Daily Archives: July 5, 2011

I Can Transform

Well my hope was delivered. The fourth of July is over and now we are in the fifth of July. Things did not improve really, just more people that are miserable. I myself am quite despondent.

Went to bed that way and woke up that way. Actually woke up a little bit pissed off since Bill decided to kiss me good bye for the morning since he was off to take his mother to the doctor. While kissing me good bye he decided to tell me how much he loved me, how beautiful he thought I was.

I can barely contain my resentment for being woken up an hour before I needed to. But hey, it’s not like I can get a good night’s sleep. I didn’t last night. So I woke up depressed.

And I keep sinking deeper into despair, and it could be from looking for a better job for the past 2 years to no avail. Or it could be from working 5 days in a row, 10 hour shifts, except for yesterday where I only had to work an 8 hour shift, a federal holiday concession.

Bill stopped by to see me at work and it helped matters though I am wallowing and conscious of it. Last night we did not go see the fireworks. We heard them, sounded like being in Beirut in the 1980’s, Bill asked if I wanted to go and I said no, I didn’t. I didn’t want to be around people and I certainly did not want to partake in whatever it was that people are doing.

We sat and watched Law & Order while the explosions shook the area around us. I started to feel somewhat better after an hour of the Batman movie from 1966. Bill had never seen it before and so it was all new to him. I used to own it on VHS when VHS was the way to go. Lately for me VHS is the way to collect dust.

Now I am home. Bill stopped by the cigar shack, to offer support. It was good to see him. He finally met Thomas, and as usual the Bradley was indifferent. Thomas mentioned that he was happy to have finally met Bill, the Bradley probably was upset that there is no one around that loves him the way Thomas and his fiancé get along or the way Bill and I get along. A snort of Xanax will probably do him well since it usually does.

After the Bradley left for the day, Thomas and I had a good heart to heart about relationships and communication. The day was winding down, my 5 day shifts on my feet were coming to a close. I did ask Calvin months ago to not schedule me for 5 days in a row and he was good about it, but since he’s on vacation and I am taking a few days off in a few days, amends had to be made and so I worked for 5 days in a row.

Off tomorrow which is nice, going to be busy, doing as much as I could in one day that most people can do on weekends.

While I am off from work, I am beginning to think that I won’t be posting for those days. Take some time off from this. I’ve written over 2000 entries and a break would be nice.