Archive for the ‘Interesting Things as of Late’ Category

I Left My Wallet In El Segundo

Thursday, May 17th, 2012

An interesting day. I had to come in to the cigar shack an hour early which wasn’t so bad, the commute is geared to end at 10:00 so I had smooth sailing since I was on the 9:30 bus. Tomorrow is going to be a pain in the tuchis since I will have to be at the cigar shack at 8:00 so Bradley can train us on things we need to be trained on.

It has been quite an interesting day to say the least. I did the bank run this morning and while walking and chatting with Bill on the phone, I spotted Steve Martin walking by. He was trying to be invisible and as he passed me I said ‘Hi Steve’ and he nodded and kept on moving. I have to admit, it was a thrill to see him. He looked good and dapper in an LA style while walking down Broadway.

I did the bank run and headed back to the cigar shack where I was working with Thomas and Jerry Vale. Bradley was out today as was the possum and Zack was out somewhere in New Jersey. It was a good day, not as busy as the head Jesus would have liked, but relatively OK. The three of us made for a good team, only stepping on each others toes occasionally and usually apologizing if and when that happened.

Lunch came quickly and went quickly. I sat on a bench by the park and smoked a cigar, joined in the last few minutes by an older gentleman who shops at the cigar shack. He lives across the street from my bench and his wife spotted me and told the older gent who came down to smoke with me. I only had about 10 minutes left to spend with him and we had a good chat about the cigar shack.

As I headed back to the cigar shack, I had a few extra minutes and sat down. Then I spotted George Takei and his husband Brad walking down the street. I asked George takei if I could have a picture and he said sure so I handed Brad the camera and he took a lovely snapshot. I showed it to Thomas once I got back to the cigar shack and he was quite thrilled.

He almost went out to see if George Takei was still around but I talked him out of it, telling him that he had probably moved on. Earlier in the day we received an email from Zack saying that the email servers would be down for a few hours starting around 6:00. AT around 6:30 I get a text from Zack, telling me to check my email when I get a chance.

I reply, telling him that the servers were down (much like he predicted earlier in the day), and then a minute later, asking him if there was something I should know. It weighed on my mind and I asked Thomas and Jerry Vale if they got the same message but they hadn’t. An hour or so later I checked again to see if the server was up.

It was then that I received word that Zack has discovered this blog. Apparently former genital massager Markos hipped Zack to this here blog and Zack emailed me in turn. It surprised me but I had a feeling that someone would have figured it out eventually. I mean, the Martini Basher incident a couple of years ago should have been a tip off but it went unnoticed. Most everyone knew about it, even Bradley knew about it. He’ll probably deny it but he has quoted things from this here blog. Some customers read this here blog and they enjoy it.

And to my credit, Zack did say it was witty, much more witty than the other blog that I unofficially write for the cigar shack. I say unofficially since I do not get paid for it and there’s really no credit for it. Zack did carbon copy Bradley on the email, saying ‘I guess GZA was right’. What does Wu Tang Clan have to say about the blog? Such a cryptic poet that Zack can be.

My writing was called Beckett-like the other day which I took as high praise and now this! Samuel Beckett, one of the greatest writers of the 20th Century…

So I guess tomorrow could very well be my last day. Today did have an air of finality to it and also felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Word is now officially out that I am unhappy working at the cigar shack and with my sales this month being subpar he might just get what he wanted, or at least what Bradley wanted.

Nevertheless I have to attend Bradley’s training session tomorrow at 8:00AM. That should be very interesting. Is the writing on the wall or merely on this here blog? You know I will keep you posted whatever happens. I think things are getting quite interesting, wouldn’t you agree?

George Takei and me


04 The Last Time

I Know You Won’t

Tuesday, May 15th, 2012

You’d think that after being here for almost two years things would get easier, but they don’t. I suppose it’s because there are so many different personalities walking through the door each and every day there is no set chemistry. Each contact, each transaction brings something different, indefinable. Each day brings a new dread.

The possum was in full effect today, not really communicative until it was about time for him to go. Then he warmed up. After the possum left I had to deal with one of his customers on the phone. The possum sold him an item that wasn’t what the possum said it was. The caller was quite upset and wanted a refund. I ran it by Zack and Zack told me what to say.

I got back on the phone with the possum’s customer and proceeded to tell them what Zack told me to say, all the while saying ‘Yes I understand’ and ‘OK’. Well the customer did not want to hear that and asked for the manager. So I go and get Zack who is upset that I told the caller the manager was in.

Zack wanted me to say the possum was the manager. Zack starts barking at me and I start barking back. If you are the fucking manager, be the fucking manager. Zack would prefer the buck stopped somewhere further down the line. Needless to say, Zack calmed the customer down and will be sending his wife in to deal with the possum.

I also had another encounter with one of my own customers. I was speaking on the phone with them in Utah, and was suggesting that he buy a box of our latest and greatest. Well my guy says he talked to a co-worker who told my guy that the cigars are really good, only after storing them in a humidor for about a year.

I am pretty sure it was Jerry Vale who gave such crap advice and when I asked Jerry Vale he denied it. It was pretty much a boneheaded move on his part, a move that took away a $300.00 sale of which I could have definitely used to boost my sales for the month. Overall it’s been like that, me watching my co-workers boost their sales while mine seem to be anemic at best.

The weather is quite humid and it’s been raining all day so there’s been no real escape from the cigar shack. Oh sure, I made my move at lunchtime, went to a nearby diner and ate the usual burger. It stopped raining for a while after I ate but everything was wet so sitting down outside was not an option.

Now things have quieted down, Zack left about 45 minutes ago and the possum left about 2 hours ago and for that we are grateful. I am off tomorrow, back to the skewed schedule. A day off here, four days on there. And now I am dealing with quite a cantankerous twat who seems to be begging for it.

Finally I am home. A bit stressed. Rand contacted me about reforming the Art Hams for a Hoboken Music Day on June 10. I am all for it and put in a request for the day off. Only thing is, it is the third Sunday I am asking for, the third Sunday in a row. I am anxious that they will turn down this request and I am anxious since it is something I would really like to do. But ultimately it’s not up to me.

Yet another reason I want to get back to a Monday through Friday job.




Redbone – Come And Get Your Love

I Know Him So Well

Wednesday, May 2nd, 2012

It happens often. I call someone who is unavailable and leave a voicemail. I usually say “don’t call back, I’ll call you later”. 9 times out of 10 they call back. I am guilty of this too. Just had terse words with Bill. I use a hands free headset and as I am putting it away after leaving a voice mail- he calls. It’s raining, my hands are full with phone, ipod, and umbrella looking for shelter. It’s love and it’s frustrating.

I call him almost daily on my walk from the apartment to the bus stop. I get the voice mail and leave a message telling him not to call back, I would call when I am in the city. I unplug the hands free headset I use for the phone, put it away and plug in my headphones for the iPod, all the time smoking a cigar and using an umbrella while striding to the bus stop.

Of course, Bill calls at an inopportune moment, asking if I would be interested in going with him to his high school reunion in June. It’s a 30 year reunion and he liked his classmates. I am exasperated of course and probably a little bit snotty. I explain the situation that I don’t know if I can get that time off or if there will be time to have off.

I try to recover and make light of the situation but by this time Bill isn’t having it. The call ends abruptly. I make my way up to the cigar shack, on the way I get cut off by a delivery guy on a bicycle who knocks my smoke out of my hand. He apologises and I just keep walking. I make my way to the cigar shack in the drizzle and text Bill, telling him I am going to run an errand and I will call him back.

Apparently he still doesn’t like the fact, after 12 years, that I am not a morning person. We talk as I do the errand and he suggests taking a Xanax, to use the tools I have at hand since he is fed up with me and the way I am in the morning. I try to end the call on an up note but whether or not I hit that register, or whether Bill heard it it remains to be seen.

I did suggest earlier during the initial call that maybe we can talk about the high school reunion when I get home tonight. That is, if Bill is still awake. I get to the cigar shack and notice it really seems smoky and smells like cigars. Now normally it doesn’t since the cigar shack has a very good ventilation system going, but apparently not this morning.

Since I have been persona non grata lately I try to stay out of sight, keep my head down and do some work work work. So the man cave had to be closed which drove down sales, but I did spectacular. Just looking for a team to play for.

Oh and Bradley was upset since I questioned the fact that he had a sense of humor or any sense at all. He doesn’t. He can be quite hilarious but that hasn’t happened in a few months.

Charisma eczema. For some reason, I remember asking my sister in the 1970’s after hearing an advert on the radio about reminiscing how in the 1960’s, everybody had charisma. I asked my sister what charisma was and she told me it was a skin disease.







01 El Camisón De Pepa (Pepa’s Dress)

I Know A Little

Monday, April 30th, 2012

Well today was a day off. Yesterday wasn’t. Yesterday was working with Thomas and Jerry Vale. Thomas and I finally had our talk, about how upset I was when he stole a customer from me. According to Bill when I am upset with someone I freeze them out, or in Bill’s words I send them to Siberia.

I got that from my father. Not the best way to handle a situation, but it beats biting someone’s head off. But the talk was had and Thomas seemed contrite, saying that if he ever does that to me again to let him know and he would rectify the situation. It made for an easy afternoon.

Jerry Vale was out of sorts though. He messed up a shipping order earlier in the week and still has difficulty on the cash registers. So after all this time, he still needs to be watched closely. I came home last night, closing my register and leaving Jerry Vale in the shop. He’s been hiding out there avoiding his roommate until it is time to go home.

I had a cigar and walked down the avenue to the bus stop. It was a great feeling knowing that I had a single day off which is better than no day off. On Saturday the sales were very good and warranted an email from Zack telling us what a good job we had performed. Yesterday the sales were not as good therefore no email was forthcoming. I had top sales both days by the way which was nice.

I got home, Bill fast asleep. I chatted with him as he slept and grumbled, eventually watching Nurse Jackie which was very good thanks to the appearance of Rosie Perez. The Big C was also very good as well, once again with guest stars Susan Saradon and Victor Gerber.

I saw John Benjamin Hickey on the street the other day, he plays Laura Linney’s brother. Being in New York I didn’t say anything or make a scene. I think I saw Rupert Murdoch the other day as I was heading into work. He had a big bodyguard as he left the overpriced supermarket nearby. I didn’t say anything to him though I did meet him twice before. I shook his hand which felt like I was squeezing mashed potatoes and thanked him for the great party that I was attending.

I watched Mad Men which was good but not as good as the week before which had Roger’s trip on LSD as the centerpiece. I stayed up for a while watching the news and whatnot, Bill had gotten out of bed for a little while before heading back.

This morning I had a telephone interview which went well. Whether or not anything comes of it remains to be seen. I can’t afford to invest hope in these matters since my spirit gets crushed each and every time. So ambivalence is the way to go.

I called Bill as I do most mornings and tried to tell him about the interview that I just had but he wasn’t much interested since I had so many of these things the past few years. I should try apathy next time he goes up for an audition. I won’t but the devil on my shoulder insists.

I also heard from Pedro who I had no contact with for the past few months. He wrote that he hates my Trayvon Martin Facebook hoodie profile picture, labeling it white guilt. He’s getting to be more of a reactionary conservative (probably because of the lack of contact between us, me offering the liberal voice of things which usually opens his mind somewhat).

For me there was no white guilt involved, it had more to do with a sense of injustice. Of course I didn’t tell Pedro that, the guy who was so upset when Radio Raheem gets killed by the police in Do The Right Thing.

My how we’ve grown since 1989.

there is a hawk in this photo


10 Five Years

I Keep Faith

Saturday, April 21st, 2012

Listening to Elvis Costello, My Aim Is True at the cigar shack. That really could sum up a lot of things. How I feel about work mainly. I’m not spending all my time in a vanity factory like old Declan. No I am standing in a cigar shack, working with dunderheads and I can’t think of any other word that could describe these boys.

Boys. That’s it. That is the phrase that pays. They are boys who spend so many minutes of the day staring out the window, passing comment on the women that stroll by. How this one likes Asian chicks, or Latin chicks, how that one likes women in work out gear, specifically yoga pants. And they are fixated on a woman they call Little Italy for some reason.

True I stare out the window at men sometimes but certainly not with the frequency that these boys do. Occasionally I might say woof when a hot man walks by and that gets their attention then they realize that I am woofing at a man and they make disgruntled comments.

This is the second blog I am writing today. The first was the official blog for the cigar shack, an attempt to get people (guys) to attend a cigar breakfast next week. Meet up at the nearby restaurant, have breakfast and then retire to the cigar shack man cave for cigars, all for $75.00.

This event has been promoted and mentioned throughout the past month or so and there has been very little interest in it, and some people who have expressed interest in it, decided they weren’t that much interested in it after all. So instead of cutting our losses and perhaps rescheduling, it’s a full court press on people who were not interested in the first place.

‘Shit rolls downhill’ as Bradley mentioned today, and since he is number two, the shit is rolling from Zack to him and now from him to Jerry Vale and myself today, and who knows if Thomas will get shat on tomorrow. I doubt it myself. I’m sure I will find out more on Monday since I am off tomorrow.

And tomorrow does not promise to be an easy low key day. Bill is singing the national anthem at CitiField before the NY Mets/San Francisco Giants game at 1:15. Soundcheck is at 10:00 which means we have to be out of the apartment at 8:00 and get on a train to Flushing. So no sleeping in, in fact I am getting up earlier than I would like. Earlier than I would if I had to go to work.

Oh the things we do for love.

Meanwhile, back at the cigar shack, once again I was off the floor, cleaning up the back room not making any sales. I am safely under my goal and at this moment it doesn’t seem likely that I will reach it. I work with some really shitty co-workers. No recognition for helping out with a sale, that $170.00 cigar case that I showed to a customer that Bradley was helping went to Bradley, not the guy who got the whole thing together.

I have to either get out of this hell hole of retail or get a stronger prescription of Xanax. And thanks to Bradley’s lack of foresight, I had to stay at the cigar shack, an hour later. And I will be standing in front of the fan on Monday when they bring in the shit to throw at said fan.

Forewarned is forearmed isn’t it? Better wear a raincoat.

That is it, I am done with this day. No post tomorrow.

the loneliest Israelite








807 Cloudbusting

I Just Threw Out The Love Of My Dreams

Monday, April 16th, 2012

This has been an out of the ordinary day. Yesterday was fairly ordinary though. It was a day working alongside Jerry Vale and Thomas. Thomas was doing his best to get on my good side after a week or two of estrangement and it worked. I had forgotten that carrying a grudge could be a burden. SO there was a thawing out of the frosty relations between the two of us. Jerry Vale and I get along just fine.

Still I did get a bit upset with the two of them. On weekends it usually falls to me to clean up the man cave once it is closed to the public. It takes about a half hour generally and for that half hour I am off the floor, not taking sales. The front of the cigar shack needs a cleaning as well and yesterday since the two of them were just staring out the window ogling women walking by, I put the vacuum cleaner between the two of them, saying it was up for grabs.

Twenty minutes later, the vacuum cleaner was still there and I got upset with the two for them. I told Jerry Vale why I was upset and he said he didn’t vacuum since Thomas NEVER vacuums, so why should he? As if that was a viable excuse. So it was left to me to vacuum after I told Jerry Vale off, Thomas in the bathroom dealing with his irritable bowel syndrome.

After that I took the trash to the loading dock and figured that I would give myself a nice break and sat outside the cigar shack on the street watching life go by on a beautiful spring evening. I suppose it was similar to how my mother would ask my brother Brian and me to do something and neither of us would, at least not in the time frame that she had hoped it would get done. Instead Brian and I would fight about it, with Brian usually winning since he was bigger than me.

I came back to the cigar shack, and a little while after that Thomas left early with his IBS, leaving Jerry Vale and myself to close the cigar shack. Jerry Vale and I walked downtown a bit, I was headed to the bus terminal and he was off to who knows where.

I came home to a note on my computer from Bill, asking me to wake him up at 9:30, which I did. I watched Bob’s Burgers, then Nurse Jackie and the Big C followed by Mad Men. Bill was awake for a little while, telling me right in the middle of Mad Men what his past two days were like. He was at an acting seminar and it went well I suppose.

Then he went to bed and luckily I paused the DVR as Bill told his tale, and I was able to watch what was on hold while he talked. I watched the news up to the weather, me not caring much about the sports news that followed. Some more TV before I too went to bed. I had to have some blood work done this morning so I didn’t eat for about nine hours.

I woke up this morning, took a shower and without coffee went out into the world. I ran into my barber Tony, who told me more of his nerve problems, this time not in his left arm but from his neck to between his shoulder blades. It was a brief chat and then I was off to the bibliothèque where I chatted with Diane the librarian about her problems with her apartment.

I picked up Retromania by Simon Reynolds and Live Rust by Neil Young & Crazy Horse. I had a brief chat with Bill on the phone before I went into the local lab where I had four or five vials of blood drawn from my arm. That took about 10 minutes, paperwork included.

Then I left and ran into Jason Stasium who was with his adorable daughter Sophia. I worked with Jason in the last century at Right Track Recording. I didn’t recognize him at first when he started talking to me, thinking he was possibly a cigar shack customer. These things happen without coffee and interacting with humanity. He’s doing well, still an audio engineer and ready to work on whatever projects come his way. He and Sophia walked with me for a while then I was in the supermarket.

As I gathered my provisions I saw Clara, yet another person I worked within the last century. She just got her hair done a few days ago and looked great. She was most appreciative of my earnest compliment. We were both on the line for Isis and the three of us had a few chuckles, as Isis rang up our items. I was surprised at how civil I could be without my coffee, just a few beats behind everything.

I was only gone an hour but obviously a lot had happened in that hour. Finally I was home and able to have breakfast and some coffee that Bill had brewed for me before he left for work. I put away my clothes after breakfast and chatted online with friends. I texted Rand to see if he was around and he responded that he was up for a bike ride. But it was getting close to 90 degrees and I decided to head to the river with a cigar. No bike ride for me today. We may go on Thursday if the weather permits.

I sat by the water and read an interview with Jack White in Uncut Magazine Then I turned the page to an article on the late Alex Chilton, with a photograph taken quite near to where I was sitting by the river, from twenty years ago. It wasn’t exactly a happy article, it was more about Alex Chilton’s downward spiral in the 1970’s.

I walked around a bit after that. There have been advertisements around Hoboken for the Windmill, a Jersey shore fast food place. They were opening a store in Hoboken and I decided to check it out for lunch. I found it, near the Path station and it was still under construction. That was disappointing. Earlier I had gone to Ben & Jerry’s and wanted to treat myself to a Chocolate Therapy milkshake and just like two weeks ago, they were out of Chocolate Therapy.

I walked home, down Washington Street and as I walked past a hardware store I remembered I needed a light bulb. Not just any light bulb, a certain kind of light bulb. And since I didn’t know exactly what kind of light bulb I needed I kept on walking. And as I walked past another hardware store (there are two hardware stores in Hoboken) I overheard a woman telling her son that they needed to get a light bulb.

I came home and took a nap, set the alarm for an hour and woke up after twenty minutes. It’s been an odd day, for me at least. And I didn’t even mention the fact that I helped a few elderly and infirm people in the past 24 hours. Dinnertime!

It’s back to the cigar shack for me tomorrow. Who knows what fresh hell awaits me?



yesterday's sun


10 Kid About It