and told me that he is very happy with the cigar shack and it’s staff. He said it in the man cave, with other customers around and they all chimed in. It was good to hear.

After tomorrow I think I will be taking 5 days off. Then on for 3 and then off 3 more. So that’s that.

No luck