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I Feel Love

Saturday, December 10th, 2011

Well it’s been a very long day for me and for Jerry Vale as well as Bradley. I just found out that our Jerry works seven days a week bless his heart. He’s been struggling and striving for a long time and still he gets up and does his thing.

I have to take into account what Jimmy Seltzer said to me months ago, that while it’s true I don’t like the job, I still come in and do my job and I do it well. I mean there is no tolerance for a job done half assed so I am glad to have passed the tests.

I woke up in time today and got myself together. I was able to see Bill for a few minutes, he was so tired when he came home and I was heading out the door moments later. Bill is driving once again to Atlantic City tonight so I will more than likely see him tomorrow night. I was running a bit late today, not through anything I did but rather from Lincoln Tunnel traffic.

I was happy to see the Atheist billboard above the tunnel as we rolled in under the river. I made my way up the avenue, getting my egg sandwich and all in all I wasn’t that late, only about 10 minutes. I did not listen to any music on my stroll up the avenue since I couldn’t decide on what I should listen to.

So I went the John Cage route and took in the sounds that happened all around me. My very own 4:33. And here I am hours later unable to remember anything that I heard. And at the cigar shack it was busy busy busy. I hit the ground running and to my surprise sold a $5000 humidor which put me in the lead for sales and my high tide lifted all boats. So it was good for the store as well as Bradley and Jerry Vale (& Thomas) since we all get a piece of that pie.

I was also surprised to find out that I am off on Monday. It’s been so hectic lately that I haven’t a clue 3what day it is until I check my schedule. And that is where Jerry Vale comes in with his seven day schedule. If he’s not working here, then he’s working elsewhere. And once again working with Bradley was a pleasure.

It could be from a talk Jerry Vale had with him, or he could very well be coming into his own. And it could also be from me telling him that he is the assistant manager not me and he does a damn good job at it.

I couldn’t really have a talk with Annemarie today which was a bit of a drag but tomorrow I should be able to. It promises to be a shorter day, getting out at 8:30 after coming in at 9:30. Having written that I realize that it’s not really shorter but I will be getting out earlier and you know that can’t be bad.

It is 11:22 and I just got home after riding the Path train with a crowd of Santa Claus’ and helpers singing the 12 Days of Christmas. It was a fun ride and I chuckled as they sang while I read all about Ahmet Ertegun & Atlantic Records.

No writing tomorrow. Enjoy yourselves and be excellent to each other.




08 Sail Away

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I Feel For You

Saturday, December 3rd, 2011

Well I just got home from work and like I wrote yesterday it wasn’t so bad. Sure it was difficult waking up this morning. Not that I had anything to drink, and actually that was the problem. I awoke at 6:45 with a throbbing headache due to dehydration. I got out of bed, drank some water and took 2 gelcaps. Of course they did not do the trick until about 45 minutes later when I actually had to get up.

I did the usual thing, making the coffee, pouring the cereal and taking a shower. The coffee of course got my engines going and I looked at my phone. 2 texts from Bill, he was waiting at the bus stop for me. My man, my baby after spending the night at the sleep clinic, wanted to see me off in the morning.

I hurried myself after checking the weather. It was cold out, in the upper 30 degree range and knowing Bill not liking the cold I did not want to keep my spouse waiting. I walked up the street to the main drag and sure enough there was my man waiting for me.

I could see his smile from half a block away and I returned his smile with my own. A hug and a kiss and we stood chatting in the brisk December air. Of course Bill soon became the 12 year old boy that he is and soon my coffee energy was depleted. But I held up my end as Bill held up his end.

The bus was late as usual and one last kiss for the day before I boarded. I waved to Bill as the bus rolled up the avenue. Being late meant the bus was going to fill up rather quickly. And being late also meant the next bus soon passed us as we approached the Lincoln Tunnel.

I walked through the terminal and headed to the avenue where I walked up, stopping to get my egg sandwich. I was opening the store so I would have to eat on the run. Jerry Vale came in at 10:00 on the dot, after I counted the drawers and the safe.

Thomas was next, followed by Bradley. Initially I was clobbered by Thomas and Jerry Vale, both of them raking up decent numbers in their first hour while I worked on Excel spreadsheets for a separate project. Bradley then took the lead, selling quite an expensive box of cigars which took all of us by surprise. But I was not to remain in the basement for long.

An attractive woman who looked like my sister in law Elaine came in and bought a few items which put me in second place, where I would remain for the rest of the day behind Bradley. The day was alright. No phone call with my sister since she didn’t tell me she would be out. I did have a good call with Bill as he was preparing to drive down to Atlantic City once again.

And a very special guest appearance was made at the cigar shack by the dear, sweet vagabond- Harpy who was looking very good.

Back to the cigar shack after lunch where doppelganger Elaine was buying duplicates of what she purchased earlier in the day. Then I sold a box of cigars as well as filling out an order for a client of mine from Los Angeles who called when I was out to lunch. Many giggles were had between me and a few customers as I rode that manic high.

And soon enough it was time to go home. No closing the drawers, no cleaning up the man cave, just an easy punch out and then a ride back to the bus terminal where I lucked out, being in the last 3 of a standing room only bus.

It’s not a perfect evening since Bill is headed to Atlantic City, but we’ll have that tomorrow I hope, and if not tomorrow then for the rest of our lives, my sweetheart and me.


09 Gee Whiz (Look At His Eyes)

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I Fall to Pieces

Monday, November 28th, 2011

Well the later hours have begun, meaning that I go in to the cigar shack later and get home later. It works out in a topsy turvy kind of way, I do get to sleep in a little bit later, but then again I do not get home until after 11:00. Too late for a decent meal so I take what I can get.

Yesterday was a Sunday, hence my non posting of an entry. I worked alongside Thomas and Jerry Vale and it wasn’t that bad. The day before was better what with Bradley included and many laughs were had. Yesterday a few laughs were had but sales wise it went all pear shaped. The weather has been unseasonably and unreasonably gorgeous. somewhat disturbing, here we are on the cusp of December and it’s bloody 70 degrees outside.

Bill has been quite the rock lately, so loving and caring and I certainly appreciate it. Yesterday he stopped by the cigar shack to say hello and it truly made my day. That’s what love is, just showing up and making someones day, you can’t beat it. I am fortunate to have someone like Bill, actually I am fortunate to have Bill. A long life filled with love lay ahead no doubt.

And yesterday’s call with Annemarie was really great too. My sister is so great, she is like my right arm, with sage like advice and she laughs at my jokes and comments so you know that can’t be bad. Even if she didn’t laugh at my jokes or comments she would still be great. It certainly helps though. I do enjoy making women laugh.

Heard from Bobby Risotto and the news wasn’t as favorable as I had hoped but he and his partner will be having a child in a few months, surrogate style so to them I say ‘mazel tov’.

Tonight at the cigar shop it’s wrestling night. Don’t ask me who is play or what is what. The last time I watched wrestling was in the 1970’s and the top wrestlers were Bruno Sammartino and Mil Mascaras. WOR channel 9 was the station and one night it was a repeat so while watching TV with my brother Brian, we changed the channel and caught George Carlin on the telly hosting a new show called Saturday Night Live, with musical guests Janis Ian and Billy Preston. I wasn’t 17 so I never learned the truth.

Less than 90 minutes to go, still it is closer to 90 minutes than it is to 0 minutes. The Wynton Marsalis crew is on loop playing the same New Orleans Dixieland holiday classics. I guess they only know 3 songs and those songs are played ad infinitum. Still it beats having sleepy breasts I suppose.

Bradley is less than 3 feet away from me, he clears his throat as he looks out the window, checking out the girls as they stroll by. I check out the guys of course. Just because I am on a diet, it doesn’t mean I can’t look at the menu.




03 Move on

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I Don’t Want Your Love

Monday, November 21st, 2011

Well it certainly has been a strange day. It started out with a very good night’s sleep, had two dreams which involved Pedro. Good dreams he was alright, it was like being back in the old days.

We seemed to be hanging out in River Edge where the old Disc-O-Mat was on Route 4. Also a fleeting dream featuring Takashi Moriuchi, a nice guy I used to work with bank in Wanker Banker days and the Takashi dream took place near Wright’s Village in Lodi or South Hackensack.

Bill was up and out and I was sleeping so well I barely noticed. After a five day shift of 10 hour days, having at least one day off was quite nice. It was not so bad getting up this morning and I slept a few minutes later than I usually do. I got myself together and headed out to the bus stop.

Pedro did phone me but that was because I texted him before I headed out. We have a great bond, the two of us. Truly one of my dearest friends.

Right now in the cigar the usual crap holiday songs are on repeat, and it adds to the hellish situation.And in the cigar shack, things have taken a turn for the worse. The neighbors a really big bank, started complaining about the smell of cigars and they’ve been doing that since way before I started working here.

There was an agreement to talk to us before going to the landlord, but tha has fallen by the wayside and now lawyers are involved. So at 12:30 the man cave was shut down, costing us quite a bit of business since it’s too cold to go outside and smoke (though I did just that at lunch time).

Certain trolls won’t be around so that’s not so bad but this is a crippling blow to the store on the brink of the holiday saeason which is beaucoup bucks for most retailers. A lot of regulars came in looking forward to a smoke and a smile and they left crestfallen. Even Jimmy Seltzer who is driving with his wife to Nashville for the holiday was dismayed.

What can you do? Now the lawyers are involved. The cigar shack lawyers, the big bank laywers and the landlord’s lawyers. I am a Cassandra in this, meaning I knew this was going to happen and even told Calvin that back in January. Our days may be numbered oddly enough and even then who knows?

I am sick of Christmas and it’s not even Thanksgiving yet. These horrible New Orleans Dixieland songs probably picked by Wynton Marsalis are terrible. Perhaps once in a while they would be fine, but this loop that is playing is wearing me down. This is more than likely a violation of the Geneva convention.

Now I am home and surprisingly met Bill while on line for the bus. A nice ride home with the man I love. And now we are home watching part two of the American Masters series, this time all about Woody Allen. Quite insightful and worth watching.








08 Hey, Snow White

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I Don’t Want You Back (Fuck It!)

Friday, November 18th, 2011

I just don’t really understand it, it seems to be a time thing. This time last year I was feeling very much the same only not as intense as I feel now. Last year was a time of uncertainty and nit still is and like last year I am subject to the whims of the universe and man are they kicking my ass.

It is affecting my sleep, at least last night it did. I can’t seem to shut off my brain which leaves me to lay in bed, listening to air escaping from Bill’s sleep apnea mask which is better than his snoring. I went to bed at a decent hour and closed my eyes and tossed and turned and then after about 30 minutes got out of bed, took 2 melatonin tablets and surfed the net for about 20 minutes.

Then I went back to bed and waited for the melatonin tablets to kick in. I guess they did since I did do something resembling sleep, but I wouldn’t call it restful and I wouldn’t say nit was enough. Bill kissed me goodbye saying all the nice things he usually does and I couldn’t even open my eyes. I did speak to him but I really don’t know what we were talking about or even if we were talking about anything besides the usual morning ‘I Love You’.

He left and I stayed in bed eventually getting out about an hour later. Then it was the same thing, shower, coffee, cereal. I was out again on Washington Street waiting for the bus, oblivious to most everything and feeling a few steps behind everyone else in the world.

Neighbor Deborah got on at the next stop and since I didn’t see her in about a week I chewed her ear off. It was quite an interesting story and funny thanks to the spin I put on it. The story consumed the entire bus ride into the city and she was sympathetic as well as supportive, reminding me of a possibility next month which we had discussed in the past.

I got to the cigar shack area and killed sometime before heading in. It was Thomas and Frank Burns (who really does look like a possum when he does not wear his eyeglasses and eats) at the controls. It was fairly busy today so there wasn’t much time to get in each other’s way.

At lunch time I planned on sitting on that bench near the park but found it to be too cold so I went back to the man cave and sat and read the New Yorker (Food Issue- yawn) and Mojo Magazine which wasn’t as engrossing as I hoped. Jimmy Seltzer made an appearance as did My Friend My Friend.

Now it’s just Thomas and I and we are actually doing things. Tomorrow is definitely going to be a long day with a staff meeting at the end of a 10 hour shift. Jerry Vale, Zack, Frank Burns, Thomas and I. Should be a nightmare, at least. I don’t think I will post tomorrow so I will post on Sunday instead.



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I Don’t Like Mondays

Saturday, October 15th, 2011

Well it’s a Saturday and it’s been a day off and from what I can tell nice day weather wise. It’s been alright, I’ve been relatively busy though operating on a low flame. Not that I am ill or anything like that. Physically I feel fine.

All week long I was looking forward to going to Maxwells to support Rand and the Kirby Enthusiasm art show. I spent most of the day killing time, cleaning the apartment, getting some groceries and running errands.

Went to the bibliothèque and picked up a couple of things on hold for me and a stop at the dry cleaners to pick up some clothes. I came home and watched some television, not watching anything in particular. All in all it’s been a nothing day really. Lying low basically.

Last night I was home at a decent hour after work, Bill was off working on the play. I watched Bill Maher and then the news. Surprisingly (or maybe not) there was nothing to watch. Bill came home and we talked for a while before he went to bed.

I soon joined him, falling fast asleep. I slept fairly well, probably from the Xanax I had taken 12 hours before. The day before at the cigar shack was so soul crushing that I needed to let things slide and it certainly helped. And the comedown was pleasant enough to insure a good night’s sleep.

The sleep was good enough to make me sleep later than I expected, awoken once more by Bill kissing me good bye for the day. Bill had a full day, a voice lesson and then picking up his cousin’s son (whom he calls his nephew) to work alongside Bill on the play for some school project.

I did go walk around Hoboken for a spell this afternoon. Not much going on anywhere, so my walk was short lived. After coming home and having something to eat, as well as my Saturday phone call to Annemarie I started to get ready to go to Maxwells for the Kirby Enthusiasm show.

I took my time since I was watching a DVD and also downloading some Everly Brothers tracks as well as some Dave Edmunds and a couple of Elvis Presley songs. I wasn’t sure how cool it was outside since on the fifth floor of my building it was quite windy with the windows open.

I did get it together and started to head out. I also called CREDO since I checked my smartphone account. I was near my 300 text limit and couldn’t figure out how that happened so fast. I called CREDO and spoke to customer service.

They told me that my texting including the sending and receiving of texts as well as photographs, which I’ve been sending quite often. So I upgraded my text messaging and downgrading my phone plan because it seems I only talk to my sister and Bill. A trade off of sorts I guess.

Around 5:00 I decided to finally head out the door. But of course I didn’t actually hit the street until 25 minutes later. I walked up Washington Street, listening to the Bongos on the iPod. On the way I saw a young mother with a toddler and a baby in the carriage about to go into the building.

The toddler climbed the stoop to open the door for the mother. I figured the mother would need help carrying the carriage up the front steps so I offered to help. It was no big deal. I was smoking a cigar and lodged it in the front grate and then helped the mother up the four or five steps. After helping her out, I reclaimed my cigar and walked up the boulevard towards Maxwells.

Inside it was busy enough, people coming in for Saturday night dinners. I walked in and some guy waved to me so I waved back even though I had no idea who he was. I didn’t know anyone there so I looked at the art hanging on the wall. Great stuff, many different artists.

After a few minutes I still didn’t see anyone I knew. It was almost like the first time I went to Maxwells, just a feeling of unease from not knowing anyone. I did check in on my smartphone and decided I might have a better signal outside. Standing on the sidewalk I had a smoke and checked my bank account online and saw it was dangerously low.

I decided to head towards the river, planning on sitting on a bench. As I walked away, out of the corner of my eye I did see someone I knew, but didn’t really hang out with back in the day. Now he approached with one of his kids. I figured he didn’t see me so I had the advantage and kept walking, not turning around.

I turned the corner and felt better at being unseen. It was then I felt it would be best to go home. I saw the artwork and liked it, but couldn’t afford a pint or anything else, including a friend’s band playing in the back room as part of the Kirby Enthusiasm event. I felt bad but what could I do.

Perhaps pride got me going home, or perhaps it was shame at not having the funds. Still it was a way to save face. I feel better being home now, regretting not seeing any friends but I was there and they weren’t. Now they are there probably and I am not. That’s how it goes I suppose.

Bibliotheque





heading home



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