Monthly Archives: July 2006

Higher Ground

Back to work today, another Monday, but with the beach in my blood. It really put me to sleep last night and carried me through the day. It was an ok day. Bill left early, before I even woke up. I stumbled about the apartment, making coffee, getting into the shower. Not hustling into the office on Friday gave me a good sense of timing which I applied today. It was fairly easy going on the streets, a sense of calmness in my mind carried over from Monmouth Beach. Plantain man was behind the register in shorts that were oh so tight in the crotch area. He’s all smiles when he sees me though we don’t say too much. Such body language!

The Path was crowded but I was fortunate to be in an air conditioned car though the more it filled the less air conditioning I could feel. The sun was beaming already and it was only a little after 8:00. I walked on the shady side of the street. Shady, in most every sense of the word. Besides the buildings blocking direct sunlight, the sidewalk was populated with various guys setting up shop selling whatever used magazines, or books or porn, some asleep on top of tarps on top of whatever it was they were selling.

I walked down Downing Street rather than Carmine Street. A lot quieter and shadier, due to the trees lining the street. Some people walking their dogs and some going to work. I walked into the lobby of the building and chatted briefly with Harold the security guy. He and I get along pretty well. Nice guy. I doubt if anyone else from my office even knows his name. I’d be surprised if they did.

I rode the elevator with Larry Whitehead, the CEO of McMann and Tate. He’s Mr. California Cool. He’s married to a statuesque Amazon and just came back from Fire Island for the weekend. We chatted briefly about what all over the world strangers talk about, the weather. I walked around the office and didn’t even turn on the computer when one of the ditzes in the office says she broke the coffee machine. Seems she tried to turn it on and actually make coffee herself which was admirable yet foolish since she didn’t know what she was doing. And to prove a point, I moved the full coffee pot and burned my finger. My middle finger. Most apt. At various times throughout the day I was legitimately giving people the finger.

The nail is in the coffin regarding a return to Wanker Banker, not that I actually believed it was going to happen. It would’ve been too odd. Helen Devilakos, quite possibly the last time I ever write that stubby name, put the kibosh on it. I found out when I called up to find out what happened to my missing transit check funds. Though the money is mine, I paid into it, the Transit Check money went back to Wanker Banker after my benefits with them lapsed. It’s only thirty five dollars, but it was MY thirty five dollars. A pox on the house of Devilakos! May her sausage fingers cramp when she’s trying to adjust the water temperature on her shower stall.

I simply can’t curse someone like I used to.


Beach day with Julio, Stine and Bill. A wonderful day, today, a dry heat not humid. Everything went well with Julio finally getting an EZ Pass so that meant we all flew down the highways without having to stop for tolls, and boy they were lined up at the toll booths. Julio drove of course, Stine rode shotgun and Bill and I lounged in the back seat with me playing DJ once again.

Yesterday was quite a fun day. Meeting up with Rey and Connie in Central Park brought forth a lot of stories from our past excursions to Summerstage. Most if not all of those excursions were alcohol fueled and many laughs indeed. And yesterday was no different. Connie and I sat in the shade while Rey would occasionally ump in the crowd for some dancing. Connie and I both agreed that Rey was crazy and that it was too damn hot to go dancing in the sun.

I got Rey to stop drinking the Coors Light and he switched over to Stella with me. Stella definitely kicked Coors ass. We walked around the park for a little while afterwards, the three of us consuming massive quantities of water and finding a quick nosh. I was able to convince Rey that driving me home would be beneficial for all concerned. Unfortunately while driving through the Lincoln Tunnel I had to listen to how much he hates the Beatles.

Rey grew up on hip hop and just doesn’t get most rock and roll, or at least does not understand the deification of the Beatles. He kept insisting on my naming one Beatles song that he could like, and all I could come up with was Helter Skelter. At least it was something he probably would’ve heard of, either by the song itself or by the book written by Vincent Bugliosi.

It didn’t matter since he was basically baiting me, knowing how I feel about the Beatles. He was reveling in his callousness, and I was enjoying it since it did entail a free ride home. Connie just sat in the back seat while he ranted. He dropped me off outside the apartment building wrangling a promise to visit him upstate when he goes on vacation in a week or two.

I think he also asked me to be the best man at his wedding, though no date has been set. I am honored I think, though I’m dreading having to throw him a bachelor party if that is the case. They make a good couple and it should be some wedding. Me and his CO buddies. Could you imagine? It would be some scene.

Juan came over with some Heinekens and we drank those while watching the Warriors which I kept pronouncing as the Worriers. Juan: What’s it about? Me: About of people who are worried. It was a fun movie, not as violent now as it was then oddly enough. It was considered a violent movie in 1979. Now in 2006 there are far worse things on television.

The beach was fantastic, we left around 9:00 this morning, and wisely took a different approach since Bill and I watched both the traffic and weather reports and avoided a major pitfall. We made it to the beach at 11:00 after stopping off to get beer and sandwiches and fruits. The beach was hot and we set up four umbrellas.

Last time at the beach we lost Julio’s glow in the dark Frisbee. It flew into some crashing waves and was never seen again, so in the interim, Julio bought two new Frisbees online. One was 200 grams and the other was 175 grams. Both very good for the beach. At one point Bill, Stine and Julio and I were throwing the Frisbee when someone (not me) threw an errant toss and once again into the waves and lost to the ocean again.

The four of us fanned out, with me actually going into the 80 degree water to no avail. The ocean took another Frisbee, much like certain neighbors one has who when the ball lands in their yard, they won’t let you have it back. Who knew that ocean would resemble Marie Natale from Riverview Avenue.

Sax and Violins

Oh it’s so god damned hot. The sun beaming painfully on us. This morning I woke up, very warm from the heat. I did my Saturday thing, going out for bagels and the papers, after having taken a shower and had some coffee. It was too hot to do much else. While waiting in the bagel shop I ran into Mike Korman, former guitarist for the late, great Gutbank.

Mike is married to the former Clara Suarez a sweetheart that I used to work with back in the early nineties. We both worked at a video store, a David versus the Goliath named Blockbuster. It was a fun gig and she was cool to work with. Now she’s married to Mike and they have a kid with another one on the way. Mike mentioned something about morning sickness while we chatted on line waiting for our bagels.

Mike and Clara live around the block from me and Bill, and Mike mentioned that I should stop by and hang out and reminisce about McSwells and whatever else might come to mind. I agreed and made tentative plans to meet up with them at some point in the afternoon. I regretted it as soon as I almost said yes, not anything against the two of them but I just didn’t want to be hanging out inside when it was a nice Saturday to be outside.

As the way things go I got a phone call from Rey who was coming into the city with his fiancé Connie and going to Summerstage. I didn’t really know what was going on but I agreed to go. I did know there were some chick DJ’s spinning and some neo soul/house bands happening. I mainly went though to hang out with Rey. I’ve known him for about 20 years, he’s a big and brawny corrections officer at Riker’s Island. I knew him when we both worked together for Rupert Murdoch.

We’ve been through a lot together both good and bad, but he’s always been there for me in some ways and I’ve been there for him. We’ve partied hard and swore off whatever chemicals or booze the next morning on the phone after waking up from our respective comas. I consider myself the Jimmy Olsen to his Superman. He likes to look after his friends and family and I am glad to be of that grouping.

We hung out at Summerstage which we had done many times before, only this time Connie was with us. She’s fun and a fellow corrections officer with Rey, that’s how they met. They’ve just bought a house upstate and I am obligate to visit. Actually committed to visiting since Rey is on vacation in a week or two, and he has absolutely nothing to do. I will be bringing the New York City vibe up to their house and crashing for a night or two.

It should be fun, hanging out with two corrections officers up by Mount Hope. I’m not being facetious either.

Long Tall Sally

Finally Friday arrives. It felt like Friday on Wednesday, which made yesterday and today a bit odd. Askew, even. Work was work, meaning nothing special. I did take my time getting into work because I had to go to the bank. I got to the office a little after 8:30 which is actually the time I was originally supposed to work, 8:30 to 5:30. It’s really8:00 to 6:00, excepting Friday when I leave at 5:30 to go to the appointment with Philip Beansprout.

Unfortunately rode in a car on the Path train with no air conditioning. The other cars were jam packed which meant even if the air conditioning was on, you weren’t going to feel it, it was that crowded. At least I had room. All the seats were taken, and there were the standers like myself, hanging on and sweating. When I got to the office it looked like someone threw a bucket of water on me. At least that’s what one of the nice ones said. Luckily I had an extra t shirt, which is a must during the summer.

I got through the day. Felicia was in for a few hours, still sick and I kept telling her to go home. Not just for her own sake, but for my own. Whatever she has, I don’t want. I hate being sick in the summer. I learned that lesson at Wanker Banker when a coworker kept coming in to work while getting sicker and sicker. I kept sending her home, but eventually I caught what she had. A lesson learned. Eventually Felicia went home.

The air was quite thick in the city with nary a breeze. A 10 minute thunderstorm didn’t help matters either. Not good for anyone. Oddly enough at home we haven’t even installed the air conditioning, being on the fifth floor there’s been a breeze blowing quite a bit. We have the fans going, always asking for autographs, and that’s all we need. It’s nice.

I made my way up to 57th street to meet up with Bill before we saw Philip. I was early of course. Almost got clipped by a bicycle psychotic going against traffic on Seventh Avenue. Really felt the air brush by as he sped towards Central Park. Other people would probably scream or even actually get hit, I just continued on m way amazed at how close we actually got to each other. No need to shake my fist at him and curse. Who knows? I probably did that to someone at sometime.

Karmic retribution. I met up with Bill outside the building where Philip has his practice and settled in. It was quite an amiable session, all three of us in good spirits. Surprisingly I had a lot of talking to do and though I don’t think I sounded angry or uptight, Philip thinks I should have a solo session for my impulsive anger issues. Hmmm, so that’s what it’s called. I mentioned I could work on some coping skills too. My sister suggested that a while ago, so next week I have a solo session. Other than that, everything is relatively cool.

How are you doing?


Well it’s now Thursday. Haven’t heard from Rand. Is he mad at me? Or merely in the Whale’s Vagina? It’s fine by me. I am still using Bill’s Mac. Tonight it’s the G4, previous nights the past week have been in the Powerbook. Work was yet another slow day, but I kept myself busy. It has been hot and humid lately and though I’ve been dragging ass, getting into the office closer to 8:30 rather than 8:00, I am still the first person in the office. I guess the heat has everyone dragging ass.

Felicia is still ill, I guess she wasn’t fooling. She told me she was going to stay home, and then a few hours later decided on making it into the office. She didn’t look well or sound well either. I did my best to convince her to stay home. After an hour or two she went back home, instant messaging me about how she’s sweating sweating sweating all the time. She has air conditioning but it doesn’t seem to help. I was going to suggest going to an emergency room but she was waiting from a phone call from her father, a doctor. She mentioned to me a while ago about her father having gotten into some trouble in Brazil and having a finger cut off for his part in the trouble.

Whether or not that’s true, I have no idea. It would be interesting to find out, you know, shake that hand with a missing finger. They did it because he’s a surgeon, I believe that is what Felicia told me. Cruel people I suppose. Great plot device though. Her stories are quite unbelievable which makes them believable. The bigger the lie, the easier it is for people to believe. Much like the three million dollar girl I worked with once. I mean no one could possibly have as many problems as she had. God forbid you had an ailment or something happen to you when she was around because whatever happened to her was always a lot worse. She responded to one of the entries I wrote but I refused to post her comment. It was quite sad.

Juan was correct in pointing out what a loser she was. And he never even met her. I guess floating through life on a raft of falsehood works for some, at least it works for her. She considered this a Bridget Jones Diary type thing, which would be funny if it were true. But I’m not the one with the fluctuating weight problem, and the ripped esophagus from the bulimic strain she’s put on it. I’m sure her parents must be happy with the way her life has turned out. The hotmail chick, that bond girl 55.

Bill is at his folks, taking his Powerbook with him. I sit at his G4, window open, one eye on the keyboard, the other on the approaching storm. To ease Bill’s mind, I will close the window and pull down the shade when I am finished.

Once again I have bitten my nails, a bad habit I’d love to break. I am seriously considering joining Nail Biters Anonymous. You know, “Hi my name is .”
“What? We can’t hear you. Take your fingers out of your mouth!”

#9 Dream

Wednesday, the day of the hump. A hot sticky day, following the melodrama of yesterday. There was no bad sandwich, no forthcoming Technicolor yawn, it was all a dream. I was planning on taking a day off today and going on an interview but I was of two minds. One mind was telling me that I had finally gotten into my groove at McMann and Tate, and the other mind was telling me that Felicia did cause some undue stress and that stress was what had started the “looking for other jobs” ball rolling.

It has gotten better at McMann and Tate, I have a few people that I can call friends. Even Felicia has turned a corner somewhat and I find she really depends on me. If you know me, you know I don’t like to let anyone down. On the other hand there are the counselors looking out for jobs that suit me and are in the pay range I’m looking for. I know they’re not really sweating while they do the searching, they sit at their desks and dial phone numbers and email or fax resumes.

They are putting my information out there though, hoping to get their commission if and when I finally jump over the last hurdles. I have come to terms with my position at McMann and Tate and realize that it’s not brain surgery. True, some people don’t care for me and I feel likewise, so I concentrate on the ones that do. I have to make sure the areas that the disdainful ones are clean after they leave and it’s really not such a bad thing. I mean the pay is great and I have nothing to complain about in that area. It would be nice if Bill was covered by my insurance, but that’s a whole other matter.

I said earlier that I was planning on playing hooky, cutting out today but in the back of my mind I had a feeling that Felicia was not going to be in, and she wasn’t. I didn’t think the office could function without the both of us so it turned out to be a good thing I went in. The office does run somewhat smoother without her around, or at least I do. With all the good intentions between the two of us, there is still an unease I have. But it’s not insurmountable.

It felt like a Friday today, but it wasn’t. Half the office was out today, either traveling or on holiday. It was nice. I had more friends in the office than non friends and that was cool. Linda, who used to do my job insisted that I take a nice long lunch and enjoy the afternoon somewhat. She’s really sweet. She’s from England and a year or two older than me. We almost always wind up talking about music. She was in the thick of the British Punk New Wave thing back in the day, and even saw the Beatles back in the day. For that I’m envious.

I bought my usual salad and sat in the park around the block from the office, overlooking the Astroturf ball field. I was playing Lil Beethoven by Sparks that my brother Frank had burned for me a while back. I never really played but loaded it into my iPod. Finally today I played it from start to finish and I was astounded. Great production and very witty lyrics. And the vocal arrangements were fantastic. So thank you Frank. Also ordered a birthday present for my sister, who will read this, but not know what the present is. Nyah nyah Annemarie.

One more thing, Lance Bass, from N’Sync has come out of the closet. He’s gay and he put it quite nobly that perhaps his coming out of the closet will help other people realize that it’s not a bad thing. He’s also in a stable relationship, which is also a good thing for the public to realize, that gay and lesbian people could have stable relationships, just like straight people. Nyah Nyah.

Cheers to Lance Bass.

For those playing at home, this has been the 300th blog entry. I mentioned to Bill and Juan last night that these entries are like letters to no one in particular, or maybe like a daily newspaper column for the Shopper or community newspaper.

300! For me, that is an accomplishment. Maybe this will help the public realize that gay people could write at least 500 words a day, just like straight people, only better.

And thanks for this morning Chewbacca. Baby, you’re my Lance Bass.

Jive Talkin’

Well the computer is still on the fritz and once again this comes through courtesy of the good graces of Bill. Haven’t heard from Rand, so I’m hesitant to go into action myself, especially if it’s something that could be easily remedied. Had to go to work earlier than usual today, which wasn’t so bad, except for the fact that that Juan came over with a six pack of Heineken. No regrets, I only had two of those followed by two pints of Guinness.

Like I said, no regrets. Watched the Daily Show but when John McCain came on I nearly lost consciousness along with Juan which was the signal that it was time for him to go home and time for me to go to bed. I slept the sleep of the dead and had some vaguely memorable dreams, but that was hours ago and the dreams didn’t turn out to be so memorable after all.

I walked to the Path, picking up some bananas from Plantain Man who looked HOT wearing a skin tight t shirt and sporting wood. Is it me? Do I do this to him? It is flattering if I am the cause. Or maybe he’s popping pseudo Viagra, while drinking ginseng with a fistful of bottles. Nah, I’ll take credit for his hardened condition.

There was a major event going on in the office today, 25 guests expected hence my going in earlier than usual. Major soft drinkers were expected and they demand only the finest quality root beer so it was off to whatever markets there were in the neighborhood to purchase as many six packs of soda as I could. I had to do something similar yesterday and found that the shelves weren’t restocked so I actually had to hike around the west Village.

It wasn’t so bad. The food that I ordered for this event had come in on time and Felicia who was preparing the display slipped me an extra turkey sandwich. Things have been good between Felicia and I. She’s been laughing at my jokes and comments and that’s a good thing. We’ve been making a pretty good team. She’s making an effort to reach out and I admit I’ve been meeting her halfway. Not really eyeing the door anymore and the foibles of the inconsiderate have been beneath my notice.

Don’t speak to me and I won’t speak to you. It’s easy this type of ignorance. Not so taxing. I do have some favorite people, nice people. I just focus and lavish my attention on them.

The turkey sandwich wasn’t sitting well with me though. I was still able to get through the day, but that sandwich seemed to be having difficulty getting through me. Some abdominal discomfort, but I managed. I did leave a little bit early because of the discomfort and made a beeline for the Path train, where I nearly yawned in a Technicolor fashion. It was hot and crowded and that did not make for a relaxing ride home.

I feel a bit warm and that’s not because of the weather. I hope I’m not getting sick. Cross your fingers.

From The Air

Ok, if I die in my sleep tonight it’s because I was hit on the head really hard by a binder than fell as I was placing bankers boxes on top of a filing cabinet. It hurt quite a lot. I have a bump on my skull. I’ve hit my head several times in my life, cracked it open three times, but haven’t in quite a while. Today I kept rubbing my head with my hand, looking for blood.

I didn’t want to go to a hospital in the city, a lesson I’ve learned from the writings of William S. Burroughs. That and how to cook and inject heroin with an eyedropper. I will stick with the no city hospital bit, you can keep the heroin. Not a fan you see. So in case I wind up in a coma, you can blame it on the accounting department and their haphazard methods of storing documents.

Yesterday was quite a nice day with Bill, walking around Hoboken, playing Frisbee in Church Square Park. He enjoyed it a lot too, enough to want to do it again and again. As much as we do things together, we rarely ‘do’ things together. Mostly we hang out and watch TV, or go to the movies, but those things aren’t really interacting with each other. It’s doing something together separately, but walking around, talking and tossing a Frisbee back and forth is actually doing something. An activity.

I admit it was inspired by the time I ran into Rand and Lisa tossing a Frisbee in the exact same spot in the park. I’ve tossed the Frisbee with them on Pier A a while ago. What’s with all the Frisbee commentary?

Juan is here, reading my magazines, the cost of his admission was a six pack of Heineken. Bravo Juan, and welcome says I. I cooked us both some burgers on the George. We watched the first half of Project Runway and then I changed the channel to House of Boateng. More fashion but men’s fashion designed by a very butch British man. Now we’re watching Fabulous: The Story of Queer Culture on IFC. Juan’s never known gay culture or the gay community, or so he says. But then again, he was born in the eighties of foreign parents.

A very good, informative documentary, I’m really enjoying it. They’re talking about the Basic Instinct protests by GLAAD. One talking head made a valid point about not having a problem with gay villains as long as there are gay heroes. The problem is there usually aren’t any gay heroes.

Juan not being of age can’t get into coolish gay bars in the city which is a shame because I’m sure we’d have a great time hanging out and checking out whatever scene might be happening. I’m sure we’d be more than likely doubled over in laughter at all the posing and the poseurs.

Bill is on his way home after his improv class. He’s been going to Chicago City Limits on Monday nights which is when I used to go. I won a semester of free classes from Time Out Magazine. I could’ve sworn SNL would have scouts in the area, but it never happened. I found out that I am not situated for classroom type situations. I was funny outside on the sidewalk before class. My classmates would be in stitches. I just couldn’t be funny on command and found I kept breaking the main rule in improvisation, I kept saying no. Bill is getting a lot more out of it than I did. He’s an actor, lives for the stage, whereas I prefer to be behind the scenes. Sometimes.

Sunny Afternoon

Well it’s a beautiful Sunday afternoon, and I write this not sitting under an umbrella on the beach but rather inside the apartment. It was mostly overcast today and despite my efforts to prod or browbeat Julio into going down, he wasn’t budging. He’s been working a lot lately and worked late last night. He just wasn’t into it, that and the weather decided my beach free fate. All that chanting the mantra gone for naught.

Having a splendidly mellow day with Bill and we’re loving it. We walked around Hoboken for a couple of hours, mostly along the waterfront from 14th street down to Pier A. Lot’s of people with babies and dogs, both sometimes leashed. The sun broke through the clouds about 2:00. I tried to maintain my cool. Bill and I came home and chilled out in front of the telly.

It seemed like every channel we surfed past had something to say about what a beautiful day it had turned out to be. I did try calling Julio to see if he and Stine would like to join us on our walking tour of Bokeyland, but only left a voicemail. The St. Ann’s Feast is going on so perhaps Bill and I will wander over and see the characters featured on, the people I used to see in my hometown of Lodi. Kinda warms the heart, ya know what I’m sayin?

Maybe toss the Frisbee in Church Square Park? That’s an idea that’s crossed my mind. Let’s see. I just asked Bill and the octave of his voice rose significantly. Watching One Hit Wonders right now on VH1. They just had Terry Jacks singing Seasons in the Sun from 1974, and didn’t mention the rumor that he was supposedly dead right before the song was released.

I’ve been watching these trivial shows on VH1 or whatever station catches my eye or ear and notice some of the same talking heads popping up offering commentary, specifically Legs McNeil. He seems to be an authority on everything musical it seems. Different hair styles yet with the ever present ciggie. Legs copublished Punk magazine with John Holstrom back iint seventies, and also co authored a great book about the early days of CBGB’s titled, Please Kill Me.

They just had Devo on with Whip It. Oh they consumed a lot of my life back then. My brother Frank wrote ‘John is a noted devotee’ on a blackboard that used to hang in the basement of the house I grew up in on at 13 Riverview Avenue. I used to wonder if we were an odd family since we lived in a house numbered Thirteen. Perhaps that is what made us the children the sanest on the block.

Play that funky music white boy. Yes, Wild Cherry. They are now playing the soundtrack to my life. It’s easier to measure time on my life with popular songs. It’s so much easier to look back with a song. Can I stand to watch another hour?

Apparently not. Bill and I walked over to Church Square Park and tossed the Frisbee for nearly an hour. It was fun. I know we both really enjoyed it. We plan on doing that more often.

No pictures this weekend, because now even my camera is on the fritz. It’s a conspiracy I tells ya! A conspiracy!

Disco Inferno

Day two of not being able to use my own computer but thanks to Bill’s empathy and kindness I am able to use his Powerbook and Mac. It’s been a rather humdrum Saturday, incredibly humid and periods of rain. Lot’s of rain. So far it’s a sit around the apartment kid of day. Had a good phone call from Annemarie who like myself, is reminiscing about two weeks ago, laying on the sand at Sandy Hook on a wonderful Saturday afternoon. 2 week nostalgia, and why not? It was a most excellent time.

I did my usual routine for a weekend morning, shower, coffee, bagels and laundry. I know, the glamorous life. I am so Sheila E. sometimes it’s scary. Right now, Bill and I are watching Steven Spielberg’s War of the Worlds, which is so far so good. A decent science fiction movie for a hot sticky summer’s eve. Good special effects and not much thought required. It’s not as bad as I thought it would be.

The special effects are pretty cool. So far it’s captured my attention as well as Bill’s. It’s been good to have Bill around. I know he misses his bus driving but I know he’ll be behind the wheel again soon enough. I can get used to having him around though. Tomorrow is hopefully a beach day, Monmouth bound, and Bill’s first beach visit this year.

Tom Cruise is creepy in this movie, as in most everything else. He makes me uneasy. Watching him in this movie juts makes me think of all the weird shit he’s been doing lately. He grew up in Glen Rock and I always imagine him in the woods behind Paramus Catholic where I went to high school. I don’t know why, I just do. Now there’s Tim Robbins in the movie who I’ve seen in Farfetched when I worked there years ago. Very tall guy. Six degrees of separation in the fact that he always tries to get his friend Frank Bednash in his movies. Frank Bednash used to be in a band called the Riff Doctors, before starting a band called Cowboy and Spin Girl with Donna Esposito who used to live above McSwells and was in a band called the Cyclones. Donna Esposito was friends with my brother Frank. And that’s a fact.

I was told years ago that I reminded someone of Tim Robbins, right after Jacob’s Ladder came out. And that movie is a muddled mess.

Juan’s joined us and we just had a discussion about which was worse, aliens or zombies. I say zombies. Juan agreed that zombie movies cause anxiety. I mention that they have no happy endings. Always with the existentialist endings. I remember seeing Night of the Living Dead and not being frightened at the time, but haunted by it soon after.

This is really a Dakota Fanning movie. Now it’s really creepy with Tom Cruise and Dakota Fanning being captured and people are being eaten by the machines through some nipple like orifice. Gross. Juan was bugged by all the blood. Bill mentions the loud noise made when the alien’s ship crashes. It’s that kinda night.

One Way or Another

Well this is a first. Currently my network card on the pc is damaged, fried, kaput. What worked fine this morning, is now on the fritz. Whether or not this is because of the heavy thunderstorms a few hours ago, I’m not too sure but it’s probably more than likely. I was on the phone with Verizon, those nice people who try to be helpful but Dennish Brach was trying too hard. Also had me on for a bit too long. Lost him once and he called me back but after an hour and a half of being on hold and off hold, I gave up and called again which resulted in me screaming YES or NO at the voice prompts which invariably resulted in “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you”. TECH SUPPORT! “That sounded like you wanted to cancel your service. Is that true?” NO!

I feel differently now. I want to cancel it now, even though what happened was not Verizon’s fault. I found that out after I called Verizon and got Steven who read Dennish’s notes. So I need to go to CompUSA or something like that for a new network card, but I don’t really know what kind of network card I need. That is something I need to ask Rand about, but I believe Rand is in San Diego. I’m adjusting to using Bill’s powerbook, now I’m sitting on the couch with the laptop on my lap. How apt, my lap.

It’s coincidental that I had swung past Wanker Banker and hung out with my IT buddies who are way cool and had hooked me up with the computer years ago. I probably could’ve gotten a new card from them. Bah! If I only knew then what I know now. Now being about 12 hours ago. I had an interview around the block from Wanker Banker and I told them that be at McMann and Tate that I would be in by noon. They surprisingly didn’t mind. I thought Felicia was going to be upset that I missed her staff meeting but no, she seemed fine with it.

The interview I had was at Lexington and 54th. It was for what I think is a mortgage refinancing company. Interesting place, I was told later on that they were impressed by me. I was in the running between myself and someone else. I think they’ll go with the other. I told Virginia Wagner that I would take the job if Bill is covered under my benefits. I think it was a deal breaker. McMann and Tate has been unbearably bearable. It’s been ok lately.

Last week when I was stressed I was stressed because of a mistake that I had made. I was busy beating myself up, no one really said anything else about it. That’s how bad I was. Nearly ruined my dinner with Annemarie, Earl and Bill. I will wait and see how Monday and Tuesday go. It was nice to stop by Wanker Banker and see the friendly faces that I missed, even hot dog man on the corner. Who knows where I’ll wind up? Not me. I certainly don’t.


Oh if it weren’t for my friends and family I would be so lost. I really love and cherish them. It was a day like yesterday filled with employment angst. I’ve had unemployment angst and there was the angst with my last months at Wanker Banker, but this is trying for sure. The lies, the plotting, the reasons that I need to present for being in late, or taking the day off. It’s a drag. Once again though it was a decent day at McMann and Tate, but I can sense a dangling shoe about to drop.

I have some interviews lined up in the next days, one tomorrow, one on Wednesday, actually two on Wednesday but both at the same company. That’s the one with the 10:30 to 6:30PM gig, which is awfully tempting. That is going to require a sick day. I don’t know if they’re catching on at McMann and Tate. Tomorrow I’m going in late, due to a memorial service in the Bronx. More on that tomorrow.

I don’t know why I’m working myself up into a tizzy. I used to be relatively cool about matters such as this, but now I’m stressed. I’m trying to look at this as a good position to be in though. I may have found my groove at McMann and Tate, and there are these other companies that are interested in me so if one doesn’t pan out or if I get panned there’s always something else in the works, I hope.

I had to run up to midtown and see my Rasta pal Jesse. I walked around midtown smoking my Padron 5000, and headed to the Path train listening to Grace Jones ‘The Compass Point Sessions’ The day started out in dub and ended that way at least iPod wise. Once I got to Hoboken I knew my friend Jim Mastro was hosting an evening of entertainment at Sinatra Park on the Hudson River in Bokeyland. Jim used to be in one of my fave rave bands in the eighties, the Bongos, now he’s still playing guitar and owns the Guitar Bar in Hoboken. I am good friends with his wife, Meghan and have baby sat for Lily and Ruby their fantastic daughters.

Jim’s been playing with Ian Hunter and recently played with Robert Plant at the Beacon Theater at a benefit for Arthur Lee from Love, who’s been ill and needs money to pay for his hospital bills and treatment. That night he played with Nils Lofgren, Ian Hunter and Robert Plant. If you go to and do a search for Robert Plant Beacon Theater you will see hatted Jim playing guitar behind Plant.

Big shoes to fill when you’re playing behind Robert Plant, and there’s a look in Jim’s eye as if even he couldn’t believe what was going on. He’s such a great guy that Jim. I basically sat with Meghan, watching Lily and Ruby sell Guitar Bar t shirts and caught up on the past few months since we last saw each other while the band played rock and soul classics from the past couple of decades.

Rocked the stress away I must say. I do have to get Bill and go out and visit that fabulous family out in New Jersey, and soon. Been asked to visit for years and haven’t gotten to it yet and I fear the invitation might be revoked if I don’t make an appearance. So Bill and I should rent a zip car for a few hours and say howdy. It would be the civilized thing to do, wouldn’t it?

Lions After Slumber

Today made for my three month anniversary at McMann and Tate. It went well. Very interesting situation, very busy not put off by certain people and I kept getting job offers, or job postings from Lawrence, Virginia and Michelle’s company. Virginia has me set up for an interview tomorrow but I’m not so sure I could make it. It pays well but I don’t know if I can get out of the office in time to do it. I’m already thinking of excuses to get me out of that. Next week, I may have other interviews, but since I have notice of the possibilities I can get out of work when needed.

There of course is a twisted aspect to the whole thing. I’ve been getting along with some new employees and I think I may have hit my groove at work. It’s starting to be a walk in the park, but Bill reminded me about how I felt last Tuesday going to have dinner with Annemarie and Earl. Sometimes I hit the groove and everything goes well, and other times it is nothing but shit. The thing is I feel I will let them down if I leave, and these are the people who’ve told me to think about whether or not I want to continue working there only three weeks ago.

That is the actual event that started the new job search. I cast the fishing lines out and they seem to be biting right now, actually it’s more like they’re nibbling. On one hand I feel like I’m fitting in, and on the other hand I still feel like the rank outsider. It’s a strange position to be in. And with everything happening on the third month anniversary it truly makes for a strange brew.

Of course, nothing could happen at all. Yesterday I thought I’d be given a hero’s welcome at Michelle’s office, and I wasn’t (though that 10:30-6:30PM gig she told me about today was mighty sweet and tempting). This could all be me building this up in my head. It might just be a good day at the office. I think there is the other shoe waiting to be dropped. So much on my mind.

I’m glad Bill was here to talk me in off the ledge. I was a bit out of sorts, alone with my thoughts walking down to the World Trade Center Path train, listening to Talking Heads and smoking a Padron, it’s was all I could think of. I’m glad Bill was home tonight, not just for his support, but we are watching a documentary on the drug culture and music from the sixties and I’m pointing out who’s who. It’s an eye opener for Bill, learning about the sixties culture. Not that I experienced it first hand, just had easy access to the information, I experienced the sixties twenty years later, and in some ways I still am, but with a touch of punk sensibility and the whole DIY thing. Then again, Do It Yourself (DIY) is probably a hold over from the sixties. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

It’s Going To Happen

It happens most every time. I had an interview that I thought was for a company that ran the website and of course I could’ve sworn that I would be greeted with flowers much like the troops entering Baghdad. Like the troops entering Baghdad, I wasn’t greeted with flowers, but nor was I shot at. I got through the whole day thinking about my exit plans from McMann and Tate.

What would I say? What could I say? Doesn’t matter. All I did was interview with two women, Michelle and Colette. Not at the same time, but right after each other. I was at a disadvantage. The deodorant that I put on much earlier in the day when it was cooler was starting to fad and as it started to fade I began to smell. I’d like to think I was the only one who could smell it, but it was over 90 degrees and I just rode the subway. Hopefully they took that in account.

They were impressed with the resume and at least I didn’t have to explain anything. They enjoyed the spectrum of employment that I possessed. From the recording studios to an investment bank with one or two stops in between. They expressed an interest in me, telling me they had a few positions in mind. They work as a team so I have to revamp the resume and send it to Michelle who would forward it to the other counselors.

As luck would have it I have two more job interests. Tempted to say offers, but nothing has been offered yet. Lawrence Stern and Virginia Wagner phoned with positions they had come across their respective desks. Oddly enough I had the foresight to see if Bill could revamp the resume somewhat. He did what he could and it was great. I just have to apply the suggestions that Virginia suggested last Thursday and resend to Michelle, Lawrence and Virginia.

I might ask Bill being miles ahead of me and Microsoft Word savvy, to do some hocus pocus on it. At McMann and Tate I felt a little like Judas, walking among these people, some who are actually saying hello to me, and thinking about how I wasn’t going to be there anymore, that after work, I would be walking on a carpet of flowers and I-9 forms. There was guilt but I just figured that it’s just a job and I’ve passed through quite a few, including ones where I actually made friends that remain friends to this very day.

I got over it. I was relatively busy. Just had to look at the condition that the kitchen was in and I knew that I really wanted to get away from there. The day ended weirdly. Someone had a doctor’s appointment and needed Felicia to accompany them. It almost left me holding the bag, but since Linda was back she was able to hold down the fort while Felicia was out and I headed off to my dental appointment, meaning job interview that was just an introduction of sorts.

And it’s still hot despite a 5 minute downpour.

Hot Hot Hot

No really, it’s like 99 degrees and the surreal feel is like 105. Not a good day for anything except bemoaning the fact that it’s very hot out. A dense heat and the odd thing it’s not humid. That would make it worse. It’s a Monday and that means back to work. I didn’t realize what magical time I was living in while off from work and spending time with Annemarie and Earl, with Rex joining in the next day.

The magic time spell faded away when they flew off to California. I tried to hold up my end with Julio and Stine and we had a good time but there were those moments when I was in the water thinking about how much I wished Earl was there trying to trip me up and dunk me. I didn’t need his assistance on that thank you, I could trip myself up and I often do.

At one point, after a few beers, a jazz cigarette and cigars I was sitting under the umbrella, reading the New Yorker when all of a sudden I just had to close my eyes and put down the magazine. I sat there and went into a deep sleep for like a minute. When I came to, I was relatively refreshed and recharged. The drive back was loaded with traffic, but since I was playing DJ with the iPod I didn’t mind much.

I admit I was a bit raucous with the volume to Stine’s dismay and tried to keep things reasonable. I had to put up with Julio’s comments on whiners, Morrissey (yes he whines) and Rufus (no he doesn’t whine). Julio really knows what buttons to push to get to me and hits all the right buttons at the right time. He picked that up from me, no doubt.

Came home and made chicken sandwiches for Bill and myself. They were quite good. We settled in watching Deadwood, Entourage and the Louis CK show which I don’t remember the title of. Lucky Louie? Very good shows, all three. I think Bill has gotten into Deadwood, just in time with only a few episodes left. Went to bed soon after the insane war that Israel has against the Palestinians and now the Lebanese. They should chill out, like a wise man once said, or will say.

I woke up feeling ok, got my shit together and out the door, leaving Bill on the couch. He was staying home, no work for him. I hope that doesn’t interfere with him going to the beach this weekend. I had a good attitude at work, the magic spell from my sister’s visit continued in the form of memories. I was able to look at Felicia differently. Hard to describe, a feeling of knowing how she is. Linda came back from abroad and there was a nice note from Paula who replaced me last week, hoping that I had a good weekend.

The heat was oppressive enough to make you think the air conditioning wasn’t working. Lot’s of water consumed by myself and lots of water expelled though the skin amongst other parts of the body. Not that you needed to know that. Well, maybe some of you did.

Now I sit in the apartment, with Juan as we alternate songs from his iPod and from my iTunes library. He has tons of cool stuff, making my treasured classics sound torturous. I didn’t know Elvis Costello wrote power ballads. I like about 99% of the stuff Juan plays for me. He doesn’t play everything he owns. He tries to be discreet.

Happy Birthday Brian

I Call Your Name

t was certainly a beautiful morning today. Woke up around 8:00, Bill and I lying in bed, the fans blowing over us, creating nice breezes. I got out of bed, turned on the telly and jumped in the shower. I was soon out the door to get bagels and the papers. Got bagels for Julio and Stine, then proceeded to make a nice breakfast for myself. Bill got up and puttered around while I phoned Julio for arrangements for our trip down the shore.

Stine was leaning towards 9-ish, which was more than fine with me. We hooked up in the street, loaded the trunk with umbrellas and beach chairs and soon we were headed towards Observer Highway out of Bokeyland. It was the third time this week I was going down the shore and the first time this week without Annemarie and Earl. It was sad and I missed them greatly. We all had such a good time. I waved as we drove past Newark Airport

Julio and Stine are more than excellent company and I don’t want to begrudge them in any way. We stopped in Foodtown in Red Bank instead of going down Route 36 like I had with Annemarie. Much more scenic driving through Rumson rather than all those stop lights. We were headed down to Monmouth Beach, which has more privacy and better waves than Sandy Hook, which has bathroom facilities and lifeguards, two things that Monmouth Beach lacks.

The heat was nearly solid as we walked across the hot sands carrying the umbrellas and chairs and a cooler stocked with food, ice, water and beer. It was incredibly hot as we sat on our chairs, eating our lunches. Soon after I walked into the warm ocean and surfed some waves. Julio and I started throwing the Frisbee back and forth, getting a good volley back and forth when Julio threw the Frisbee into the water as the waves were crashing. We expected to see it as the water receded but there was no Frisbee to be seen. The ocean had claimed it.

I waded into the water to see if it was floating or laying on the bottom while Julio scanned the area to see if it was washing up somewhere. It wasn’t. I didn’t mind swimming around but both Julio and I were disappointed that it wasn’t turning up.

Luckily we had enough to occupy our time, meaning mainly sitting under the umbrellas and reading. It would’ve been wonderful if Annemarie, Rex and Earl were with us. I texted them and Bill saying ‘Wish You Were Here’. I know they did too, especially Bill who was supposed to drive today but found his driving cancelled for the day. He would’ve rather been on the sand with us I’m sure.

There’s always next week. I’m merely thinking that I have to get through the next week in order to get to the beach on Sunday. The reward at the end of the week. It would be nice if Bill could join us, I told him that perhaps he should make plans to next week.

And now, here are some pics!

Blue Jay Way

Saturday, a lovely day. Today was Family day with a Capital “F”. This is the only time of year that the four of us, my brothers and sister and their families get together. Christmas Eve is the other time of year and that’s when Annemarie, Rex and Earl are back home in foggy Arcata. So this makes it all the more special. We’re good people, friendly, funny and gregarious.

It was great having Annemarie Rex and Earl around the past ten days. I regretted having to wrestle with some demons while they were here, but hopefully I was able to overcome them and concentrate on having fun fun fun. And fun is what we had. The two days at the beach were really a lot of fun, and if having a kid was in my future I’d be lucky to have a kid as good as my nephew, Earl.

I was never as levelheaded as Earl is when I was 15. I wasn’t drinking or doing drugs, but I was getting busy in some other ways. I’m quite sure that he’s not doing any bad or dangerous things. Bill had an audition type thing this morning so he was going to be back by the time Annemarie swung down to pick us up in Bokeyland. Bill was going to rent a Zip Car for the drive up to my brother Brian’s house, but she offered to give us a round trip and I took her up on it knowing that it would give me that much more time to spend with her and her family.

She picked us up and we drove north on Route 17 to Paramus Park where I was able to pick up gift cards for Brian’s kids, Hillary, Brian and Earl. Hillary just graduated from grammar school and she got a little extra for a gift. It was my brother Frank’s daughter, Corinne’s birthday yesterday. She’s becoming quite an amazing young woman and she’s very pretty too. I hope she realizes what a good person she is. I’m sure she does, since she has very supportive parents and a very supportive sister, Meghan.

It was also my brother Brian’s birthday in July and I purchased ‘I Just Wasn’t Made For These Times’ by Brian Wilson. That was a last minute choice since I didn’t have a chance to go to a record store in the city and I don’t like the store in Hoboken. I ordered it online and hopefully Brian will get it by next week. I only ordered it this morning.

There were hot dogs and hamburgers, salads and birthday cakes and beer. I had a few Stellas, spent a good portion of the night sitting on the front porch hanging out with whoever was out there all the while being told I was committing suicide by my niece Cassie. At age 12 she was hounding me about smoking. It’s no fun to reason with a pre-teen about matters of life and death, mentioning that I could die at any moment, I ride the Path train to work after all.

After that it was time to go home, Anne, Earl, Rex, Bill and I piled in the car after kisses and hugs and goodbyes. We don’t see each other as often as we should and we don’t drive each other crazy like we would. Bill and I do have a plan to make it out to California to visit them again. I wrote previously that I had gone out in 2001 to visit, not mentioning the trip in 2004 for four days to San Francisco to surprise Annemarie for her 50th birthday. Annemarie reminded me of that.

Tomorrow there is a plan to go to the beach with Julio and Stine. I’m looking forward to it, riding down the turnpike to the ocean. I will wave at the airport hoping that Annemarie, Rex and Earl get home safely.

and here’s some picky pics

Dancing Days

It’s great to wake up on a summer morning, nothing to do today except got to the shore. Well there were other things to do, like get bagels and papers, buy some groceries, and do some laundry but besides that there was really nothing else. It was a productive morning, a bit of a touch of guilt walking past a long queue of people waiting for the bus on Willow Ave while I was headed to the grocery store. Got over it fast.

Haven’t been to the grocery store on gay Thursdays but Friday morning was relatively empty. In and out in about 5 minutes. Got Annemarie’s call asking what time would I be ready to go, and basically I was ready to go right then and there, right in the middle of the laundry. That’s how strong my dedication is for going to the beach. I aspire to total beach bumminess.

We invited to Stine to join us in going to the beach but she was feeling blue, having seen her sister, brother in law and a niece and nephew back to Denmark. She was missing them terribly and didn’t feel like having fun, at least not at that moment. It would’ve been great to have her join us. Julio was surprised she didn’t want to go, but understood how she was feeling.

Anne Rex and Earl arrived and we all piled into the car and headed south. It was a beautiful day, nary a cloud in the sky except for one that looked a little too Los Alamos like. And of course that was in the direction we were heading. We listened to an abridged version of Brian Wilson’s SMiLE cd. Wonderful stuff to ‘head’ down to the beach listening to. A lot more people heading down the shore this morning, but it was relatively smooth sailing.

We stopped off for some lunch to bring to the beach, sandwiches, sushi, beverages, and fruits. A non-alcoholic excursion as opposed to going with Julio, not that it’s an alcoholic bacchanal, it’s just that beer is involved. At the supermarket I got a phone call from Jeannie our waitress friend from last night. She was already at Sandy Hook. We made plans to meet up.

It was at least ten times as crowded today as it was yesterday. We took turns wandering the beach looking for Jeannie after we set up base camp. I found her and dragged her kicking and screaming from where she was. It made for a bit of a scene but after shaking some sense into her she came too. Then a Stockholm syndrome thing happened and she identified with her captors. We enjoyed her company and set her free afterwards so that she could go to work at Park and Orchard again. She like Bill has been trying to get some work in film and TV.

I was able to wander off and enjoy a jazz cigarette once the crowds started leaving soon after Jeannie left. Quite nice, also a good reason to have a cigar since one smell tends to overpower the other. We headed back and before we left I bought Earl a Sandy Hook, NJ baseball cap. I thought it looked cool, cool enough for California. Just like wearing a New York T shirt in New York is not too cool, but a California shirt can pass the litmus test. You can wear a shirt from anywhere just about anywhere, except in the location that is named on the shirt.

And now, some pics.

and some guy pitching a tent.

Excuse Me

Slept incredibly well last night. Bill was so affectionate. Woke up at 7:00, which is late by my schedule. It was quite warm and I opted to wear a suit for my interview with Virginia Wagner. No tie though I stashed one in my shoulder bag. Regardless I was still sweating even in the apartment. Bill and I bouncing around like satellites, getting dressed. We decided to go to work together and he had no problem walking to my usual stop rather than his.

Things like that matter to both of us. Anyway it was a relatively uneventful bus ride. I was a bit antsy yet I kept my cool in the humidity. By the time I got to the office I was obviously sweating. I went into the bathroom and dabbed with paper towels but it was to no avail, I was a sweatbox. I sat down at Virginia’s desk and she handed me some napkins to mop the literal sweat off my brow.

We talked about revamping the resume, and she walked me around her office introducing me to her fellow employment counselors. I smiled, shook hands, all very much like running for office. The whole thing lasted less than a half hour. I stopped by Smilers on Fifth Avenue after that, getting an egg sandwich from Tony the guy I’d see once a week for my breakfast. Good to see him, seemed like old times. Seemed like four months ago.
Instant nostalgia.

Picked up the latest Uncut and Mojo and hopped onto a nicely air conditioned bus. Once again I have too much to read. It’s not a bad thing at all. Almost up to date with the New Yorker, plus the new Mojo and Uncut, and a book that I ordered from the Library is in. On top of that are the newspapers, which I usually read on line, but when I’m off from work, I buy the print editions, except for the New York Times.

Annemarie, Earl and I went to the beach soon after I got back to Hoboken. It was a flying by the seat of your pants proposition to decide to head down to Sandy Hook when there were very dark clouds in Hoboken. I reminded Annemarie that it was very much the same way last year when Stine joined us. Last year it was actually raining but stopped once we got to the beach. Not too many people stayed during the rain.

There weren’t that many people at the beach today. The water was nice, initially cold but once you were acclimated it was fine. A strong tide kicked up a lot of sand while Earl and I played in the waves. He kept trying to throw me into the waves. His 115 pound frame trying to catch me off guard. It was quite humorous.

We left Sandy Hook after a few hours, catching some parkway traffic as we drove up to Saddle Brook to pick up Rex. After that it was dinner at Park and Orchard, which was very good. Annemarie knew our waitress’ sister and after my 2 Stellas and Rex’s Guinness we paid the check to find that the drinks were on the house. Now I am exhausted and need to sleep. Good night.

But wait! Here are some awesome pics!


I walked to work with my head up, looking forward. I slept well entwined in Bill’s loving arms. It’s great what a little communication can do. He’s was up and about this morning and it’s rare that we are up at the same time. He was as exuberant as he was last night. A yin to my yang. Me? I sit rather quietly, having coffee with Today in New York on and check my email.

Bill doesn’t drink coffee. I require coffee. I was sitting at the computer reading my emails and the New York Times online while Bill puttered about. Eventually I had to go and we kissed, professing our love for each other in a post 9/11 daily routine. He lingered at the door watching me go down the stairs. That was a nice send off. He really cares for me I felt.

I played Optimistic by Sounds of Blackness, it was so good I played it twice. Then decided to play the other two Sounds of Blackness tracks on the iPod, The Pressure and Testify. Good swingin gospel music to get me to the train. I could’ve played Optimistic all day but opted for Prince ‘Sign O’ the Times’. Still a great record, so much fun and so many memories.

Work was the drag that it usually is these days. I heard from McGruff from Wanker Banker, who told me to speak to his assistant. I called and then had to hang up due to someone next to me that I didn’t want to know what was going on. I couldn’t reach her, and it was McGruff’s suggestion. They haven’t replaced me and I am more than willing to go back. I have been humbled.

The wheels might be turning. It is familiar ground. It would be awkward that’s for sure. It’s very similar to what my counterpart at Wanker Banker San Francisco did. She left for what seemed to be a more exciting and promising job and found it not to her favor. So she left the new job and went back to her old job in Wanker Banker. Why couldn’t I do that?
The only obstacle could be the human resources director who I decline to name at this point.

It was a busy day at McMann and Tate and it was also the last day before the start of a four-day weekend for me. It was accidentally timed nearly perfectly since tomorrow is going to be very busy. Paula will be sitting in for me, both Thursday and Friday working with Felicia. Friday should be not as busy but basically I don’t care. I plan to be at the beach after dropping in on Virginia Wagner tomorrow. The beach depends on the weather. Virginia is a definite. Virginia is for lovers. Only heterosexual ones though.

It would’ve been nice to have had dinner tonight with Annemarie and Earl since I’m in a much more mellow mood than I was last night. But that was then and now is now and tomorrow is Saturday for me, Thursday for everyone else. I doubt the interview should take more than an hour, at which point I get back on the bus, change in shorts and trunks and hook up with Annemarie and Earl and head down the shore. That is the plan, man.

Cruiser’s Creek

Oh the disliking of the job hit new highs or lows actually today. Granted I was the one who messed up sending something via FedEx priority overnight when it should have actually been first delivery overnight. A matter of two hours, which conspired to make me look like the biggest idiot on the east coast. Okay, the third biggest idiot, no wait, maybe the 101st biggest idiot discounting all the idiots running things down in Washington DC. I’m nowhere in their league.

That made me feel like shit. Also just tired of these people, I don’t like many of them, only have one or two friends. And I have to satisfy them all. I am their support staff. It’s a weird situation that’s for sure. I still say good morning and I do it in a cheerful manner, and it’s acknowledged by some, and ignored by others. And me being me, when I’m ignored, well keeping in line with the Smiths/Morrissey fixation in the back of my mind, quoting Moz, ‘The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I Get’.

Yes, typical Morrissey psychosis, and when they ignore me the next day I say, “GOOD MORNING MINA” or whomever. What am I looking for? A hard time? To get fired? No, I am just not being rude. I’m trying to have fun with a most absurd situation. But for me, the job is wearing me down and it’s affecting my real life and that sucks because it’s affecting me and the time that I spend with Annemarie and Earl, and Bill as well.

Tonight Bill picked me up after work in a rented car and we drove out to have dinner with Annemarie and Earl. I usually get a decompression time after work, but hadn’t yesterday and definitely not today especially when I needed to decompress more than ever. Bill was good, driving around the city doing a great job while I babbled on about this and that at McMann and Tate.

I also have to admit I do not do well in high humidity and it was very humid out and I certainly wasn’t high. Talking to Earl I realize that I feel like shit and try to rise out of this funk for his sake. He doesn’t see me more than once a year, so I do want to make a good impression. I mustered some enthusiasm which was a relief to myself and more than likely, Earl.

I did my best to maintain some cheer for Annemarie. I should’ve had a beer. It would have taken the edge off. Or a jazz cigarette. It was a very nice dinner, my compliments to the chef. The heat and the humidity were doing me in though. I hung in there, listening to Bill tell his tales as entertaining as ever. I guess we make a pretty good team in that sense.

I was really looking forward to dinner. It would be great to be able to spend time with Annemarie and Earl. It’s just not a very good time with this nonsense at work I have to deal with and learn how to leave it at the office. Previous years I was able to take the time off for vacation and hang out with them. This year, new job, I get Thursday and Friday off. Better than nothing. Just have to do that much more so we can all have a good time. Or do nothing and not think of work at all for 96 hours. Better get to work on that.

I Started Something I Couldn’t Finish

I was just checking my gmail when all of a sudden Hassen popped up. He’s a mate from Wanker Banker, great guy, very smart, IT dude. Great guy, a pleasant surprise, wonderful to come home after eating a nice Indian dinner with Annemarie and Earl at Karma Café in Hoboken. Annemarie is great we know we know, but Earl is something else. I see myself as a gangly teenager hanging out with some cool adults when I look at him.

It really is something else when you see someone grow up by leaps and bounds. I’m sure it’s different if the kid or kids are yours. I mean, you would see the kid everyday and probably not notice the changes, or maybe you would. But when you see someone every couple of months or once a year the change is startling. I’m 6’2” and Earl is creeping up on that fast.

It’s really great to have them around and once again I will miss them terribly when they go back to California. I wish I had enough money to buy them a house here in NJ. I wish I had enough money to buy ME a house with Bill. Oh where is that money that should rightfully be mine? Where did I put it, if I ever really had it? If not, when will I get the money that should be coming to me?

Went to work today, anticipating the return of Felicia who was working on projects on her vacation. Don’t think that she did much in the rest and relaxation department She surprised me by being the second person in the office after me. She’s usually an hour behind me but 10 minutes? Threw me for a loop that’s for sure. She inquired of course, about how the week went without her.

It wasn’t much of a work week, it was actually three days. She asked about Paula and I raved about what a good person she is. I think she took umbrage and felt that she wasn’t getting any love from me, her body language pleaded for a hug, which I gave. We chatted about her projects that she worked on while on holiday, but there is something between us I can’t put my finger on.

I am wary from the fifth day of work and I asked her how I was doing and she mentioned about how much more energetic I was during the interview. I am wary from her screaming at me over the phone and I was thisclose to saying, ‘Fuck.You. Bitch.’ And hanging up on her. It’s hard to get close to someone who’s treated you like that. Hard to trust them.

One of my agents called me up presenting me a job offer that was from 4:00PM to 12:00AM. It’s temp to perm, which makes it even less desirable. Could I actually work a shift like that? Bill and I would have to get a Tivo that’s for sure. But I turned it down and the agent understood. She says she’s looking out for me and I believe her. I actually got the call from her last week, but didn’t return the call until this morning, after Felicia’s return.

Talking with Hassen online tonight was nice. I miss him and the other friends I had there. I mentioned that I emailed McGruff at Wanker Banker and offered to come back if he’d have me, all the while telling myself I got to look ahead. Typical me. I started something, and now I’m not so sure.

Reel Around the Fountain

In the distance car horns are blaring, whistles are blowing, police sirens going off. Italy has won the World Cup. All of that was preceded by firecrackers going off steadily for about a half hour. It’s been a beautiful day and I do plan to go outside and enjoy it. Been cooped up inside both physically and somewhat emotionally. Day started out fraught with tension and came to a head (as it were) just around late morning.

Just a very deep and intense talk with Bill. Harrowing. And to top it all off I was supposed to call my sister while I was expecting her to call me. Crossed wires, bad communication. I was planning on taking a train to Garfield, where my brother Frank lives, but when I finally heard from Annemarie, she was just leaving Garfield. Then I hoped that I could take a train to Teterboro and meet her by my niece’s apartment, but that rail line doesn’t run on Sundays.

Bill and I talked things through. Talked each other in off the ledge. Annemarie headed back to Garfield, and offered to take me back to Bokeyland if I wanted to catch a train out there. I said No thanks, I didn’t want her driving all over the place. She would’ve with no problem, but I just didn’t think it would be worth the trouble. And immediately after I hung up the phone felt even worse. And it’s such a beautiful day. Feeling blue on a sunny day sucks.

Bill is at his folks and I’m just farting around the apartment. Lot’s of Italians in the Hoboken area. Lot’s of car horns. It’s not because of Bill that I’m blue, on the contrary I think things might be looking up. I’m more blue about not going to Garfield. There are probably car horns aplenty in Garfield, but I’m not hearing them for I was feeling sorry for myself. I’ve just eaten though and feel much better. Still mad at myself for not calling Annemarie though.

With Bill there were a few tears and a few angry feelings. We ran the gamut. We talked about what’s the point of going to see Philip Beansprout if we’re not going to take his advice under consideration? I mean we talk for an hour or two after the session then it seems we part ways mentally and go back into our old habits. That’s why we talked today. I didn’t go on Friday, Bill went solo and really didn’t get into what his session was like. He is starting to feel that he should go to these sessions solo, I don’t totally agree with that.

We talked about splitting up which is something neither one of us wants to do. Very Gladys Knight and the Pips. But not that sad, having just read the lyrics. There’s still hope, more hope than what’s in that song, no matter how great Gladys Knight belts it out. We both love each other so damn much and there was a sparkle of lust before he headed to his folks. Now there’s just performance anxiety.

And the car horns and the whistles keep blowing.

Beach Baby

Just got back from Sandy Hook. Spent the day at the beach with Annemarie and Earl. I was up at about 7:45 this morning. Most of my Saturday chores were done last night, so all I had to do was get the papers and bagels. Annemarie wanted to leave closer to 9:00, I was aiming for 10:00 but ready for 9 just in case. It worked out that she didn’t start moving until 9:00 so I got the beach things together at my leisure.

I even had enough time to get my monthly haircut at Mr. L’s. I’ve been going to Mr. L’s for a while now, once a month get my hair chopped off. It grows thick and is like a helmet during the summer. Plus short hair is no muss and no fuss. I sat in the chair while Tony clipped and shaved and buzzed, giving me a decent fade, which I think is sexy. And he takes the time to try to clip out the white hairs in my goatee while he trims it into a workable shape. Sort of like landscaping on my face.

He earns a good tip after wielding a straight razor and not slicing any major arteries or ears. I was able to have a good breakfast, the weekend special, eggs, coffee and bagels. Not so humdrum, I enjoy it. Puttered about and did my thing, reading the papers. Chatted with Juan online, eventually the buzzer buzzed and it was Earl. They made it to Hoboken and soon enough we were on the road.

I wasn’t really sure Sandy Hook would be open but it worked out fine. We got there around noon, having stopped off for sandwiches and liquids for the beach. Nothing alcoholic, since Annemarie couldn’t drink since she was driving, Earl was too young to drink and Julio wasn’t around. I could’ve bought and finished a six pack on my own for sure, but opted not to. I really haven’t been drinking much lately. No one to drink with anyway. And since you can’t smoke in the bars anymore, well forget it.

We headed toward North Beach, next to Gunnison Beach which was featuring the wrong people on the nude beach. Keep in mind I sometimes like to have sex, almost fully clothed, so I’m certainly not singling out any particular body type or genitals. Gunnison is such a draw that a lot of people will park a mile away in the North Beach parking lot and walk so they can lose their clothes. This fills up the North Beach parking lot and made us have to walk a mile to get to the proper beach.

It was nice, not crowded like Sea Bright was on June 18. A few families, but enough space between umbrellas and beach blankets to afford some privacy. It was a gorgeous day, sun was bright and warm, it wasn’t humid and there was a nice light breeze. Earl, Annemarie and I threw the Frisbee a few times. Jumped in the water with Earl, Annemarie thought it was too cold. It was initially but within a minute your body could acclimate to the temperature.

Had a lot of fun swimming and playing with Earl. He’s such a good kid. Great imagination and a good student to boot. And he’s creeping up on me in height. He passed his mother years ago when he was eight. We left the beach around 5:00 and decided to head to Red Bank to a vegan restaurant called Down to Earth which for me was alright. For Annemarie and Earl who are vegetarians it was perfect. Annemarie would’ve been willing to go to a place where I could probably get a burger, but I was game for something new, and when she comes back east, they really don’t have many veggie options. I knew that there would be SOMETHING for me to eat on the menu. I settled on Soba Noodles with Peanut Sauce. Thai-esque, but I wouldn’t have minded some chicken. It would’ve been fantastic with chicken.

Here it is a few hours later, just got off the phone with Annemarie who is back at Brian’s house. I joked with her earlier that I would go home and make a burger for dinner, but the noodles were enough. I’m still full. But maybe it’s the chocolate chip mocha latte ice cream we all had while walking around Red Bank. Before we had the ice cream Annemarie and I checked out a men’s clothing store. Oh it was great to be looking at suits again. Oh how I miss them. It was fun to be looking at suits with Annemarie. I don’t think I ever did that before.

And here are some pics

Don’t Fear the Reaper

Blue Oyster Cult has popped up twice today. Once, outside the building with 2 cool coworkers who like a lot of the same music as me. One of the coworkers, a chick who never heard of Blue Oyster Cult until the other dude and I spelt it out, he handled ‘Godzilla’ and I took over with ‘Don’t Fear the Reaper’. Her head was spinning. It was with these two that I had a loose plan to meet up with at the TV on the Radio show in Prospect Park, I was supposed to go with Bill and meet up with Juan.

The other Blue Oyster Cult reference is from watching ‘We Jam Econo: The Story of the Minutemen’ It turns out the Minutemen were fans. I’m enjoying the second viewing of the DVD and I think Juan is as well. They were a great band and I was lucky to see them a few times. I remember one particular night at McSwells standing on the back bar watching the Minutemen because it was jam-packed hanging onto the ceiling and Rand.

Juan and I are pretty much of the same mindset this evening. Either one of us says what is on the other’s mind. Can’t seem to get the right number through guessing. One through five, and 0 for 2. And 2 was the second number. Lincoln had a secretary named Kennedy. Kennedy had a secretary named Lincoln. The fantastic is in league against me. Not really me, it’s a line from the Fall, written by Mark E. Smith. I think it’s called Elves.

Work was perfunctory at best, but Paula and I made a good team. It’s been a relatively relaxed week at home and at work. Nice. The Saturday morning routine moved up with me doing laundry. There is a plan to go to Sandy Hook, or another beach tomorrow meaning we should leave early. I said 10:00, I think she thinks 9:00. All she has to do is call when she’s about to leave and I’ll be ready.

I have to call the Chiropractor on Monday and cancel the appointment. I don’t want her beating me up again. I’ll reschedule at a later date. It’s very much a mellow evening. The moon looks hazy behind some wispy clouds, a jazz cigarette between friends, a cool breeze wafting in through the windows. Bill and I haven’t needed the air conditioner and it’s July 7 already. That’s the weather, and now over to Sports.

Now Juan and I are channel surfing. Bill came home and went to bed, he has to be on a film set early. Nice project he’s gotten. Jodie Foster and Terrance Howard are attached. Break a leg baby.

I’m looking forward to the beach tomorrow. Been a year since I’ve been to Sandy Hook with Annemarie and Earl. Could be an early start, So I guess we will try to get as much in as possible. That’s fine. It’s supposed to be perfect. And with Annemarie and Earl, how could it not be?