Archive for November, 2009

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Turn the Heater On

Tuesday, November 24th, 2009

It’s a Tuesday. Not necessarily a sunny day but it was OK enough to get me out of the apartment after job searching for a good part of the day. Last night’s cannabis free dreams involved being in a taxi on Eighth Avenue with a former co-worker who was a composite of a few different co-workers.

In the dream I started out wandering lost in the Port Authority bus terminal. Larger and more sprawling than it actually is. Caught a cab with the co-worker, and as we sat in traffic the cab driver decided to take a short cut which was basically a parking lot with only one way to get in and out. Bumper to bumper traffic.

The co-worker left when we got back into the traffic and I eventually woke up. Made some coffee, had breakfast and showered. Yes, all blah blah blah. Living on the 5th floor of a building means that it’s generally cooler five stories up than it is on the street.

I usually turn on the heater built into the stove for a little while to warm things up but found that when I went to turn on the heater, there was no heat. I checked and the pilot was out. SO I lay on the floor trying to turn it on to no avail.

I texted Julio to see if he could help me with it, but they have a similar problem with the heater in the bedroom and even a handyman like Julio couldn’t fix it so they’ve been using a space heater. He suggested calling PSE&G for an appointment so they’re scheduled to come here tomorrow between 8AM and 12PM.

And since the stove which is pretty old is not under warranty it could cost us some money for the visit. The stove works, but not the heater. I called Bill and left a voice mail for him.

I’ve been doing good. Avoiding most TV news. No more MSNBC on during the day. Instead I watched the Gilmore Girls and wanted to move to Stars Hollow. I watched a repeat of the Daily Show from last week and then headed out.

Wandered around Hoboken, making my way up to 14th Street and then over to the river. Bill called back a few hours after I called and he was his usual ebullient self. He asked what I was up to and I told him I was walking around Hoboken, glad to get out of the apartment.

I also remarked that I was glad to be away from people and he laughed at how I was alone in the apartment and now alone outside. I told him that there was no one around where I was walking, that that was what I meant.

He asked how I was feeling and I told him I was reluctant to tell him about being a little depressed. He didn’t mind hearing it, saying that I would be there for him if the situation was different. And it’s true, I would be and I have been.

But this has been going on more and more lately, hence my reluctance to say anything. Then Bill had another call and said he’d call me back. That was about 6 hours ago, not that I’m counting. He’s at work and doesn’t need to hear the crap I’m going through.

Walked towards the train station, circled around Pier A. In the distance I saw Tariq, packing up his guitar and heading away from me. I could have yelled out to him but decided not to.

I made my way home, and called my brother Frank. It’s been hit or miss with him lately and decided not to let him interrupt. Told him about the guitar playing and the keyboard playing the other day and even how I’ve been a little bit depressed lately.

He suggested playing the guitar some more and once I got off the phone with him that is exactly what I did. And he was right. It took my mind off my problems and gave me a feeling that I was accomplishing something.

I’m trying to build up a repertoire for when I actually try my hand at busking and for the past couple of hours I’ve been playing Paul Simon songs courtesy of the Ultimate Guitar website.

One song in particular stands out and it’s a from a video by Gary Weis from the early days of Saturday Night Live, just footage of people coming home for the holidays at various terminals and meeting their loved ones.

I always think of Gary Weis’ video when I hear Homeward Bound, and just sent him an email telling him so. Another person sent an email to him saying basically the same thing. A short 3 minute video that resonated so deeply 30 years ago, still resides in my mind and my heart.

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Posted in moldies but moodies | No Comments »

Most of The Time

Monday, November 23rd, 2009

Last night was melancholy. It was a slow descent into melancholia. In the back of my mind was the anxiety of the job interview this morning. Well maybe it was more like a full occupation of my mind, the melancholia.

I had a fun phone call with Annemarie and a good time with Bill but I couldn’t enjoy things like Curb Your Enthusiasm. There were aspects that I did laugh at but most everything was clouded by the anxiety. And it wasn’t so much the interview, it’s the whole idea of being unemployed.

It’s really a drag and that is really an understatement. I’ve been unemployed before and knew it was only a matter of time before I would land another gig. But it really is scary out there. I didn’t know how scary it was until I became part of it.

I had an appointment for 11:00 this morning for an interview and felt that the tutorials I did a few weeks ago would help me out. I set the alarm clock for 7:00. Bill was up and out around 6:00, giving me a kiss goodbye and wishing me well.

He’s so great. Drives me crazy sometimes, but any relationship usually involves one party driving the other party crazy. The toothpaste cap. The dishes in the sink. Neither one of those issues concern us, just using it for an example.

He’s so incredibly supportive of me, believing in me when I don’t. And that’s a lot of the time.

Yesterday when I was at Tariq’s studio, the two of us were on the fire escape having a smoke. He had some good advice having been through a lot in his own life. It was advice that I had given to people from time to time and I had forgotten it.

There’s always someone who has it worse than you. As he was saying this I saw two people in electric wheelchairs in the distance headed to the light rail. How’s that for reality? I told Tariq I know I have it good. I have a roof over my head and I have someone who loves me. And some people don’t have either. So I’m grateful.

And if I am asked on Thursday to state what I am thankful for I can just point at Bill and say ‘Him’.

I reset the alarm clock to 9:00 and finally got some real good sleep. Woke up to the music of War singing Low Rider. I even said an affirmation. ‘Good day, good day, it’s gonna be a good day’ I kept repeating that to myself and I got myself ready.

Had to print out three references, got a nice suit & tie on. Braces, socks, sock garters (hate droopy socks), lightly polished my shoes and had my passport for government ID, my resume and I was out the door.

The light rail was at 10:38 and I thought I had enough time but by the time I was about 150 yards from the light rail I looked at my watch and it was 10:35. I ran through the terminal, jammed my credit card in the ticket machine, had it validated, time stamped at 10:38 and saw the light rail pulling away.

I called up the agency, getting the number through Google411 and dialed the number. No answer. I called Bill and asked him to go into my email and get the info from the email that the counselor Rainier sent me.

Bill was great and asked if I was going to call the counselor. Steam leaked a little bit from my ears but I kept it cool. He got the info and told me and I called, telling Rainier that I was going to be 10 minutes late.

He was fine with it, but I hate being late. Generally I’m early. Good day good day, it’s gonna be a good day. Got off the light rail in the middle of the Harborside complex which consists of a few post modern buildings.

Which one? I called Bill once again and once again Bill came through.

Got to the office, filled out paperwork. Took an Excel, Word and Outlook test. Oddly enough I did better on the Excel than I did on the Word. Outlook was a walk in the park.

I was in a tiny room with four other guys, all of us intensely focused on the computer screens in front of us. I was gassy. Not releasing gas mind you, but it was moving it’s way through my body and was a little bit noisy. At least noisy to me.

Don’t know if the others heard it. It was like an interview I had tears ago for a production company called Geronimo. Same thing happened but that was during the interview. No gas, just internal noise.

Finally met Rainier who was a crazy cute guy. We went over the tests and he remarked that I did better than most which was a pleasant surprise. I have a good feeling about this agency. Perhaps they’ll place me somewhere.

Maybe it was butterflies in my stomach from talking with Rainier, maybe it was gas. It went well and I wished him and the receptionist and Happy Thanksgiving which is the thing to say this week.

Even though it was cold and windy I decided to walk back to Hoboken through the Jersey City waterfront. I enjoyed a cigar on the way and listened to the iPod. Overall I think it went well. A positive way to spend a few hours.

I feel a lot better tonight and shook a rosebush when I got home.

Here’s some pics from the walk home.

9/11 Memorial @ Harborside

9/11 Memorial @ Harborside

11.23.09 Jersey City area 002

11.23.09 Jersey City area 003

11.23.09 Jersey City area 004

11.23.09 Jersey City area 005

Tiny terracotta warrior @ a Cooperative school

Tiny terracotta warrior @ a Cooperative school

Elephants by an ice rink

Elephants by an ice rink

11.23.09 Jersey City area 008

11.23.09 Jersey City area 009

11.23.09 Jersey City area 010

11.23.09 Jersey City area 011

11.23.09 Jersey City area 012

Just keeping it Gully.

Just keeping it Gully.

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Posted in Whats for lunch? | 3 Comments »

Rocky Racoon

Sunday, November 22nd, 2009

Well this day is just another day I suppose. It’s a Sunday, that much I know. And it’s been another up & down day for me. Last night I didn’t turn on the TV until the 11:00 news. I mainly sat in front of the computer and copied dozens of songs from the Rolling Stones to the Specials to Elvis Costello to the Cure to Elton John.

Trying to figure out the easiest songs to play. If I’m going to start busking for real, I should have at least 10 songs that I know inside out, songs that the passerby would know. I’ve loved the Specials for 30 years but never attempted any of their songs.

Turns out their songs are remarkably easy to play. I wonder if that was former head Specials leader Jerry Dammers doing? He’s always been the one to do things with the fans in mind. Rat Race, a classic Specials song is really easy to play and lot’s of fun.

Though being unemployed it has a different meaning as I want to be a part of the Rat Race. No more harboring dreams of somehow living my life and not having any part of mainstream employment. I want a job. A mainstream job.

I’ve worked in the music business, worked in magazine publishing, a Rupert Murdoch experiment. Not your average jobs. They were fun and definitely interesting, but the real jobs that I’ve had paid well and offered benefits and some relative stability. But of course as we all know, the stability wasn’t going to last.

But back to the music, Elton John songs aren’t that hard either. I’m no Davey Johnstone, but he’s no John Ozed either.

It was good not watching much TV last night. I did watch Saturday Night Live and was charmed by Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I loved his ‘Make ‘em Laugh’ opener. Who wouldn’t be impressed by those back flips? I’m sure Donald O’Connor would have been.

Dave Matthews was meh, but I wasn’t expecting anything different. Just don’t get the whole Dave Matthews thing.

Due to my financial situation certain substances are out of reach. And since those herbs aren’t being ingested, oh the dreams I’ve been having have been quite weird. I guess they generally are weird, but I woke up this morning with three dreams that stood out.

One involved those certain herbs and how the buds were actually infested with spider eggs and when you smoked those buds, the spider eggs would explode leaving one’s face with a white substance. In the dream there were some buds laying there, and one of them started to move on their own.

Another dream involved my sister and myself somewhere in central New Jersey. We were arguing which is something we never do and never did before really. But I was spitting ice cubes at her, then I lost my clothes and was trying to make my way to a mall where I could by some clothes. It involved winding my way down some stadium seating and some farmland.

The last dream was me being at Tower Records in the Village for their closing sale and buying a container of tobacco but not having any rolling papers and being incredibly frustrated. Perhaps I’d have dreams like these frequently but they were usually suppressed from what I had smoked prior to sleeping.

It’s a good enough reason to resume ingesting those herbs again, but finances being what they are lately it’s not likely to be happening any time soon. That’s a drag, or rather the lack of a drag.

I did make it to Tariq’s studio this afternoon. I’m glad I went. I was surprised to see some accomplished musicians there playing bass, drums and guitars. Tariq once again encouraged me to play guitar but I was once again intimidated by actual musicians. The great Tim wasn’t there but he doesn’t intimidate me, he’s 15 years old.

Spying a Ensonic keyboard in the corner that no one was using I opted for that. I played keys for a friends band about 15 years ago, so it wasn’t that much of a stretch. I did my best to add some color and textures to what they were playing and did my best to emulate Alan Price when they played House of the Rising Sun.

When I play that song on guitar (another easy song to play by the way), I tend to imitate the organ in my phrasing. Hard playing towards the end on my part. I also like to think I added a Middle Eastern vibe to a Pearl Jam song they were playing.

I think it was called Black, but I don’t know any Pearl Jam songs so it might have been some other group. Anyway, no one complained or said ‘Get that guy out of here, he’s horrible’ so I would like to think I did alright.

Right now, Bill is watching Lawn Hors d’œuvre and I’m listening to the White Album on headphones as I write. Sort of like listening to music before I had my own stereo when I was living in my parent’s house. The White Album was released today, 41 years ago. So there’s a Beatles fact for you today.

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Posted in Iron my Shirt | 3 Comments »

Heart of Gold

Saturday, November 21st, 2009

It’s a cool Saturday night. Been an alright kind of day. Somewhat busy with things like laundry. Last night wasn’t anything special. Which was fine. It had been an up and down kid of week and I’m glad it’s over. Whatever happened, happened.

It’s all in the past. It was good to have Bill around. He’s so supportive, I can only hope I am that way for him. He claims I’m so easy to love. That’s something that throws me for a loop. I’m grateful though. With the way things have been lately, I would have said I was difficult to love.

But I’m not going to disagree and I usually keep my mouth shut when he says that I’m so easy to love.

We watched Lawn Hors d’œuvre Criminal Malcontent which made up for the fact that we missed the episode broadcast last night. It was a good one, with Chris Noth as the main detective and Julianne Nicholson, about a closeted fireman who was murdered. Bill and I had seen it a few times and I didn’t mind much, it was that good an episode.

Bill ordered a new sleep apnea mask which was a size too small which was upsetting for both of us. I convinced him to open the package a few hours before bedtime which is when he noticed it was too small. Better to find out then, rather than right before he was going to sleep.

So Bill had to use the old mask which by the time I went to sleep last night was making sounds like a muted trombone. That wasn’t so bad to fall asleep to. It certainly was better than his snoring.

Bill was up and active by the time I got out of bed. He also bought bagels and the paper for me. He was cleaning up while I ate breakfast. After that I did some laundry. Decided to head out this afternoon, with my guitar.

Since last Sunday was the dipping of my toe in the waters of busking and the fact that today was a nice day weather-wise, it seemed like the thing to do. Bill was getting ready for a nap when I was getting ready, and when I told him my plans, he was very excited.

He’s driving down to Atlantic City again and won’t be back until the morning.

I got some guitar chords together, written on post its as well as sheets of chords that I’ve downloaded over the years. The Smiths, some Rolling Stones. An Elton John song, Hercules and a song by The Roches, Losing You. The Roches song was too delicate for outside and perhaps too obscure.

When you’re busking you have to play songs that people recognize.

I stopped by the Guitar Bar to say hello to Jim Mastro and he was also excited that I was out playing the guitar. I walked over to the spot by Pier A where Tim and Tariq were playing last Sunday and there they were again.

They were happy to see me and liked the sound of my guitar playing. Did what I could with regards to playing with Tim. Tariq fancies himself more of a percussionist, but Tim knows a lot of songs so I just tried to follow him as he played.

Tim had a buddy of his hanging out and had been playing a while. His fingers were getting cold so he split. He made a couple of dollars. Tariq was off talking to someone and a guy named Richard came up and started playing Tariq’s guitar.

Richard taught me some Blues chords structure and I have to admit that I didn’t really know that much about the blues. Richard reassured me, telling me not to worry, most blues songs are only three chords and I wound up playing a three chord blues for about 15 minutes.

Obviously my fingers weren’t bothering me too much. It was fun to play and I was out there for a couple of hours which was the longest I’ve played guitar for a long time. Another week, playing outside in the fresh air.

Richard split and Tariq and I walked up Washington Street, he was headed to his studio and I was off to McSwells. Andy Peters, Super nice guy and ace sound engineer was in town for the Feelies show tonight. They’re performing their first album Crazy Rhythms tonight. I needed to find out about the set up for when I DJ there next month on the 13th, for a benefit.

It was a brief visit. The Feelies were getting ready to sound check for their sold out show. Met the sound guy Carson and he will be doing the sound for the benefit. I just have to buy a cable since I’m not lugging around CD’s or vinyl. It’s all in the iPods.

On the way home I had the Elton John song Hercules in my head so I walked by my apartment building and sat in Church Square Park for a little while playing some more in the evening. I’m getting back into playing guitar and that’s pretty exciting. Practice practice practice!

I might even go to Tariq’s studio and jam with him and his friends tomorrow afternoon. I’ll let you know.

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Posted in So how's band camp? | 2 Comments »

Back Door Man

Friday, November 20th, 2009

Well it’s been yet another odd day in the course of a weird week. Let me also start off by saying that I was upset yesterday and decided to post directly to the people that comment frequently, namely Annemarie and Harpy.

It left me with a strange feeling, enough so that I relented and posted on the blog today, what was written yesterday. I’m feeling slightly better today despite somethings that have happened in the last couple of days.

It all started Tuesday night. Around the close of the business day for those that are still engaged in business, I saw an ad on Craigslist and sent my resume to the email address posted. I didn’t expect to hear anything until the next day, but to my surprise, I got a call back within minutes.

Cathy Cline was her name and she told me that she had received a job posting that I would be perfect for, and could I come in to see her the next day, Wednesday? She mentioned that timing was everything and I chose the 9:30 appointment in the morning.

I got there, right on time, filled out paperwork that I was told I would not have to fill out since I filled it out online. I meet with Cathy Cline who mentions that she’s worked with Teresa Scalisi & Janelle Rintrona, both former Wanker Banker employees.

It seemed like I was in good company. Cathy Cline had some requests, to revamp my resume, using bullet points. She gave me a memo with the company’s name on it, Selective Equity. Selective Equity is located at Great Jones Alley by Lafayette Street. I could definitely work there.

I called Bill afterward and asked if he could help with the revamping. He started doing it when he got the chance and I continued working on it when I got home. Emails between Bill and myself and Cathy Cline went on for an hour or so before we agreed on a bullet point resume.

All I had to do was wait. The day progressed into the evening, no problems. I had a good feeling about Selective Equity and hoped for the best. The next morning I was in the shower.

I heard the phone ring but couldn’t get to it. When I dried myself off I checked the phone. It was Cathy Cline asking me to call back. It’s all in the timing. Cathy Cline seemed pretty happy.

I called her back. She told me that the company, Selective Equity liked my resume and wanted to see me either that day or today, Friday. Timing being everything, I said today, meaning yesterday.

I was excited and started to think about what I was going to wear when the phone rang again a few minutes later. It was Cathy Cline. This time she didn’t sound so happy. She tells me that Selective Equity changed their minds, something about tossing out all the resumes and going to start all over again.

It seemed that Selective Equity was revamping their job posting. That was crushing. And from that point I drifted into despair. And while despairing, I decided to not post last night. I was that unhappy.

The day went on and it dragged for me. As I shuffled about here and there both inside the apartment and outside in Hoboken, a dark cloud hovered over me. I did whatever it was that I did yesterday when I finally had an idea.

I decided to call Selective Equity directly. Their website was quite lame, just a pitiful logo with no information available but I did have their phone number from the memo.

It was around 5:00 when I called and spoke to the receptionist. I mentioned that I had applied for a job and was told that Selective Equity had decided to do the job search a different way and threw out the resumes they had gathered.

The receptionist didn’t know anything about it and asked how I knew about the job, what company did I sign with? I told her I was reluctant to say the company’s name. She asked the counselor’s name and once again I was reluctant. She asked my name and I said, John.

Then she put me on hold and I thought to myself, ‘What the fuck am I doing?’ and hung up. I had a feeling I had gone too far. I did my best to put it out of my mind.

No harm, no foul, right?

Watched the usual Thursday night comedies, couldn’t get into them. My phone call lurked in the back of my mind. Bill came home but I didn’t say anything about it. We watched Jurassic Park, which I rented from the library.

I had seen it a few times, and I still really enjoy it. Bill had never seen it so we watched it. I was still enjoying the intensity of the whole thing. Spielberg, if anything truly can do suspense really well.

Bill went to bed afterward, I stayed awake watching TV. The day started as usual, Bill kissing me goodbye, me getting out of bed some time later.

Once again, I showered and once again the phone rang. Once again I checked the voice mail. Once again, Cathy Cline. Not so happy. I called Bill.

Now here is the basic difference between Bill and myself. I’m hesitant to call Cathy Cline back, and I explain what I had done the day before. Bill says I should call, that she might have a different position for me.

For Bill the glass is half full. For me, the glass is being held by Hiram Monserratte and he’s coming towards my face.

I thought the best possible thing I could do is deny, deny, deny. I get off the phone with Bill and call Cathy Cline. Oh how Cathy Cline was upset with me.

How could I betray her like that? She trusted in me, giving me the name of the company, since I knew Teresa Scalisi and Janelle Rintrona that I must be alright. This is why companies hire recruiters so they don’t have to deal with applicants like myself.

I explained that I was desperate and just wanted to find out about the job. She didn’t need to hear that, telling me that she knows how hard it is out there. Only a few jobs and way too many applicants. Her own son is unemployed so she knows all about that.

Oh she was disappointed with me and basically left me feeling that she would not doing anything else for me. Oh, and she wished that I would have a good weekend.

I actually felt a little better once I knew where I stood. The day wasn’t as heavy as it was yesterday. I went out, walked around. Enjoyed the sunshine. Texted a lot with Rand and when I got home sent out more resumes.

Hopefully Cathy Cline won’t blacklist me, sending my name out to other staffing agencies and letting them know of the egregious sin that I performed.

If she did, well the news hasn’t reached Jersey City, where I have a job interview set up for Monday morning for yet another agency.

Nothing is guaranteed, they’re just going to meet me and see what skills I have.

I will be there at 10:59.

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Posted in WTF | 3 Comments »

Home

Thursday, November 19th, 2009

I’m going to do something different. I could be doing it for a day or two or I could very well continue doing it forever. There is no end date in sight you see. Once again, I’m tired. Not of writing. Unfortunately it’s one of the few things I do well.

Other things I do well is self censorship. Keeping my true thoughts and feelings hidden. So I might not be doing that. No, for now, for today, I am only writing this for 2 people, Annemarie & Harpy.

They can do what they want with this. Delete it, spam it, or even repost it somewhere else. It’s up to them. I don’t really care. Just writing at least 500 words to keep up my end of the bargain. I’ve written 1,463 entries since October 2005. All with the promise to myself that I will write at least 500 words.

I’m not breaking that promise.

Harpy, one of the recipients might have a clue as to why I’m not posting anymore. That is, I told him last night why I was thinking about not posting anymore. Whether or not he remembers, is not my concern.

I’m feeling despondent today. Professionally and creatively. Professionally you will understand with me being unemployed. Creatively stems from what I wrote the other day.

Thinking I might get some words of encouragement and support from the 5 subscribers (who never, ever comment and probably do not read those things that I posted), or from people who have told me they read what I write every day.

That would include some family members, mainly my brother Brian and his wife Karen. I understand they have their own dramas going on, dramas that are probably more important than me feeling sorry for myself. My brother Frank did call, surprising me and telling me that he had read the previous entry, but not in so many words.

And it’s obvious that without the support and encouragement that I actually hoped for, I was able to do whatever it was I had to do. Which was to go on a interview.

The interview went well. I was comfortable but that could be from the Xanax that I took yesterday morning.

I’m sure Bill doesn’t read this forsaken blog, but he is supportive in real life. He helped me out yesterday, revamping the resume, and editing things down. I had a really good feeling about this job, despite my trepidation.

After a few edits working with Bill and the counselor I met with I hoped for the best. That was probably a mistake, getting my hopes up.

This morning while taking a shower, I heard my cellphone ring. After I dried myself off I checked the message. It was the counselor asking me to call her back which I did immediately.

She said the company had my resume and would I be available to meet with them either today or tomorrow. I said today since I had such a good feeling about it.

I did not expect a call back about 5 minutes later, the counselor saying that the company has decided to forgo the whole process that was set up and they were not seeing anyone after all.

So it’s been one of those days.

But it was also one of those days that I actually used common sense and didn’t do something that I was going to do. It might have actually made me feel better but ultimately it was foolish.

So I stayed home.

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