Damaged Goods

Ok. Somehow I made it to work. Found a substitute for Gauloises which are officially over and me being so stressed lately I’m not ready and I’m not in any mood to throw away any crutches I might have. So don’t ask. Man oh man oh man. I walked to work after getting off the bus into the city not really caring if I was going to be late. For me to not care if I’m going to be late is a big deal. I hate being late (which shows a difference between me and brother Frank), and for me not to care woo hoo! A big deal indeed.

Found a reasonable substitute for my dearly departed Gauloises, a Danish tobacco with a cartoon of the Prophet whosawhatchamacallit on it. No, not really, but its Danish and from Virginia, Mac Baren. Almost as dark as Gauloises, better than Bali Shag and way better than Drum or American Spirit. With this frame of mind, under stress, under attack I really don’t care. Mac Baren they call it in Copenhagen.

I never asked for your crutch so don’t ask for mine. Dylan Fourth Time Around. I felt so beaten up by the day that I could only find solace in the Beatles and it was so far gone it was the first three Beatle records. Primitive and happy and looking so cool in their suits. In times like this I turn to the Fabs for comfort.

And today was like that. I actually left work at lunch and had a cigar and listened to Please Please Me, their first record. I needed the innocence of that first record. Happier time for me, good memories. A security blanket if you will. I was leaning hard on the Fabs, that’s how my day was.

Today being Friday, for most a good day, for me not so good. I tried I really tried but at lunchtime which was a refuge from the reality of the hell I was in, I had an epiphany. I realized, why should I be fighting to stay at a firm that treats me like shit? Very dysfunctional.

Much like an abused wife who puts up with the bullshit because she has nowhere else to go. I have been looking for somewhere else to go unsuccessfully. Fellow blogger Ron has been somewhat helpful, suggesting that I get an attorney. He’s been through harassment claims before. Though I don’t really know him ZI take his suggestions under consideration.

Now I am drunk. Julio has been here egging me on. Discussing ideas stories, he has some very good ideas about certain things going in inside and outside my mind right now and a few things I will take under consideration. It’s all good as Julio comments on how things will turn out throughout the night. El Diablo he is.

“How you like me now” he says and I just add and try to correct him. It’s a mess yet a happy mess.

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