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I Just Can’t Stop Loving You

Thursday, April 12th, 2012

“Are they REALLY like that Mommy? All of Them?” the little girl asked her mother. Her mother responded, “Yes Lisa. They are ALL idiots” Just a conversation I heard on the way in to work a while back. Little did I know how often Lisa’s mother’s response would have an effect on how things are seen and unseen throughout the day, throughout the week and even throughout the month.

I don’t know how a conversation I overheard last year plays into this, but I did write it down on the moleskine that dear old Jimmy Seltzer gave me, around the same time as the little girl and her mother had that little chat. I have to admit hearing the chat did bring a smile to my face.

Glad to be home, it’s been a long day. Four guys on the floor makes for a feeding frenzy. I sidestepped it and decided to take care of my section of the humidor as well as polishing up some very expensive pens that looked like shit.

I had a customer the other day who was looking at the pens and I have to admit I was embarrassed at how they looked. A bit tarnished and covered with fingerprints. So elbow grease was my initial method of cleaning and I thought I had done a good job.

Sales went on behind me, Jerry Vale and Thomas getting the sales mainly. Bradley lurked in the background, doing his very best to be the guy in charge. I was the guy polishing. A few customers had come in and mainly hung out by the registers chatting with whomever was behind the counter. If I wasn’t on the floor polishing pens, I would be in the humidor, stocking the shelves, making sure all the cigar labels were facing the correct way.

For some reason, no one told Thomas that his zipper was open and it was open for about an hour. He’s usually so careful about how he looks, the fact that he overlooked this one very small detail brought a few giggles among the customers. I don’t think anyone told him anything and I don’t think he brought it up, but after leaving the bathroom things were as they should be, relatively speaking.

Jerry Vale has been great lately. Personable as ever, the customers have taken a shine to him and he engages them in very long conversations most of the time. I can only guess that Jerry Vale talks about cigars mainly since he usually winds up selling them the very cigars that were talked about.

For me, today it was another day back at the cigar shack. No more Mister Nice Guy. If I hit my goal and a co-worker is struggling, that’s just too damn bad. I never minded helping out my co-workers in the past, but that has passed. It seems my kindness was mistaken for weakness. That isn’t going to happen anymore.

Yesterday was basking in the afterglow of the wonderful Maxwells trip. And a trip it was, at least tales told of tripping occurred. How psilocybin was all over the place one night in the 1980’s. How Martin was behind the bar with a choice stem in his mouth, how Ben was flying that night while working the door. Though I had the supply I was not indulging, just allowing everyone else to get their fill.




1-02 It Wouldn’t Have Made Any Diffe

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I Had To Say It

Tuesday, February 21st, 2012

I start this at home, 1:08AM. Iam not tired so I figured I would stya up a while and watch TV. I heard a lot of good things about Downton Abbey and see that it on PBS. As the show opened at Christmas in 1919, presents are handed out to the servants as well family of Downton Abbey. Unfortunately, now is the time for the Emergency Broadcast System to make their monthly announcement and test. So perhaps it’s just as well that I should go to bed. It made me laugh though.

Now, hours later- I put up with the noise from the Emergency Broadcast System, while grateful that there was no ‘real’ emergency to worry about. And after a short time, the audio for Downton Abbey was restored and I found myself engrossed slightly. I mean, Maggie Smith is in it, and a blast from the past, Elizabeth McGovern playing an American married to a member of the British aristocracy. But by the time 1:45 rolled around I knew I was in over my head and needed to go to sleep.

Bill had gone to bed an hour or two previous and had gotten out of bed twice by my count. When I eventually got to bed myself he got out of bed one more time before I faded into relative obscurity. He was up and out around 7:30 as I lay sleeping. He was feeling a little bit better, lending him a pair of my boxer briefs might have helped. Still he did not get nearly enough sleep as he needed and I expect him to be asleep when I get home in an hour or two.

It was fairly busy at the cigar shack, Zack and Bradley and Jerry Vale on board today which made for fierce competition for a handful of sales. Lunch was a waste of time though for the second day in a row I was able to get some Shepherd’s Pie which was wonderful and filling. I always think of Hyman Gross when I have Shepherd’s Pie. He was the one who recommended it to me, telling me that the overpriced supermarket nearby has it at a reasonable price.

I stayed close to the cigar shack during lunch, stopping into 2 nearby stores where friends work, only to find when I arrived that neither friend was available when I stopped by. It wasn’t terribly upsetting but did leave me in the lurch as to what to do for the rest of my rapidly decreasing lunch hour.

I just wandered around outdoors and got a shoeshine which wasn’t nearly enough to kill time. I wound up getting back to work earlier which was a bit of a drag. Still it wasn’t the end of the world and I would have had a quick cigar in the man cave if it weren’t for a certain troll that I have nothing but disdain for. Just too much of a lump to ignore so I avoided him.








03 help!

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I Grieve

Thursday, February 16th, 2012

Yeah it’s another day at the cigar shack and another crappy day at that. The weather coincides with the atmosphere inside the cigar shack. I am so ambivalent I have not checked the numbers since last night. The man cave usually gets cleared out at 7:00PM, but not tonight. Zack has been getting his smoke on.

And the music today has been provided by Pandora, the scourge of DJ’s everywhere. And it has been Thomas’ choosing to play Pandora, so we’ve had a smattering of Arcade Fire (who I really can’t bear to listen to anymore), some Beatles and Postal Service and a host of emo type things.

Thomas has been quite antagonistic today so I figured it would be best to stay out of his way and just stay within the confines of my own mind and body. If I said Black, Thomas would say White. I say left and he would say right. So it was probably for the best I feel. He just asked if I would be this way all night and since there is less than 90 minutes I don’t think it would really matter one way or another.

Plus I have had no reason to get into it or out of it or whatever position it would seem to be. He hasn’t been engaging like he usually is and now seems miffed at my reaction to his antagonism. Oh it could go on all right. I just attempted a conversation but apparently Thomas was not having it. That train has left the station. Pandora shut off about 20 minutes ago and he is not doing anything about it.

I hate selling pens and I hate selling pen refills. And I really hate doing repairs. And the last customers I’ve had were all about pens and lighters. The lighter needed to be repaired and so I did the proper paperwork and set it up to go out tomorrow with the mail. It’s just been added to some other items I had shipped out in the past few months, including a lighter of my own that the companies they were sent to have been quite lax in returning.

One company sent a lighter back with a cost of 68.00 despite my writing on the work order to phone with an estimate. So I needed to contact the customer who seemed remarkably non-plussed which was a relief since I was anticipating a justifiably irate customer.

Things have gotten better between Thomas and myself. All that was needed was explanations as to how each of us were feeling. He was feeling shitty and I was feeling crappy or vice versa.

On a nicer note, Zack’s wife stopped by the cigar shack and she was looking quite nice. She is a few months pregnant, due in June. They make a nice couple and it’s clear that Zack adores her. Now there is less than 30 minutes left at the cigar shack and I am glad Thomas is closing tonight. He offered to do it yesterday and I took him up on the offer so I wouldn’t have to close four days in a row.

Still I have to close tomorrow and Saturday but it’s OK. Shouldn’t be too bad and having written that I have more than likely jinxed myself. Home again, drizzly outside. Bill was able to exchange the melted Godiva chocolates from Valentine’s Day so that is really nice. To come home to a sweet man with a sweet heart shaped box of chocolates is great. I wish everyone could have that experience but you’ll have to get your own guy.

And NJ has passed same sex marriage which will likely be vetoed by our rotund governor.






Romantic-Me

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I Go to Rio

Tuesday, January 10th, 2012

Oh how I did not sleep well last night. I mean, I was pretty tired when I turned in at 1:00, and at 2:00 I followed my advice and got out of bed and surfed the net a bit. Then went back to the bed about 20 minutes after that, but still I could not fall asleep. I simply could not shut my brain off.

Too many thoughts coming in from all directions on all different subjects. Finally I guess around 3:00 I did fall asleep somewhat, but still it was not enough. I probably had that mad eye look when Bill was leaning over me, kissing me goodbye as he headed off to work. I tried to get some more sleep but the sun was coming in and I eventually had to get up and get out.

I had shown Bill how to make coffee the other day so I had a nice pot waiting for me, one less thing to do in the morning. Somehow I remained awake in the shower and cleaned myself up, washing whatever sleep there was from out of my eyes. A couple of cups of coffee and after checking email and whatnot I was on the way to the bus stop.

I was several feet behind myself though, and it was like that throughout the day. I felt stoned, like I had taken a massive hit off a joint and left to fend for myself among the natives and tourists of Manhattan. I’ve been saving some money by walking to the cigar shack instead of taking the train but it didn’t help much.

I mean money wise it did, but still I was groggy. And it was Bradley and Jerry Vale in the cigar shack today and of course that meant that Bradley was calling the shots much like the Frank Burns he used to be and sometimes still is. I was doing well in sales though and for most of the day I had a several hundred dollar lead.

Then I went to lunch and an order that both Jerry Vale and I worked on, well all the credit went to Bradley who was quite a fucking bitch about the whole thing. I explained the reason my initials and Jerry Vale’s initials were on the work slip, to which Bradley stated that he could not figure out what the initials JV were for.

I was pretty upset about the whole thing with regards to Bradley being a dick but things got better since I just surpassed him in sales and I didn’t have to steal credit for it. About 20 minutes left in the cigar shack for the day and of course it is taking it’s sweet ass time in getting here.

Cat Stevens is singing Father and Son and Jerry Vale just related a story about how he played the song for his son, who hated the line ‘you are young and it’s all your fault’. I just want to go to bed.

lucky penny?






2 – Downtown

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I Go Crazy Queen

Friday, January 6th, 2012

Last night I stayed up later than expected and this morning, I slept later than expected, more than likely from the melatonin I took before going to bed. I did not help me to fall asleep faster but it did make me sleep quite deeply, making waking up delayed.

Bill got up before me and I eventually followed maybe 15 minutes later. I slowly got myself together in anticipation of going to the supermarket but there was no need. Bill having been up a little longer than me was already dressed and heading to the store anyhow. I settled in in front of the computer with a cuppa and checked email and Facebook.

Bill came home laden with groceries and foodstuffs and after helping him unload I had myself a nice breakfast. For some reason I had actually thought I would be up and out before noon, but in reality it was closer to 1:00. I made it outdoors and stopped by the local music store to see if the newest copies of Mojo and Uncut were out but they weren’t. The store was certainly crowded though.

I walked to the Path train and got on, happy not to see the former friend that I wrote about in September, the guy with the drinking problem like I did last week. I did see Kathe Charas who is back in town for a few days. She was looking good but couldn’t chat too long since she was off to have lunch with Chaz and I had a train waiting on the platform.

I hopped on a train and soon I was getting off the train at Christopher Street. My former roommate William told me of a store on Hudson Street that sold the kind of holiday lights we used to use in Weehawken, the colored lights fade in and out type. I walked over to the store where William said they had them but they had a lot of different lights but not the kind I was looking for.

‘Oh well’ I sighed, saving some money I headed back onto the street and walked down Bleecker to Carmine to see if the Anti-Imperialist Bookstore had any calendars. They used to have lots of calendars but not this time. From there I walked up Sixth Avenue and as I walked I saw another friend from the past, Teo.

Teo used to live in the building next to mine with his parents when I was living in a basement apartment in the 1980’s. I last saw him when I considered moving in with him in Jersey City when 10 years of living with William was wearing me down, but seeing where and how Teo lived made me reconsider and cool my jets with regards to moving.

He eventually hit rock bottom from drug use and moved to Toronto where he did not know anyone and from what he said today, lived in the woods for some time. After going to rehab he was clean and looked good. He was a very good artist and still is. And today I saw him selling his paintings on the street along with other sellers of art and whatnot. He’s living in Inwood now and it was good to see him.

I did walk up to Barnes and Noble on Eighth Street and found 2 calendars, a John Lennon drawings calendar and for Bill a New York Yankees calendar. It was a nice day so I decided to just continue listening to the Modern Lovers on the iPod as I walked up to the bus terminal. Of course there was a line at the gate for the 126 bus but I didn’t really mind. It was a good day and I am glad I made it out.



smartphone in hand, fast asleep




03 Picture Book (mono)

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I Feel Home

Tuesday, December 6th, 2011

Well today was an interesting day. Last night was as well. The bus ride home with neighbor Deborah was filled with insight. She offered some wisdom that I imparted years ago to a dear friend of mine that I have written about before. Basically don’t pay attention to the angry, lonely crank. Instead, pay attention to those that are positive and support you.

There’s so much negativity in the world, who needs it from some unknown thing? It is almost word for word, what I told that dear friend back in the early days of the Internet. So many positive and supportive things were said, but all it took was one crank to be such a douche bag that my dear friend was upset despite my dear friend’s wife and I told him, to focus on the positive.

That is the angle I am working and so far so good. No pestilence in my life today. Today was started off with my dear love Bill kissing me goodbye and me sleepy eyed telling him I loved him so. Such a wonderful way to start the day. I soon got out of bed, did my thing.

The coffee, the cereal, the shower and then after checking some email, I felt tired. I still had an hour to get the bus so I decided to take a quick nap. Man did that do the trick. Reset my body clock it did. I should do that more often. I was refreshed and energized and ready to face the world.

Cobwebs blown away, I headed to the bus stop where I finished a cigar and waited for my second favorite bus driver. And he was on time as usual. The bus wasn’t too crowded and soon I found myself traipsing through the bus terminal, headed to the subway. That was where the wait was, on the platform.

No performers, the a capella group that usually does so well were absent as was the over emoting female singer who sings along to a CD, doing her best Whitney/Mariah imitations. I was a half hour early so I chatted with Bill for a few minutes before I headed in.

The day progressed nicely and sales were very good. Zack wound up babysitting for a group of jewelry makers who had reserved the man cave for an hour. They sat and drank and talked diamonds for a while. Then they left, Zack went home and another group of men came in, talking computers. It was all arranged by Zack and it fell to me to babysit this crew.

They were a nice bunch from upstate New York, a bit catty with each other and respectful to me. They stayed for an hour before they all departed to catch their MetroNorth trains home. I cleaned up the man cave while Thomas manned the front of the store. All in all it was a good time, I got to sit and smoke a cigar while watching the crew.

Thomas was understandably antsy since he is flying to the Virgin Islands tomorrow. At the stroke of 10:00 Thomas was out the door. I finished up, closed everything and headed to the subway. My beloved was in midtown and said that he would be taking the Path train home.

I told him if the train that gets me to the bus terminal shows up first, then that is the train I will take. If the other train that goes to the Path train shows up, then I will be on that one. I had hoped to ride home with my love but he was not on the train. Still I sat and read Uncut magazine.

The train took about the same amount of time as the bus would have so it really made no difference. It would have been nice to ride with my Bill again but he just boarded the Path train so he should be home soon enough. I hope you had a good day today, I know I did.






Butthole Surfers – 03 – American Women

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