Archive for the ‘Abstract Absurdist Otherness’ Category

I Follow Rivers

Thursday, December 15th, 2011

Well it’s a day off and I am killing time before heading into the city to visit Bill’s office party. It’s been a weird day to say the least. First off I burned my finger trying to get the heater to work properly. It’s blistered and I am relying on the present day old wives tales and remedies, in other words, I am using the internet.

Finger running under cold water. Aloe, actually sunblock lotion- as well as apple cider vinegar and now it is under a bandage. It’s not as painful as it was earlier. Initially it wasn’t painful at all but within minutes I started to feel it. Luckily I’m not playing guitar in Bill’s combo, just shooting video.

According to Bill’s Facebook update, he is readying himself and his ensemble SmoothnFusion for their first gig. It promises to be a fun evening, and instead of cutting out to let Bill have his fun with his work mates, I will be hanging and eating and perhaps drinking. It’s likely to be the only holiday work party that I will be attending since you can bet that the cigar shack won’t be having anything like that.

In fact, I made the mistake of opening an email from the cigar shack. Apparently numbers are down and the new head cheese is unhappy with that fact. In turn he is coming down on Zack and Zack is coming down on Bradley, Thomas and Jerry Vale as well as myself.

Of course the head cheese whizzes do not seem to take into consideration that sales are down nearly everywhere, and in a store such as the cigar shack, a lot of people that had the money to buy pricey items in the previous months and years don’t have it this year.

Thomas, Bradley and myself have spent hours emailing our customers reminding them that we are still in business and ready to sell and ship cigars and accessories whenever they would like, but the cigar shack offers no sales, no two for one deals, no discounts. It’s merely business as usual.

And since it is business as usual people have been buying the cigars and accessories elsewhere at other cigar stores in the city or online where it is even cheaper. All over the country, bricks and mortar stores are in difficult positions due to it being cheaper to buy cigars online. And reading the email I am reminded once again that shit truly runs downhill.

Can’t sell a $5,000 humidor every day, which I proved the next day when my sales as well as Bradley and Jerry Vale’s sales all took a nosedive. My problem is that I should not have read that email on my day off, my own time.

So tomorrow when I return I will send even more emails to my customers who if they don’t ignore the email, could likely be sending them to their spam folders. I myself get plenty of cigar offers from various cigar distributors, back from when I used to work at the cigar shack, and I do take a cursory look before deleting them, so I can’t really fault any of my customers for doing the same.

I guess I will also have to change my tactics and stop treating people the way I like to be treated when I go shopping or rather when I used to go shopping. I too, shop online you see. When I would go to a store where there were sales people on the floor (bookstores and record stores generally leave you alone) I wasn’t too keen on having a sales person hover around me, or in my face pushing high end items that I couldn’t afford nor was I much interested in.

That will have to change and I will have to be all over them like white on rice. I’ll just do the opposite of how I like to be treated when I shop.

And now, enough of that infernal place. Time to get ready for Bill’s office party. I am looking forward to it totally and I know Bill is as well. It is going to be a fun time for all concerned and you know what? I deserve a fun time I think.



Dave Stewart – Its My Party

I Am A Cider Drinker

Saturday, April 30th, 2011

Another day in the cigar shack. It’s been a long day, but it’s been a productive day and my sales, while in the third place are still pretty good, four figure range. It’s Calvin and Thomas and myself once again.

Tomorrow I am off as I requested at the beginning of April so I could attend the Hoboken Art & Music Festival on Washington Street. I am really looking forward to seeing Ian Hunter and I believe Mr. Wonderful Jim Mastro is playing with Ian Hunter. Hopefully that means Meghan and Lily and Ruby will also be in town and it is always very good to see them.

I spoke with Hyman Gross earlier in the day and apparently his bone density is good enough that a pin may have been inserted and not needing him to wear a cast and be incapacitated for 12 weeks.

That would not be good for Hyman since he thrives on getting around and having him housebound would not be a good thing at all. Bill and I plan on seeing him tomorrow in the hospital and all three of us are looking forward to it.

I had lunch with Raymond, aka Dave who used to work alongside me in the cigar shack. We didn’t eat, we smoked cigars on a bench near the park. I ate before heading out. It was good to see him, I hadn’t seen him in a while.

Bill is driving once again to Atlantic City. I did not see him at all this morning, he missed the train he usually takes and had to catch a 10:00 train which is when I was headed to the bus stop. I gambled and hoped that a 10:30 bus would show up and much to my surprise it did.

So it’s been a busy and relatively fun day in the cigar shack.

Now the fire alarm is going off. We are on alert. There was no need for alarm and there was no need for the alarm. It turns out some kids pulled the fire alarm then ran. I suppose a false alarm is better than an actual alarm, that is unless there was a need for the fire department elsewhere.

No, I didn’t do it. I was too busy taking pride in my job, you know, me and millions of other people not complaining or whining about having to stand on concrete floors for 9 hours a day. Because we are all exactly the same, we are all in the same situations.

The knee seems to be getting better, new shoes helped but at the end of the day I look forward to an ice pack on my knee the same way a businessman looks forward to a martini or whatever when they come home from work.

And of course climbing up subway stairs as well as four flights of stairs doesn’t really help the knee but instead of sounding like I am whining, I might as well just stop writing right now.
UA-9199038-1 from Toms River?


Raymond aka Dave


I Ain’t Thru

Monday, April 25th, 2011

A quick one while he’s away. Calvin presently sitting in the man cave finishing up a cigar he started a few hours ago. It’s all good. He was interrupted a few times so it’s not like its owl stretching time. It’s been an alright day working with Calvin and the Braindead Bradley.

As Bill was kissing me goodbye this morning I had to ask him if I was working today, so deep in sleep I was. Bill told me I was and I had no reason to doubt him. I kept hitting the snooze button on the alarm clock, finally getting out to the sound of Herb Alpert’s Rise which I took to be a sign to get out of bed and to start the day.

Last night I watched I’m Not There, the pseudo bio-pic about Bob Dylan starring Cate Blanchett, Heath Ledger, Marcus Carl Franklin, Ben Wishshaw, Christian Bale and Richard Gere, each playing a facet of Dylan’s persona. I had seen it before and just picked it up from the bibliothèque.

Since it was due back today I thought I should watch it. I’m pretty much sure I enjoyed it more the second time around, but decided not to try for the Fourth Time Around. Did not watch much of anything else after that, Bill had gone to sleep by that point.

I am reminded of Jimmy Seltzer, fab customer who comes in and hangs out in the man cave after hours. He asked me last week how many jobs have I worked and I came up with the number of 18.

Harcourt Brace & Jovanovich, 1330 Corp, EnRoute messengers, Friedman Alpren & Green, San Loco, Murdoch Magazines, Take One Video, Rizzoli, Skyline Studios, Right Track Recording, Deniz Productions, Arista Records, People Magazine, The Lodge, Staffmark, Adecco, Vanguard Staffing, Putnam Lovell NBF, Wolff Olins, Legend Staffing, Bio-IB, and now the cigar shack.

22 jobs actually. Forgot about a few when I was originally asked, and there maybe be some that I’ve forgotten. Does Farfetched count? It was part time and OTB. I’m sure Jimmy Seltzer had less of a job list than me. Then again, he’s a professional and I’m just a leaf in the wind.

Jimmy Seltzer and I also talked about most played songs on our iPods. I guessed correctly that the most played song on my iPod would be Tomorrow Never Knows by the Beatles. Now when I just checked, it is Just Be Good to Me by the SOS Band.

But having just played Tomorrow Never Knows twice, it is once again the most played song on my iPod. Sorry SOS Band, but I’m sure Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis would understand. After SOS Band, the third most played song on my iPod is I Only Have Eyes for You by the Platters.

I just saw Julio and picked up some shoes that I ordered and shipped to his place of work. I could have picked them up over the weekend but after having to deal with people all day long at the cigar shack, I am too wiped out to even stop by one of my dearest friends’ apartments for a beer and a chat. Another drawback to this job, standing on my feet in dress shoes for nine hours a day.

Yes I am complaining and yes I am trying to better myself in the face of bitterness. Even ambivalent to meeting a friend of mine and Harpy’s whom we haven’t seen in quite a long time. She’s in town until the end of the month and the only time to see her is when I would be off and heading into the city on a day off really isn’t something that I do these days.

Hyman Gross is in the hospital. Hyman broke his leg getting into a taxi on Saturday. Surgery will have to be done. I saw him for about an hour yesterday, he was fading in and out of consciousness due to the heavy painkillers he is on. It was good to see him nonetheless and I hope he pulls through with no trouble.

an interesting bird I saw this morning






I Like It

Saturday, November 20th, 2010

And now I find myself on a Saturday night. Some friends are probably seeing Tiny Lights somewhere on Ludlow Street, other friends are doing who knows what. For me it’s been a long day and after having to deal with people all day, the last thing I want to do is actually be around people.

Bill is about all I can handle and he’s 3 feet behind me watching something on PBS with the volume louder than usual. I sit and type, my back to Bill listening to Brian Eno and J. Peter Schwalm on my computer with the headphones on, though I can still hear the TV behind me despite the fact that the volume is all the way up on the computer and headphones.

Last night was an interesting night somewhat, at least it was to me. Had a talk with Bill on the phone while he was in Atlantic City, and then a talk with Annemarie. Both conversations were concerning the job which I interviewed for and was told I would start on December 6.

Now at this moment in time it seems like that is unrealistic. I don’t have the paperwork they require for the background check and even if I did the fudging of the start date on the resume would seem certain to derail any offer. Live and learn I suppose.

Today at the cigar shop, it was Don’s last day. He’s leaving to work for a start up internet company. So the cigar shop is in the lurch with Don’s departure and if I left, it would more than likely cripple them. Yeah I have problems sometimes with working at the cigar shop, but more often than not, it’s manageable.

And I am loyal, loyal enough that today when Calvin asked me if I could work, dangling the prospect of overtime to entice me into such a situation. I said I would work half a day if needed, since he was trying to convince Marcus into coming in to fill in.

Calvin is driving to Ohio with his wife and kid at 4:00AM Sunday morning, taking his first vacation in a year, or so he said. Now at home, the news is on and the volume is a little bit lower, making it bearable, though the news is still generally bad.

Calvin said a few minutes later that I would not have to come in, an employee from another cigar shop will be coming in to help out Bradley. I also spoke with Bradley when he called to ask about the alarm when he comes into the shop.

I told him to call me if he had any problems while he worked. Now with Ron gone, I’m the senior employee. Of course there is no extra money in the new title.

After dealing with people all day long the last thing I want to do after work if deal with idiots. Unfortunately I missed the 9:35 bus by 1 minute and had to wait for the 9:55 bus which idled at the gate for 10 minutes. And this bus seemed to be filled with inconsiderate self centered people all headed to Hoboken.

That’s it. I’m done. Over and out.

Not posting tomorrow.

I’ll Cry Instead

Saturday, October 9th, 2010

The Beatles. John Lennon. Me. That’s what I hoped to write about today. I thought today was going to be an easy day. I did everything right, everything else was wrong. Last night I asked Bill to make sure I was up by 8:30 when he was supposed to be heading out.

I woke up before Bill did. No matter. I did my thing, shower, breakfast, coffee, email. Bill was super supportive before heading out, kissing me goodbye, telling me I am adorable and smart and things like that.

A few minutes later I headed out around 9:20. My barber Tony is back for a few days and I had hoped to see him for a haircut. But as I walked by someone was in his chair so I kept walking and picked up some dry cleaning instead.

Came back home and got dressed for work. Saw the 10:15 bus go by but had no worries since I was going for the 10:30 bus. A bus arrived at 10:55 and I asked the driver if this was the 10:30 bus. He said it wasn’t, they were late and it was behind the 10:50 bus.

Of course with one bus being late that meant the bus would be very crowded and it was. Luckily I phoned in and said I was going to be late. Don answered the phone and suggested that I take the train.

As if the trains run normally on weekends. In fact last night on the news they said all trains running this weekend will be running on a service schedule. Oh and they’re raising the fares to $2.50.

I made it to the shop a half hour late. No one minded. They were playing the Allman Brothers for some idiotic reason. The only reason to play the Allman Brothers in my book is a reason of idiocy.

The day proceeded without incident but the new guy, Bradley is really trying too hard to make friends with everyone and tried showing off his ‘dark humor’ by making jokes about John Lennon’s murder. Truly that is how to score points with me.

I did have a nice phone call with Annemarie for a few minutes. She seemed to be having a good day, so that was nice. After lunch, the usual jerk offs and vaginal slang came in today and I did my best ti minimize contact.

I was able to play selections by John Lennon and the Beatles which was nice. Some people complained and I did want to plug into the celebration of John Lennon’s life. I had wanted to see the documentary they were showing for free in Central Park and I had hoped that I would be able to attend, but working the joyous hours of retail made it impossible.

I left the store on time, after closing up the shop and made it to the terminal only to find a long line waiting for the bus. I was the absolute last person allowed on the 60 person capacity bus, unable to stand behind the white line, I hung on for dear life while the driver sped through the Lincoln Tunnel.

People eventually got off and other people got on the bus but hardly anyone made room for myself and the new people hanging on by a thread. Now I’m home, feeling beaten.

Happy 70th Birthday John Lennon.

I’m a Wicked One

Thursday, June 17th, 2010

Walking to the Path train Tuesday night after work, I walked through Times Square. I know it’s a tourist trap but I’m usually plugged into my iPod and smoking a cigar so people generally stay away from me.

And it’s the quickest route to the Path train, what with the pedestrian plazas that have been created in Times Square. The plazas north and south of Times Square are generally empty and people stay on the sidewalk.

I came up with a completely off the top of my head statistic, that for every 20 tourists, there are 4 to 5 people trying to convince them to head over to the comedy clubs. I don’t know the success rate of getting out of towners into these places to pay a cover charge with a 2 drink minimum.

The people who are trying to get the tourists in are usually young comics performing this duty so that they could get a spot in the evening’s show.

I also noticed a few young American women in head scarves. They are what I guess to be, recent converts to Islam. Why would a woman what to commit to a life of subjugation? I also realized that it was my awakening to Islam, that convinced me that religion, all religion is truly absurd.

I knew of a woman years ago, a friend of a friend who converted to Judaism. And her name wasn’t Judy so that really didn’t make sense. Why do such intelligent people decide to believe in an iron age sky god?

True, it is their lives to live and not my business and I usually keep my thoughts to myself, but I decided to take this opportunity to state my case.

I myself was raised catholic and thought I’d see god in a sun beam peering through the clouds, not really thinking it was just a sun beam peering through the clouds. In Paramus Catholic, my high school we had to do research and write a paper about different religions.

I was given Lutheranism to research and found myself agreeing with what Martin Luther had to say. That started my drift away from catholicism. I eventually became an agnostic, doubting the existence of a god.

Then when 9/11 occurred, that sealed it. I was an atheist. The crime, the violence done in some idiot god’s name, by the even more idiotic followers was just disgusting and I realized that religion just drags down the human race, and prevents it’s growth.

Growing up, basic questions that I asked could not be answered. Questions like, ‘if a group of people live good lives and treat each other well, why would they go to hell if they didn’t do anything wrong and never heard about Jesus or Mohammad or whatever?’

It’s such a racket and Karl Marx was right when he wrote, ‘Religion is the opiate of the masses’. In the 1980′s I amended that in a fanzine that I used to contribute to, and wrote, ‘Mass is the opiate of religion’.

Perhaps someone else wrote that before I did, but I don’t know or didn’t know about it.