Daily Archives: October 16, 2009

I Was Young When I Left Home

What a gray, gray day. And cold too. Feeling out of it most of the day. Can’t get into it, whatever it is. Slept really well though.

Had a few dreams and one in particular was me with my brother Frank walking towards the corner of Midland Avenue and Outwater Lane, and he says in the dream something about me always competing with him.

He brings up his stroke and I say in the dream, ‘Yeah but I’m not competing with you, I’m having a nervous breakdown.’

Of course, dreams usually last only a few seconds at best so out of the thousands I may have had, that is the one I remember. And it was probably one of the last dreams that I had before waking up.

Still writing on Bill’s Mac. My computer is great for playing solitaire.

My day had the usual ear worms. Today brought Endlessly Jealous by Lou Reed from the album New Sensations. My then roommate, Jimmy Lee turned me onto that album.

I also remember when I was carrying a torch for Steve Saporito, I explained that Endlessly Jealous summed up how I felt about the situation I had put us both in. That was a difficult time.

I fell for him hard but he didn’t feel the same way. He wanted to be friends, but I couldn’t reconcile with that. It was only in the past few years when I would occasionally see him that I could look him in the eye without any romantic feelings or a reasonable facsimile thereof.

I am happy that he’s doing the things that he wants to.

Another ear worm was Cry by Johnny Ray. I don’t know why that popped in, I hardly know the song. The last ear worm was the Outro to Layla by Derek & the Dominoes.

Besides being in Goodfellas, it brings back a memory of the Lodi Boys Club. They had a jukebox there and on it was the song Layla, a double sided single. The main part, with the lyrics and guitars was the A side, the B side was the outro.

I mentioned that I liked the B side more than the A side and my brother Brian told me I was a jerk for liking that side. Actually he didn’t say jerk.

Now I’m listening to Dark Was The Night, which seems to be the record I play the most so far this year. I played it all the way through on the bus ride to DC last Sunday.

I burned a copy of it for Billie as well as for other people. I wonder if they like it as much as I love it.

So cold and damp it is. Settles in the bones and all I want to do is sleep. I even made it into the city for a little while. Nothing like being around cold, gray buildings to cheer one up.

I’m writing this in the twilight of the day, the only light is the gray sky outside. Seems rather poetic, especially for such a downbeat entry. The weather matches my mood and my mood matches the weather.

Considering the weather, the atmosphere and my spirits were so much higher only a few days ago, and now it’s like Seattle. Or at least what I know of Seattle gathering from what I know about Seattle is that it rains a lot.

Maybe it’s like the weather in Ireland and England.

Ah, everything is a drag today. I know it’s not going to last. This will generally improve sooner or later.

I had an idea for a story, the opening line was concerning a knock on the door. The character asks who is it. The other side of the door says, ‘Despair.’

I couldn’t tell if that was the one who knocked on the doors name, or merely an instruction.

Then the light changed and I crossed the street.

Just had a nap for about 90 minutes. Quite nice.

Happy birthday Oscar Wilde.