Monthly Archives: April 2008

My Squelchy Life

Well it’s Wednesday again in case you didn’t know that already. The last day of April. Tomorrow is May day. Fly the red flag. Workers of the world unite! You have nothing to lose but your chains! That used to inspire me, now I’m too busy. I waited for the revolution, but it never came so I moved on. I wouldn’t say I was impatient, but I was ready.

Bill came home last night and we watched the Olivia Show, aka Lawn Hor d’oeuvre SUV. It had the special guest star of Robin Williams who is really good at playing psychotic. He’s funny doing stand up but I really can’t think of any of his movies that were really funny from start to finish. At least any that I have seen. It was good throughout until the end which was completely flaccid. Stabler: He got away. Olivia: If he was cuffed and ran into the water he’s dead. That was it. They didn’t look, they just walked away from the waterside.

You know he’ll be back in the future such a devious villain. But the detectives walked away from the water, no calling in for back up or a search team. Extremely weak, and I even said so to Bill as the show ended. Such cheese. Robin Williams handcuffs outrunning Chris Meloni and Mariska Hargitay. Went to bed after that. Sleeping really well and waking up refreshed. Not questioning it, blind acceptance. Not hustling to get to the office either. I still get there before everyone and I’m in by 8:30 rather than 8:00.

Bill and I talked a bit about Jeremiah Wright, Barack Obama’s former Pastor. I saw Wright on Bill Moyers last Friday night and he seemed like a reasonable man, I agreed with a lot of what he had said. A little over 48 hours and I was convinced the man was a stark raving loon. I was put off on Monday morning’s clips of Wright imitating JFK’s Boston speech pattern, and then after watching the other clips on the Daily Show I was sure he was an asshole. I felt terrible for Obama.

Bill grew up with Pastor’s like that, foaming at the mouth types. My Pastor, Thomas Lennon had to be checked repeatedly to see if his heart was still beating. Always seen with a cigar except in church, Father Lennon would walk through my grammar school, St. Francis de Sales, smoking a stogie. No one minded or complained, that was when everyone smoked. Apparently there’s a David Sedaris article in the New Yorker about smoking. At least that’s what was written in the awful Gawker website. I call it awful since they never publish my comments, so fuck ’em.

I’m going to McSwells this Friday to see Nick Lowe. My pasts imploding. McSwells, Nick Lowe… I got the tickets for brother Brian and his wife Karen, I was going to give them to them as an anniversary gift, but since there is more trouble at home, Karen’s watching the delinquent and Brian is going out. I’m looking forward to spending time with Brian. We get along now, a lot better than we did when we were growing up together. But that’s a whole ‘nother story. A good one too!

Ice Cream Castles

It’s a Tuesday afternoon, early evening. Just got home about 2 hours later than I planned. I did have a plan to perhaps go to a Suit and Tie gathering but decided not to. I just don’t like to go to these social situations alone, leaning against the wall, listening to music I can’t stand, being in Chelsea and I really don’t drink anymore (at least not during the week, plus drinking alone sucks). Those are all very good reasons not to go and so I didn’t. I wound up staying later at work.

Things had finally gotten busy and dear sweet Lydia was swamped. I was glad to be able to help her out. I was doing things that if I was asked to do would have knocked it out. But they asked her. I guess it’s because I’m the office manager now, and not a receptionist. Still she would not have been able to do what she was doing without me. So instead of leaving around 4:30 and catching a bus, I left around 5:45 and waited on a long line in the bus terminal.

Bill may be home tonight so that’s pretty cool. That is, if it happens. If not, there’s nothing I could do but chill. I’ve been sleeping really well and waking up in a pretty good mood. I usually like to hear what they’re playing on the oldies station and last night was Come Together by the Beatles. I read that Prince did a cover of Come Together at Coachella last weekend but couldn’t find a clip. At some point between going to sleep and waking up I turned down the volume and did not hear the alarm go off. I was only oversleeping by about 15 minutes so it wasn’t that bad.

No one is ever in the office before me lately so I could take my time getting in, though the crowds of commuters does get thicker in every sense of the word as the time goes by. Heard from Pedro this afternoon checking in. I love him. One of the people on the planet who always makes me laugh and I do the same for him. My Superman.

Once again the earphones Julio and Stine got me for Xmas last year crapped out. This was the third pair. I give up. I’ve sent them in twice for replacement and now I just give up. They spent a lot more on earphones that I would have, hence my trying again and again to get them to work properly. The $15.00 pair I got from Radio Shack work just fine so I guess they’ll be my headphones of choice now.

I found out my sister and her family will not be coming out this summer due to her husband having to travel to Ohio to have his heart checked out. It’s good that they can have that done, but it sucks since Annemarie won’t be in New Jersey. A bummer and a half if you ask me. I know they were looking forward as I was to spending hours on the beach then stopping off for ice cream in Rumson. There will be other times I know, but I was really looking forward to spending time with them. Argh.


Last night was cool. Juan was in town again and he stopped by and we hung out. Good to have him around again if only for a few hours. Gets lonely on the 5th floor sometimes. He’s such a good guy. We hung out watched some telly, then watched End of The Century: The Story of the Ramones I don’t think I had shown that to Juan. Johnny Ramone was a dick. A task master and they probably would not be as successful as they had gotten if it weren’t for him but still a dick nonetheless.

At 8:00 we switched over to The Simpsons which was funny as usual and King of the Hill will was also funny. Juan left at 9:00 after eating some reheated leftovers which smelled and looked better than they were the first time around. Juan split, needing to get back to school before the expected rains, I watched Michael Clayton which was better than I expected, but then again, there was George Clooney, looking good as a fix it guy at a big law firm. He makes most everything better.

After that I went to bed, slept really well. Certainly did not want to get out of bed this morning, all was gray and rainy. Still somehow I got it together a bit later than usual and was at the bus stop soon enough. Different sort of commuter on the bus at 7:30 than there is twenty minutes earlier. I read last weeks New Yorker as was the woman sitting in front of me. She was a few pages ahead, and I fought the competitive urge.

Got to the office around 8:30, checked my email. Tom Chin wrote that he was ill and was going to work from home. I was glad about that. Made the gray day almost bearable. Some work would be nice to do as well but it is slow again. And it is only Monday. Padma is leaving this week and it’s sad to see her go, but there is not enough money coming in to justify her research. I’ve been helping her clean out her office so that’s been keeping me somewhat busy. Left work around 4:00, most everyone else left already.

Drizzly walk across town, back on the bus, no interior lights working, leaving me to look out the window in the Lincoln Tunnel. It’s pouring now, I’m not going out again today, in for the night. Even if it was dry I would more than likely be in for the night. Bill has a gig playing piano for his friend Rome Neal. Bill was feeling tired from sleeping on the couch in his mother’s apartment and the weather didn’t help matters much. He took off today and I suggested he eat some bananas to give him some energy and chase them blues away somewhat.

I’m also planning a gate sale of my crap in June. Rand and Lois are having their gate sales the same day so we’ll all be referring gate sale shoppers to each other in case the shoppers aren’t happy with what we each might have for sale. I know I have a lot of crap, I just got to figure out what to keep and what to sell. That’s about it for now. Hello to Betty Colatrella and once again to bhikkhu who may be a Buddhist monk. “Know truth as truth and untruth as untruth but do not tell John Ozed who you are.” Or maybe not.

Here’s some Telly.

Full of Fire

Just got back from walking around Hoboken, which on a Sunday afternoon means walking to the main Post Office and dropping off some Netflix DVD’s to be returned. I was returning Cloverfield and Charlie Wilson’s War. I watched Cloverfield before heading to Martha’s party yesterday, and tried to watch the extras, but wasn’t able to watch most of them since they seemed to be unavailable. If you rent the DVD, got to Scene Selections, the setting for the last 4 chapters, then leave your remote alone for a minute or two. An additional 17th chapter will pop up offering other videos somehow related to the movie.

One was an advert for Slusho, a pseudo Japanese soft drink, and the others were a few short clips of some obnoxious girl breaking up via cam with her unseen boyfriend. Perhaps she’ll have something to do with the sequel. Cloverfield certainly played better on a TV screen rather than a movie screen too much going on for the eye to take in. I’ll remember that when the sequel comes out. I’ll wait for the DVD. Charlie Wilson’s War was ok. I like Tom Hanks, everybody likes Tom Hanks. Julia Roberts, not so much. My doppleganger Philip Seymour Hoffman was unrecognizable and also very good. It was entertaining though, but I’m not sure if I would recommend it. A day later, it haunts, particularly the Zen Master comment that Philip Seymour Hoffman states at the end. So yes, I would recommend it.

I would wait for cable. I just figured that a Mike Nichols film with Tom Hanks and Philip Seymour Hoffman would have a little bit more to it, but it was merely average. As I walked to the Post Office I ran into Roger Johansen. He told me I missed the big party for Steve Saporito at the Blender theater for his entry into the Tribeca Film Festival, ‘SqueezeBox’. Roger said he invited me but he didn’t. It was at the McSwells flea market when I last saw Roger.

He did tell me about Saporito having a film in the festival, and I told Roger to give him my best wishes, pointing out there was no sarcasm involved. Roger thought that was sarcastic and therefore didn’t tell Saporito. I was sincere and that came off as being insincere. Go figure. I did play dumb though. Yesterday I ran over to Kathe’s place of work and she told me about the party and the film which she said was pretty good, also telling me to ignore the Village Voice’s bad review. The only thing in favor of the bad review is that hardly anyone reads or takes the Voice seriously anymore. I didn’t take it seriously 23 years ago when the Voice called me a racist.

Kathe gave me the low down telling me that a certain friend was trying to score some blow, and Connie was in town for it. That was nice to hear that Connie was up and about, but disappointing for me since I’ve been trying to get in touch with Connie to no avail. Just checking in and saying hello. She gets a pass though since she’s really not doing too well. It was good to talk to Roger though, he’s a good guy. He lives in the Gregory Commons, around the block from where I used to live in Weehawken. My former neighbors, Bitch and Moan Kleinke are now his neighbors and like the way I used to, he can hear them through the walls. And to hear Bitch and Moan talk is quite unsettling despite being filtered through insulation.

I also saw Alexander Frederick Sorensen Lopez. Yes, Julio and Stine have decided on the name for their baby boy. And he was sleeping like a little angel. From what I heard, or actually haven’t heard, Alexander is a quiet baby. He’s still an adorable little angel though.

She Brakes For Rainbows

Well I just got home from Martha Keavney’s party for her newest edition of Badly Drawn Comics which aren’t so badly drawn any more. In fact they’re now called Spelt-Rite Comics. Haven’t read the latest edition so I couldn’t tell you how it was. The first page looks drawn well enough, but I didn’t want to get into it since I was at a party and I was supplying the music. I got to the party at 3:59. It was supposed to start at 4:00. Martha was there with Garry Rindfuss a name from the past.

I hadn’t seen Garry in a long time. Tried keeping in touch via email but he never reconnected. Still it was good to see him. Martha looked good, her sister Eileen was there helping set up. I was asked to supply music for Martha’s party and for the past couple of weeks I was adding and subtracting tracks to a playlist on the iPod. I wasn’t sure who was going to be there, I figured there would be a few people from the past that both Martha and I knew. I was expecting a crowd, and I think Martha was as well.

Unfortunately there wasn’t a crowd. I invited Chaz, Kathe and Roda and none of them showed up. Kathe works across the street from the bar where the party was, but she forgot. I told Harpy and saw him on the street but he just kept on walking past. Rand and Lisa were there and once again they provided excellent company. One or two faces from the past made appearances but didn’t stay long.

I was fortifying myself with pints of Guinness seemingly making a connection with Kevin, off the boat from Eire. Talking about music, how Kevin Shields from My Bloody Valentine almost rented a space above the bar a few years ago but it didn’t work out. At $4.00 a pint I could listen all night. Too bad that it wasn’t as crowded as expected so Kevin closed the back bar where the party was. It turned out the pints in the main bar were a dollar cheaper at $3.00 a pint, leaving me to believe Kevin was skimming off the top, a dollar or two more than he should have been charging. Shite they call it.

Bill stopped by for about 5 minutes. Had to plead for him to wait a minute so I could pee and then see him off to the show he is stage managing. It all ended rather quietly. No one I expected to show up was there. I hope Martha wasn’t disappointed. I hope she didn’t spend too much on the space and snack. I baked cookies this morning for the party but never took them out. So I now have a bag of cookies which is nice I suppose.

Rand and Lisa were going to Benny’s Burritos but I wasn’t feeling it so they went east and I headed west to the Path train. Perhaps if I knew about going out for some food I would have been willing, but it was right at the end and I didn’t feel like being a third wheel. That’s about it. I’m coming down from my buzz and probably going to bed soon.


Martha’s comics

Lady Gigglepuss

Garry Rindfuss, Lady Gigglepuss, El Jefe

Someone Saved My Life Tonight

Joe My God is a blog that I read most everyday. It’s an enjoyable read, definitely geared for gay men. Not so much erotica, but reports and stories that I find appealing. He lives in New York City. I believe he has hundreds of readers.

Last night in one of his open threads, he asked when was the first time you went to a gay bar, the bar name and what year. I responded as follows:

1981 Feathers in Bergen County NJ.
Didn’t speak with anyone, no one spoke with me. Probably ordered a soda. I was pretty much into Punk and New Wave at the time so I wasn’t into the disco. Which is the main reason I don’t go to gay bars. Not a fan of house music these days.

Everyone else’s entries were all positive experiences. Mine, while not necessarily negative set me apart from gay culture once again. It is true, I rarely, if ever, go to gay bars. It’s mainly the music that puts me off, and also the fact I am generally the invisible man when I go. Bartenders tend to ignore me. I prefer a mixed scene anyhow, not so segregated. Gay, Straight, Black, White and everything in between is fine by me.

I almost posted this on Joe My God following my original post.
Interesting side note. My brother who’s straight, liked the same type of music, Punk/New Wave and we both started going to this place in Hoboken called McSwells. Seeing great up and coming bands from all over the world for $5.00. At the time McSwells was listed as a Gay/Straight bar and it really was. Rock geeks and gays and lesbians all there for the music. It was also known in Hoboken as ‘that fag bar’. Flash forward a few years later, my parents are on vacation. They meet some people from Hoboken and my mother mentions that two of her sons go to a club called McSwells. The Hobokenites told her it was a fag bar.

This was before I came out to my family. My mother was distressed but I think the concept of gay and straight people able to mingle was a new concept to her. The subject didn’t sit well with her and it was never spoken of again, though I did have my mother come to Hoboken to have brunch at McSwells but by that time I was out. I don’t know what she expected but I do know she enjoyed herself.

Feathers was the first gay bar I ever went to, and I haven’t been back since. The first gay bar I had contact with was a bar called the Bell, in Hackensack NJ. The Bell used to be a rock and roll club or a disco, that my siblings occasionally went to. At some point in the mid 70’s it turned into a gay bar which put some people off. I was androgynous then, pre-pubescent.

Though when puberty hit and I knew I was gay, there was nowhere I could turn, no services available for a 13 year old boy in north New Jersey. Definitely could not talk to anyone I knew about what was happening to me. The confusion, from living in a straight world and hearing queer and fag and dyke jokes all the time and finding out those jokes were about me, was crushing and on top of that was the shame. I believe I had a slight nervous breakdown the summer of 1976. I kept it quiet.

The only thing I could thing of doing was to call the Bell. I was alone in the house that day, every one else off at work. I was left climbing the walls that summer day. At wit’s end I called the Bell in the middle of the afternoon. Some guy answered the phone, either a manager or someone setting up for the evening. I poured my heart and soul out to this stranger on the other end of the line.

How I didn’t know what to do, what I disappointment I was to my family, how I didn’t want to live like that. It seemed like we were on the phone a long time, maybe an hour I think. Whomever it was, they talked me in off the ledge. Someone I never knew before or since. Obviously I eventually came to grips with my sexuality and as out of step I was with the rest of the world before that, I was definitely marching to the beat of a totally different drum from then on.

I wonder whatever happened to the guy who answered the phone. I wonder how his night went. It must have been a heavy trip for him to listening to the anguish of a 13 year old boy coming to grips with his sexuality. He could have just brushed me off, hung up the phone and continued doing what he was doing.

Perhaps he did for me what someone might have done for him when he was coming of age, or perhaps no one was there to help him out back then and took it upon himself to give someone support that he never got for himself.

Just something that struck me as I read Joe My God.


Well I just got back from seeing the most handsome baby in the world. He arrived yesterday around 1:15 PM, weighing 7 pounds, 14 ounces. Julio and Stine haven’t decided on a name yet. I suggested John, which is a reliable name. Many men are named John, though it doesn’t seem that way these days. They mentioned Oliver, Alexander or maybe Julian. Stine was talking about Danish names so I threw in Nils, and Lars.

But Lars Lopez would sound too weird, plus Stine knew a few people named Lars so that may be out. Nils though might be good, plus I mentioned Bruce Springsteen’s guitarist had the same name. I guess I would have to get a trampoline if that was the case. They also mentioned Christian, but both Julio and I used to know an unsavory character named Christian so that might not make the list. I figure they have a few years to name the kid. I also suggested Buddy, since that is what I called the baby a few times. Like Buddy Holly, perhaps?

Julio also mentioned Jude, having heard it in a song somewhere. He is a beautiful boy whatever his name is. Julio also made a point to show off his son’s penis. He was really proud of that. A quiet baby, only a little over a day old. Stine will be in the hospital until Saturday. What happened was she was ready to give birth but the baby turned himself upside down causing his heart rate to drop so they did an emergency Caesarian.

I expect I’ll be spending a lot of time with the kid. That is how Stine introduced me, as the guy who lives on the 5th floor, who the kid will be sent when his parents have had enough of him. I suppose that means I have to baby proof my apartment as well. It would probably be easier to move. I look forward to spending time with the lad, showing how to separate stems and seeds, how to take care of cd’s, things like that.

I’m an Uncle of sorts. Stine’s parents were beaming, and why shouldn’t they be? He is a beautiful boy. I am so happy for Julio and Stine and the kid. Julio was looked like he was in a daze still and Stine certainly looked tuckered out. I didn’t want to over stay. I gave them both great big hugs and kissed the baby on his nose, with my finger. This kid will be brought up with so much love, with two great parents like Stine and Julio.

And he will probably able to speak three languages, English, Danish and Spanish. That’s a plus. It’s all so exciting and it helps me see the world through some fresh eyes. The kid’s birth has changed me already. I can feel it. Not so much disdain for mankind presently, then again I went from Stine’s hospital room to my apartment and had very little contact with most of humanity. But who cares? There’s a beautiful baby, born to one of my oldest, best friends and his lovely wife.

Here are some pics.
4.27.08- His name is Alexander Frederick Sorensen Lopez


Last night, very chill. Watched Comedy Central from 7:00 to 10:00 then it was time for The Olivia Show aka Lawn Hor d’oeuvre SUV. Bill was here again but couldn’t stay up to watch the ending of Lawn Hor d’oeuvre since he was up late watching the Late Show with David Letterman the night before. Oh the trials of being a working adult, subject to the whims of the workplace. Gone are the days when you could stay up late and get up and go to work refreshed after only an hour of sleep or so. I think that goes out the window once you hit 40.

Bill was back to his routine of getting up before me and heading off to work this morning. I enjoyed having a few minutes to myself though I do like Bill in the bed very much. I got out of bed and did my thing, and was on the bus in about 45 minutes with very little hustle. It was going to be close to 80 degrees today but still I wore a suit and tie. Tomorrow, it’s supposed to be more of the same and I plan to dress accordingly. Work was very slow again, but Tom Chin was out so most everyone was happy about it.

Greg Stevens and I had a private chat. He gave me the lowdown about what was going on, though I have to admit that I thought we would be discussing the issue that Tom Chin had with me the other day. But Tom Chinless didn’t come up. He’s not well regarded anyway.

This afternoon I called up Julio to see what was going on. Stine was due to have the baby last week, but they decided that if nothing happened by today, they would take action. I was surprised I got Julio on the phone. He told me Stine had the baby, at around 1:15 this afternoon. It’s a boy. There was a complication during delivery, the baby turned himself around (so very Julio) and that cause his heart rate to drop somewhat, so they went in and took him out.

I don’t know whether or not if it was a Caesarian or natural delivery but I will find out when I get to the hospital in a little while. Julio described the whole thing as being very surreal. Well I was heading over to the hospital when I ran into Stine’s parents, just in from Copenhagen. They had been to the hospital and were just getting back to Julio and Stine’s apartment. It turns out Stine had to have a Caesarian so she was resting and they advised letting her get some rest. No problem with that. Whatever she needs she’ll get.

Instead I went to get some coffee for the office. I walked in to the sounds of the Velvet Underground and Nico, Waiting for the Man. Ever since I mended fences with Stephanie I haven’t seen her. I spend the time there talking to the 20 something hipster whom I like to think I regale with tales of my music expertise. I told him what I read earlier in the day, that Lou Reed had gotten married to Laurie Anderson. Oh Laurie, you could have done so much better. I’ve worked with both of them and I prefer her company to his.

I think John Cale said it best, ‘How can someone write such beautiful songs and be an asshole in real life?’ I’m sure I paraphrased. I guess I’ll go to see the proud parents tomorrow, let the new mom get her rest. Maybe I’ll hear from Julio, in any event, I’ll see him tomorrow, for sure. I am really thrilled for them and I am looking at the world in a slightly different way.

Eyes Wide Open

Last night. Let’s see, what did I do? Talked to Harpy on the phone. That was fun. Besides that not much else. I vented my spleen last night and that was a wonderful exercise. Over 800 words in a half hour. All I need is a fire under my butt apparently. And Tom Chin makes a nice face plate for an ignited fart. As giddy as I felt initially, dread soon entered the picture.

Bill was here last night, he came in after the first half hour of Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead, by Sidney Lumet. That was harrowing and ultimately disappointing. And a most unsatisfying finish. Has Sidney Lumet lost the plot? I hope not, though I have to confess I haven’t seen many, if any, Sidney Lumet movies. I know, ‘How could you consider yourself a film buff when you haven’t seen Family Business? The Wiz? 12 Angry Men?’ I guess I’m just not ‘that type’ of film buff.

Oh well, life goes on. Tom Chin still walks the earth. No more room in hell I suppose. Once again it was nice to wake up next to Bill. I’ve been getting up before him and out of the apartment while he still lays in bed asleep. Got to the office, no one there. Did the usual crap and also started to update my resume, selectively omitting my few months at Golden Staffing last year. I figured it wouldn’t look good, a three month gig, on a resume. Tom Chin even ragged on Padma who they are letting go. He’s such a jerk.

I thought of the jobs that I had from day one. I actually applied for a job at Alexanders Department Store in Paramus since they had a pretty good record department. But that was not to be, I was going to work at HBJ, where my mother worked as well as both of my brothers at various points in their lives. After going from part time to full time I left HBJ and moved to a company called the 1330 Corporation that put up displays in dentists offices around the country. That didn’t go well at all and soon left and tried to go back to HBJ but they wouldn’t have me back.

I then got a job as a messenger for a company called En Route, then got a job for an accounting firm called Friedman Alpren and Green. Then I worked for a friend’s fast food joint on Second avenue in the city called San Loco. Steve Fallon got in my head and told me I would be better off going somewhere else and wound up working for Rupert Murdoch for a few years courtesy of Errol Stewart. It was there that I met Harpy and Pedro. I was also working at McSwells at night as a bar back, then as a door person, then as a DJ among other things.

McSwells continued as the Murdoch job ended and I worked at Take One Video where in a chemical haze I gave videos away for free to my friends in similar states of mind. That ended badly and I got a job at Rizzoli books in Soho. That also didn’t last once they instituted a dress code. Thanks to Justin Luchner I got a job at Skyline Studios just as they were starting their decline. After that ran into the ground I moved laterally to Right Track Recording for a few years and then moved over to Arif Mardin’s production company.

That didn’t last long so I moved to Arista Records, then to A mastering house called the Lodge, run by Emily Lazar who was somewhat nice. I didn’t know where I fit there and jumped back to Arista. After the Arista gig ended I moved to People Magazine which was fun, but not steady work. Then onto Staffmark, where I thought I would be able to help people get jobs when I realized I hate people. Moved to an even worse situation after being unceremoniously dropped by Staffmark to a place called Adecco. Floated around as a temp after that and the night I moved into my apartment in Hoboken I was able to get a job at Putnam Lovell aka Wanker Banker which is where this blog initially started.

One of these days I’m going to do something about all these jobs. One of these days….


Last night was rather nice. Bill came home and Juan stopped by. Juan was in town for his mother’s birthday and being the good son that he is he attended the festivities. What a good boy. He came over while I was watching John Adams, the final chapter. I knew how it ended, I just wanted to know how they were going to handle it. Little known fact, both John Adams and Thomas Jefferson died on the same day.

That day was July 4, 1826, fifty years after the Declaration of Independence. It’s been said that John Adams’ last words were, ‘Thomas Jefferson survives!’. I had heard that before and noticed they had included that in John Adam’s deathbed scene. Still with all that going on, I enjoyed Juan’s company as well as Bill’s. It was almost like old times. And by old times I mean a year or so ago. So old times, like time itself is relative I suppose.

After John Adams joined his dear Abigail we watched The Big Gay Sketch Show on Logo. Logo is the gay channel and we hardly ever watch it. I felt some levity was in order after all that. Bill enjoyed it guffawing throughout, I chuckled, Juan stared. I don’t know if Juan liked it or thought it was funny. Not cerebral comedy, but not pie in the face comedy.

Then we watched The Guide to Recognizing Household Saints. An unwieldy title and we missed the first half hour. It was ok, though it took me a while to figure out they were flash forwarding back and forth, Shia Le Beouf as the young Robert Downey Jr. We all agreed that Robert Downey Jr is hot and we wouldn’t have any problem getting him in bed, provided he was willing.

Juan left before it ended, having to drive back to Trenton and school today. I went to bed shortly after that, Bill staying up to watch who knows what. It was nice last night, sleeping with the windows open, but this morning was quite chilly. I was up at 6:00 and off to work, in the office at 8:00 on the dot. The office was empty, I was in a good mood setting things up.

People came in, unhappy it was Monday again but willing to get to work. I even saw Ronald Wanker, former owner of Wanker Banker on the street outside my building. Chatted with him for a few minutes, he complimented me saying that I was looking good. Bangin’ isn’t in his vocabulary.

Oh that Tom Chin, that thorn in my side, that shard of glass on the beach. Tom Chin had a colonoscopy last week which unfortunately went well. He is sure to live a long time, because like that Billy Joel fella once sang, ‘We didn’t start the fire.’ no wait, it wasn’t that. It’s Only The Good Die Young. Yes it’s gotten to the point where I am quoting Billy Joel. Interpret my state of mind if you will.

Today’s drama come courtesy of Tom Chin. First he started with a crack about the files that he couldn’t find back in January, the files that were in my desk when I was out sick. I let it slide. One of my tasks is to itemize the bills when they come in the mail. Today there was a phone bill. It was overdue. This is were it gets weird. Tom Chin has the worst handwriting known to man.

In March a bill came across my desk from Tom Chin, on it was written what looked like ‘un-auto pay’. So on March 13 I called the phone company and canceled the auto pay. Things have been tight financially and I figured this was a way that he was trying to save money for the company.

The overdue bill went to Tom Chin with my notation on it mentioning that March hadn’t been paid. He came over to my desk, saying why wasn’t this paid? He never canceled the auto pay. I showed him the note on the previous bill and he said it was a note to the bookkeeper, that the bill was ON auto pay.

His handwriting is so terrible, and with the fact that an ‘O’ is always a closed circle, this had the appearance of a ‘U’. He went off, yelling, ‘What the fuck is wrong with me? My handwriting isn’t illiterate!’ I told him it wasn’t illiterate, it was illegible. I spent the last half hour on the phone with the phone company trying to reinstate the auto pay. It should be taken care of on Wednesday when the bitch ass Tom Chin will be out.

He’ll also be out on Friday as well. The odd thing is, I didn’t get upset. Other coworkers came up and asked what that was about and I should them Tom Chin’s note, asking if they thought it was an ‘O’ or a ‘U’. They all said ‘U’. I didn’t get upset, I finished my job for the day and walked out of the office, enjoying my Padron as I walked west across town. I couldn’t help but think how Tom Chin must have felt, finally developing a functional scrotum.

In other news, I read over the weekend that men who masturbated a few times a week in their twenties greatly reduce their chances for prostate cancer later in their lives. I know I definitely had that covered then. Hopefully Tom Chin was brought up to believe that was a sin and being a good catholic never did that sort of thing.

Oh and Annemarie finally saw the History Boys DVD!

Eat At Home

It’s Sunday again. Nothing I could do about it. Presently writing while a documentary about Marijuana on the History Channel plays on. Perhaps they’re playing it because it is 4.20. I didn’t put that together until my sister told me about her latest hiking experience with a friend. Being that it was 4.20 there were celebrants congregating in the forest. Unfortunately they were being spied upon and hassled by the Coast Guard. Yes the Coast Guard flying overhead being wasteful with the fuel. Bunch of earthquakes going on underwater off the coast of Oregon and they’re hassling stoners in the woods.

Last night I met up with Roda and he and I went to see the play that Bill is currently stage managing, ‘From a Long Last Poem before Dying’. It was actually pretty good. Good acting and a decent script. Believable characters mainly. The protagonists are of the older crowd, getting up in years and dealing with terminal diseases. Still functioning, not bedridden. I could easily see Bill in one of two roles, though one of the roles was for a guitar player, but since Bill doesn’t play guitar that left it down to one. It was a lot more realistic than the last Bill I saw Bill in. Which I wrote about here, and where the author of the play found it and sent the link for my review, which by the way, was not favorable.

I forget to mention that the other day at work I saw Neil Simon walking into my building. Looking good and as well as could be expected for his age, which is 81. I guess the blonde woman with him was his wife Elaine Joyce. It’s actually the second time I’ve seen him. I think he’s actually stalking me.

This afternoon I watched Smithereens on cable. I hadn’t seen that in 26 years. I saw it a few times when it came out. Ultimately a downbeat movie, girl from NJ being rather obnoxious trying to catch a break in the downtown scene. It was strange to see all these places in Manhattan that aren’t there anymore. I guess it was right at the end of the decline and right before the Disneyfication of the city. It was certainly grimy then, and that was it’s charm. That’s when I wanted to live there, though soon after that found Hoboken to be a lot more comfortable and affordable.

It does fleetingly feature Chris Noth in drag as a prostitute. Very sad ending with Wren, the female protagonist, abandoned and homeless walking underneath the West Side Highway being offered a ride by a sleaze in a Chevy convertible. It ends in a freeze frame so it could go either way for annoying yet sad, Wren. Oops, that was a spoiler. It’s been 26 years since it came out and if you haven’t seen it, oh well.

Also watched a bit of Hannah and Her Sisters after that. That flew by. Still a great movie, having written about it before here I won’t do it again, though the car chase at the end is hilarious and nail biting! Phone call with Julio. Stine is quite hormonal and has been driving him crazy, hence a 35 minute phone call. Bill’s coming home tonight and Juan maybe stopping over before heading back to school. That’s about it.


Bill in his element

Love Is Like Oxygen

A beautiful Saturday. For the third day in a row actually. Today feels like spring, definitely. Last night I watched the first DVD from Saturday Night Live’s musical guests. Elvis Costello, Patti Smith, The Blue Brothers, Grateful Dead, Bill Joel, Carly Simon, Peter Tosh and Mick Jagger et al. It was ok. Had it on for the music more than the video though seeing Patti Smith so young with Ivan Kral and Richard Sohl still alive and in the band. Ivan is still alive, Richard passed away.

TV was on the menu again last night, the usual suspects. I neglected to mention how great it was to see Michelle Obama on the Colbert Report the other night. She was well poised and funny. I wouldn’t mind having her as a First Lady. It would definitely be an improvement over who we have now. Watched Futurama which is almost always great and then Bill Maher who had Cornell West on, as well as politician and writer Ayaan Hirsi Ali, blogger Markos Moulitsas from the Daily Kos. Kos was great and got his point across better than Cornell West, at least what he said struck a chord in me. But right now I forget what it was. I am a fan of Cornell West, and plan to check out his books sometime. Ayaan Hirsi Ali, while easy on the eyes was so soft spoken you can barely hear her.

Yesterday at work I had a very interesting chat with Vivek and Lydia about religion. Lydia, from Estonia, really didn’t have religion in her life. Vivek is Hindu and I covered the Atheist angle. It was due to the Pope being in town. Spoke to Billie in DC. He has bronchitis as well as bad allergies and with his compromised immune system, he’s not having an easy time of it. He was also fed up with the mess of things the Pope made while he was in Washington DC..That darn Pope pissing off people where she goes. At least the six victims of sexual abuse by pedophile priests probably weren’t pissed and the old man in a gown. Same jerk who said that homosexual couples that want to adopt children are intrinsically evil.

After Bill Maher I tuned in to VH1 Classics which had a block of Bruce Springsteen videos on honor of Danny Federici, recently deceased keyboardist/accordionist from the E Street Band. About 2 hours actually of mainly live videos going as far back as 1975. That’s when I would have loved to have seen him. Frank and Elaine as well as Annemarie and Brian were going to see him constantly it seemed. I was too young to go, especially since they wanted to get their freak on and not watch their 13 year old brother.

Bruce was so skinny then, and quite the performer with a four hour show each night. I felt sad at Danny Federici’s passing, though not as much as Harpy and my family. I think the album that he features prominently on is The Wild and the Innocent and the E Street Shuffle. That’s the album I heard the most when growing up in 13 Riverview. Four of my favorite Bruce songs are on that. Sandy (Fourth of July, Asbury Park), Kitty’s Back, Incident on 57th Street and Rosalita. One of these days I’ll get the rest of the album. Here’s a clip of Danny Federici’s last appearance with the E Street Band last month.

Wild Billy’s Circus Story

It’s a beautiful Friday, that’s for sure. 80 degrees they say. I’m not complaining. Did not want to wake up at 6:00 this morning though. But I had to. Bill left his walkie talkies as well as his glow in the dark tape that he needs while stage managing at the Theater for the New City. So I gathered myself together, decided to go casual today. Black Lee jeans I bought a few weeks ago at Burlington for $20.00, white cotton poplin shirt from Old Navy and new Airwalks. I figured what the hell, most of the office would be out today.

I stopped by Bill’s office and dropped off the walkie talkies and the tape and we chatted for a bit before he had to head upstairs and I needed to get to my office. It was empty when I got to the office once again. I sometimes expect a Lawn Hor d’oeuvre situation, walking into an office after turning on the lights and discover a dead body on the floor. When I used to watch Six Feet Under I would eat cereal thinking it was going to be my last as I die face first in a bowl of Raisin Bran. Didn’t make for a happy breakfast but the fiber helped quite a bit.

Needless to say there were no corpses strewn about the office. Made some coffee. About five out of five people came in, not including Moe who was leaning up his old office. Larry and I made a few jokes about Moe’s downbeat attitude and what a drag Moe can be. Lydia came in with a new hairdo. She looked great. Almost like Heidi Klum. Lydia is a tennis pro from Estonia who plays at Greg Stevens country club in the Hamptons, so she’s got a nice body, athletic not overtly muscular.

Whatever I had to do today in the office was done basically on Wednesday. I’m an office manager with not much of an office to manage. The day was slow enough that I was able to take a midmorning stroll around midtown, watching the flock flocking to wherever the Pope might be. I was more interested in watching the Pope-aholics. To my surprise there weren’t as many as I expected. Not that I cared too much it was a nice enough day, like I said.

After lunch I tried to figure out when it would be a good time to leave. I decided that 3:00 would be good enough. In reality I left about 35 minutes after that. Everyone was out enjoying the day so I once again surreptitiously took some snaps of various people that caught my eye. Soon enough I was back in Hoboken, sitting in shorts and feeling cool, while slightly less than bangin’.

Oh last night’s TV report. Earl was good but I was distracted somewhat. 30 Rock very good as usual. The Office, merely good. Scrubs as well, merely good. I do have to watch Earl and 30 Rock again, but from what I saw, 30 Rock won the crown again.

Hot cop. Literally.

Camouflage! It works!



♫ Shopping! ♪


Always heavier in the shade

NOT John Starks


Coyote Attitude


Innovative condom use

Junk in the trunk

Punk Tulips


In her mind, the bottle is full….

First he hugs himself, then he hugs the tree

Soon he was engulfed by encroaching RED COAT OF DEATH!!!

“No, honestly, I’m HUGE!!”
“I’m not so sure….”

No one paid attention to Thom’s shirt.

‘Dude I can smell her feet from HERE!’

RIP Danny Federici

Medicine Jar

Thursday again. Beautiful day though. In the 70 degree range. Quite nice. Perhaps too nice for April. The world spins on it axis, making everyone dizzy. Last night mellow once again. Bill came home, we watched Lawn Hor D’oeuvre I had seen it before. I think this was the third time. Bill hadn’t seen it.

It was an ok episode. I think the murder at the beginning last night featured Alan Zweibel, formerly from the early days of Saturday Night Live. He wrote a lot for Gilda Radner, and also created the Larry Sanders Show and worked on Curb Your Enthusiasm with Larry David. I could be wrong. Alan Zweibel’s IMDB entry didn’t mention Lawn Hor D’oeuvre

Then Bill and I both went to be at the same time. I was first in bed, listening to All Those Years Ago by George Harrison on the radio. I remember when George died, I was in Manhattan and somehow wound up by Strawberry Fields in Central Park. There were a lot of Beatle mourners there and it wasn’t particularly comfortable. They were playing mainly Lennon & McCartney songs.

I called Rand for some reason and he talked some sense into me. Basically he wondered what the hell was I doing there at Strawberry Fields and to get out of there as soon as I could. No imminent danger, just that these fans, their whole lives revolve around the Beatles and very little else. He was right and I made it back to Weehawken.

It was great sleeping next to Bill. No bodily harm was done. Woke up nicely too. I don’t know where he gets the idea that I’m still some sort of monster in the morning. I think I’m fine. Just don’t talk bother me and we’ll get along just nicely thank you.

Work was weird. Greg Stevens had a luncheon for some banking organization that he is the president of, and he took a most of the office with him. Not that there are many left in the office. At one point around 1:00 I was the only one in the office. I couldn’t leave for lunch, I mean I could, but I didn’t think it would be right if I left the office unattended at midday.

I didn’t mind, I wasn’t grouchy from a lack of eating, I had a nice plump orange that I hoped would stave off whatever virus is wandering around the office. It was a gorgeous day and I was able to take some snapshots of various people that I found interesting.

Most everyone came back from lunch, everyone except for Tom Chin who went home to prepare for his colonoscopy tomorrow. Even though he’s a dick most of the time, I told him to have a positive mental attitude and also wished him good luck.

A Friday without Tom Chin is almost like a three day weekend. Bill is back with the play he is stage managing so he’ll be back in Stuyvesant Town tonight. That’s about it. Oh, I saw a 20 something guy get off the bus and walk right into the glass of the bus stop. He seemed sober, yet stunned. I didn’t laugh though it was funny nonetheless.

Here’s some pics.

No idea, just hunky

Someone didn’t know he was being followed

Someone is about to be kicked

Woof? Maybe from 4 floors up

Unhappy pageant winner

Pushing Too Hard

It’s Wednesday. A quiet day. Nice though. Upper 60’s they say. Still no baby popping out yet for Julio and Stine. She’s sensitive in every way and Julio is keeping his distance. I have been communicating with Julio more in the past few days than I have in the past year. Any day now and I’ll be an ersatz uncle. Last night was pretty mellow again. Watched Scrubs, Daily Show and Colbert Report. Colbert Report opened with Steven Colbert and John Legend duetting on the national anthem, quite nicely. Colbert Report is in Philadelphia this week.

Bill came home last night as well. Quite nice. He was hungry though and I had nothing to eat. No tuna, no bread which meant I had to go food shopping today. I offered to make him some pasta, which we had but he said no. I wound up watching My Left Foot. That still is a great movie, Daniel Day Lewis, of course, phenomenal. Brenda Fricker won an Academy Award for her portrayal of Christy Brown’s long suffering mother. I saw a lot of my mother in her performance. Long suffering Irish women usually strike a chord within me.

It also features Fiona Shaw, who if you recall I wrote about a few months ago when I saw her in the Samuel Beckett play, Happy Days. As much as I enjoyed My Left Foot, and I have seen it a few times, it seems ripe for satire. Christy Brown with his amazing left foot, could be a kung fu fighter, his mother having babies throughout the movie. In real life Mrs. Brown had 22 children, 13 survived. I posted that on IMDB last night, and this morning no one commented so I deleted it.

Bill stayed up long enough to see the intense scene where Fiona Shaw’s character inadvertently broke Christy Brown’s heart. Christy finds out that his doctor, Fiona Shaw is engaged to be married to Peter, the owner of the art gallery that has just shown Christy’s art. He has a melt down and the look on her face shows the emotional maelstrom that she has unleashed in Christy. That for me, is very good acting and made me fall in love with Harry Potter’s Aunt Petunia.

After that I went to bed after hearing about how great it is that the pope is in the United States. Big whoop if you ask me. Kick his ass out of the country. This afternoon I had another dental appointment at NYU. It went well. I got along with Dr. Goodman this time. Last time I think we annoyed each other. I was exhausted from the stress of having a dental appointment so I was in no mood for that. It went well, just part 2 of the cleaning that started last month. Next month is surgery.

Now thats when I should be stressed. I asked if they have any special programs for hardship cases, for a certain friend of mine. They just laughed and basically said, we were all hardship cases. I tried to rephrase it and said it was for someone who’s really really poor, but still no answer. Sorry, I tried Gollum. It was a nice afternoon and I walked back to the bus terminal from 24th street and 1st Avenue. Lot’s of people out in the sun, and it seemed like every other guy was smoking a cigar. Everyone but me, I was to busy drooling.

Here’s something unsettling.

it’s actually from a WSJ spoof called My Wall Street Journal which is greatly upsetting Rupert and the trolls at Fux Snooze Corp.

Love So Fine

It’s Tuesday again. Not a bad day, could have been better. The pendulum swings again. Last night played a lot of Scrabulous with Julio online. He won the game since I kept challenging his words and my challenges proved invalid. If it were a face to face game of Scrabble I would have won, no problem. But it wasn’t and I was lucky to break 200 points. I was happy with that, but unhappy with the cheesy cheap words that Julio threw down.

It was infuriating and Julio, two floors down knew it. I was surprised that he was online for so long. Stine was sitting right next to him ready to give birth any day now. She’s quite hormonal and I had to laugh seeing Julio skulking outside the building when I came home tonight, wary about going upstairs. I woke up this morning at 5:00 thanks to Bill leaving his alarm clock on. I somehow managed to turn it off and sleep for another hour.

Bus ride, uneventful as it should be. Spring is here so no overcoat today. It was a nice walk, even walking past the Bear Sterns building where there have been news trucks lined up outside. Got to the office, no one in. As quiet as usual, yet eerily quiet. Tom Chin was out of the office which was a good thing and I was able to find time to talk to Greg Stevens. I knocked on his door and we chatted. I started it off by saying ‘what the hell is going on here?’ Yes he is the President of the company and that is how I talk to him.

He explained that no money is coming in, there are deals in the works but no one gets paid until the deal is done. It’s like that all over the financial world right now, but I don’t have to start looking for a new job. I’m not six figured. Full figured, yes. Which for once is working in my favor. Greg explained that Moe was let go, since he wasn’t bringing in any money and his contacts weren’t contacting him. Quinn was explained about by saying that since he has another job with some Irish company he’ll be concentrating on that, while maintaining a consultant position at the firm, and renting his office space. Padma was the heartbreaker. They’re probably going to let her go, or keep her in a part time position. I hate knowing something about someone. She asked me if I knew anything and I had to skirt the issue. I complimented her on her skirt instead.

I emailed my brother Brian last night, telling him that Nick Lowe was playing McSwells on May 2. He asked me to get tickets and I went online and found it to be sold out. This afternoon I called Goons, the local record store and they said they had 4 tickets. I asked if they could hold 2 and I would pick them up after work, but no, they wouldn’t do that. I called El Jefe and asked him to go buy them and I would reimburse him after work. He had no problem with that and soon enough I owned 2 tickets.

I stopped by after work and hung out, Lady Gigglepuss was still at work, so Rand and I shot the shit about our past and various people we used to know. My ex-roommate Jimmy Lee is back in the states after living in Austria with his Austrian wife. El Jefe ran into him at McSwells a few weeks ago. So I guess I can expect to see him at Martha’s Badly Drawn Comics party on the 26th. That should be interesting. Hello to Jimmy Lee. If you know Jimmy Lee you know that he probably, more than likely Googles his name. But with a name like Jimmy Lee, there must be millions out there. Hell, it was even a song by Aretha in the 80’s.

Please send good thoughts, prayers and warm wishes to my brother in law Rex Dippre, and Annemarie and their son Earl. They need a whole bunch, so send them to Arcata CA.

Shoplifters of the World Unite

Well last night was very chilled out. I hung out at home, watched TV. Actually was watching John Adams, quite sad last night. Also watched Marianne Faithfull with her 20th Century Blues, singing the songs of Kurt Weill and one by Harry Nilsson. She’s a favorite of mine. I saw her in the 80’s at the Bottom Line on the Stranger Weather tour. She was off junk and looking great, smoking up a storm, but then again everyone was back then. Strange Weather is a Tom Waits song, presently owned by Marianne.

It was also the song that kept playing in my head last Wednesday when I was caught in a power play in the office. It’s a melancholy song and it rings true, especially with the lines, ‘all over the world, strangers talk only about the weather. All over the world, it’s the same’. Yeah it would be a difficult song to link arms and have a sing along while hoisting pints. While John Adams was watching his son Charlie die, I was playing Scrabulous on Facebook with Julio and his cheap words. Scrabulous is a very unauthorized online version of Scrabble which Julio and I used to play back in his jazzy days. His words are cheap but admissible.

Still I rallied and won the first game I had played in a number of years. Bill came home last night, first time in weeks, at least when I’ve been here. It was really nice to be able to hold him while sleeping, and no, I didn’t throw any punches in the middle of the night, though oddly enough I woke up with some strange mark on my nose. It doesn’t hurt but still I have no idea what it is or how it got there. Just a small blotch about a centimeter long, and of course, it’s red. I don’t think it was there before I went to sleep. Bill noticed it too and I told him, maybe he hit me (for once) while sleeping. I don’t think he liked that humorous accusation.

I left the apartment before Bill and sat on a soon to be very crowded bus. Got to the office, once again before everyone else. The day off I had on Friday made it difficult to get motivated this morning but I got my act together and made coffee. As usual the dribs and drabs trickled in. One of the people I work with, Padma is very nice and very smart. She’s a PhD and we usually have some fun chats throughout the week. Today she asked me where Quinn was. Quinn is a guy from Ireland, not very social hence my never ever writing about him before. I think he’s a jerk with a brogue. He used to live in Hoboken and even owns a restaurant in town. I tried talking to him about that, he was so unresponsive I thought I should check his pulse.

Anyway, he wasn’t in. Last week Vivek told me he would be working out of the office more than usual. OK by me. So Padma asked where he was and I told her that he’s going to be working out of the office from time to time. No big deal, right? Well to Tom Chin it was a big deal. About 20 minutes Tom Chin comes up to me, telling me that I’ve spilled the beans. I immediately thought, I made coffee, and I don’t recall spilling any beans. I didn’t recall any beans at all, we get our coffee ground. Tom Chin was very upset and had me meet him in Greg Stevens office.

There was Greg, nice guy, a friend almost, sitting at his desk, telling me to close the door. Next to him sat Tom Chin, angry. Greg asked me what did I say to Padma. I told him what I told her, which is what I heard from Vivek, that Quinn will probably be working out of the office more often. Greg turned to Tom Chin and said, ‘No big deal.’ Apparently something is happening here and I don’t know what it is. I have an idea though and it doesn’t turn out well for anyone.

Had an excellent chat with brother Frank. He really sounds almost as good as he did before the stroke. Perhaps the seizure he had reset the wiring in his brain. Still has a lot of rehab to go through though. We talked about John Adams amongst other things, including my Arcade Fire meltdown last year. He remembered the anniversary. Still neither one of us could figure out what cause my anhedonia that night. It was odd especially since I had reread the emails we exchanged the day after the meltdown, when I woke up and realized the problem wasn’t with him, it was actually with me. It was a good talk and I’m glad he’s one of my best friends.

Let’s Duet

Well I ended last night’s entry, with ‘I do love him’ and I still do. I was finally able to talk to Bill though not face to face but over the phone. I prefaced the talk by saying that I knew that he’s been under a lot of stress lately and I don’t want to add to it, but while I’m supporting him and encouraging him, I was falling apart and I don’t think he knew. Sex was part of the problem, but I think my loneliness was the main thing that was on my mind. I learned that Bill thinks I’m high maintenance 90% of the time. I disagree but I could be wrong.

It’s just not easy to be a couple when there’s only one of you around. I told him it would be easier for me if he were on tour or something, but he’s only a mile away. Things have changed for us both in the eight years we’ve been together. When we first started going out, I had tons of friends around, always something to do. They moved on, had kids or whatever. Now hardly anyone is around, whereas Bill has a nice group of people he works with, and has good times with. I reminded him about how envious he was with my friendships with Pedro and Julio, and how now, he’s taken their place and the only difference between those friendships is that Bill and I kiss.

It was a long talk and I am glad we had it and I think Bill did too. He gave up going to a party to be able to talk to me which was a sacrifice. I am going to resolve not to be so dependent on him. Have to figure out how to do things by myself and for myself. On this past Wednesday, while freaking out about the games being played out in my office I called him and was able to get somethings off my chest regarding my anxiety and self doubt, and though he took the call, he shouldn’t have been on the phone with me, so I’m definitely going to cut down on phone calls to him again. I thought that had gotten better, but then again I didn’t think my high maintenance was at a 90% level.

While the phone call helped, a good part of my mood was lightened by Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story. I loved it. A perfect movie for a music geek like myself. Every cliché from rock and roll bio pics was sent up accordingly. I laughed basically from start to finish. Jack White was a really funny Elvis Presley, and Jack Black, Paul Rudd, Justin Long and Jason Schwartzman where very silly as the Beatles in India. Lot’s of funny things throughout the movie. It was more akin to Airplane that it is to SuperBad and Knocked Up.

Those were funny but I enjoyed Walk Hard a lot more, and John C. Reilly did an excellent job singing the songs. The Brain Wilson bit was really tops. It’s almost worth buying the soundtrack, but I’ll try to snag a free copy somehow.

Also went to the first McSwells Flea Market today. El Jefe and Lady Gigglepuss aka Rand and Lisa had a table selling Jack Kirby things as well as comic books. I didn’t buy anything, I have enough crap though it did enter my mind that if they do this again I would like to get a table and sell my crap too. My crap is just as good as their crap.

The Bitch is Back

Oh what a crappy day. Weather wise it’s not so good either. Mainly all the turmoil is internal. Can’t seem to get a haircut and I need one. Just don’t feel like waiting in the barbershop on the corner. I’ve walked by a few times today and there are guys waiting for haircuts, and someone is always in my barber Tony’s chair. So I walk on by. It’s a Dionne Warwick kind of day. The high point of the day was this morning seeing Julio and Stine for a few minutes. Nice little chat, Stine’s ready to have the baby, just a few more days. Wednesday is the due date. She’s uncomfortable with the baby kicking her internal organs. That’s gotta suck.

After that, a nice breakfast for me and time to think about what to do. Bill called and professed his love for me which was nice. But as nice as it is, I’m getting tired of the way our relationship is going. Almost flat lining. I haven’t seen him in a couple of weeks, though he has been here, in the apartment when I’m not. He left work once or twice to come here and take a nap, gone my the time I came home. And it’s not just that I hardly ever see him anymore. At least to me it does. How Bill feels about it, I couldn’t tell you.

I have had so much time to myself, that I can focus only on what is missing from my life. A lover is missing, that’s for sure. Human contact would be nice, someone to make love to and then cuddle with afterwards. It’s been years since that happened. I’ve thought about seeing a shrink, but I only want to talk about the matter at hand and they want a long commitment, which I am not willing to commit to. Once again I headed into the city to check out some art galleries. That seems to be the thing that I do lately. Bill asked me to call him if I went into the city so I did.

He told me that he was almost through with his voice class, then he was headed up to Washington Heights to see his friends and talk. They have a therapy like thing happening up there. Then he was off to the play he is stage managing at the Theater for the New City. He offered to meet me before tonight’s show, but as ‘appealing’ as that sounded it seemed highly unlikely. It would require me killing some more time just to see him for a few minutes and I just didn’t feel like doing that. It wouldn’t do me any good, since I’m not feeling that good about it. He wouldn’t be in the right frame of mind to listen to me talk about all the things I am writing here. He’s done it to me before, but I won’t do it to him. Unload a bunch of grief before having to do something else.

The Chelsea galleries were a disappointment. Same crappy art from a few weeks ago and I couldn’t find the gallery where the Fluxus show was which may have been the whole point of a Fluxus show. My attitude is presently, ‘fuck it’. I’ve cleaned house in some ways, deleted Facebook contacts that I don’t know, having never met them at all, friends of ‘friends’ and guys that think I was hot. No more, they are gone. More than likely they’ll never know and I won’t be getting any more stupid invites from them, to buy and sell people or some other crap nonsense like that. I changed the status of my relationship on Facebook and noticed that Bill has done the same. restored it actually.

I am happy to be back in the apartment, not dealing with anyone. The streets are rife with people pushing baby strollers, groups of people walking en masse on the street, not moving out of the way. Just tired of it all. Not suffering fools gladly or sadly.

After writing that I went out and finally got a hair cut. Tony did a good job. Mainly I go to Tony since he trims my goatee as well, trims it down nicely and cuts out a lot of gray hairs. Then I went to Empire Coffee to get my free pound of coffee. I used to get Goya or El Pico but I’ve been buying coffee for the office and with every ten pounds you get a free pound. It went well.

Unloaded my grief onto Annemarie via a phone call. She of course was as understanding as usual. Probably saw where this was headed before I did. Where am I in this relationship? Where is this relationship going? Is it a ‘proper’ relationship? What is a ‘proper’ relationship anyway? I do love him.

street level

waiting for a dance partner

Chelsea blossoms

a wooden bicycle

fellow travelers

Outside my window

It Mek

We are not in the business of minding our own business. That’s how it was told to me all those years ago. Now I come to find that the whole concept, the whole idea is coming true. All commitments have fallen by the wayside. I cannot say stop it and I cannot say shut up. It’s all out of my hands. All I can do is look back, not in anger but in an element of surprise, a surfeit of anxiety. A well spoken indifference is what got me through most bad situations.

Not that I can afford all the paperwork. And those investments never got me where I wanted to be. No fidelity in my finances anymore. I think my money is seeing other people, much to my relief. I depend on my eyes, to get me through various transitions that occur. I share my commitment and satisfaction with the doctor. He’d rather walk anyway. Despite having asthma for over 40 years, and the doctor is only 30. There is always a chance of asthma related death but the doctor has been known to live life on the edge. His first prescription was free and that’s how he got hooked, I heard.

It was on the Nightly classroom news. That’s what the Green brothers told me. Nice family. A bit dairy oriented, and that’s no lie. Big money in cow shit. It was in the past then. No more biting off more than they could chew. Waste into methane is where the action is. It’s a gas gas gas. What’s left after the community gets wind of this? Turned up noses and turned down turnips. Make a wish. The only responsibility they felt was to the cows. The cows ruled their lives. It all got a little out of control.

Still the rain fell on both the good and on the evil. It was forecast in the Farmer’s Almanac, conveniently located in most modern outhouses. No one really watched where they were walking, causing a lot of confusion, contusions and bruises. Whatever used to work to relieve stress stopped working the other day. Reliability is for suckers. Let the healing begin. Onward Christian soldiers. Tora Tora Tora.

Show the world how phenomenal you can be. You can barely feel the blade pressed against your neck. Being the best a man could get or be. Stay away from that odor they said. Just stay away if you know what’s good for you. Unfortunately I never know what’s good for me and that could lead to anguish or heartbreak. Either you’re in or you’re out. It’s up to you. Entirely up to you. I want to know immediately what’s going on.

Slick and slimy, greasy and grimy. Do you like scratchin’? I understand, you can’t stay. The funny thing is…well, that’s the sad part. The sad part? Well, that’s the funny thing. I thought we were supposed to meet there, but instead you were here and I left confused. Please don’t do that again.

Nutted By Reality

Today is a new day. Well at least it was when I woke up this morning. A better day than yesterday. Last night I was able to shake off the sturm und drang from the day before. Mainly figured it out as I sat in front of the computer painstakingly deleting thousands of spam messages that accumulated in my johnozed mailbox here on Word Press. Out of thousands, I found less than a handful that weren’t spam. One was an email from my ex-roommate’s ex-girlfriend, Monika. That was a mind fuck.

Somehow she found my blog and thanked me for posting a John Lennon interview from Imagine Peace. It really threw me for a loop when I saw her comment. I approved it and even forwarded it to William, my ex-roommate. Her comment hasn’t shown up yet which was odd, and I didn’t hear from William about it either. Not exactly holding my breath, I’ll move on.

Also found some comments from bhikkhu. I have no idea who bhikkhu is but they have written some nice, supportive comments so thet get a pass and my approval. I did send a welcoming email to bhikkhu but it came back, so say hello to bhikkhu whomever it is. Not gender specific you see. I found out that wwwedivasws is crafty with their comments. If I posted something on a Friday, I’ll get spam from them mentioning what a good Friday it was. Crafty I say. Now my spam box is empty, no more ads for insurance, Cialis or penis extension medications. If you’re interested in any of those things, let me know and I’ll forward you them web addresses.

This morning was very foggy. Couldn’t see the buildings on Hudson Street from my apartment like I always do, forget about even looking at Manhattan. It did clear up by the time I stopped by Smilers and got my egg sandwich from West Indian Tony. Of course he asks about Bill like he always does. Tony’s not doing so well himself. He’s got a bum knee and could need surgery down the line which makes him nervous. Sometimes knee surgery works, sometimes it makes the problem worse. I didn’t even ask if he had insurance. It’s a touchy subject and he’s a short order cook.

Got to the office, no one in. Had coffee and enjoyed the silence. People came in same as yesterday and the day before. Lydia made it in, she was looking and feeling great. I’m going to miss her when she leaves next month. It’s getting hard to hang onto a receptionist these days. $600 a week doesn’t seem to be enticing enough to make someone stay. Next month I’ll have to start searching again. Unless, Larry Stooge was right. He said there was no money in the company. I don’t know what he knows, but I suspect he was getting his info from Moe Stooge.

The problems that I had yesterday dissipated. I once again forwarded the paperwork and walked away. Letting Party A deal with Party B. I wasn’t going to get involved. Let them communicate with each other. My job was done. I also arranged to take tomorrow off and had the foresight to turn off the alarm on my cellphone, which usually reminds me not to forget my cellphone every morning. Too many times I have had a day off and tried to sleep in while the cellphone alarm goes off again and again.

It’s spring again and there were a lot of good looking people on the streets. Of course, not when I had my camera out. When I did have the camera out, they were gone and I took pictures of buildings. And here they are.

Foggy morning in Hoboken
Foggy morning in Hoboken


More architecture
more architecture

The East 49th St Gang
East 49th St Gang

In queue at bus terminal
In queue at bus terminal


Last night was very quiet. Watched Nirvana Unplugged DVD. Very good. Almost got it for my nephew last year for the holidays but apparently Earl isn’t that into Nirvana these days. It was an enjoyable concert, would have loved to have been there. I did see Nirvana inadvertently when they played McSwells on a likely Thursday night before they made it super big. I wasn’t into them, too loud for my tastes at that time, and they looked like carnival workers. I was more than likely wearing my rock snob hat at the time as well. The DVD didn’t hold much in the way of extras. Just a look at rehearsals, nothing more than that.

Channel surfed after that, while watching a George Harrison interview with Dick Cavett on YouTube and reading the latest Mojo magazine. In the UK the magazine had the Specials on the cover. In the US, it’s Neil Young. I like Neil, but the Specials had my heart. And the Specials would have made a better cover. Wound up watching Biography on TV. All about Happy Days, followed by Backstage Stories about Laverne and Shirley and Cheers. It was definitely low brow but provided the right amount of background noise to carry me through to the News followed by bedtime.

Slept really well, woke up earlier than I’ve been waking up lately. Got to the office, no one in yet. I made coffee and did my thing. Lydia the receptionist texted me, telling me she was still ill. I expected that so I was prepared. What I was not prepared for was staring into the abyss. Yes, the abyss stared back. I was caught in the middle of some struggle in the office. Actually what has the makings of a struggle. But the two parties haven’t communicated with each other yet, at least not about the issue that I’m involved with.

I haven’t done anything wrong, forwarded the right paperwork, but red flags have gone up at one end, and the other end doesn’t know. It has the potential to be ugly, that much I know. And like I said, even though I’ve done nothing wrong, there was that sinking feeling, a feeling of worthlessness and stupidity. Two feelings I have dealt with before and am way to acquainted with. I called Bill as I stood outside my building. It was a nice afternoon as Bill did his best to talk me in off the ledge. Of course in my moment of despondency, on the phone with Bill I get surrounded by a few hot hunky men in suits. Nice, but I really wasn’t in the mood. Especially the worked out hunk in a a very nice navy pinstriped suit.

Obviously I paid attention. Bill was great though and I was glad to be able to turn to him in my hour of need. It wasn’t long after that when I went home, having a Padron and listening to the third set of earphones. For the holidays, Julio and Stine got me a pricey pair, and I used them for a while when one earphone crapped out. It was under warranty so I returned them and a few weeks later got a new pair. Then a few weeks after that, those too crapped out. Once again, made arrangements to return for a new set. Today they came in and they sound great once again.

My friend Martha is having a party for her newest Badly Drawn Comix and she asked me to supply the music, iPod style. So I’ve made a playlist which is now almost 7 hours long. Can’t wait to break it out. Of course I keep hearing in the back of my mind, “they’re going to hate it.” Came home and I knew there was nothing to eat so I went to the supermarket where I ran into Andrea Kenny, someone I used to know.

She’s looking for a job and I tried to give her some suggestions while she just gabbed and gabbed about everything under the sun. I started to think we looked like 2 old ladies in the supermarket talking about this and that. That gave me the idea to flee Andrea Kenny. Wished her good luck and made a beeline to the cashier. Now I’m home, feeling better having eaten. I think I need a vacation. No, I know I need a vacation.

State Farm

It’s Tuesday now. Monday was yesterday. Tomorrow, could be Wednesday but who knows? I had an appointment at NYU Dental School tomorrow but canceled since Lydia was sick today and she might be sick tomorrow and I can’t leave the office unattended in the middle of the day. I’m not in pain so that’s cool, plus I rescheduled for next week. With Lydia the receptionist out, I was busy and I loved it. Really makes the day go by that much faster. The day flew by, it did. I expect to be busy again tomorrow.

Something is up in the office and I don’t know what it is. I think I’m safe, I’m low on the totem pole and don’t make as much money as anyone else. I think they are scaling back. Last month they should Moe the door. Both sides of the door apparently since he’s still around somehow. Another six figured person is also working out of the office from now on. Vivek isn’t one for official announcements but I think he will have to say something next week. If I know, I’ll let you know.

On my way home I walked by everyone’s favorite war criminal from the sixties, Henry Kissinger. He looks like a troll and had a bodyguard as he left the Lincoln Building on 42nd Street. I would have taken a picture of his fat troll ass, but I couldn’t be bothered. I guess he was lucky that most people wouldn’t know who he was or perhaps there would have been a scene. I spent my downtime with various sock puppets. Kitty Friendly, Fred Kleinke, Redneck Rockefeller among others.

There is a boycott in the works against Absolut Vodka. It seems Absolut hired an ad agency for some Mexican magazines, the ad featuring a map of Mexican territory from the 1800’s. Boy did that piss a lot of Americans off. Even though it wasn’t meant for US publication, the furor prompted Absolut to apologize, but to me there was nothing to apologize for. To hundreds of angry Americans, the apology wasn’t enough. They want blood. One of my sock puppets wrote that there is a war on.

“Young men and women are coming back damaged or dead. This administration has cut back on veterans benefits. Gasoline is probably going to hit $4.00 a gallon. We’re on the brink of a major recession/depression and thousands are about to lose their jobs (and not to Mexicans). But it’s definitely crucial that a boycott against a vodka maker is more important.” I know I know. There’s no point, yet I fall for it every time. When will we evolve? Will we evolve? Come on people, catch up!

Another thing, I bought some CFL light bulbs. The curly light bulbs, cut back on electricity, good for the planet. Then I saw something on the news, about how these light bulbs have mercury in them. Not easily recycled. I would have to travel miles to dispose of them properly. And if they break, it could be an environmental disaster in my apartment. A worse environmental disaster than it is now. According to Earth 911’s website, I would have to go to Little Ferry (but that’s in Bergen County, and they only take Bergen County hazardous waste), or New York. I have 2 of these light bulbs, and I don’t think I’ll be getting any more any time soon.

Sorry Earth. I tried. I’ll focus on the other stuff in the meantime.

I love my sock puppets.

Ages of You

It’s Monday again. How that happened I’ll never know. Woke up to the sounds of the Rascals singing ‘It’s a beautiful morning…♫ and I searched for the snooze button while the Arif Mardin production went on. No fault of the Rascals and definitely not Arif’s fault. It was battleship gray outside once again and I just wanted to sleep. But no, work was waiting and I had to get out of bed. Made coffee, had cereal, showered and then I was out after getting dressed. I no longer hustle to get the 7:10 bus, instead I take my time and catch the 7:20 bus. Not as nice a bus, but usually less crowded.

Got to the city and for some reason I decided to play REM’s first album, Murmur on my iPod. I remember when I first got the record around the same time I got my first Walkman. It was the beginning of the cassette age for me. I wanted a Walkman for Christmas a few months before, but my father, figuring that I was mentally retarded said no. I would more than likely be crossing train tracks and playing music so loudly that I wouldn’t hear the oncoming train taking me to my death.

Instead of a Walkman I got a Sears cassette deck with an AM/FM radio. I was crestfallen that Christmas upon opening the box and instead of seeing Sony, I saw Sears. Still I had to show some gratitude and thanked both my parents for the tape deck before going up to my room and beating up my bed in frustration. I didn’t have a car at that time and still trucked around wherever it was I had to go with the tape deck cradled in my arm. It was 1983 so I was probably jazzy all the time. I walked to the 7 Eleven in the snow, just to get out of the house, just to get high.

Eventually I got a car and wound up driving the company van for the book company I worked for. On one lunch hour I decided to take my cash and go to one of the rip off shops by Grand Central where I bought a Walkman II for about $80.00. Soon enough I was putting everything on cassette and playing it wherever I would go. I wasn’t stupid enough to wear it while driving, I did have the Sears cassette deck for that.

One occasion, one of the last reunions of a sort while my mother was alive, had my parents and me with brother Brian and his then fiancée Karen driving down to Bordentown NJ. I was playing Murmur over and over, and loudly too. Loud enough for my mother to complain that I was going to go deaf playing it that loud. I grumbled and lowered the volume, staring out the window at whatever it was that we were driving past.

We made it to my cousin Eileen’s house, where we sat in her backyard and smoked cigarettes (everyone was doing it) and drank Budweiser (everyone was doing that too). Don’t remember much about going home but we made it all in one piece and didn’t get pulled over. All these memories came flooding forth while playing Murmur, which still stands up on it’s own, a near perfect record. Finally got to see REM at McSwells touring for Murmur.

It was one of the first shows that they sold tickets to, and I swear there were only about 30 people in the back room watching a shaggy Michael Stipe hang on the the microphone for dear life while tossing his curly locks to and fro. Won’t be seeing that again anytime soon. Michael Stipe with hair that is.

Here are some pics from an errand this afternoon in midtown.


Neighborhood with Slow Children

Gray Manhattan

Silver Cup Studios where Julio was working today

The Sun Ain’t Gonna Shine

Well last night was pretty cool. I watched a documentary on Better Davis after Now, Voyager. I think yesterday she would have turned 100. It was entertaining and I watched the whole thing, winding up late meeting Rand for a few pints. I wisely ate beforehand, and didn’t mind being late since I hate waiting for other people at McSwells. Even when I worked there if I was supposed to meet someone it would be hell to wait for them. And it was usually my fantastically late brother Frank.

He’s still in the hospital and haven’t heard anything from his wife or daughters, or even Annemarie. I can only hope that no news is good news. I got to McSwells and found Rand sitting in the fishbowl where the owner after Steve Fallon put in massive tanks for a microbrewery. When the tanks were removed they made the space into a lounge. It was fun hanging with Rand. Catching up on what we’ve been listening to, TV shows, movies things like that. It was a man-date I suppose.

At one point we were able to move to the bar where it had gotten crowded soon after. I have no idea what bands were playing but six of one band were seated behind me. It was even louder at the bar and both Rand and I had to repeat just about everything we said, including each other’s dental histories. They treated us nicely when we got the tab and tipped them considerably. After all that gossip and whatnot Rand and I walked over to Hoboken Beach. An inlet that was recreated where one of the old Maxwell House buildings once stood.

It was a nice winding path, or maybe it was a straight path and both of us were winding. Regardless there is actually a sandy beach right on the Hudson River with a few geese honking at 10:30 on a Saturday night. Rand and I parted ways after that and I came home and watched most of Saturday Night Live, but couldn’t stay up past Weekend Update. Panic at the Disco were no great shakes either. Still it was good to see an actual band playing live.

Woke up feeling ok, not so great but not so bad either. Ran some errands, got a bagel for the parents to be on 3 and read the papers feeling like crap for most of the day. It was a crappy day outside anyhow so it seemed a perfect fit. Watched a DVD of Creature Comforts America which was fun and definitely low key. Then a short walk to the post office to drop off the Netflix and back home after all that. Still a bit tired, and I know I’ll probably sleep really well tonight.

Charlton Heston’s dead. His rifle has been pried from his cold dead hands. Besides the Ten Commandments, I always remember him as Ava Gardner’s husband in Earthquake, not to mention his bravura acting in the first 2 Planet of the Apes. ‘Take you filthy paws off me you damned dirty APES!’. He was a wing nut though so it’s one less vote for them, then.

And now, some pics



Upside Down Me





The End (of the street)