Archive for January, 2008

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Quicksand

Thursday, January 31st, 2008

It’s Thursday and it is to laugh. My sister took a Laughter Yoga course last weekend. Apparently, laughter IS the best medicine. If you laugh you feel good, and even if you fake laughing you can still get the benefits. With the day that I had today, I got some laughter in this afternoon and it really helped my mood. You know, last Thursday when I was sick, was a better Thursday than today. One of the things Tom Chin said, as a warning perhaps, that this week would be employee reviews, to determine the mythical bonuses.

A few people were called into closed door sessions, but not me. Neither was one of the Stooges, Moe. He’s been on the outs with Vivek who smiles in Moe’s face, while sharpening a knife. Last month Vivek asked me to find out how soon someone could be expelled from the network. The answer was, it could be within minutes, depending on where the IT was, if he was available or not, or he would send his assistant into the office to do it. So that could all be tomorrow. Getting rid of myself and Moe would save the company some money. I’d prefer it doesn’t happen, but in the event that it does happen, I set about cleaning out my desk.

I admit I was disappointed it didn’t happen today, I was on pins and needles all day. I did get a lot of work done, which means if I don’t get fired, I will have very little to do next week. Already some tasks hat I used to do have been reassigned to Lydia. I talked to a temp, Peaches, who works for another company that sublets office space from us while having a smoke.

She told me about how she was once let go from a company that gave her six months salary as a severance package. That would be nice to have. She called it shut up money, whereas other people or companies would call it hush money. A tidy amount to keep one’s mouth shut. I do have things to shut my mouth about. Monkeys in trees eating bananas while singing dirges in the original Latin. Things like that. I think Tom Chin who was more than likely bullied when he was growing up 50 years ago might see this as an opportunity to lord it over me. I see that mentioning those two things might give me some leverage. Dirge singing monkeys banana smeared mouths spewing Latin. I’m fucking Matt Damon.

It was an odd day. The only people that spoke to me was Moe, Curly and Lydia. Greg Stevens said hi in passing. Vivek totally ignored me after saying hello to just about everyone else in the office. Tom Chin didn’t say anything either. Whatever it is, I did my best. I tried to create a system in the office so things would run smoothly. True there was that file that was on my desk last week, though to my credit, I did phone in and tell them where it was.

Not good enough I guess. If I didn’t get sick last week this all could have been avoided, but I got sick and that’s that. Nobody got hurt, no rules were broken, no information or identities stolen. So this is where I stand. Not feeling secure in my job, but able to laugh, and that’s what’s important. I guess that’s why I’m feeling pretty positive, not the negative person I could be and have been when in situations like this. And so I laugh! Like so…and I’m not being sarcastic

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Nineteen Hundred Eighty Five

Wednesday, January 30th, 2008

Well here it is, Wednesday. Started out rainy, started out with me sleeping later than usual and that was because I was up until midnight which I rarely do. Maybe on Fridays or Saturdays, but not Tuesday. Bill’s dad is still unresponsive, in a fetal position. His heart rate slows and speeds up and he’s breathing on his own, but I guess not much else is going on. Bill spent most of the day at the hospital. The bitch of a home health care aide threatened to call social services, claiming that Bill is neglecting his mother’s care.

Of course this happened after Bill told her there will be no money under the table, and that her services were no longer required. Oh and she’s a judgmental religious type to boot. I tried to reassure Bill that she’s probably gone forever, and that was her last attempt to get back at Bill. She will probably move on to another family to torment, holy book in one hand, and a steel rod up her ass.

After a slow hustle around the apartment I got to the bus stop to see the regulars standing there, leaving me to think that either everyone woke up late or the bus was late. It was the bus because it was crazy crowded when I got on it. Since it was rainy and since I was late, I decided to take the train, and once on the platform I remembered why I don’t like to take the train. Too crowded and I couldn’t fit onto the first train that pulled in, I mumbled Fuck this shit and stepped off waiting for the next E train.

Got to the office a little bit late yet still in before anyone else. I did what I had to do, and also deftly avoided Tom Chin who is probably wondering why I don’t have anything to say to him that’s not work related. Maybe it’s because he yelled at me last Friday when I was still sick, or maybe it’s because he’s just a 58 year old nerd. It’s probably a mixture of the two. I heard tomorrow is the employee review day.

Two of the Three Stooges were in and they mentioned they were probably going out for drinks after work, I told them I would probably be logging onto Monster.com. I was joking really. I don’t think anything will happen, that they will fire my ass. I don’t even care about the bonus that could depend on the review. If I get it, great. If I don’t, no big deal. If they try anything though, I do have an ace up my sleeve.

I did hear from a former Wanker Banker colleague, that one of the IT guys, my old pals, Vinnie’s father passed away yesterday. That was sad to hear, Vinnie being a really good guy. I made a point to go to a card shop and buy a card for Vinnie, a birthday card for my brother in law Rex, who got the Onion Atlas that I ordered for his birthday this weekend, and a card for my late cousin Jackie’s widow, Corinne to let her know I was thinking of her. I didn’t send a holiday card to Corinne, it didn’t seem like the thing to do, they were probably still grieving and having a sad Christmas. A handwritten card a month later could say so much more.

I left the office a whole fifteen minutes early, even said good night to Tom Chin but his head is so far up his ass that he probably couldn’t hear me, being so gassy and all. Had to buy coffee for the office, I was glad to see that girl was not behind the counter. One guy filled my order, a new guy filled it, charging me for two pounds instead of three. I had to tell him the actual price. I turned and walked out the store after the purchase, and there she was, the girl who was so tired and cranky the first day I walked in. I think she thinks we’re friends. I don’t know why. I do my best not to give her that impression. ‘Oh you’re buying more coffee?’ she said. ‘Yes I am’ and I walked out the door into the brisk, yet refreshing arctic air.

Added a few hours later

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Message of Love

Tuesday, January 29th, 2008

It’s Tuesday, dreary, cold and wet. Been drizzling on and off all day. A definite gray day though I did see some part of a blue sky today, but it didn’t last. Last night was ok, pretty quiet here, Bill not as rambunctious as usual, not exactly subdued either. He spent the day going to the VA nursing home out in St. Albans in Queens. That would be a sobering experience for anyone. And on top of that the primate in charge had delivered his last State of the Union address, which I didn’t pay any attention to. I called my brother Frank who said he couldn’t talk, that he would call me back.

So I called brother Brian and first spoke to his wife Karen who sounded good, we exchanged stories of our illnesses. We both had the same symptoms, aching bones, fever, chills and how it lasted about 24 hours mainly. Both of us are still feeling the after effects. Then Karen put Brian on the phone and I talked longer with him than I had in a long time. We talked about brother Frank, both of us coming to the conclusion that the Frank we once knew is gone, and slowly he might be coming back, not as fast as we thought or hoped. Even Frank mentioned a few weeks ago that he thought the stroke was behind him, but there are still lingering effects.

Brian and Karen, and Frank and Elaine went to go see the Smithereens last week at BB King’s and I heard Frank’s take on the night, and last night I heard Brian’s side. Both totally opposite versions. Brian was surprised at Frank’s totally negative attitude and the fact that Frank would not stop talking. Frank’s version was that it was an ok evening, Brian’s version was fraught with concern. We’re both worried about him, and Brian mentioned that perhaps it might be a good thing for Frank to retire, and hopefully get a government disability as well. He doesn’t seem to be doing well at work either, and Brian and I agree that Frank probably shouldn’t be driving.

Too much going on in the world that might set him off and an accident though always a bad thing could be even worse if he is involved, and not by his hand, just that there are so many terrible drivers out there, and other terrible scenarios. Then there was the drama of having a teenage son which I won’t get into here but I commended Brian about how he and Karen are handling this supposed little pain in the fucking ass.

We discussed our upbringing, how we lived in fear of getting into trouble with our father. Brian said he wasn’t hit by our father, whereas all I can remember is being hit by my father. He tried to lessen that painful memory by saying at least our father wasn’t like the So and So’s father from down the block, who didn’t hesitate to use a belt or whatever else was handy to discipline his children. In that instance, Brian was right, our father was literally hands on, at least for me, though I feel Brian might be blocking things out.

Then I spoke to Harpy who supplied the much needed levity. I wonder if Harpy was a court jester in a previous life. I know he’s a court jester in this one, but still I love Harpy, he’s a good egg. After Harpy, brother Frank finally called. Unfortunately I think he had a few phone calls before calling me back so I got the tired Frank. Still it was good to talk to him, it was a good talk. I recommended There Will Be Blood, telling him he should see it in a theater since a DVD would lessen the impact. He started to sound exhausted so he signed off and I went to bed soon after, to the sound of Bill snoring.

I woke up before the alarm clock, and I was surprised to see Bill still sleeping in bed. He decided to go in late today. I got my act together and took it to the bus stop, wondering if Washington Street was going to be closed off since there was a fire at 1203 Washington Street, a few families displaced and one fatality. That part of Washington Street was closed and the bus wound through side streets before heading into the Lincoln Tunnel. Made it to work before everyone yet again and I set about turning things on, making coffee.

Spoke with Bill a few times, actually playing phone tag. We finally connected, only Bill had bad news. His father was unresponsive and in a fetal position. Now he is at the hospital and might be in a coma. The end may be near, and Bill asked that I ask people that know us, to say a prayer, or put out some good thoughts and vibrations for Bill and his family. So please do.

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Excellent Birds

Monday, January 28th, 2008

Back to work today. No big deal, though last night there was some of that ‘I don’t wanna go to school, I didn’t do my homework, and I think I’m getting sick, my throat is sore’ mindset. It was pointless since I don’t go to school anymore, I certainly don’t have homework and I’m not sick. Last night was ok. It was quite a heady weekend, intellect wise. The Samuel Beckett play, Happy Days was so great and it’s still sinking in. I would love to see it once again, but it ends next weekend. I am glad I saw it though, and seeing it by myself worked out just fine.

Unfortunately I work with a bunch of people that don’t know anything about Samuel Beckett, except for maybe hearing his name mentioned in the past. I did try to explain the play but whomever I was explaining it to, got swept up in my enthusiasm and didn’t quite hear what I was actually saying. I mentioned Beckett’s most well known play, Waiting for Godot, but it was more unknown than well known with this crowd. On top of Happy Days, I saw There Will Be Blood which was amazing. There were moments in There Will Be Blood that reminded me of Citizen Kane, and also Giant. I’d recommend it to Annemarie, but it does get a touch violent, hence the title that it lives up to.

Two powerful pieces in one weekend gave me a fresh outlook. Life can be absurd and life can be cruel. And it can also be enjoyable. I guess it all depends on how well you handle it. With that perspective I was able to fall asleep not worried about what today would hold for me. Well of course I worried, but not too much. The Wire was on last night and that too was intense. It’s winding down to it’s finale in a few weeks, things are tightening up, crooks are getting killed, shit is going down now that Omar is back in Baltimore. Omar is a hard ass gay thug and now he has a personal vendetta. And yes, there will be more blood.

Bill was here last night, not as rambunctious as usual. He was taking the day off to check out the Veterans Administration nursing home in St. Albans, Queens today. We watched TV together before he paddled off to bed and I soon joined him. Even though he was out cold last night, he was affectionate which he hadn’t been in quite a while. That was nice to fall asleep to. Woke up, fell out of bed, dragged a comb across my head. Had some coffee and made it to the bus.

I was listening to Laurie Anderson, Mister Heartbreak. I met Laurie a few times, she was quite nice and charming and one time complimented me on a shirt. Won me over. Mister Heartbreak was her second album after Big Science. Not as minimal as Big Science, lot’s of percussion from David Van Tiegham, guitars by Adrian Belew and occasional vocals by Peter Gabriel and William S. Burroughs. Jet and I played Mister Heartbreak to death, in fact most of my friends loved the record. I remember going to see an exhibit of hers at the Queens Museum which was a trip. So many fun interactive pieces, they should do a retrospective sometime, it’s only been over twenty years.

I last crossed paths with Laurie Anderson at Skyline Studios where I worked. She was making a new record, produced by Brian Eno. Meeting him was quite a thrill and a half. They were so nice that I asked my roommate William if he would make dinner for them. He said yes and the next day I invited them to Weehawken to dinner which they politely declined. So no dinner, but I still think fondly of the two of them, though I scratch my head and wonder why is Laurie Anderson with Lou Reed? I mean, really Laurie, WTF?

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Real by Reel

Sunday, January 27th, 2008

It’s Sunday night, and I just got back from the movies. I went to see There Will Be Blood. Daniel Day Lewis is of course, phenomenal. Paul Thomas Anderson is truly one of the best American filmmakers around today. I wonder if he is still with Maya Rudolph? It’s another recommended movie. Chaz and I have been planning to see this for a few weeks and finally both of us had our schedules in sync. Crowded theater too for a Sunday afternoon.

Last night I had a good time writing the blog which I hope shows. Spoke to Harpy, who was telling me about how Lois, a co-owner of Farfetched just got her first computer. So much to learn. Of course there is the initial paranoia about strangers having access to your information, but they would only have access if you put it out there. I don’t put anything out there and though I’m still wary, the Internet works out just fine, for me at least.

Harpy wanted to know about why I call this blog, johnozed instead of my real name. Well that’s because there are things that I write under my blog de plume, that I am not too keen on coming back and biting me on the arse. A lawyer friend hipped me to the fact of changing the names of some executives and companies I work for both in the past and the present, and he commended me on the pen name. So even though my real name is music to some peoples ears, I don’t need the real name to sound like a cash register to lawyers ears.

On the way home from Brooklyn last night I had stopped off at Mision Burrito for what turned out to be a very mediocre burrito. On the way through Church Square Park I passed a couple of people, one of whom I though was my other friend named Lois. I called out ‘Lois’ and the woman turned and as she turned I realized it wasn’t the Lois (or the other Lois) that I knew. I apologized and she laughed saying that I wasn’t who she thought I was either. That made us both laugh and I walked away wishing the two of them a good night.

It reminded me of how I was DJ’ing at McSwells years ago and in my clouded mind I thought I saw Raul Menares walk through the back room door. I waved frantically and as the figure approached it wasn’t Raul at all, but rather some other guy named Michael Vasquez. Michael Vasquez turned out to be a good acquaintance along with his girlfriend, who’s name escapes me at this moment. So the moral is, sometimes friendships can sprout from mistaken identities. Sometimes, not all the time of course.

There really wasn’t anything on TV last night, so as I surfed I stumbled upon Graffiti Bridge, the sequel to Purple Rain. Looking back Purple Rain is good, if only for the concert sequences, especially the sequences involving The Time. Graffiti Bridge makes Purple Rain look like a masterpiece. Even The Time couldn’t save it. I lasted about 20 minutes until the first commercial, then I bailed. Even the soundtrack is spotty. Two songs from it made it to my iPod.

I remember when Graffiti Bridge came out, I was either out of work, or off from work so I went to the first showing on the first day at the multiplex. But I wandered into the wrong theater and sat as the movie, Soap Dish was starting and it took me a while to realize I was in the wrong theater. After seeing Graffiti Bridge I wasn’t sure if I saw the correct film, and 17 years later, I’m still not sure.

And Robert Plant was in Farfetched buying wrapping paper and cards on Friday.

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Rock Around The Clock

Saturday, January 26th, 2008

Well it’s a Saturday and it was a pretty good day. Bill was up and out this morning, he needed to go to his parents apartment to meet the latest home health care aide. Last night he had to dismiss the previous aide since she wanted $200 under the table to take care of Bill’s mother as well as what she was contracted for, his father care. Funds being tight, she had to go. She wasn’t much help either, lot’s of attitude, so it’s bye bye for her. Bill gave his goodbye kiss and was out the door. I woke up at 7:30. I wasn’t feeling that so I went back to sleep, getting out of bed at 9:00. I had my coffee and was out to get the sundries. Back home for breakfast and I plotted my day.

I was reluctant to do anything but I had planned on heading into Brooklyn to see a Samuel Beckett play, Happy Days, starring Fiona Shaw who I loved ever since I first saw her as the physical therapist in My Left Foot. She also plays Harry Potter’s aunt in the movies, in case you wondered where you might have seen her. But the scene in the restaurant in My Left Foot is incredible and quite intense, she playing Daniel Day Lewis’ unrequited love. It’s sad and scary to see the Christy Brown character go out of his mind with anguish, and the look on Fiona Shaw’s face just adds to the despair. Fantastic. I headed towards the bus so I could catch a subway to Brooklyn. Ran into Gary Jennings with his boyfriend on the bus. Don’t know the boyfriend’s name, but I met him a year or so ago at the Hoboken St. Patrick’s day parade. Nice guy though. It was a nice chat with Gary, catching up. We seem to meet on buses these days, rather than the bar at McSwells.

They and I parted ways and I wandered through the bus terminal headed across town to Grand Central Station. Midtown Manhattan is a haven for tourists on weekends and they were everywhere. I did my best to avoid them but there they were standing on escalators, not moving, and not allowing anyone to pass, or they’re having conversations on top of stairways or at the bottom, or just stopping right in my path when I have a good trot going on. I hopped on the 4 train to Brooklyn and was soon on Flatbush Avenue. I looked at a street map to figure out where the BAM Harvey Theater was but couldn’t figure it out, so I just turned the corner and there it was a half block away. I walked to the box office, explained to them that I couldn’t make last night’s performance and that I was told I could get a past date ticket in exchange. That worked out quite nicely. Whereas yesterday I would be in the balcony for last night’s show, this afternoon I was in the 10th row in the orchestra.

I hung outside the theater having a quick smoke, when I saw Kathleen Turner walk by, then Lisa Gay Hamilton, then someone who could have been Peter Coyote, but I wasn’t sure. He had one of those four footed canes to help him walk, and he looked like he could have been a Digger in a previous life. Got to my seat where I was totally mesmerized by Fiona Shaw waist deep in dirt. The stage design was decidedly post apocalyptic. A Fantastic play, bravura performance by both her and Tim Potter who played Willie to Fiona’s Winnie. It was a full house, though the three people seated in front of me didn’t stay for the second act. I don’t think they understood the play, and it’s not easily understood, it does border on the absurd. I never saw Waiting for Godot, another Beckett play but from what I understood, sometimes half the audience is in stitches and the other half deep in though trying to figure out a deeper meaning. Samuel Beckett never gave anything away and took the secrets to his plays and other work to the grave. At intermission they actually played the theme from TV’s Happy Days. ♫Sunday Monday Happy Days ♪ I swear I am not putting you on.

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Photos: Hiroyuki Ito for The New York Times

The second act lasted what seemed to be about 20 minutes. I walked out into the Brooklyn daylight and saw Lisa Gay Hamilton walk by. Bill and I saw her in an episode of Law and Order a few times and she is simply amazing. She was also in The Practice years ago, and she also directed a documentary on Beah Richards another great and overlooked actress. Beah Richards played Sidney Poitier’s mother in Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner. She more than likely broke your heart in other shows and movies, just look her up on IMDB. I called out, Miss Hamilton and Lisa turned around. I explained that Bill and I were fans and we loved that episode of Law and Order SVU with Ludacris, which was amazingly powerful. She was great and charming and has a beautiful smile which she showed when her sister took our picture.

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I was feeling game and remembered that before the show I saw Fiona Shaw walk in the direction of what I figured out to be the stage door, and me being a stage door Johnny, I made a bee line over there. There was just one guy besides me standing around, then Kathleen Turner came out, smoking and chatting with a friend. I was going to ask her for her picture but I was intimidated actually. Fiona Shaw appeared and was talking to Kathleen Turner while trying to get in a taxi. I just asked if she would sign a copy of the play that I bought after the show in the lobby and she did, then asked for a picture and she insisted on having a picture with Kathleen Turner.
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Fiona and Me
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No problem, then I asked if Kathleen Turner’s friend would take a picture of Fiona and myself which he did. I was going to ask for a picture with both Kathleen and Fiona but once again Kathleen Turner intimidated me, not by her doing, but by her persona. After that I giddily walked away. I walked down Fulton Street listening to the Kinks, then onto the Brooklyn Bridge, still a marvelous thing, it is my favorite bridge. I’ve ridden my bicycle across it many times, but never walked across it. Still a thrill and tourists aplenty taking snapshots.

Fulton Street
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I decided to walk over to JR and pick up a copy of My Left Foot, but they were out so I bought a copy of My Beautiful Laundrette instead which isn’t anywhere near My Left Foot, but both star Daniel Day Lewis and start with My. Then I walked over to the World Trade Center Path train where I missed a train since I helped tourists figure out what train to take. That was it, all in all a really good day. I have to stop being lazy and get out more. It was all worth it, it was fun, and I finally saw my first Samuel Beckett play starring the wonderful Fiona Shaw.

What did you do today?

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